Real me?

When I smoke a little flower, things change for me. I become super critical of me.

My awareness shows me that I am 2 different people when I’m smoking, or I’m not. What parts are real? Is my mind on warp speed? Can be. When I really don’t want to do something, or I have less energy. I can just have a quick smoke and, I’m off and gassed up as J would say. I can lite a fire to motivate myself to keep going.

I have an ideation of who I am, and what I look like. I’m not living that truth right now and sometimes; I just find myself not where I want to be. Making decision that I am not happy with, like… chocolate, junk food, fast food, soda. That is not how I want to feed my body! Where is my self-control?

I want to be working outside, digging my hands in the dirt and designing a beautiful, landscaped home!

Making plans for my future self! Just go, be! Be me to have the freedom to discover what that is. The question is who am I? What does that look like? -Perception, creativeness, discovery, stretching, unwinding and... I'm open!

Still finding my way.

At some point in my life I’ve developed these beliefs; these things that I thought I had to do in order to feel better with myself.  Where did they come from??? I have learned that everything in life is a learned behavior, but how did I develop this one belief? 

--What’s funny to me is that I’ve been telling myself that I should go back and get through my past experiences. Essentially feel and deal with those bottled emotions. Honestly, that’s what I’ve been doing in therapy for almost 2 decades. My perception and thought was… “Only then will I feel that deeper sense of myself.” I would tell myself… If I don’t help “me” then I cannot help others. But the truth of the matter is that I already am, I have been, and that will never stop.

Here’s to a FB post that allowed a very dear person in my life to provide a great perspective and unsolicited advice. True words of wisdom! –Thank you! 

HER ADVICE” MAYBE YOU SHOULD FORGET THE DOWN AND DIRTIER SHIT...SOMETIMES IT IS WISE TO MOVE FORWARD IN THE SERVICE TO OTHERS...YESTERDAYS ARE GONE” 

That concept has shifted my thinking in a different direction. Yes, moving forward. What does Kim want? Let’s start asking more quality questions about the future; my future self, instead of going backwards to old discoveries which don’t really matter for me today. Yes, those situations have affected me in some way or form, but just like my job… it does NOT define me!

Love & Light!

Playing a new record

This is something that is not new to me but as I evolve and form a deeper awareness, I am understanding what I feel say and think has an impact on the out come of where I’m headed.

Thank you for the awareness of understanding the records I constantly play in my head. I am on day 7 of catching and keeping myself playing a new record and I just have to share with you that I am so happy that I have finally come to realize the power of my words, and thoughts. I have developed a new awareness of listening deeper into what I say and catching myself before I continue to play that negative record.

Consciously bringing what thoughts I want into my life and seeing myself grow and continue to make the mistakes. We are all human, and we all make mistakes.

Thank you to myself for taking the action for change to take place. Imperfect action: yet action. I’d rather take what I’ve learned and apply it into my life, than to have learned it, and not utilize it at all.

Cheers!