Here I am again! Rinse and repeat. Ugh!!!

I thought when I quit my job, I could “actually” follow through with it all. I did, but because I’m a team player, I agreed to stay on to get them through the HRIS migration and most likely need to stay on through the end of the year (Feb 2026) to get them in a good place. Buuuuut I am regretting this decision. I am soooooo tired. I am sooooo burnt out, I just cannot motivate myself to DO anything. >>> I want to, and I am fully aware that IF I want to see the change, then I MUST take… action! Only then will I see, and most likely feel the difference! I know that when I attended the gym more regularly, I had an incredible amount of energy. I want that again!

Truth be told, I have never been the same after the cancer treatment and I thought it was that. + after hurricane Helene, the water quality was horribly chemicalized so that we couldn’t get to the gym for several months until it was repaired, let alone staffed again. Jay keeps telling me it’s my age. Either way, I’m not willing to accept my excuses. I wholeheartedly believe that mindset plays a big part and, in my mind… I cannot allow this shit to go on for much longer. It’s too painful. I have allowed myself to become weak, weaker than I have ever been, and I hate it! Soooo, I already hear myself saying… you see the contrast, stop your fucking whining and go do something about it.

Big sigh… I am so tired. I feel that I need to recharge and take care of my body before I can push myself back into that. But when will I get the time to do that? I already work FT and now my mom is here, and she wants me to go, go, go. OMG! Isn’t anyone hearing me. Leave me the fuck alone! I’M TIRED!

I know in my heart of hearts; I will get tired of hearing myself whine about it and will “actually” get up and do something about it. I do now, but not consistently.

Please help me find the strength to just hang on for 6 more months. I promise I’m going to follow through with these decisions. I just need to button things up before I move into a PT role and slowly transition myself into a better space. Help me to stay strong just a little bit longer.

Love and Light to the great divine!

Oh Geez, GOD, please give me the strength!

I know that I enjoy a challenge, and I must learn to be careful what I ask for, but this is becoming too much. I am not sure if I will get through this.

Honestly, it’s not the question of will I get through this? It’s the question… will I keep the balance I’ve worked so hard to obtain. Ugh… I’ve worked so hard on this, and my goals, that I cannot allow this to take over. I just mustn’t!

I have more transition coming up, and things are about to become more of a challenge. Get your game face on, because the shit is about to become more real!

Oh, please help me find the strength, and the balance to keep my sanity through this entire transition.

Please help me get through the rest of the year. I’m on my knees begging and pleading to help me keep my composure and find the strength I need to make it out on the other side.