Overwhelmed!

This is becoming too much and I just don't think I can maintain this for much longer. Something has to give, or I'm gonna break. I'm close already!

I keep saying, this too shall pass. Well it better fucking pass soon. I'm nearly at the edge with all this. 

Nothing I hate more than road blocks and WASTING MY TIME!

If there is one thing I have learned is that time is a precious commodity and you only get so much. 

Disconnected

Something has changed. I can feel it. I feel that disconnecting from GF will be the start. 

I need this job to calm down so I can have more time for myself. I cannot hold on much longer as my discontent is not sitting well. I need to shift my focus, activities and take action TOWARDS that change. 

Do the things I love to do. Maybe enjoy with a smile. Not sure what all those are, but I have a list already started in my mind. I will transition my free time, create more free time to get personally more invested. Too old for this shit! Come, ooon!

All Lies!

I had no idea that the food labels are not accurate. Actually it is in the benefit of the food manufacturer. OMG What?

So there is an actual formula and I'm discovering how to apply that knowledge into power. 

What are my challenges?

Food is my biggest challenge. Especially sugar. 

Finding recipes to cook each meal prep

• 3500 calories= 1# of fat
• ½ body weight of ounces and water
• 1 gram of fat = 9 calories 

Why am I so scared?

Let's be honest! It scares the hell out of me!

I feel that for decades. Really since 1996, I have been working my ass of to be successful. Honestly, I am very successful. Sure I'm not a CFO or a President of a company, but I have the ability and the experience to get there if I really wanted too. But I don't! Not anymore!

If I explore more into what my heart and soul desires, I feel that I would not be utilizing all the things I have sowed for the past few decades. I would feel that I have been wasting my time. I HATE wasting my time. It's too precious to whittle away. 

As I'm writing my thoughts into words, I hear myself thinking... but it's the journey that you needed to experience to get you here today. In those little things, sometimes BIG... it is with every experience that has brought you closer to discovery and renewed perspective. Thank you to network care and genius frequency for providing me the tools that I have in my life in allowing me to be more open. I am now starting, okay let's be honest. I've been asking for years as I know deep down that THIS life is not what I want. I just haven't been to that part of my soul to understand that seeking that part of me is more important than what I'm doing right now. 

Cheers to self discovery and the upcoming experiences while I start the process of exploration.

Contrast to C-L-A-R-I-T-Y

 As I heard myself complaining today, I thought… change my record. So, let’s talk about some real contrast.

I choose healthy choices to feed my body

Right now, I eat like shit. Total shit! Red meat more than I’d like. Want vegetables to be my main entrée again. Stop eating fast food, eating out, refined sugar and cut down on sugar altogether!

I choose to expand myself athletically everyday whether that is swimming, spinning, working out or doing some yoga or stretching, hell yard work counts, for sure!

I’m not happy how my body looks. J says I’m getting older, but I don’t want that to be my excuse. I want to be slim and toned, fit! -I'm so close; just need to keep grinding away.

Those 2 things are in correlation with each other. Change my record, change my mindset. I need to eliminate some responsibilities first! Starting with my job! Then make some changes in my schedule.

Write them down

Dr. Mark once said. “Write down a few things that you desired to hear as a child.”

Write those down on a post it, then post it on a mirror you see every day. -Read them every day.   

-How does it feel when you read them?

The point of the exercise is to read the statements over and over again until you feel... no more emotional charge of resistance.

 

Thank You!

I have so many thoughts going on that I feel like blogging them when I get a chance..... Here's to remembering! My self awareness has grown to a whole new level and since November I've allowed myself to be in a victimized slump. I'm so grateful for the awareness I received at my last conference. So I want to share with you that every time I go to a Life changing conference... I grow to a level of high conscientiousness of my being. We all have the power within ourselves to be great and when WE decide to get connected to it, it's magical. I'm not all the way there but I'm definitely on the right path... I am learning new things about myself that assist me in new discoveries. But this conference was different... I have Self realizations instead. I feel that in itself those are Breakthroughs too. Thank you for all the moments!

My comfort zone?

Monday, April 14, 2008

So talking with my 14yr old son the other day sparked an idea within me. I am uncomfortable in my life right now, and this journey of being in debt is captivating my fears. Am I really getting out of my comfort zone here? The funny thing is when I look back at the history of my life; we have always been financially taken care of. -Miraculously. Miraculously by the actions I chose at that moment in my life, I've always made it! Yes, thank goodness for my husband, Tom who has a different vision for our family. Yes I'll admit I definitely want more in my life. Who wouldn't? -Tom's visions are high. We have imagined with each other our path of what we do want in our life. BUT I have those limiting beliefs that have kept me in my comfort zone. "Oh we don't require that, we don't have the $$$ for it. That is why Tom and I are together. He is here as my life partner, and show me a new perspective in dreaming. Another piece of my puzzle along this journey was the Discovery series. My 56 days to destiny gave me awareness and the ability to change. I'm definitely still moving forward and have reached a new level. I just have to share with all of you…….I journaled the other day and I had a self realization. In journaling I became aware of a fear that keeps me in my comfort zone. A statement that came from my dad who still lives by this motto…. If you can't pay cash for it, then you don't really need it. This is a statement that gave my power away. I left home at 15 and in growing up without the supervision of my parents, I learned early on in life that credit is important; I chose to build my credit. My father doesn't understand that managing your credit is just as good too. Yes, it's debt but to me, it's abundance. I am learning to turn my focus to what I do have in life. I am very good with my finances, however I have the belief that I don't deserve it because I still owe money on it and I freak out! Is this a by-product of his statement of not having the money to spend? –Guilt! So I keep telling myself to start writing in my "Gratitude Journal"…… Lessons come in so many shapes and forms. Some are very painful and some are blissful. It's funny how something happens in your life and in that time, it doesn't make sense??? I'm Analytical…always trying to figure the angles….well it never works out in my favor. So I just keep moving forward in my life, and then later on, something happens that was congruent to the experience that happened earlier in my life. Like it all makes sense to me and the pieces fit together like a puzzle. I see the clues along the way. So I've learned that those clues are all part of this process of life. My journey has been bumpy and I have been a victim for most of my life. I realize, after my divorce from my 1st husband that being a victim was not a positive choice. So I changed that. Was it comfortable? No. Along the path of understanding, I have come across many life lessons. I know that being OUT of my comfortable zone is where the change takes place. ~So today is my reset day for a new beginning~ I am grateful for what I have in my life right now. I am thankful for my past experiences; yes, even the not so good feeling. They have all moved me forward somehow in my life, if not made me stronger. I am successful and I deserve it! Assets, our beautiful office, our family home on 5 acres, our toys, brand new car, my beautiful babies, my husband who helps me with the balance of life and helps with our children. -Bonus; Tom cooks too. I am grateful now that I have become aware of this belief I have with debt and desirability. The one who created us, also created abundance. I deserve everything I have in my life as I've attracted that to me. Here's to moving out of my comfort zone. Cheers! Kim