I realized the other day that I had not forgiven my estranged husband. I still had hard feelings for the situation I felt that I was forced into. How and why would anyone not communicate about the situation we put ourselves in? I feel that he couldn’t handle the pressure I was putting on him as well as the overall situation itself. So he just left without letting me in about what his intentions were.
I’ll admit it; we pushed each others buttons and played TAG! I know that I will be accountable and honestly admit that I did. I had fear of our situation too.
In the beginning I had felt as if I could take on this debt load and without even thinking it through logically, I just went for it and tried to make it work. Selling, fixing and cleaning this mess up that I was left with. I did find some help along the way and those people came into my life to not only help me but to give me those extra learning lessons. -Tough lessons about money.
I feel that I have been living my life in a poverty consciousness because of my memories from my childhood and feeling as if I never have enough. Those thoughts, or shall I say habits? I have been ungrateful for the things I have in my life; instead of being thankful for what I did have. I’m learning that we are taught what we are exposed to. -Right? Were not born with knowing how to do much of anything in our life, we learned those things along the way; everything in life is a learning experience. It’s not anyone’s fault for not teaching u that. Actually it’s the other way around. I’m thankful that I have seen the light and can change it for generations to come.
Maybe the lesson in the next stepping stone for me in this chapter of my life is about money. I know that even with me going bankrupt that it can only get better from here forward and now that I have chosen to NOT care about what happens to Tom, I have opened myself up to healing.
In this life at this moment I am here to learn and discover ME, my power, who I am!
Harboring hate, anger, resentment, rage and revengefulness is poison to my body, and my number one priority in my life is to take care of my body through a healthy lifestyle and being conscience of what choices I make along with what goes into my body in every aspect. -External and Internal.
Awareness is the key and thank you for the clues along the way to assist me in discovering the things that I want in my life.
Sometimes, sharing yourself at a raw state, can give others confidence in knowing they are not alone. My thoughts, my raw-ness, and my Ah ha moments.
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