I've been thinking

For so many years I ran, ran, ran to chase the ultimate dream of being wealthy and living a life of freedom. But in turn, life provided me so many lessons on what that dream "really" is. I thought it was money, but now... not so much! I guess some would say that is what happens when you grown up? Right? Sure, money is an important piece of life, but it is no longer what is driving me. 

Honestly, last year was a abruptly eye opening experience that I will NEVER forget. I thought, I'm doing great, taking care of my body, going to the gym, eating well, no bad habits that have me in an addiction mindset. I'm healthy! Buuut, when I go back and read my posts, I realize that I am not great. I've been searching. Searching for blissful happiness; pure contentment. I've always said... it starts within. Maybe that is why I am SO in my mind these days.

One cannot obtain true happiness from the outside, it's superficial and artificially created. I feel it would be a temporary situation, but eventually the new-ness wears off and you are back to "chasing" the next thing. 

That brings me to my most recent thoughts. Sure, I started a new job and it has kept me quite busy. Too busy, but let's be honest... I like busy, but I am realizing that it's not what I want anymore. Now that the new-ness has worn off, I understand that I am bringing things into my life to keep me busy. Deterrent, distraction, procrastination to exploring more of me. 

Not the surface me, but, the real me. The deeper me. I feel that getting to know that part of me, scares the bejeebers out of me. However, I feel like it's time to discover the me who loves being outside in the rain, smelling the flowers and digging in the dirt to create a beautiful natural environment that surrounds me. 

I think I am starting to realize that this life that I've worked so hard for, is not the one I want anymore. 

Sure I am a whiz at accounting, it is a natural gift, but it is no longer what I want. Sooooo, what do you want. Darn Michael Losier... in my head when I hear the contrast in my thoughts. The real answer is I don't know. AND when I don't know I don't do anything, yet. It's time for exploration! Fun!

Do u ever wonder

Do you ever wonder why things happen in our life? –I know I do. My reasoning is that I'm so damn analytical. Not sure which one of my parents I got this from. Sometimes it's good and sometimes, not so good. Always trying to play the devil's advocate; thinking of all sides of the situation or maybe the "what if" scenario…

You want something so bad that all you can do is think about it? Yep, what you want and how it should be.

All said and done…sometimes it never turns out to be what we desired. Sometimes it turns out to be the start of something that resembles a roller coaster ride…..

"The ride of our life"

Following this path of what I think that I should do BUT……. what if, what GOD wants, is something different of what I intend. Boy do we get tested on the things we ask for.

What am I deliberately attracting into my life?

Hmmm haven't figured it out yet. Will I ever figure that out? Who knows?

I do know that I've learned that no matter what happens in life, never be attached to the outcome. Just like Law of Attraction says… What you focus on, is what you get.

Today I'm thankful for everything that I have given my energy to.

Those conditioned habits sure like to stay though. They are like stubborn habits deeply embedded in my brain. I do find myself shifting my focus from what is trying to creep back into my thoughts to my thankfulness. I slip lots, but I am aware of the difference. I'm conscious about my "own" thoughts. This is good. It's what I put my attention, energy and focus on…..

What do I focus them on? ~MY DREAMS & DIGGING WITHIN~

So I find myself being analytical about stuff, -no everything.

I'm allowing myself to not be attached to the outcome, and right now I am being tested. Today I found myself saying that no matter what happens… The outcome doesn't matter. That was tough for me to just let it go. –Something so life changing. I admit, I slipped and found myself being analytical about something that I know is completely out of my control.

-Detachment.

What does that really mean? It means to let go. It will all work out just fine. You'll see…

Do you ever wonder what do I love to do? Am I passionate about those things? –I do

I'm thankful that I've learned along this journey to change my focus and let go of the past. So thankful for the things that I've dug down deep to find out; some of those deep seeded beliefs that keep me paralyzed from moving forward. Realization is I believe where it all starts. Change is good.