Everybody has an opinion

A most recent blog topic has captivated some people’s attention. Although I’m happy that others have taken an interest enough to post a comment, I deleted them. They were negative, derogatory and just not true. I guess that they are the “truth” of what they believe, and that’s okay. Even a lie that is told over and over again becomes one’s truth. One of the commenters even threatened me to remove the blog and told me, that if I didn’t, I was going to be sued for slander. My comment to that. BRING IT ON!

There is this thing called the constitution and the 1^st amendment includes the freedom of speech. I will always continue to speak my truth, and share my beliefs. If you don’t agree with it, then don’t read it.

If one should feel the need to bring the negativity to my blog, please know that I will delete such comments. I will not tolerate the slanderous-ness of my blog. It’s my blog, and I will express my emotions, thoughts and stories as I see fit. 

I wish peace to those who see the need to project onto others. 

Love & Light

No carbs! Ugh this is a challenge!

No carbs! Can you imagine a world where you should not eat carbs? NO WAY!

First off, I already eat super healthy. I steer clear from fast food, I don't drink alcohol very often, I juice (almost) daily, no not with a juicer... with my Vitamix! I like the fiber in my juices; I like to poop. --AND the fiber in the juices I drink, help me naturally run those nutrients through my body!

I don't drink soda; okay, honestly, once in a blue moon I get a hankering to drink a coke, but, it's not very often. I don't eat junk food. Although not too long ago, I used to. Either way I'm happy to cut those carbs to reach my goal of low body fat. Everything you eat has carbs, how can you possibly not eat carbs? The truth is... your body needs those carbs. I believe in a balanced diet!

For me... it's the art of cutting carbs. Still a challenge, but the reality is that I'm working so hard on me... I've hired a personal trainer to show me how to work smarter, not harder. Although I am working harder, but I'm seeing massive results. Investing in me, is best thing I've done for myself in a looooong time! I'm playing racquetball often, walking/running my dog, riding my bike more often, swimming and doing what's heart healthy. Living conscientiously... I must change my lifestyle. Not temporarily... but, for good! After all, I'm no spring chicken. Yeah I'm forty, but I feel like I'm still in my 20's; although my body reminds me at times that 20 has come and gone!

Here's to the awareness that I cannot continue to eat what I want, when I want. Small indulgences are okay, and the wisdom of understanding that this change is good for me and the future me. I cannot wait to see what my future self reveals as this life moves forward.

Love and Light!

So trusting

We as children are born into this world with no choice in the matter; our parents were in charge of that decision.

I “learned” many years ago that everything in this world is a learned behavior. -AND as children, we are oblivious as to what generational habits we learn. Our parents, their friends, and the people that surround us, bring forth many habits. -Some good and bad. What’s sad to me is that there are habits that we learn that are so horrible, and unless we decide to break away from it, it may continue to live on through our children’s, children. --BUT, let’s not forget about the stories that we pass onto our children as well. There are some parent’s stories that devastate and destroy families, close relationships and some friendships. And for what? Revenge? The belief that they are protecting their children? I’m sure they have their own agenda’s that they will justify, but does that make it right??? And at what cost???

Someone I love, and care for very deeply has a former spouse who has done just that. Destroyed the relationship between their children and their father. Sure if she was reading this, she would say “he did this to himself” but the truth of the matter is… there are 3 sides to every story. One side, the other side, and the truth. The truth is… he loves his children very much. I NEVER could imagine in any world that he would ever harm his children, or anyone for that matter. He is such a gentle soul with a HUGE heart. She had her own beliefs and used the children as leverage against him in bullying him into saying things that were in fact; not true. It has been proven over and over again. I have been witness to this on many occasions. I believe in facts, and will never “just” believe what someone says without proof! Concrete proof!

It’s sad that these children will never truly know their father. How kind he is. How trusting he was in his own family, and how that trust destroyed the very relationship he cherished. Although he has come to accept the situation “as is” I hope that one day his children see the devastation that their own mother caused, and his children find their way back into his life.

Either way, he has accepted the fact that his children due to the actions of an ill willed belief/story that his former spouse conjured up, will never effect his happiness today or in the future.  

I am happy to be part of this man’s life, and will cherish every moment he is here to make me smile, laugh and love him deeper.

Be yourself!

No matter where you are, where your going, what is going on, who your with, or what is surrounding you... Be yourself!

Maybe you don't know who that is. Maybe your still discovering those parts. That's great! I say discover, discover, discover.... recognize and be okay with it. Love who you are today and know that we all make mistakes. -Were all human!

We all have a future self that we haven't discovered yet.

Love and Light

So helpless

In all my years I spent making my parents lives difficult. I sure do hate the fact that I feel as if my hands are tied in helping my mother.

She won’t move to Florida. She said that it’s too much for her. I can’t move there. Not yet anyways. I can when I retire, but that is at least 10 more years away. I sacrificed living in WA for my kids. I just moved, and I’m super happy here!

I, I just feel so helpless. She lives in Hawaii without a husband to help/emotionally support her. She is supporting my brother financially, and caring for her mother; my 91 year old grandmother. Her vision is failing her; she will most likely lose the ability to drive next year, and she is not 20 anymore. Someone needs to take care of her while she is taking care of others. 

I want to help her, but I am so far away. I feel as if my hands are tied. I do what I can, but I feel it’s not enough. I owe her so much.

Sure I know the things I did as a kid. I have guilt. I used to have shame, but within my personal growth, I have moved past that part of me. 

In my heart of hearts… I truly want to help her. Help her move. Help with her legal “stuff”. Help her with my grandma. Cook for her. Make sure that her house is clean. 

She is a strong woman, but I’m worried about her. She has alienated herself from everyone. Except her faith. I hope that whatever she is going through, she is able to find the strength to make it through it. I can and will do whatever I can from over here on the East Coast. I love you mom!

A bit obsessed

Maybe I’m a bit obsessed about me right now.

Is that really a bad thing?  I don’t see anything wrong with that.

I call it super focused on my mind, body and soul. That is very important to me. As a matter of fact, it’s numero uno on the priority list.

Making the decision to do those challenging things… to make a difference… is doing what it takes. I MUST do whatever it takes. 

Some sacrifices are worth it. -The bigger picture. -A better sense of self.

Am I selfish? Yes, but Patrick would call it… self-love. Doing and caring for the things that I need. Setting aside others and things that don’t matter for the greater me. Hell yes! --By all means that doesn’t mean be hatred and ignore others feelings. One must be respectful to others. Always!

Here’s to the journey of the deeper sense, of self-discovery. Higher intelligence, and a broader perception to the awareness and my future self.

Teamworrk

It’s a challenge for me to want to fix something, if the others involved are not willing to participate. –Fully!

The path to resistance of change can sometimes cloud the perception. The perception that comes from the mind that “WANTS” you to stay comfortable. 

How can a person change other people’s minds? Be a willing participant; be part of a team? Enthusiasm, a renewed sense of things are going to get better. Of course there will always be a time where we shed the old away, and bring forth the new. 

Oh what a challenge, I’m excited to fix something again. I’ve been SOOOOO bored at work. It’s a bit crazy right now, but things WILL get better!

Unraveling

Like a cord that is unwinding quickly as it falls to the floor. Trying to find balance but not living congruently. Clearing clutter, creating new habits, and making those hard decisions.

Unraveling, is that even a feeling? Cuz that’s how I feel! It’s time to set boundaries, and make those hard changes. It’s time to get real again. >Oh, how I always end up back here again. Perhaps it may be at a higher level of being; further than where I started. BUT IT STILL SUCKS!

How is it that I’m trying to get healthy, yet some of the decisions that I’m making.....… go against those very words. CONGRUENCY! Ugh! Oh painful awareness can be at times. Perspective of knowing the difference is what allows me to be better!

Now the question is, what are those hard decisions? –I’m putting it out there, and trusting that the universal energies at may will align the signs for me to see.

Oh, I’ve strayed so far from myself. “Tears” –It’s time! 

Maybe this is what Dr. Mark was talking about. “I’m in denial” It is possible that he saw something that I didn’t. Isn’t that why I see him? To call out the BS and raise my awareness. Honestly…No, things aren’t okay. I am searching for ground again. 

Reality check to Kim. Time to stop fucking shit up for myself. It’ time to get back on track, stay focused on the goal. What is the goal again???

Staying focus on my mind, body and spirit. Live congruently and live out loud!

Love and light beautiful people!

Too long!

It's been so long since I've blogged. Honestly, I've had so much on my mind and many things to occupy my time and blogging hasn't been on the forefront. However, it has become stronger in my thoughts lately. I guess the break is over, and I will refer back to my journal to get those topics posted.

Sharing is caring!

Be in the moment!

The future has a place, but (to me) the present moment is the most important. I learned a long time ago to not live with expectations. I do have certain areas of my life where I do carry expectations; like my job or how I want a certain project to look like in the end. --I believe it’s important to live for today but plan for tomorrow. Plans may always change, so flexibility is very important.

My opinion… being in the moment allows us to feel and be with “whatever” is going on. Positive or negative. And for me… I would rather feel and process what is “right now” than what could be. Although… feeling what could be is a whole other topic on visualization; let’s just stick to one for today!

Love & Light!

Still finding my way.

At some point in my life I’ve developed these beliefs; these things that I thought I had to do in order to feel better with myself.  Where did they come from??? I have learned that everything in life is a learned behavior, but how did I develop this one belief? 

--What’s funny to me is that I’ve been telling myself that I should go back and get through my past experiences. Essentially feel and deal with those bottled emotions. Honestly, that’s what I’ve been doing in therapy for almost 2 decades. My perception and thought was… “Only then will I feel that deeper sense of myself.” I would tell myself… If I don’t help “me” then I cannot help others. But the truth of the matter is that I already am, I have been, and that will never stop.

Here’s to a FB post that allowed a very dear person in my life to provide a great perspective and unsolicited advice. True words of wisdom! –Thank you! 

HER ADVICE” MAYBE YOU SHOULD FORGET THE DOWN AND DIRTIER SHIT...SOMETIMES IT IS WISE TO MOVE FORWARD IN THE SERVICE TO OTHERS...YESTERDAYS ARE GONE” 

That concept has shifted my thinking in a different direction. Yes, moving forward. What does Kim want? Let’s start asking more quality questions about the future; my future self, instead of going backwards to old discoveries which don’t really matter for me today. Yes, those situations have affected me in some way or form, but just like my job… it does NOT define me!

Love & Light!

Cannot concentrate!

Have you ever wanted something, no NEEDED something, and no matter how much you desire it, it’s so far out of your realm of making it happen. Despite how many times you’ve tried and tried… it just isn’t happening. Grrr. I’m so frustrated; to the point that I can’t even concentrate anymore! At work especially! Trying to keep myself busy, but it’s getting beyond that point now.

Oh man, oh man, if only I could satisfy those desires and give into the temptation without feeling guilty. One day, I’m going to slip, and not be able to turn back time. The questions for me is: is it bad to give into something I’m not getting right here, right now? AND haven't been in a while!!!!

The inner most animal sense of me says no. The inner morality says yes. 

Ode to the highest power, please give me strength to carry on. I don’t know how I’m going to keep going like this, I feel as if I’m going to explode!

Tears

I feel this wave of tears behind my eyes. Actually, for a while now, it’s been a wall. -holding back something! I don’t know why and maybe I’m not supposed to know, but when I heard this song it released that wave of tears and in that moment, I realized that it’s time to start. Really start! 

Stop this little by little shit, and make the conscious decisions that you know you need to do, and just do it -them!

For too long I have been taking care of other things for other people, other people, and basically, NOT ME!

You can call me the cold hearted ruthless bitch, but I’m done! I’m done denying myself the things I desire, I ache for and cannot seem to live without any longer!

Change is a challenge, but if  I"M going to make a difference, then the conscious-ness of the shift must take place. Not tomorrow, TODAY!

Can you empathize with others?

I know that in some situations I can, and others, I simply cannot. It just depends on the context of the situation.

In a heated conversation, Jason said to me “You need to have more empathy” and I strongly disagreed with him. I cannot feel empathy for others in every situation, and that doesn’t make me a bad person. However, in certain situations, I am able to have empathy; there is a difference between empathy and sympathy. AND I always have sympathy for others. Even though the situation may be self-inflicted, or the person continues to be in the situation because they are “in” their own way.

For me, empathy is the ability to experience the feelings of another person. It goes beyond sympathy, which is caring and understanding for the suffering of others. Both words are used similarly and often interchangeably (incorrectly so) but differ subtly in their emotional meaning.

Here is the difference between the two

	Empathy	Sympathy
	Understanding what others are feeling because you have experienced it yourself or can put yourself in their shoes.	Acknowledging another person's emotional hardships and providing comfort and assurance.

I love you Jason. I love that you want me to care, and I do! I love people, I love to listen to their stories; trials and tribulations, and I love to share my experiences with others. Bottom line for me is… in the end we all want the same; to love and be loved, to succeed and be happy. I want this to come true for everyone, and imagine how the world would be a different place, if we all supported and loved each other. Instead of holding angry grudges and plotting vengeance against one another.

To the peace and oneness of the world!

To be truly loved for you

To be truly loved for you; not for what you can give or provide for others is what I feel a relationship should be based on. Okay among other things…communication is important and attraction too, but let’s be real here! AND --Don’t get me wrong, I get that we all have gifts that we share, and opposites attract. I get that I have things that I’m good and some areas that need attention, and so does my partner. Those are gifts that we can share with each other, but I’m not talking about those, I’m talking about materialism.

Today’s world is filled with so many materialistic, narcissistic, and selfish people who have some kind of agenda or ulterior motive. To meet the people who are honest and humble are a rare find, and I appreciate those individuals, and wished that this world was filled with more love towards one another. We all want to succeed, why not support one another!

For once in my life, I realize that my heart’s desire is to be loved for me, truly me. Maybe I have said that in the past, but the words and the heart’s desire of what the words really meant weren’t congruent. Now my heart is open to what my eyes see and I feel that for once in my life, I truly understand what that means!

I feel that my man does love me for me, and I’m so lucky and grateful he does. Honestly, there is no reservations about our relationship there. Except, it takes a strong person to be in a relationship with me, and I know this about myself. Although things have changed within me as I continue to grow, I know that I’m pretty stubborn. Yay to awareness!

My opinion is to get clear on what you want in a relationship; not only the outward appearances, but in the innards as well. Are you treated with respect? Does your partner carry, or support you? Do you feel loved? Do they make you feel like you are the only person they desire to be with for the rest of their lives? And the most important one to me is; do you have fun together?  For me… playing, laughing are important aspects of a relationship that is thriving!

The saying goes… actions speak louder than words. Although words still effect how you feel, the actions always speak louder!

Love and Light!