Living a life out loud with transparency as I have kept this hidden for decades. Eluding, but leaving room for speculation or one’s own interpretation. I didn’t want it to affect my career. Maybe, it was because I was ashamed of my behavior, maybe it was because it “was” illegal, maybe it was because it goes against everything I work for with my body, maybe, maybe, maybe. The list can go on!
For so many years; actually, decades! I have been struggling
with allowing myself permission to smoke flower without guilt. According to society, addicted. Thinking how bad
it was, and I needed to quit. So many reasons! -Good reasons!
It all started long ago. I was introduced to it back when I
was 19, when my good friend, who I will not name for her privacy. Tried it once
and hated it! OMG hated it. But when my second husband (friend at the time)
re-introduced it to me when I was 20, it stuck as a habit. Comes and goes, but I can still remember the day as if it happened yesterday. There I was at
his friend Chris’s mom’s house. Standing there in her living room, staring out
the big picture window after just smoking some flower. I remember thinking…
what is so great about this? Still made me feel anxious and unsettled; still
didn’t like it. I continued to smoke it “socially”. Not sure why, but
eventually the anxiety dissipated, and it became a habit.
For many years I have been trying to quit. Determined to
quit: throwing/giving away all my paraphernalia to again repurchase it. Nothing
long lasting. Until I started network care. Don’t get me wrong, I still
struggled with starting and stopping for another decade, but it was different.
There were times and just a few years ago where I hadn’t smoked for over a
year. No cravings. Then something would happen… stress from work, and I would
start back up again. I realized that I was utilizing this habit as a crutch,
coping mechanism to “get through” something. When you are armed with the
knowledge it brings power into the light of a situation. For me anyways!
In all my years of consuming flower (not proud or bragging),
I have come to understand the different strains and how they affect you. So, I
choose to only partake in a certain strain; indica. Indica, relaxes you. Sativa
energizes you. But for me… I am energized with Indica, and Sativa makes me
anxious. Again, knowledge is power.
So, this brings me too today. I have been wondering why it is when I am high, I am different. I feel more creative, more connected to my body, more focused, less of a filter and less reserved. Of course, I don’t know how to begin to start the process of understanding that, so I connected with my chiropractor and co-founder of Genius Frequency to explore this.
Recently, I scheduled a one and one session with my chiropractor and co-founder of Genius Frequency, and I learned a lot!
- First off, change my frequency. Think of it as a plant teacher. This will shift my relationship and perception.
- Think of it as my plant medicine; a natural value/enhancement
- Start asking the questions:
- Why am I motivated when I am with my plant teacher?
- Why do I feel more connected to my body when I am with my plant teacher?
- Why am I more creative when I am with my plant teacher?
- Why am I more focused when I am with my plant teacher?
- Why is everything so different when I am with my plant teacher?
So shall it be. Not only am I thankful for Brian and his
wisdom, but I am also thankful for his transparency and the gifts he is
sharing. Discovery and Transformation into the deeper parts of me. The soul
satisfying itch that continues to bubble to the surface.
Sending out my heart and souls desire in asking the question
and exploring more into the discovery of those deeper parts of myself. Yay to
me and thank you to the universe for bringing this into my reality! I’m ready
to take that deeper dive! -Bring it!
