No outside approval needed!

I just recently posted that I wanted to have more of an online presence, but realized today after continuing this self-journey that, that was my ego talking! I do not require and for quite some time now, have not required outside approval. Why did my minds ego steer me in that direction? Why did I fall for that? What caused my moment of weakness to believe that story?

Thank you for the light shown on this, and for me to steer myself back to self-love and divine light!

Continuing the journey in finding my way

The books I’m reading/read, the events I’ve gone to, my NSA doc… they all are shining light on how living through soul is effortless. Not sure if I’ve ever, or honestly remembered a time that I truly lived my life through soul. Therefore, I’m not sure what that looks like or even means! The short story… when I was in my 20’s, I was raising 2 kids, and did whatever needed to be done to survive life, in my 30’s, still raising kids, but I concentrated on my education/career, and was given the gift of discovering “true” self-care. Now I’m in my 40’s and am questioning things, deeper! Meaning, I hate my career choice! I am good at it, and it pays well, but not a soulful life choice as it doesn’t bring joy to my heart. I cannot stand where I live as the majority of people here are so negative and RUDE!

2008-ish… Allowing myself the gift of not working; I did freelance part time, but truly lived my life on my terms! It was nice! Having time off for self-discovery and committing to it, enabled me to discover (NSA) Network Spinal Analysis. I’ve blogged about this before, but the mental and emotional scarring of keeping things bottled in for my whole life was causing pain, not only physically, but emotionally and mentally. During that time-out, I was able to heal and process those old wounds. Life went on, and since I needed to support myself/children, I chose to continue the path of my career in Accounting and went back to work.

So, here we are 2020… Presently, I feel lost. Without my career, who am I? What do I love? What does living through soul mean? What does that feel like? What does that look like? How do I discover this part of myself? What do I do from here? Since I’ve decided to take another time out and not hurry back to work… I’ve had time to “actually” clean my house, spend time with my new puppy; training her, shape-up my landscaping (It’s gorgeous!) and continue on my physical journey with my personal trainer. I’m learning breathing techniques, but not sure if I’m on the right path. So, my thought is, when you don’t know, do something about it! Try EVERYTHING! I’m currently reading Love yourself, live your spirit by Sonia Choquette and I’m on 2^nd chapter. What I have discovered so far is… I’m abusive to my spirit. Why would my spirit want to be in this body when all I can see is the negativity about myself including my physical body.

Chapter 2’s exercise has 2 parts;

PART ONE  “When I talk to myself, here’s what I need to say…” Write down as many loving, affirming statements as you can think of and would want to share with your best friend. Start from within, more than what’s on the outside.

PART TWO -Same list- “Make a list of kind words you can say to your spirit”

Print the list and post it everywhere! This way, it is a loving reminder of the kind words to affirm to yourself. FUNNY THING… I know this! I’ve blogged about this many time! Change your verbiage, change your life! I guess, for me… I am so deep in my own crap right now, that this is a good nudge to remind me. So here is my list, and I will be reading, and adding on a daily basis. I am determined to live my life through my soul and divine light!

You are a faithful body, always reliably running; day in/day out, every day

You are smart, loyal and resilient

Your mind is quiet and still

You are such a good friend, and flawlessly reliable

You are a good listener

You are so loving, compassionate and caring

You are beautiful inside and out

You are a creative force with vision & commitment

You are patient, powerful & strong

You have a huge zest for life

You have love for all living things

You are so present in every moment

Thank you for your grace

Thank you for your kindness

Thank you for being healthy

Thank you for knowing your boundaries

Thank you for speaking up

Thank you for caring

Thank you for seeing beyond your circumstances

I love you unconditionally

To my divine Spirit/Soul.. I am so sorry!

Just recently I separated from a toxic situation. I was angry! I was scared at how the changes were going to affect my life. Funny to me to write that, but better out than bottle in. What I mean by “changes” is… money. Giving up a six-figure income with no fallback plan. No job, or even the thought or energy of WANTING to get a job. I want to be without a job. Nothing but time to do what I want on my terms!

Reigning myself back in on topic, yikes! --I went to an event in Colorado that changed my perspective! Usually when I go to these events, I have an intention, but this time, I didn’t. No intentions, just pure openness!

Honestly, every time I go to these events, there is a life changing shift that happens, and I knew that would happen, but I wanted to be open to the possibilities of what that could be. I had been swallowed and consumed by my angry thoughts, and the feeling of betrayal. I couldn’t think of much else. I was pissed and relieved at the same time. Relieved that the burden was someone else’s problem, but angry at the situation and the events leading up to it.

I’ve recently got back into reading books in trying to regain my spirit and living through divine love and light. I felt as if I was so outside of myself, that I was lost. Still am, but now I am finding the crumbs that were left for me to find my way back to my heart.

I have to share an experience I had at a SRI;Somato-Respiratory-Integration. Ordinarily, when I attend the SRI class, my mind is in the forefront, and has a strong hold and will not let my spirit come through. But this time it was different! So, I’m attending this class at the seminar as I’ve always done, and during my SRI exercise; can’t remember what stage, but it was in the season of Awaken. My spirit took over and the energy was strong! I found myself crying incessantly and was apologizing to my Spirit. I was lying on the floor but could see my spirit above me, intertwining with another spirit who, I don’t know, but… all I could say was “I am so sorry” over and over, and over again. I am so sorry for ignoring you. I am so sorry for letting this happen, I am so sorry! Until… I reached a point where it faded. I laid there and finished the exercise; my body felt heavy, I couldn’t get up. When I finally did. I noticed the gentleman next to me. I reached out in wanting to hear about his experience as he was laying next to me. I shared my experience, and he stated that it was also similar to his. He thanked me, as I also reciprocated. That was intense, and for the first time, EVER. I had seen and felt my divine spirit. So blown away by this experience, I wanted more!

I am truly sorry for ignoring my divine spirit, and in this gift of time, I am driven and dedicated to my journey in continuing to deepen my connection to my Spirit and truly live my life through divine love and light through my heart.

Awareness is amazing and if you are open, it is even more amazing at what can happen!

Thank you!