How do I fix this?

Back in 2019, I was training HARD for the Spartan Trifecta. Brutal body condition and HIIT training with my personal trainer. I’d been training with Josh for 3 years, but the year of the race, our workouts became more intensely focused.  I learned a lot. Things like… what is a erector spinae? Mind/muscle connection, like pumice stone your calluses, or they will tear off! Ouch, and if you want to assist in expediting your healing process, Preparation H is the best! Who would’ve ever thought?

After 2 races, September of that year, I was starting to feel exhausted! From FT working, and training at the gym? NO matter what the cause, I learned after some extensive bloodwork, that I had exhausted my adrenal glands, and had virtually… zero testosterone in my body. I began to take a second hormone, testosterone. I was already taking Progesterone.

Side bar, the cost of non-covered prescriptions when you have medical insurance angers me.  My medical didn’t cover any of these compound hormones. I was paying $100/3-month supply for progesterone.  Now a second hormone. That one was also not covered, and it was $100/mo.

My strength in the gym dramatically improved, the testosterone aided me in my last months of training before the January Beast race. I stayed on this hormonal regimen until December 2020. After being advised from my new doctor that the hormones I was taking weren’t working. I shouldn’t have these symptoms considering the hormone regimen I was on. My current symptom was… 2 full periods a month: for the last 11 months, too long! I felt as if I was on my period, more than I wasn’t!

My FL doc suggested in August of 2020, to get me on estrogen to fix the problem. When my estrogen in the beginning, before I started taking progesterone was perfect. Now I must add another hormone? Not accepting this resolution and I was getting ready to move anyways. I talked to my new doctor in NC, and I got the green light to stop all hormones. I still workout at the gym, now 6 days a week on my own. I miss Josh, but I totally have found my mojo in the gym. Thanks to Josh, because he shared his wisdom as a PT and a friend!

Hormone free, and without the testosterone, I feel the difference in the gym. But, Good News, symptoms gone! -Who knew I was causing this onto myself! Thank the heavens for regularity again. More evidence of a vicious drug cycle I didn’t want to continue!

Loving the Awareness

Suddenly realized

Lately, I have been feeling as if I am not being true to my spirit and soul. I feel as if I am wearing a mask. Not intentionally, but again the old programming to lead my daily life.

What do I want? True blissfulness. I know that with everything we do there is, yin to the yang; with all the bliss, there also are challenges. In short, not always going to be good days!

I know that deep down in my soul, accounting is no longer what feeds my soul, not that it ever did. It just paid the bills and got me where I am today. I’m thankful; I have been successful. I chose to let that go and be happy! Long ago if you would’ve asked me… it was being rich. Monetarily! Now, I just want to wake up every morning and feel as if I am living my soul’s purpose. What is and what does that look like? Dunno, but the strong awareness of this desire to life true to my soul’s desire is becoming stronger!

I choose a life of living freely in happiness. Slowing down! I love how this topic keeps coming up. It’s evolving, but still making its way to the forefront. This is my journey! Shift of consciousness and living a life freely!

I don’t know what that is yet? I am still in money making mode as I begin this transition into my true self.

Here’s to trusting the process.

Love & Light

Magical, unwinding gravitational pull

For so many years, most my adult “responsible” life, I feel as if I am following my parent’s words of wisdom. You know the nagging voices of… work hard and do whatever you need to do to make a living and then retire comfortably. BUT something has shifted recently, and my soul has me yearning for living life with passion, love, unbounding joy and living my true self. Loving what I do, day in and day out. Here’s the challenge. What is it? What does that look like? I really don’t know, but I want too!

I feel as if I am being pulled forward and just being where I am “right now” … more so of the awareness of where I am, has become painful, emotional and yet it fuels my fire to explore what that means all at the same time. The opposition is my old, yet evolving self … who has that nagging voice and the fight or flight feeling of being scared. All I can say is, I strongly and wholeheartedly feel a conscience shift and I continue to remind myself that it’s time for me to LIVE, LOVE and BE FREE! No longer bound to the chains of the old patterns that keep me unhappy. Not in a negative way, just not living life to it’s fullest most magical and its unlimited energy!

I remember a time… long period of my life where I wore a mask, alcohol, drugs and all those crutches allowed me to “deal” with things and endure life’s challenges, but in the past 10 years of my NSA journey, I can happily say that the old negative patterns have fallen to the wayside and I no longer think, nor want to clutter my mind and soul with crap!  

Please hear my voice expressing my gratitude and asking that you unveil the path that I am to follow. Lead the way, and I will continue to trust the process.

Love and Light