Reaching new heights!

For quite sometime I have been wanting to skydive... But the thought of being up high scared the bugeebers out of me so I have been procrastinating for quite sometime until... TODAY!

It is just another reminder to me of the brains way of keeping me in my "comfort zone"

This experience was so much fun that I am definitely going again!

Below is the link to view my pictures on facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=92742&id=1216724905&saved#!/album.php?aid=92742&id=1216724905

Boy, where does the time go?

An entire year has almost gone by and I haven't written much. On here or in my journal either.

I have been busy living life and living with a new perspective.

I used to have a website and it's probably still connected to my profile and wherever I may have put it but I shut that down in February 2010... why?

A new perspective of life has me understanding that I must live in the moment; day by day! I do not need to cast it out to the world to get validation back. I just want to live, breathe and love every moment in time.

I just wanna say in short that life is wonderful; still all up in the air and living by the edge of my seat but life is good.

I'm happy and loving my life and all it has to offer.

Are we really in charge?

I used to believe that I was in control and in charge. With age comes wisdom… Or shall I say education.

To some degree I still am in control, but only with what choices I choose for myself, and how I react to everything that comes across my path.

Let’s talk about the mind for a minute… The mind is the term most commonly used to describe the higher functions of the human brain, particularly those of which humans are subjectively conscious, such as personality, thought, reason, memory, intelligence, emotions and even dream.

As humans, we are bombarded with a variety of information. In fact, our brain is actually processing 400 billion bits of information every second, and if you had to deal with all the information that bombards your senses every day, you'd be constantly overwhelmed. Luckily, your brain chooses to filter the information for you ranging from the insignificant to the importance and consciously and we’re only aware of 2000 bits of information every second. OK, that’s way off the topic but what a profound piece of information to understand the infinite possibilities we have within ourselves!

For me, I believe that we are all amazing; amazing beings of light on this planet within the universe. We all have a purpose and gifts that we can offer and if we are open to seeing things, we are capable of anything!

Here are my questions for you…

1) What are your gifts?
2) What do you love?
3) Where is your focus?
4) Are you grateful?
5) Are you open to change?

Those were very hard questions for me just a few years ago, and I didn’t have the answers. Quite honestly I still don’t have all the answers to those, but some of those questions I’ve asked myself and in time, I did discover those answers.

I am extremely grateful for every experience. Yes, the bad and the good! I am grateful for all the people who have been a part of my life and for all the people who are in my life. Each and every aspect of my life up until now has shaped me into who I am today.

WOW! I am an amazing being! ***AND SO ARE YOU!

There is a balance, and in life where there is bad, there is certainly good too. You can choose how you see or react to it.

Find which areas in your life are not working for you, and shift your focus. What may not be working in your life could certainly be the key to opening the door to those answers. The question is… Are you open to seeing new ideas or are you stuck in a comfortable place where change is a challenge.

Remember FEAR is Finding Excuses and Reasons.

Don’t let conditioned patterns and FEAR hold you back. Take control of your destiny and find your true self.

Space in the brain

I don't know how to explain it. It's just gone.

My mind was a space of confused mind fuck and sometimes it took over. Yes I allowed it... I know but inevitably, I felt as if I was losing to my own mind. (CRAZY) Sometimes it drove me crazy with it's desire to "have to" figure it out. -Exhausting actually

Ahhhh the gate; Peace! Thank you to Sandy for introducing Network care into my world. I love you forever and ever as my life partner.

There is now a gap in my mind; only the outer edge of the surface feel as if they are analytical.

-My mind at ease with peacefulness. Ahhh!

Good music, good connection and good experience! Can't wait til the next gate in Denver. I'm already there in spirit.

Over analyzing again!

Sometimes I find my mind running. -Running with thoughts that drift; drift into deeper more analytical mind fuck. Yes, I cursed. That is just the perfect word for it too! -A sort of mental craziness per say. A record that plays in your mind... well at least I'll share what it feels like for me... Anyways~ It plays the same thought, the same doubt, and the same record of beliefs in which we have... over and over again..... and for me I'm questioning those.... What is healthy vs. unhealthy 4 me? Why not tell yourself something different and change it? Find your contrast and use it to guide you, to clarity. No matter what is going on in our lives.... REMEMBER there is polarity, and you can only find what you seek.

Time can fly -Eh?

There's just nothing to say when things are running so smoothly.... It's been a nice change of pace.

However, after this weekends trip to the island.... I noticed that I want to slow things down a bit. Maybe, after the first of the year, things will be off my plate to make life a bit more simplified. :-)

Up earlier than usual and I was just taking the time to notice that life just feels good.

Got teenager's???

I do; 2 boys & for me... I've learned that life keeps moving forward no matter what happens. I do see problems as an opportunity for a solution & I love life with a grateful heart. The choices we make, determine the path or outcome....

A good friend sent this to me, and I'd love to share with those who might b interested.... If you have a teen, invest in being open to new concepts. I did a long time ago and that is mainly why my boys and I are really close.

Here's the link & the email is below.... http://grownups.heyjosh.com/cmd.php?Clk=3336960

How many of these mistakes can u actually relate with? Or do you get angry by Josh's theory about our mistakes with teenagers? His story is amazing!

Here's what I got.... Outta 5; I've changed 2 of them. -I am so grateful for that awareness. AND -Yeah I am not perfect, and I can still relate to 3 other mistakes. One of those mistakes is a close personal challenge; I'm facing right now. -Mistake #4 Two of them I've become aware of and are in transition of changing. Mistakes 3&5 Some days I feel like a hypocrite and others, well I wish I had a magic wand. I think its funny; the mind frick we listen to within our own minds. -Where we choose to give our personal power. I am fortunate to have a very close relationship with my boys... It's just us and we all understand, that we need to work together if we want our family to work. Were not perfect, and mistakes happen along the way. I asked CJ to read the pdf doc of Josh's Mistakes theory and he shared, that he could agree that these 5 are true and that he can relate with a few of them, right now. Thanks, I'm working on, and I'm so glad to hear that I'm going the right way.. Happy Halloween folks! -------- Original Message -------- Subject: got teens? Alert. From: "Patrick Combs" Date: Wed, October 21, 2009 6:14 am To: "Kim H" Hi Kim, Got Teens? If yes, check out this new release from my friend Josh Shipp. With more than a decade of real-world, hands-on experience working with millions of teens, Josh is one of the most dynamic and entertaining experts for teens I’ve ever seen. (I've been impressed by him for years). Today is the release of his new product. It bottles his magic in an innovative, accessible, life-changing solution for adults and teens to tackle teens’ #1 issue head-on. I highly recommend this product, and you've rarely heard me say that before. I got a sneak peek at the product and let me tell you: this is going to change teens lives like nothing else I’ve seen. Take advantage his expertise, help a teen, and visit his site: http://grownups.heyjosh.com/cmd.php?Clk=3336960 It's a VERY comprehensive program for teens to discover who they really are while giving parents / teachers / mentors the tools to engage teens more effectively and authentically. Sharing Success, Patrick PS - Teens really need to know who they are, so that their self-image isn't defined by others messed up or low opinion. http://grownups.heyjosh.com/cmd.php?Clk=3336960 Good Thinking Co., Inc. 2240 Encinitas Blvd., Ste. D-140 Encinitas, CA 92024 1-858-759-6994 Patrick Combs www.GoodThink.com www.coachedbyPatrick.com Deanna Latson www.GoToHealth.com www.coachedbydeanna.com

Plan all u want BUT dont be attached 2 the outcome

If you would’ve asked me 5 yrs ago where I see myself… I wouldn’t have said… divorced again, and I would’ve never ever thought…-Bankrupt? However, this just happens to be what is going on in my life. Surprise! Something again that I’ve analytically planned out, that did not go as planned. Eh what is credit anyways? Well for me, credit was very important and has been my entire life ever since I left home at 15. This road traveled has not always been easy…. I’m sure like everyone; we all have said that in one time of our lives. I remember being under age and working myself to exhaustion, and being a young single mother made things more of a challenge for me. Oh yes… All my choice…. but back then credit was everything to me. I knew without good credit, I would never be able to buy a house and provide a stable home, or finance anything. But now my view of money and credit is different. My Bankruptcy has been a blessing in disguise really… I’ve lived a very simple life. Happy and very stable in my life mentally, emotionally, and financially but after a whirlwind marriage, that all changed. 4 years later, my husband left without contributing financially for the financial decisions we made together during our marriage. Eight months after he left… I almost ended up hospitalized for my mental instability and I was becoming very unstable to the point of giving up on myself. I was abandoning my children emotionally, -For what? -Pride? MUST be responsible and save my credit? -Money, debt, credit. Thank you for the experience I had with the loss of my husband to know what choices were more important. I felt I was at a crossroads in life. I was left with no choice but to let go of something I held very important. Being analytical has allowed me to get to this point in my life, but now living life day by day and not labeling the outcome or having judgments, allows me to live simpler and gratefully with my eyes open. I’m still learning here, but those lessons through those challenging experiences, have allowed me to become more aware in life and see things in a different perspective. Humbly grateful I am to being present in my own mind, body and spirit.

In Awe

Just recently I went on a road trip to meet and camp with some friends east of the mountains… all that really stands out for me on that trip, was that I enjoyed the drive more so than the weekend itself. It was cold at night over there. -6 degrees cold! Anyway~ on the drive there and back, I was admiring the vivid colors and all that mother earth provides for us. Not long ago those trees were once green but were now turning with the season, and nobody had to do a thing. It’s nature! Nature by definition means: OMG! It had so many meanings, but factually it means that naturally the earth flourishes without human civilization’s help. It really makes me think about GOD and the universe, and amazingly how everything we truly need is provided for us. The earth is so abundant! I am so happy and grateful that I do not allow myself to fall into the trap of socialism, materialism and any other isms for that matter. The ability to be able to slow down and see the simple things in life are very important to me. I do enjoy the nicer things and they would be nice but life is more important to me. I love to feel and love my way through life.

Yes, Thank you...

I feel as if I have moved forward in my life in so many aspects. In my mind, I have chosen to no longer hang onto something so disheartening. I’ve experienced carrying those heavy burdens…. I honor those things but I’m choosing to process through them. I guess for me it would be as if I came to terms… so to speak. I feel as if every day of my life, mostly on the weekdays… I’m busy with something. Running to appointments for the kids, appointments for myself, gym, work and whatever other activities we r in…. Honestly how do I manage this? IDK! But I’m not going to analyze that. Just a bit of gratefulness. For once in my life I am seeing major growth and instead of trying to figure it out and question it… I’m just accepting it and saying thank you. Amazing! I feel empowered as a single mother right now in my life, and even though I have a list of things going on, I feel good in my Mind, Body and Spirit.

Pain...we store that down deep sometimes.

Not every part of this book was tru 4 me, but there were many parts that resonated with my feelings. ~Feelings... yeah something in this book just struck the right chord to swing open a door. Years ago when I read this book, I was given the opportunity to really get in touch with every feeling. The good, and especially the not so good ones too. Those ones were the ones I stuffed as a child. This book was the eye opener for me to wanting to have a deeper understanding of who Kim really is. Long story short.... This book brought me to a new state of awareness of some stuff on the inside of myself. Mentally, Physically, Emotionally, and of course but not the least...Spiritually. Spirituality in my Spirit not a religiousness... I believe there is a difference. I feel life is about choices and the better I understand myself... then the better I will be. Thank you to Eliana Gil.... for writing the book OUTGROWING THE PAIN it truly opened Pandora's box for me and I'm so thrilled to discover those hidden parts of myself!

Been 2 loooong!

OMG!

I was just thinking the other day how it has been awhile since I’ve blogged or even journaled…

Yes, life keeps us all busy… Society is busy! -24hr convenience to humanity on this planet… but I’m of the minority, and for me it’s not filtered drama (Media) and what the outside world thinks or cares about. I just am.

Living day by day is the greatest gift and right now there is no direction or decisions that are urgent. I just am.

But at the same time…. Emotionally I feel as if I’m lost within my own thinking. Craziness! -As if everything is out of order. Changing the thinking habits of analytical thinking… uh actually… it’s thinking in general.

Man, do I over think! I over think about just being in the moment… Hmmm what does that mean? What is that supposed to feel like? Why live life filtered through your brain as to what the plan is….. Just be

Through my experience, I learned that it’s about what and how we feel more than what we think it is, and breathing is healing.

Through Rhythms studio I have found a spark of connection and the tools to being this deep journey within. Deep breathes they are good for healing your spine and other areas of our amazing bodies. It definitely has required me to slow down and feel the connection through breath work.

Still feeling like shit as to knowing or having my brain figure it out (the plan) but actually I’m detangling the past and unwinding the spine to that deeper connection.

Thank you to my life partner for bringing Rhythms into my life.

Hmmm Breathe...

Today taking some time out for ME was nice. I'm focusing on focal point breathing. Boy do I have some blockages! Just being in the moment. Breathing ever so quietly and in flow.

Make a wish.

I used to sometimes want to be someplace else….

Wanting to escape to another world….

Many people including myself have felt… If it wasn’t for this or that, I could just have a different life than things would be better, but really it’s that kind of thinking that keeps us in the same state of mind. Really the change had to start from the inside. The feeling has to change on the inside first b4 they can appear on the outside.

Believe to achieve.

Feel not think life. NO live life!

Loneliness

This morning I woke up just feeling a bit blue. Why? Well I thought about that and I believe it’s something that is deep and really stuck in my emotions. Thinking that someone has to be there to hold me and make me feel good. No! This is an inner feeling, not an outside feeling. But what do I do? I go out and partake. Is that to deal with my emotions or to hide them? Wait! I know that! No it’s to cope with them. Yeah I say that I know this, but no matter how much I know it… I still cave in and end up disappointed at myself in the end.

I believe that being alone will allow me to feel the layers of my feelings. Lately I’ve had some mindless thoughts which brought up thoughts that I’ve never had before. Thank you for the openness.

Being “ALONE” well for starters I have a few habits that I know that I’m finally at the point where I’m finished! No more vices. It’s all about oneself, MY personal power.

I no longer need the mind to take over my body. The body I have learned will take over itself if you allow it… I can fix my aches and pains through breath work and working with my nervous system with a practice that’s new to me. It’s called; (NSA) Network System Analysis. It’s amazing and I’m just getting started. I committed myself to start feeling in life and I have the integrity to start taking action on those words and emotions. It’s no longer what I THINK is right, it’s what I FEEL.

In my discoveries I saw that I needed to change the strategies of what I was doing, if I wanted to change the outcome. I took the most important things to me and essentially assigned priority as to the one that was my #1.

I discovered that getting exercise and eating with a healthy lifestyle is the most important to me. Being conscience of what I’m putting into my body.

SO what did I do? I wrote a list of circumstances, thoughts, possibilities of what could get in my way.

I logically understand that I must recognize my patterns and to see what stopped me b4. I will then have the awareness to know what to change.

Now the challenge comes in and to put myself to the test of what I am WILLING to do.

Where thinking gets me sometimes…

I realized the other day that I had not forgiven my estranged husband. I still had hard feelings for the situation I felt that I was forced into. How and why would anyone not communicate about the situation we put ourselves in? I feel that he couldn’t handle the pressure I was putting on him as well as the overall situation itself. So he just left without letting me in about what his intentions were.

I’ll admit it; we pushed each others buttons and played TAG! I know that I will be accountable and honestly admit that I did. I had fear of our situation too.

In the beginning I had felt as if I could take on this debt load and without even thinking it through logically, I just went for it and tried to make it work. Selling, fixing and cleaning this mess up that I was left with. I did find some help along the way and those people came into my life to not only help me but to give me those extra learning lessons. -Tough lessons about money.

I feel that I have been living my life in a poverty consciousness because of my memories from my childhood and feeling as if I never have enough. Those thoughts, or shall I say habits? I have been ungrateful for the things I have in my life; instead of being thankful for what I did have. I’m learning that we are taught what we are exposed to. -Right? Were not born with knowing how to do much of anything in our life, we learned those things along the way; everything in life is a learning experience. It’s not anyone’s fault for not teaching u that. Actually it’s the other way around. I’m thankful that I have seen the light and can change it for generations to come.

Maybe the lesson in the next stepping stone for me in this chapter of my life is about money. I know that even with me going bankrupt that it can only get better from here forward and now that I have chosen to NOT care about what happens to Tom, I have opened myself up to healing.

In this life at this moment I am here to learn and discover ME, my power, who I am!

Harboring hate, anger, resentment, rage and revengefulness is poison to my body, and my number one priority in my life is to take care of my body through a healthy lifestyle and being conscience of what choices I make along with what goes into my body in every aspect. -External and Internal.

Awareness is the key and thank you for the clues along the way to assist me in discovering the things that I want in my life.

Realizations Day 8 for me...

My life..... I discovered through self examination that, recently I have been living the life of a victim. But not too long ago, I was that powerful person... and then something major happened and I realized that I was really in my own way. I folded and gave into the shit! I was so busy trying to figure it out that I wasn't doing anything. BUT When I was in my power! I felt on top of the world. That there was nothing that could stand in my way. Eh! but I was missing something. The goal. What did I want. Then after some more self examination I realized I have been living my life in an egotistical perspective and not really living at all. So very humbled in my life and the direction in which I am headed.... I realize that I truly haven't been living my life at ALL. Now with the realization of where I really am.... I understand that I must just set goals and take action. For now I am in transition and just flowing with the flow of life. Soon, life will begin to unfold what it is and where it is that I am supposed to be. BUT really it's.... Right now, this is where I am supposed to be and that's OK. :-)

To the PROCESS of letting go…

WOW!

Who would’ve ever thought that the things we hold onto are sometimes unhealthy for us? I can say that I knew that but really where is that gonna get me? -A sense of pride…? Well PRIDE to me is… needing attention, greedy materialism, people who make mean choices towards others and etc.

I will admit that I have emotional attachments to some things in my life and letting go of these things are often a challenge for me. Listen to the heart? OR listen to the logic?

I’ve put so much hard work and love into these things and this one, was by far the biggest one in my life. Letting go of it, has made me very emotional… I think it’s because that wasn’t the plan…. However I just opened my eyes to the reality, and letting go is what I’ve decided, because it’s in the best interest for all of us. Starting over again… Not where I saw or planned for myself for sure. But I will accept it and make the best out of it.

Hmmmm, more lessons as to how much WE are NOT in control of our lives.

Being true to me…

All my life, I thought that I never deserved happiness or that I would never have it. Yeah a life long battle of mine that I believe came from the dis-attachment due to the abuse and neglect from my parents or maybe the feeling of inadequacies and un-deservedness because of the abuse I endured from my childhood situations and first husband. But through my personal development journey I realized that no matter what kind of past I had, I am in charge of my own future and my thoughts. AND… those thoughts and actions are super powerful with my connection to myself and my world. For the first time in my life, I realized that I am truly happy within myself… Yes finally! But here’s the thing… I always have been powerful. I just focused my thoughts and actions on my circumstances. I am not sure how the transition took place, or when, but it did! I am so happy to see that. Analytically thinking maybe it’s because I am older, maybe it’s because I just don’t care what others think about who I am, or maybe it’s because of the trials that have been in my life that have made me realize that life is precious and every moment in time is a gift. My whole life, I feel that I have allowed my childhood crap, circumstances, and disbeliefs stand in the way of the true me. Yikes that sounds like I am not being accountable but really we all have crap from our past that sometimes trap us into thinking we can’t have that, we don’t deserve that, or maybe that we will never be happy because of whatever situation(s) have happened in our lives. I call bullshit! I have been through so much in my life that I feel that I am very powerful and I have a lot to offer to others, and for only a few years now I have been able to share it. I hope that I can give encouragement to others through my own personal experience. I love who I am! Quite honestly my life is so blessed right now I can’t even begin to describe how ecstatic I am to realize that I am happy and I deserve anything and everything. My challenge for the people I have the opportunity to meet that are NOT happy and struggling is….. Think about who you are, and what makes you happy? -I don’t know is a cop out for the true answers and that is the easy way out. (DIG DEEP)-DO WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE :-) I learned a great perspective from a very wise man that seems to ring true in every situation…. How you do one thing is how you do everything in life. Do you do things half-ass? Do you quit when it gets challenging? Do you blame others? Be accountable for YOUR actions and take pride in who you are. Loving life and all that it has to offer! Love and Light, Kim

Just some quick thoughts

It’s weird… It’s like almost 4am and I feel great!

I went out tonight and danced for a bit but the dance floor was way too crowded. So, I did a lot of people watching… I love that! For me it’s an outside perspective of how we as humans react, dwell, express ourselves with bodily and facial expressions just in having conversations. You can see sadness, just the same as if you saw joy. There is such a diverse amount of personalities and lifestyles that I can watch people for hours. No big topic but I wanted to share something I really enjoy doing.

I realized something tonight that I’m sure I’ve spoken about in the past but it’s time to stop talking and start taking actions… I really need to SLOOOOW down in life. Stop thinking about every possible angle and start allowing things to unfold. I’m so freak’n analytical that sometimes I just get in my own way. Man I’m aware of this, yet it still continues to happen. Changing a lifetime habit will take some perseverance and persistence if I want to make that change.

Ahhh yes more realizations and awareness’s that keep coming forth for me to focus energy in whatever decision I make. Am I surviving and healing or allowing victimization and turmoil?

Everything in life is about choice!

Love and Light!

Kimberli

Figting the MMF

I’m not sure how I feel about you... But right now I’m feeling like I don’t want to be in your environment bc` it’s unhealthy for me. Now I feel as if I need to spend more time alone. Really get in touch with the silence. I have certain priorities that I need to focus on. The silence… Yes, I believe it will help me understand how to slow my mind down and enjoy my life. I’m always trying to plan it, or figure it out. My mind just races to think about shit. Yes that’s what it’s called. I’m tired of my actions being lead by my mind. In ways of an addiction, disorders and mental mind fuck. I’m taking a stand to be stronger. -Stronger than the mental madness.

Staying focused

Remembering to focus on what you want… Not allowing the drama to come in… boy that is a challenge to remind ourselves exactly what drama is. “What deems the title to be something so negative?”

For me it’s… something that detours me from the desired destination. There will always be activities that keep us busy instead of allowing us to stay on track with what we want, therefore not allowing room for any changes to happen.

Yes we have some things in our life that we just do because it’s part of daily living. But so does our sub conscience mind. -Right?

Did you know that our sub conscience mind handles our bodily functions? Heart beating to pump your White and Red blood cells through your body, Digestion, and a filter for the brain… The human brain is our cognitive/conscience mind. The part of the mind that allows us to choose how we use our talents, creativity, action/reaction, decision making and so on…

Today I am reminded of the drama that comes with others. I am reminded that life always has up and downs and for the most part it’s important to choose which thoughts affect you. Hmmm what do I mean? Well…. we all encounter other people everyday and those people directly affect our moods… -IF we allow them too. For example; If you’re in a good mood and you come across a friend who is in a crappy mood and all they do is nag and complain about it. We can then choose to be suckered in and react or we can choose to stay neutral and keep our own power.

No matter what happens in life, know that there is good even in the bad. You just have to find it and keep focused.

Sometimes that is work! BUT without work and determination, nothing will happen for you.

To living and loving through all the situations we encounter in life.

May peace be with you my friends.

Still Learning...

A long time ago I know that I’ve blogged about true happiness coming from the inside. Yeah I blogged it and truthfully I understood the concept but, I never truly understood how to apply it in my life. -A true understanding at a deeper level.

In life there is so much of society, the corporate big guys and politicians that want you to be distracted with materialism, socialism, politics and societies crap. To the point that your so distracted from truly being alone in yourself. WOW! Alone……

Not too long ago I was in a marriage that I felt so alone in. No love, no communication, no compassion or life inside of me. U C I was dead inside. In every situation there is also the polar opposite, so when that cycle was finally broken I woke up. I woke up to life and happiness and the joy of feeling with my heart.

I have been doing a lot of expanding my mind, discovering my heart and learning to feel from a place inside my heart vs. inside of my mind and…. What I’ve learned is that I must be alone and be happy with myself as a being, instead of finding my happiness from being with others. –Friends, Family…etc. I could say I knew that… But DB once taught me that… “I know that” is from an ego’s perspective. I am making some changes in my life and I am only taking an hour away for me.

Going into the inside of a place so deep…. “Meditation” When you drift… a feeling of happiness…perhaps a place of song and water… feel the warmth of the sun… and the wind drifting the fragrance of flowers… but for me, my mind races when I shut my eyes. I believe there are more memories deeply hidden….

Probably right, there might be, but I believe that my mind is playing a game with me…. It wants me to believe that deep down is more hurt and pain suffered from my past… and I feel that for me, I FEEL as if I have just been given me a clue towards the path in which I am at a crossroads in life.

Today, I feel that my mind is keeping me so busy that in reading a book by OSHO, I realized that it’s challenging for my body to keep up with my minds tasks and something has to give…. Who’s in charge here? .....I am!

Meditation is the deeper connection to your own capabilities in life. I’m living in blissfulness and love and why? Because it FEELS right!

I am truly blessed for all that is in my life. “Every bad situation has something good in it too…” “Polar opposites” Balance of this planet works, It’s scientific and I am blessed by just being here to write to myself, yet share it with others.

Always sharing my vulnerable thoughts for others; that is my way of sharing the courage of one’s own personal power that come s from going deep within yourself.

I am grateful for where I am right now and for the things and people who have come into my life.

According to OSHO... am I a lion or a camel???

Does it ever just feel like your floating through life? Not really taking certain actions by growth but just the day by day stuff that you would normally be doing…?

Living life day by day as each challenge comes and goes.

Making decisions based on your current level of awareness and power… Well I have a certain attachment that has a crutch that hinders me from dealing with my life ~versus~ cope-ing.

Why must I be so weak to give in? Someone once suggested that maybe it’s the attachment to someone who I loved very deeply, someone who gave me the security in a relationship with love and gratitude.

I feel as if my life has been a roller coaster going up and down and never really leveling out. I desire the challenges that come with dealing with it! I’m ready to play on a level playing field. Live LIFE! Just PLAY HARD!!!

My strength goes deep and I feel as if I need to make some changes.

Why because it alters my perception… maybe energizing but not healthy.

I do my part in being conscience of Mother Earth and my connection to what’s “GOOD”

Good for me, for you, and the others who are also connected.

IT’S all about purging… clearing the clutter… what now?

Oh yes it’s time…. I feel it burning… the desire to quit and reset the button. To start over

I have started over… so many times. I’m done! AND this time it’s going to be something big.

Something that goes deep: deep down to the core of my being and allows me to be here and now in every moment forward.

Meditate, meditate, meditate this is my challenge. To sit still and quiet…My brain just goes and goes and goes and then it just takes over and it’s over. This time it’s different. I’m ready to stop the cycle.

I did it in 2000 and I’ll do it again. But this time instead of doing it for someone else, I’m doing it for me.

I am grateful for that is all in my life, my awareness’s, and the power to be different.

Cheers!

Slowwwwwwwing dowwwwwwwn!

I never realized how much of a warp speed I was going until I arrived here in Hawaii and was able to slow down and take it easy! Thank you god for providing this wonderful trip for us! We have definitely made some most memorable memories and have seen the most beautiful sights. We are enjoying every second we have here on the beautiful island. Time with family and friends have made this trip the best!

Feels good to be home again!

Here in Hawaii with the boys! These are all North Shore pictures..... just a few favorites Check out this tree! The colors are so beautiful! Our new baby friend! The kids wanna keep the gecko. I say $25,000 fine if we get caught. -No way! Me at the house getting ready for the beach Having a beer or two! Dude that is an Amazazing fish! See it on the right? I thinks it's a rock fish???? Shark's Cove -North Shore Hawaii The boys at Shark's Cove In North Shore Hawaii It was kinda cold out of the water Just me in Hawaii 

We are having the most amazing time here in Hawaii on this trip. No drama, no traveling, and no tours. Just us and time to do whatever we want!

Just a little bit of time

I am inevitably in charge of me. My thoughts are carving my future reality. What do I want? I want to live happily and have fun in life; I want to fix up this house we live in. I want to give myself credit for all that is in my life and everything I’m doing. I want to feel love. I do understand things about love… but I want to feel love as an inside feeling. -For myself and others.

I realized the other day that I’ve always allowed me to put things and other people before me. What does this mean… it means that I’ve allowed myself to be out of balance and I was sacrificing myself for others! Pleasing others for acceptance is something that I feel came from generational error.

I’ve always put my parents, my children, my husband, my business, my goals, and my drive to be successful ahead of me. (“ME” meaning my heart and soul) Honestly, Money has controlled me. Or shall I say that money has been the thing that has driven me to where I am today. So, Financially, I let it go!

But my thoughts always came back to wondering who Kim is? For a very long time, I felt like a little lost girl of an abuse stricken past that haunted me like a victim. I remember what I was like before I got married but now I feel as if there is a hole. A WHOLE part of myself that is missing. Maybe not so much a part but a….. CONNECTION

Part of my journey has led me through personal development. In some way throughout my life’s journey, I realized that I have been in some form of personal development since I divorced my first husband. Amazing to have lessons in life and not realize it until later. Later… now that I have been educated on what personal development really is.

I’m looking back and reflecting on my progression, and that has changed something for me now that I have recognized the awareness of my realizations. As time goes on and I focus on that, the awareness just keeps growing stronger.

I wholeheartedly want to work on who Kim is… I feel that because of some recent events that have happened in my life. This has brought up some very big questions. Questions for me and my parents, confusion of my mother’s punishments, anger for my father, understanding of my estranged husband’s decisions, but it has also given me the awareness in getting back to working on me.

Loving myself
Accepting my success and deservedness
Allowing myself to forgive my past as it’s never been my fault as I’ve always been led to believe.

I see things differently now. The self destruction I did in my childhood was the ripple effect of the loneliness I felt as a child. I always wanted the love of my parents but I cannot remember a time when I felt anything! I never remember my parents holding me or expressing any type of love that I can remember. Maybe words but… no action!

Everything is going to be ok! I tell this to myself so that maybe someday I will start feeling the belief of that statement. Honestly I am petrified of the unknown! I just remind myself that the positive thought is that everything will be ok and this is what I want to focus on!

Days come and go, and as each day flies by, I feel as if time is just spinning around in circles. Same stuff different day. Hmmm that’s been the story of my life.

BUT For the first time in my life, I don’t have a plan of action and no game plan. That’s weird to me as I have always had a plan for my life. Well there is a first time for everything. -Right? This is me being open for new things and changes that might be very uncomfortable but necessary.

Have you ever been so driven that the rest of reality has just disappeared?

I am thankful for the lessons I learned through the abuse I endured and every situation that has made me grow. During that period I was a victim as I did not understand why I had to endure such pain through my childhood and during my life’s journey.

When does one person decide to let go of the anger, hurt and shame?

When they are sick of it controlling them? or
Their tired of feeling a certain way?

I believe the path of why I experienced what I did, is part of a greater purpose in life.

In every situation as you deem “bad” look for the ways in which was “good” “you grew”

WTF!? Look for the good Shhya right! You’re crazy. That’s what I would’ve said but now that much time has passed from my experiences and I understand the art of letting go…. I see things in a different perspective.

We all have games we play with ourselves…. It’s what I call the “Mental Mind Fuck” It clenches onto the thoughts of your desires and cravings.

Who is going to win?

Your desire to change? OR
Your Mental Mind Fuck?

I say look at what you have gained from your experiences. Focus on the good and forget the bad.

Maybe you’ve heard it before…. BUT You can’t change what has already happened but you can certainly get up and keep going.

OMFG!!! They R driving me CraZy!

OMG! Do your kids ever drive you so crazy that sometimes it’s easier to just ignore them? That used to be an easy task before I was married and now it’s a challenge. So the process of tuning them out is taking some work. Sometimes I wish they could just be muted. Like on CLICK… They're boys, so sometimes they sound like their going to kill each other or someone is seriously going to get hurt. DRAMA! Yuck. They are not all bad... on the flip side, my boys are awesome kids. They put up with a lot when they deal with me AND they are helpful too. Now that we are almost settled I think we are going to go somewhere. Do something. What? I figure when the time gets closer to being finished then something will present itself to me. I just desire it to be fun! I just wanted to blog a feeling of craziness with the drama from the boys tonight. Ahh well I love em but they drive me crazy sometimes!!!!!!!! Living day by day…. I will keep going forward!

Im so happy and grateful that I have the opportunity to assist others!

In the history of my life I never had people express to me how much of an impact I made on them. (Maybe people did but I never really thought much of it) Influencing people is not something I try doing… I just believe in challenging people on their verbage and lifestyle. –Especially if its life altering in a positive way. Why stay the victim when you can be the survivor! Just recently I had a conversation with a friend of a friend and he said that the mutual friend that we have in our life has changed so drastically because of me being in his life. Not so much of an impression as much as it is life altering. WOW! What an honor and blessing… This is just one person out of a handful of people that I know have mentioned something to me in the past 6 months I just want to find a way to utilize that energy and gift to bring some financial blessings into my life. Doing something I love! Get a job or start a business helping others. I feel that the reason why GOD hasn’t brought forth a job or some kind of way to make an income is because I have too much going on still. I’m slowly but surely eliminating the clutter off of my plate. This has certainly been a slow process. I’ve learned to live day by day and celebrate everything. YES even the bad too. In the bad IS something good I’m sure. However sometimes our own poisonous thoughts and anger, hurt, greed or whatever it is… it gets in the way of seeing the lesson and feeling the true experience of life’s ever so lasting lessons. I am so thankful for my life and the chaos it has right now but I know the end of this experience, and the light at the end is what I keep fighting for. WHY? Because I know that its there and it’s the best part of the lesson. Thank you for my life and the relationship I have with my boys. As a team we have done some amazing things since July 2008.

Lightening the load for SANITY!

The question I have been fighting with myself is…Who do I believe in? Me? or GOD? Is it OK to believe in both? I feel that GOD did create me and the vast universe. AND… it’s ok to believe in myself. I’m here because of GOD? What does that mean? Historically the bible says that he created everything right? Well for me… I believe that it’s me living my life, and I’m humbled with regards to where I am right now. I am uncertain about history and how it all started; I just know that I’m here. I believe that I am to glorify GOD by living a happy and purposeful life. I know that I did not create this chaos in my life on my own, and without the other person, it is impossible to get out of it by myself. This is insane! I did everything I could to deal with this on my own and I feel as if I am going crazy because of it. I feel as if I’m no longer in control. Now that I made the decision, I truly understand a deeper meaning of letting go! –Still not the circumstances I would’ve ever asked for but those lessons in life keep me humble and aware of the actions or reactions I must make in my life. Letting go is such a sense of relief! -Not something that’s easy for me. This time, holding onto to something so big has certainly forced me to let go for my own sanity. Scared as I have no idea of what’s about to happen in my life as this is a road I have never traveled on. It’s scary because it’s new and uncomfortable. This time I feel that everything will be ok. I’m putting my trust in GOD. Recently I learned that I have been dying unto myself. …? What does that mean…? It means that I no longer try to control my life and its direction. I am doing what feels right and just following my heart. Living life day by day and planning, but am aware that things could change at any time. - (Especially when you have kids!) I know and trust that somehow miraculously everything will work out. AND For once in my life, I am not trying to figure it out. That in itself is a grand feeling. Leave the brain to work on other things. Whatever happens…happens. I just feel as if I have been busting my ass for years and nothing has ever been for me; always someone else! –Parents, husband, family, business, bosses, kids and so on. Well I still do things for my kids… as a matter of fact I’m doing this for the stability for them. But this time I know that GOD has a plan that I don’t understand, but I am open to following him with an open heart and mind. Life is changing.... and I’m excited! This time as life is changing… I am feeling it more within my heart not my head. God bless you and your family and from my family to yours… Happy New Year!

Just needed a little time...

2009’s first blog entry… I am so grateful This year is going to be a huge closure to the last relationship… marriage numero tres. I realized through recent events of my life that I’m in a catch22. The one thing that I’m working so hard to do this for turns out to be everything BUT that. Continuing to keep up with all the financial debt was everything I’m doing for the boys; so they could continue to live in what has been their home. However, just a short time ago CJ said to me… “But mom, you’re never here” What? That didn’t mean much to me but I was puzzled as to understanding why?... I work at home. -But now I believe I see it differently. After Tom left back in July… I had this drive that said “I can do this” and I have been since July, but the effect of it is that Leanne is back in my life. Why because I have too much to handle for just one person. -I tried. This is an incredible financial load and now that the anger is gone… I definitely feel hurt by the act of abandonment. Abandonment… Obsolete. to banish This sucks because I gave everything to my relationship to make it work financially. But when the other person in your life just walks out to never return… ? It definitely makes it a challenge for the person who is left to pick up the pieces. If I could possibly keep this going… I believe I would end up looking beyond my years due to the stress load of this burden. I made the most challenging decision of my life. And that was to look at the realization of where I was headed. -As my friend says… ”your just shuffling chairs on the titanic” I believe that my life is very humbled in the fact that I am being forced to do something that I have worked my entire life to keep good in my life. Not the circumstances I would have ever dreamed but it is what it is, and sometimes you just have to know your boundaries. I am so grateful that I can see that I have been down this path before and that doing it again is not healthy for any of us -CJ and TY… I am grateful for having the option to getting back to my roots, I am grateful of the option to choose where to go, I am grateful for insurance, I am grateful for the smile the boys put on my face, and I’m learning how to be grateful for myself. Oh to learning how to love myself is my newest challenge.

Thank you!!!

I am so grateful for my life’s experiences. This year has been a year of change for me. To have been where I was and to be where I am is something I cannot understand but I know that GOD has his plan for me. Thanks to those who hated me, I am now a stronger person.. Thanks to those who loved me, my heart has grown fonder.. Thanks to those who envied me, my self-esteem grew stronger.. Thanks to those who cared, you made me feel important.. Thanks to those who entered my life, you made me who I am today.. Thanks to those who left, it made me realize that nothing lasts forever.. May GOD bless you and all in your life!

Be Present

I am so excited about this journey that I have been through since the 1st Breakthrough event in beautiful Puerto Rico last year in November 2007… Confusing and many experiences of sadness but I am thankful for where I am right now.

From understanding how to challenge those challenges I had with my emotional baggage to learning the art of tapping with EFT and understanding that I am ok just the way I am. I love this whole concept of continuing to get more of an insight about me and who I am.

Connected! Oh to be so powerful on the inside and not even realize it.

Wow, to love every aspect of every situation has been something new to me. There is something good in the bad….? We just have to look for it.

So even though my current circumstances are a gigantic challenge, I feel powerful. -As if there is only one thing that I am focusing on…. What I can do differently NOW!

Yes I realized that I am so far in the future that I fear the things that “could happen” and “what if” So far ahead that it got to the point of me trying to do the necessary things to prevent those things from happening….. The reality of it is that it was a thought up fear… Not my reality.

To live my life from the place in my heart is to live in the now. Be present to what is going on right now.

Awareness is awesome.

Thank you!

WOW how Amazazing

I know that, or is it? I knew that

Hopefully along the way a valuable lesson was learned through the experience.

At least that is what we strive for… Right?

I’ll admit that I have said I know that from time to time? BUT Just recently actually, the lesson was about being in the “NOW” About being in the moment. Isn’t that what they say?

For me I’ve been living in the future, the “what ifs?”

I have allowed my finances to rule my thinking, and the other day I had realized that I have been ungrateful and unkind. Only because of my finances right? I was feeling stuck! The thing is… the perfect puzzle piece fell into place, just days earlier.

I made a commitment to myself and what I’m choosing for me and my life. Of course this was after I made the decision to attend the LPU Breakthrough III.

When I realized the other day that I am in such a “give me” mentality… I realized that I must be of service and be kind to others and be grateful for this very second; this moment in time.

Now to understand that I’m analytical and always processing… Gratitude & Kindness came up and resonated with me at the conference. Just as if I understood that I needed to be at BT. My Ahh ha moment!What does that mean to me?

“It means that I must actually move away from a place in my head and move into a place in my heart”

Not really sure what that means to me but that is the question that lingers in my mind….

To find a sense of peace. Be thankful for this very moment. My vision, my children, my dogs, the air we breathe, the sounds we hear, the mobility in our bodies, my current circumstances, my conscience/unconscious mind, and the amazing things our bodies do without needing us to even think about it… (By far not a complete list but you get the point)

It means to live for today, be in service to others, and be grateful for this moment, well actually be grateful for every moment. Past present and future…

Here’s to my new awareness in taking action, even if it’s imperfect action

I know that just by me being aware and taking action… Those challenges will move into a place of experiences and understanding.

Thank you LPU and to the creators of that dream!

Break Through III

Another important lesson along the way….

A life long challenge that I had, was the desire to overcome all of my emotional stuffing that I did when I was younger. Memories, arguments and things I did as a foolish child. I just wanted to let it all out! Although I remember those stuffed emotions to be painful and not a piece of cake. So in search of the answer to something so painful I found this…..

Along my journey I became a visionary with Lifepath Unlimited. After reading their Mission Statement, I believed that I wanted to be part of that journey. Didn’t know how to make it happen at that point but after the decision was made. It worked itself out to my amazement.

Excited… I started the 56 days to Destiny just prior to our first Break Through event held in Puerto Rico at the Grand Melia. I was really learning to ask myself about me. The candles were beautiful. Ah magnificent!

Anyways during that conference, Peggy Dylan of Sundoor touched right dead set on “Emotional Stuffing” It was like as if she was talking to me.

After the exercises, I had such a deeper understanding of why that process of emotional stuffing came up from time to time, and why it was so important to let it out and “feel it” I continued to listen to the Mentorship Sessions on Saturdays and I learned a lot including the art of EFT. With the 56 days to Destiny and the mentorship sessions I discovered that I could get through it. -Boy was I babbling emotional crazy woman for a few weeks but it was totally worth it to feel that crap. Actually I call it purging. I learned a few key things that have made a huge impact in my life over that event. I learned about the negative effects of the food and what we ingest is 80% of how we look on the outside and of course I cannot forget that I needed to wear a higher sun block. –Good lessons.

7 months later in June of this year, I attended the second Break Through event in sunny Cancun. The lessons were so different than the first event and the beauty of being able to watch the people who firewalked was refreshing.
I learned that we all tell ourselves these “broken records” I can’t do this because of this or whatever it is that keeps us from doing something we want to “try”
Becoming aware of my own broken records helped me realize how I’m holding myself back.

Wasn’t planning on going and after looking for a job and well, still looking for a job, I have decided to do something different. Just take the risk and make it happen!

In amazement of what has transpired over the last 2 breakthroughs I cannot yet ignore that this is part of my next step. The Break Through events has been so good for me that I cannot resist. Completely open to whatever comes my way. All I know is that something has to change in my life to make it better and this event is going to be a turning point for me. I feel as if there is a lesson to be learned here that is going to be the CHANGE.

Being thankful!

Today I am so grateful for what is, and has been transpiring in my life. Yes the road has been a bit bumpy up until this point, but I have looked back and taken a deeper look at the broken records I have been telling myself in those particular moments. That is why the road got really bumpy. I was choosing to focus on the negativity of my situation, focusing on the “what ifs”, focusing on the scarcity of me not being able to make it. Wow the reality of it is this….. I was creating and manifesting more of what I didn’t want to myself with a high magnitude of concentration. I know that I know better but sometimes those moments in time are a challenge. To see something positive out of the situation sometimes is a challenge when you are living in that crap! BUT As strong as I am, eventually I pull out of it. Thank you for that! Yes, more of those broken records, more lessons on getting out of my head and living in the moment. Thank you so much for having the awareness of what I was doing to myself. -Self sabotage. Thank you for the life long experiences that have brought me up to knowing when change is required. Thank you for the people who educated me in knowing the difference in conscience decisions. Thank you for everything that has happened in my life. AND thank you for the people who surround me during those challenging times in my life. As I said earlier, I am so grateful for what is transpiring in my life! My children and I are truly blessed as we are taken care of every single moment of every single day. To the GOD up above who is so forgiving… Thank you for being the creator of everything that surrounds us. Here is my pledge of continuing the process of getting out of my own head, my own way and allowing me to live by each moment and experience as it comes. To live consciously is to live, and to make decision instead of reacting is healthy for me. Thank you for the awareness!!!!!!

The gift of allowing

Just recently, I have been feeling as if I’m lost and hopeless.

 
That sucked because that is not me! I am strong! “Strong as a Rhino”….BUT there are my moments where I have my weaknesses too. Yes… My emotions were flying around as if they are just there with no ties and nobody there to rein them in. Yeah I will honestly say I was checked out for a bit… Just being the droid and running through the motions of my everyday life.
BUT…in my moment of weakness I asked for help. I desperately asked for help for someone to take some of this burden that I have in my life right now. I felt as if I just couldn’t keep going like this. I honestly have been carrying all of this debt load and responsibility since my “so-called husband” … Soon to be X Husband left back in July.

Yes I have been strong but I am tired and “I” deserve a break!

So long story short…. Just a few weeks ago… I was forced. YES FORCED!!!!... By a close dear friend of mine to attend a birthday party…. Yup didn’t want to or even feel like going but I did… Had a blast! -Totally worth it and glad that I went. In all actuality I didn’t even feel the sense of guiltiness for taking some “me time”

While I was there I met a wonderful person who I believe I was supposed to meet.

In all actuality I never knew it until a few days ago when I realized that this person, my new friend was my gift, my answer to my request for help.

Not even knowing or trying and in just being who I am…. I have been able to help my friend by just being me and in return my friend is asking me to allow him to help me.

 
WOW! This means I must let my gigantic wall of defenses and independence down to allow for these actions to take place. Not comfortable by far. BUT… Doing something new is uncomfortable at first but I believe that is where change takes place.

I believe that today, once again I’m proudly wanting to share my challenges with all of you. But I really want to cast out my voice in gratefulness for the law of attraction for gifting me in which I focus on… Even in my down moments I am continually asking for the things I require most. Thank you for my new friends and of course my old friends. Thank you for the awareness of change, and the perception of knowing that all is ok no matter what is going on in this immediate moment.

Until next time...

Hang on tight because life is a bumpy but invigorating ride! 

Kim

Loneliness on the inside

Loneliness sucks but in all actuality looking in hindsight, I now see that the time you have to yourself is actually a blessing. -It’s just in disguise.

I’ve cried time and time again over the feeling of being alone, but I realized after I’ve picked myself up…. Amazingly….. Being alone is and can be very healing.

This to me was healing for the soul and time to mend or bridge the gap of selflessness and despair.

This process of life can and will be quite the challenge at times and we as individuals get to CHOOSE whether it keeps hold of us and our emotions or…. Are we stronger on the inside to CHOOSE whether we let it go?

Today I am choosing to let it go with the understanding that I know I am human and this to, is part of the process.

I will keep moving forward!!!!

My thoughts and wishes are for those that read my blogs…. That you to will see that you are not alone!

Love and Light

Kim

Trusting in this proceess is a challenge!!!

I wake up in the mornings feeling as if there is something missing…..

I wake up feeling VERY emotional and most the time, I just want to cry. Sometimes I do but for the better part of me I just keep telling myself that everything will be OK! My mind however likes to try to keep control. But I am stronger than to allow my conscious mind to take over. I am NOT comfortable right now and I will get over this!

I feel so alone, and the mornings are the biggest challenge for me right now. It’s kind of weird from having a husband; that person there to cuddle with and wake up to…..and then all of a sudden life takes this interesting twist and that person is no longer there. Yes it’s been 3 months and for the most part life has been crazy busy! Life is slowing down now and I am starting to feel it more. Yes FEEL… what a glorious word.

Even though looking in hindsight he was never healthy for me…. Having that warm body no longer be there is hard to adjust to.

Most of my life “feeling it” was something I never really did a whole lot of. I just coped with it by covering it up with my ever so lasting coping skills…. Well I learned a long time ago that it was extremely unhealthy for me to continue along that path. So here is to “feeling” my way through life.

I feel better every time I’m able to journal/blog my feelings and I trust that life just keeps getting better. -Trust in God and trust in yourself!

To all of you, who may be struggling with life’s circumstances, keep going as this is all part of the process. YES it may SUCK!!! (This I see) BUT be thankful for every moment of the day and every learning experience. The learning experiences are golden and the lessons are here for us to grow.

Life is a challenge and life is a puzzle. BUT I love who I am today for every experience is all part of the person I am right now.

Yes, yes, yes!

Breathe! Yes breathe….. -Finally a moment where life’s clutter is no longer in my way. My brain feels as if it’s finally clearing out the clutter of the crap I have been dealing with since my cowardly ex husband left without notice back in July. He has actually done me a life saving favor and I am thankful for the twist and the turns of how I arrived here today.
Although not the circumstances I would have ever dreamed of in a million years… I am truly thankful for the situation, as it has really opened my eyes to the true power I have within “me”

Clearing the clutter of the shit that kept me up at night and restless during the day has brought a new perspective of what busy really means to me. Busy is the way society has become and the drive that makes most of us just want more. More what? Materialism? Acceptance? A bigger Ego? Pride? What does busy mean to you?
I feel as if my life is finally starting to quiet down. Yes there is a lot still left to do but I have been getting organized and I feel better about all of it! My divorce, my unlawful detainer lawsuit to remove my tenants who are not paying rent, my finances, my debt and my life in general with the daily challenges I face just being a single mother. BUT I got to say…..I am determined to overcome all of those challenges that come my way. Yes there have been lots and for the first time in the history of my life, I feel as if I am the most powerful and driven woman that I know. I will NOT allow all those things or anything get in my way.
Don’t get me wrong…. Some days I am down but I, in time always pick myself up and move on. Sometimes those breaking moments are what I require for my own clarity. Clarity of the bigger picture here on this journey of where I am going. I am so excited as to the outcome after all of this turmoil. AND I just have to give myself a BIG kudos to me for being the person I am.
For quite sometime now, I have used coping mechanisms to get by and one day sometime ago I realized that I am doing a disservice to myself by not allowing myself to “FEEL IT” Coping skills are great if you want to put off your feelings or shall I say stuff them. AND I vowed sometime last year when I allowed all those hurtful feelings to come up, I was no longer going to live in the shadows of the fear of feeling something bad. I am going to cry, and get angry and laugh too. With the good comes the bad. It’s all part of this life and the balance of how it all works together. Like Ying and Yang.

Ahhh… the breath is so refreshing and calming to ones persona. Clarity is nice and having a sense of calm is very healing for me. It’s my time to remember the things that I want for myself. To have a purpose, to feel free from within, to just be me!

I love that I am here and it’s fall. The beauty of the leaves turning and the new season is vastly approaching. It’s refreshing to me as it’s a sense of a new beginning. Although I have had many of those, I truly feel as this one is the most healing experiences that I have ever encountered in my existence of being on this planet. Mother earth and the universe are amazing! Thank you for my place on this abundant earth.

I am in love with my life, and my children are amazing people who have been a huge blessing to me. We say that children are so abruptly honest and sometimes cruel but I am fortunate to have the 2 most wonderful boys that accept me for who I am! AND I accept them for who they are and the mistakes they make along the way as I know that this is how they learn. We all do… well maybe not all of us but those that are open and ready will see the lesson and change the course along the way.

Live life to the fullest because you never know what is to come your way. Never depend on others as they control what they want and always love yourself for who you are. Live in the moment and love the journey. The lessons we encounter are all part of the connection we have to each other and everything.

Thank you for everything, life and its lessons are truly amazing!!!!!!!!