SRI -Oh, how I flee

What is SRI? ------Well it stands for Somato Respiratory Integration                              SRI is something I am learning about. I’ve practiced a little, but I am really setting my focus to truly practice this. I’ve been given the gift, why not use it!

I can remember a time, most my life really -- many, many years ago, that I never breathed as if my life depended on it. Of course I breathe; breathing is a natural unconscious behavior that happens without any effort. But, I never truly breathed; deep consciously connected breathe-- taking in a breath and really feeling the… movement, breath, and energy. I’ve felt glimpses when I was working with a SRI facilitator, but at that moment in life… I was really in my head thinking... 

“Am I doing this right?”

“Is this what I’m supposed to be feeling?”

“What does she mean by feel the movement, breath, and the energy will just follow”

For me, during this last gate, I learned that I am in denial. I’m denying myself the deeper connection that my heart so desires. I’ve been telling myself that I’m good. But, really I’ve discovered that I’m not. I’m listening to my mind. -B-U-T- my heart desires are getting louder and louder; its starting to yell “stop running away” --Face it bitch!

So, it was fate, and good for my awareness to attend the Monday SRI workshop after the gate. It opened my perspective to understanding how important SRI, truly is. Now to take that to the next level and put it into practice. Whoa that is a bit scary for me. AND just writing this, I can feel the resistance. My mind trying to keep me comfortable. But this time, remembering to lead with my heart and follow my intentions... I WILL keep this candle lit through all the future mind fuck and challenges.

Bring it on bitch, I’m pushing through this one!

I’m ready!

I know I’ve blogged about this before, but this is really resonating with me, and I want to express it again. 

For my entire childhood and most my adolescent years, I remained bottled. I bottled my emotions, feeling, opinions, thoughts and actions. Over time, even as a child, that developed into a passive aggressive behavior that affected not only myself but all those around me.  

For so many years, I dreamed of breaking through those stored bottles, and feeling those “hard times”
 

Even as an adult, I was afraid for many years, I knew the pain that was stored down there, and I wasn’t sure how it would change me if I let those things bubble to the surface.  But the desire to process it was stronger than the fear, and I jumped off the ledge and had faith that this, on an unconscious level would be what I needed to do. I truly and whole heartedly desired to live life freely. AND… I’m happy to report that for the first time of my life, I can say that I have, and are! 

So, this brings me to the present moment. (Stage 6) --I’m ready! I’m ready! I’m ready for more depth of my being to be revealed to me. I desire to go beyond where I am, stretch my emotional and unconsciousness to a more developed state of mind. Bring light into the congruency I so desire, and reveal the deeper more inner core of my soul. 

Being involved in Network Care has been the greatest gift, and I can’t wait for the gate in February! 

Bring it on, I’m ready!

Plan all u want BUT dont be attached 2 the outcome

If you would’ve asked me 5 yrs ago where I see myself… I wouldn’t have said… divorced again, and I would’ve never ever thought…-Bankrupt? However, this just happens to be what is going on in my life. Surprise! Something again that I’ve analytically planned out, that did not go as planned. Eh what is credit anyways? Well for me, credit was very important and has been my entire life ever since I left home at 15. This road traveled has not always been easy…. I’m sure like everyone; we all have said that in one time of our lives. I remember being under age and working myself to exhaustion, and being a young single mother made things more of a challenge for me. Oh yes… All my choice…. but back then credit was everything to me. I knew without good credit, I would never be able to buy a house and provide a stable home, or finance anything. But now my view of money and credit is different. My Bankruptcy has been a blessing in disguise really… I’ve lived a very simple life. Happy and very stable in my life mentally, emotionally, and financially but after a whirlwind marriage, that all changed. 4 years later, my husband left without contributing financially for the financial decisions we made together during our marriage. Eight months after he left… I almost ended up hospitalized for my mental instability and I was becoming very unstable to the point of giving up on myself. I was abandoning my children emotionally, -For what? -Pride? MUST be responsible and save my credit? -Money, debt, credit. Thank you for the experience I had with the loss of my husband to know what choices were more important. I felt I was at a crossroads in life. I was left with no choice but to let go of something I held very important. Being analytical has allowed me to get to this point in my life, but now living life day by day and not labeling the outcome or having judgments, allows me to live simpler and gratefully with my eyes open. I’m still learning here, but those lessons through those challenging experiences, have allowed me to become more aware in life and see things in a different perspective. Humbly grateful I am to being present in my own mind, body and spirit.