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Going through this roller coaster journey of life, discovering more and more of my deeper self. Loving life and learning to live life through my soul!

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

So helpless

In all my years I spent making my parents lives difficult. I sure do hate the fact that I feel as if my hands are tied in helping my mother.

She won’t move to Florida. She said that it’s too much for her. I can’t move there. Not yet anyways. I can when I retire, but that is at least 10 more years away. I sacrificed living in WA for my kids. I just moved, and I’m super happy here!

I, I just feel so helpless. She lives in Hawaii without a husband to help/emotionally support her. She is supporting my brother financially, and caring for her mother; my 91 year old grandmother. Her vision is failing her; she will most likely lose the ability to drive next year, and she is not 20 anymore. Someone needs to take care of her while she is taking care of others. 

I want to help her, but I am so far away. I feel as if my hands are tied. I do what I can, but I feel it’s not enough. I owe her so much.

Sure I know the things I did as a kid. I have guilt. I used to have shame, but within my personal growth, I have moved past that part of me. 

In my heart of hearts… I truly want to help her. Help her move. Help with her legal “stuff”. Help her with my grandma. Cook for her. Make sure that her house is clean. 

She is a strong woman, but I’m worried about her. She has alienated herself from everyone. Except her faith. I hope that whatever she is going through, she is able to find the strength to make it through it. I can and will do whatever I can from over here on the East Coast. I love you mom!

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