Lightening the load for SANITY!

The question I have been fighting with myself is…Who do I believe in? Me? or GOD? Is it OK to believe in both? I feel that GOD did create me and the vast universe. AND… it’s ok to believe in myself. I’m here because of GOD? What does that mean? Historically the bible says that he created everything right? Well for me… I believe that it’s me living my life, and I’m humbled with regards to where I am right now. I am uncertain about history and how it all started; I just know that I’m here. I believe that I am to glorify GOD by living a happy and purposeful life. I know that I did not create this chaos in my life on my own, and without the other person, it is impossible to get out of it by myself. This is insane! I did everything I could to deal with this on my own and I feel as if I am going crazy because of it. I feel as if I’m no longer in control. Now that I made the decision, I truly understand a deeper meaning of letting go! –Still not the circumstances I would’ve ever asked for but those lessons in life keep me humble and aware of the actions or reactions I must make in my life. Letting go is such a sense of relief! -Not something that’s easy for me. This time, holding onto to something so big has certainly forced me to let go for my own sanity. Scared as I have no idea of what’s about to happen in my life as this is a road I have never traveled on. It’s scary because it’s new and uncomfortable. This time I feel that everything will be ok. I’m putting my trust in GOD. Recently I learned that I have been dying unto myself. …? What does that mean…? It means that I no longer try to control my life and its direction. I am doing what feels right and just following my heart. Living life day by day and planning, but am aware that things could change at any time. - (Especially when you have kids!) I know and trust that somehow miraculously everything will work out. AND For once in my life, I am not trying to figure it out. That in itself is a grand feeling. Leave the brain to work on other things. Whatever happens…happens. I just feel as if I have been busting my ass for years and nothing has ever been for me; always someone else! –Parents, husband, family, business, bosses, kids and so on. Well I still do things for my kids… as a matter of fact I’m doing this for the stability for them. But this time I know that GOD has a plan that I don’t understand, but I am open to following him with an open heart and mind. Life is changing.... and I’m excited! This time as life is changing… I am feeling it more within my heart not my head. God bless you and your family and from my family to yours… Happy New Year!