Shakin things up!

Maybe not until I was in my late 20’s did I start bringing structure into my life. I needed to be, to keep things straight with all that goes on in this busy world of mine! It was how I kept myself sane through all the craziness of running and staying busy all the time. I can still hear people say to me “don’t you ever rest?” My answer, “nope and if you knew the women in my family, you would see where I get it from”

In the past, that has served me well, (it may be age) but I have been recognizing that life has become so busy, too busy that I don’t like it anymore! Not at all! Don’t get me wrong, there are days where I go, go and go, but there are the days where I JUST DON’T WANT TO! Those days are happening more and more often, and I feel a shift happening in my life. What shift? I have no idea, but I can feel that something is changing. Tearing down those beliefs and allowing new ones to unfold.

While I was working, I was busy. Despite leaving my job, still busy. Just a different kind of busy. Labor of love, really! Tiresome, but rewarding work. Lately I haven’t been able to sustain the energy to go to the gym and do yard work/planting. No joke, landscaping is a lotta work! I feel like I’ve just traded one kind of busy for another and feeling guilty for not going to the gym, but also… giving myself permission to just be. It is what I wanted, but I’m so over this year’s planting season.

I realized yesterday that the shift may be good for me and I need to be open about it. Maybe I need to be more fluid with things and my life. Don’t get me wrong, still setting goals and learning more about what brings me joy, but I’m literally tearing down what once was in trying to discover what may be.

Here’s to still staying open despite the bad days and picking myself up and giving myself permission to just be. -Thank you!

Feeling a bit lost

I want to be less busy. Breathe, make the time to breathe, really breathe. If I stop to breathe now, I feel as if my mind wants to rush me. Get to the gym, get through my work out and get to work. On the days that I stretch… my mind wants to be aware and keep my eyes open. I want to stop and stretch through the tightness. It's a constant struggle! Why am I allowing my mind win? I have plenty of time. Another battle for the future. In the meantime, I keep plugging away bit by bit.

I spoke with HR on Friday. Felt good to get that off my mind and start that conversation. I don’t want to be this busy at work. Busy is good, but this is too much! But now that I have, my mental mind chatter is trying SO hard to keep me where I am. Saying things like, you made a mistake. You’re short staffed, and once you’re fully staffed, it will get better. You started your period on Friday and you know how you get just before you start; you’re an irrational mess! I need to just trust myself and have faith that all will workout as it should be.

Needless to say, I’m feeling a bit lost. Staying aware of everything that is going on right now in my life, with all the transition. Acknowledging the fact that there is a lot going on and I’m 2 months away from surgery. We are so close to the finish line as the house is almost done. Needless to say though, I’m still feeling lost and starting to lose my marbles!

What is the right thing for me? I know that I want to live a life through soul, and I am currently not! I know that once I am in my home, that I WILL be doing things that I love to do through soul and right now because there is no balance it’s progressed to the point of, well… I’m barely hanging on here.

I am sending this energy out to the universe to bring me guidance in continuing to stay open and bring that energy force that will catapult me into the world of openness. Please help guide me to this sense of peace within and allow me to always have a grateful heart.