Sharing my JOURNEY....

Showing posts with label #Bestrong. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #Bestrong. Show all posts

Wednesday, June 14, 2023

Day 3

OMG this nausea is for real! The thought of food is making me sick. Still refusing to take the nausea medicine as the papaya has been doing okay. Thinking that I will also add in some essential oils. BUT giving myself permission to not torture myself if this gets worse! My body DOES NOT like these meds.

Good news, it doesn't last all day, just a few hours after I take the pills and I get a break on non-radiation days, so Saturdays and Sundays, but OMG it's like being in my first trimester of my pregnancy... all over again!

Yesterday's session was great. For the first time in a hot minute... I felt the crack of sunshine that brought the gratitude through my chest. Like cracking me open with a smile and happiness. Will be continuing my sessions weekly to ensure that I stay grounded and in spirit. ----Still trusting this process, but now understand why people can feel the way they do and feel hopelessness... This is just the beginning, but I know that I will get through this. 

Monday, June 12, 2023

Day 1

From the day I received the news, it has been like nothing has changed for me. Fred is gone, but the underlying symptoms are still there. -I know that IF I don't eat healthy, then I pay the price. So eating healthy has been an important habit that I am SO glad I got YEARS ago! Not to mention drinking a crap ton of water, daily!

On 5/31 I had the port installed, that was weird and having this device sticking out of my chest has been very weird for me, but all in all, everything has been the same. 

Today though has been an emotionally tough day. It is the first day that the cancer drug is being given to me through my port. Cancer drugs! OMG! 1 hour visit and then I'm outta here. I can already feel how high my emotions are and will probably be for sometime. This shit just got real. Cancer "pills" drugs and radiation start tomorrow! 

Thankful for modern medicine, but cannot wait until this is done!

Here's to day 1 and every day afterwards. I will beat this and be okay in the end. I can do this!

Remembering to love life and trusting the process through all these emotions! -Thank you for the awareness.

Tuesday, October 23, 2018

What you don’t see

This is an old picture, but it represented an amazing analogy that hit home for me.

In society, people can be so judgmental!  Whether it’s the car you drive, your family, the clothes you wear, your house and/or the neighborhood you live in, either way it’s all inclusive of someone’s outward appearance. As a person who has experienced this first hand many moons ago, it is empowering to claim it, and recognize the gifts it gave me during that hardship.

Honestly, you never know how a person arrived where they are or if it’s what they want for themselves or frankly, why others are the way they are. What are the experiences, or reasons behind it? Is it because of their experiences, or is it generational following?

We as the “outsiders” have no idea of how deep one’s roots go. What I mean by roots is… experiences; cause and effects. We have no idea what happened to one another unless we were directly involved and present; or if it's a generational upbringing, or if it's how someone feels, unless they are willing to share openly and unfiltered… nor the scarring of those embedded experiences. 

How deep do other’s roots go? These roots you see, are from 1 of my trees that was cut down when we overhauled my backyard. The tree was a small, but a climbable tree, and these pieces are just a small portion that I was able to capture in this picture.

It was a reminder to me… It’s not what you see, and you never know by what’s on the surface, and you never know how deep things TRULY go! So, before you go JUDGING, try to stop yourself and try to be compassionate and humane. Your criticism could do further harm than good! Our society is cruel and so judgmental, I hope that collectively we as a human race can be aware of our actions and have compassion for each other.

Try holding out your hand for others in helping them up! Rather than be judgmental and pushing them down! Let’s show and be more loving! Imagine how the world would look, if we could just be good to others! You know that is how you want to be treated! So how can you expect that to be reciprocated, if you are not willing to be and act in that manner. ---You get what you give!

What are you giving to the world?

Wednesday, November 2, 2016

On edge

So here it is... 1:30am. Can't sleep, feeling a bit tired, but my wheels are turning, and turning. STOP!

I feel as if there is so much on my plate, and I have no balance right now. All or nothing. How unhealthy is that? The last few days, I feel as if I'm gonna SNAP! It's been over 10 days since I was at the gym, but yesterday I finally made it back in; and I ran 5 miles. Today I met with my trainer (who kicked my ass -Thank you!), and Thursday and Saturday is boot camp. I'm still running that 10K in a few weeks... I'm ready for that for sure. Oh, I guess I did run the 5K last week. Short and slow run... more of a warm-up, but it was good fun!

I'm sorry, but how did I get here again? Actually, how did I let it happen. I truly am a workaholic, but it's time to back the fuck up!

I feel as if I'm ignoring myself, and the one's that I love. Work, work, work. WTF! Why?

I know I have a lot to do, but I've hired my staff, and I'm taking teeny tiny baby steps forward, but OMG it feels as if I'm not accomplishing what I want. Perhaps it's time to take another step back. BREATHE and just relax. A break would do me some good. Clear minded, focused and rested with the potential to be more productive. Yup, it's time.

Time to get off this edge, and come back to myself!

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Figting the MMF

I’m not sure how I feel about you... But right now I’m feeling like I don’t want to be in your environment bc` it’s unhealthy for me. Now I feel as if I need to spend more time alone. Really get in touch with the silence. I have certain priorities that I need to focus on. The silence… Yes, I believe it will help me understand how to slow my mind down and enjoy my life. I’m always trying to plan it, or figure it out. My mind just races to think about shit. Yes that’s what it’s called. I’m tired of my actions being lead by my mind. In ways of an addiction, disorders and mental mind fuck. I’m taking a stand to be stronger. -Stronger than the mental madness.