What now?

Sometimes it's easier to do, that to feel. 

So if I no longer want to be the super go, go, go girl because that is living life through my masculinity, then how do I do what I love to do. I only want to work in my yard. No, not really, I want to go kayak and get outdoors to play more. It seems all we did/do is work, work, work. A break here and there but not often. Perhaps still doing those things, but slower. Get a bit dirtier because you need to sit. Please...  universal laws help me move this into motion. My question requires some clarity in knowing how to live life through femininity and living through soul.

I want to get back to work. Why? I cannot sit at home all day. I feel the day is wasted mostly on mindless TV. -driving me nuts! I can keep myself busy with some things, but nothing super serious, right now. No energy for the gym or basically standing for long period of time, just yet.

Working will help keep me busy, but remembering to have WL balance in not burning out will be vital to my longevity in this company. No self inflicted deadlines. Emotionally connect with the task and take my time to resolve it. 

I've been a tomboy all my life. I like it. I like getting down and dirty with things. Not so much a girly girl. Maybe that needs to shift? Not a full swing to the opposite of the pendulum, but living life through being within my femininity. Actually, now that I think of it... It's a dance we do. Not always in one or another, all the time. But living a life in harmony through soul for both!

What should I be doing?

How many times have you asked yourself that question? If you are anything like me, it has come up time and time again. Proof positive that I am not doing something that is soul satisfying in springing myself outta bed every day! -But what should I be doing?

For so many years, and it feels like a lifetime ago.  I have been doing what is self-satisfying, or what satisfies my parents to be proud of my success. Not ideal, not even close!

I’m sure I’ve blogged about this numerous times, and here I am again! -I am feeling so lost right now.

Do I stay in accounting? My gut says no! But I went to school to get my MBA, countless hours and $$ went into perfecting my craft! -Learning to let that go!

Do I go back to life coaching? Am I really ready for that again? I feel like I’m leaps and bounds away from where I was back in 2008, but almost scared to take that leap of faith.

Here is my trust in the universe that the path in which I am to follow will reveal itself in the right timing.

A human yo yo

Do you ever feel as if you your going up and down in life. Of course, everyone goes through that right... it's not just me... ha ha! --I'm struggling with decisions. Deciding this, then changing my mind to decide something else. Ugh... I feel like this human yo yo.

Do I continue down the path of this career that I've created for myself? Eh, it's not the most exciting one, but I'm really good at it. Or, do I create a new path and start doing more of what I love? Ultimately that seems like the most logical choice. BUT ---In life there are so many choices, and which one is right?

I guess for me, I am going to just chill and see what happens. AND when I get back from the "GATE" ... I know that manifesting and creating the life that I will be the most happiest will come through.

Here's to the human yo yo, and all the ups and downs that go along with it.

Cheers!

What if you feel it’s over, but it’s hard to decide if it really is.

So much has changed, and this roller coaster of a life has really taken me on some twisty turns over the past several years.

I feel as if the timing was, and is… all wrong. I had a gap of time where I fell. I allowed myself to get sucked into his life, his drama, and his conservative ways. Don’t get me wrong I’m frugal too, but I love to have fun, smile, laugh, play and just be in the moment.

Honestly, I want to work on me, and to do it while I’m in a relationship doesn’t feel right. I feel that I got into this relationship for all the wrong reasons, and at the wrong time. But in reality, I allowed it to happen, and I don’t want to hurt him.

When I met him, I had been on this intense journey of processing those old wounds. I admittedly have fallen off the path, but now that my vision has cleared and the path is clear… I feel torn. Torn between being in a relationship and working on me without boundaries.

I recognize that in the past, I loved to “fix” people. Now, that my perspective has changed. I don’t want to fix people any more, I want to share my experiences, and my knowledge with others, so they can decide what they want to do.

I love him immensely, but a big part of me has changed. I feel as if I’ve grown so far apart from what feels good anymore… it feels difficult for me to continue staying with this “wonderful” man who I know loves me. He loves me dearly, and I love him, but a major part of me feels as if I’m ready to throw the towel in. AND I mean READY!!

I used to be this social outgoing butterfly, who loved to hear about other people’s experiences. I realize that life changes and we grow; which I’ve done, but I want to go and discover myself. Truly who I am down deep to the core. I want to be that better person who doesn’t bring forth the baggage that I carry. I’ve let go a lot, but there is so much there to get through still. Deep seeded memories that I truly want to process.

Can I do that and continue in this relationship? 

Blogging it out to the universe in hopes that those answers in which I'm seeking will reveal themselves.