Sometimes, sharing yourself at a raw state, can give others confidence in knowing they are not alone. My thoughts, my raw-ness, and my Ah ha moments.
Saturday, February 6, 2021
What a surprise!
For me and my… 12-week pregnancy (non-baby) fibroid. They docs say I should consider a partial hysterectomy. No way... I will explore ALL my options and do whatever it takes before that will happen!
I've made up my mind. I am changing my diet. According to those carcinogenic facts, I'm worth it and who knows what will happen. Thank you to my higher soul who leads and continues to lead me. Amazing things you learn as your curiosities emerge. -Here’s to listening to my body from quietly within!
Thursday, January 28, 2021
How do I fix this?
Back in 2019, I was training HARD for the Spartan Trifecta. Brutal body condition and HIIT training with my personal trainer. I’d been training with Josh for 3 years, but the year of the race, our workouts became more intensely focused. I learned a lot. Things like… what is a erector spinae? Mind/muscle connection, like pumice stone your calluses, or they will tear off! Ouch, and if you want to assist in expediting your healing process, Preparation H is the best! Who would’ve ever thought?
After 2 races, September of that year, I was starting to feel
exhausted! From FT working, and training at the gym? NO matter what the cause, I
learned after some extensive bloodwork, that I had exhausted my adrenal glands,
and had virtually… zero testosterone in my body. I began to take a second hormone,
testosterone. I was already taking Progesterone.
Side bar, the cost of non-covered prescriptions when you
have medical insurance angers me. My
medical didn’t cover any of these compound hormones. I was paying $100/3-month
supply for progesterone. Now a second hormone.
That one was also not covered, and it was $100/mo.
My strength in the gym dramatically improved, the
testosterone aided me in my last months of training before the January Beast
race. I stayed on this hormonal regimen until December 2020. After being
advised from my new doctor that the hormones I was taking weren’t working. I
shouldn’t have these symptoms considering the hormone regimen I was on. My current
symptom was… 2 full periods a month: for the last 11 months, too long! I felt
as if I was on my period, more than I wasn’t!
My FL doc suggested in August of 2020, to get me on estrogen
to fix the problem. When my estrogen in the beginning, before I started taking
progesterone was perfect. Now I must add another hormone? Not accepting this
resolution and I was getting ready to move anyways. I talked to my new doctor
in NC, and I got the green light to stop all hormones. I still workout at the
gym, now 6 days a week on my own. I miss Josh, but I totally have found my mojo
in the gym. Thanks to Josh, because he shared his wisdom as a PT and a friend!
Hormone free, and without the testosterone, I feel the
difference in the gym. But, Good News, symptoms gone! -Who knew I was causing
this onto myself! Thank the heavens for regularity again. More evidence of a
vicious drug cycle I didn’t want to continue!
Loving the Awareness
Saturday, January 16, 2021
Suddenly realized
Lately, I have been feeling as if I am not being true to my spirit and soul. I feel as if I am wearing a mask. Not intentionally, but again the old programming to lead my daily life.
What do I want? True blissfulness. I know that with everything
we do there is, yin to the yang; with all the bliss, there also are challenges.
In short, not always going to be good days!
I know that deep down in my soul, accounting is no longer
what feeds my soul, not that it ever did. It just paid the bills and got me
where I am today. I’m thankful; I have been successful. I chose to let that go
and be happy! Long ago if you would’ve asked me… it was being rich. Monetarily!
Now, I just want to wake up every morning and feel as if I am living my soul’s
purpose. What is and what does that look like? Dunno, but the strong awareness
of this desire to life true to my soul’s desire is becoming stronger!
I choose a life of living freely in happiness. Slowing down!
I love how this topic keeps coming up. It’s evolving, but still making its way
to the forefront. This is my journey! Shift of consciousness and living a life
freely!
I don’t know what that is yet? I am still in money making
mode as I begin this transition into my true self.
Here’s to trusting the process.
Love & Light
Friday, January 15, 2021
Magical, unwinding gravitational pull
For so many years, most my adult “responsible” life, I feel as if I am following my parent’s words of wisdom. You know the nagging voices of… work hard and do whatever you need to do to make a living and then retire comfortably. BUT something has shifted recently, and my soul has me yearning for living life with passion, love, unbounding joy and living my true self. Loving what I do, day in and day out. Here’s the challenge. What is it? What does that look like? I really don’t know, but I want too!
I feel as if I am being pulled forward and just being where
I am “right now” … more so of the awareness of where I am, has become painful,
emotional and yet it fuels my fire to explore what that means all at the same
time. The opposition is my old, yet evolving self … who has that nagging voice
and the fight or flight feeling of being scared. All I can say is, I strongly
and wholeheartedly feel a conscience shift and I continue to remind myself that
it’s time for me to LIVE, LOVE and BE FREE! No longer bound to the chains of
the old patterns that keep me unhappy. Not in a negative way, just not living
life to it’s fullest most magical and its unlimited energy!
I remember a time… long period of my life where I wore a
mask, alcohol, drugs and all those crutches allowed me to “deal” with things
and endure life’s challenges, but in the past 10 years of my NSA journey, I can
happily say that the old negative patterns have fallen to the wayside and I no
longer think, nor want to clutter my mind and soul with crap!
Please hear my voice expressing my gratitude and asking that
you unveil the path that I am to follow. Lead the way, and I will continue to
trust the process.
Love and Light
Saturday, December 19, 2020
Why did I do that?
I allowed myself to have a long period; lapse in judgement of bending the real truth of the matter. Yet, the real honesty of that statement is… I allowed it! I am in charge of my actions. I am in charge of knowing how to say no and stop myself from doing something that I wholeheartedly know is bad for me. Yet I did it any ways. I vow to no longer partake in that behavior, not only in a mind, body, and soul decision, but mainly because it goes against my principles and I felt so guilty after the fact. I felt so out of control and yet I wanted more. That’s the thing about addiction… it grabs ahold of you and doesn’t give a shit about your feelings, or your beliefs. I am in control! I am BACK in control and I have taken a vow to never, ever let that lapse in judgement happen again. Goes to show that even 20 years ago when I first made that vow… anything can happen if you allow it. Here I am again. Fuck that! Fuck you for allowing that to happen again. Not just once, but for an entire year! OMG WTF… Okay pity party is over!
Thank you for the recognition of the awareness in knowing
that you are in charge… yes YOU are in charge. Refuel, and continue to look
forward in loving your mind, body, and soul!
Saturday, November 21, 2020
LOVING WHAT IS?
Today’s beautiful spoken words; magical & eloquently written in sharing myself honestly in this snippet of time. It’s been awhile, I’m sorry for not expressing myself, not dancing magically for hours, and loving what is! You only get once chance. Treat “you” nicely with love and compassion. Be real! Be Honest! Be You! Exposed, Raw down to your core being. Yes!
Can you accept your body, your spirit, mind, & soul? I must
admit that I am learning to love myself. -Me! My mishaps, tribulations;
experiences that I could perceive differently. Positively accepting myself, the
journey of finding the lesson and celebrating those moments. Celebrating the
gratitude of all my blessings.
I must admit, I am SO grateful for my existence right at
this moment!!! Maybe its because I feel so very connected at this very moment! Thankful
for network care in full embodiment. “Soul-ley” Laughing, smiling, and feeling
joyous! Hmm, feels so good! -Thank you!
Rawness exposed in truth. I know the {70/30} {80/20 rule}; whichever
one it is. I must cut to a low natural sugar, cut a bit of carbs. I am at the
gym very regularly, very! (I am proud of the structured progress)… However, having
moderation with my diet & exercise, is the goal. Indulge for a day or 2 but
have limits on how long things go on for. Thank you for having awareness to ask
the question?
What specifically do you not love? For me, it’s my saddle
bags hips, thighs, back, arms, and shoulders. That’s a long list, but not all the
parts on my body. That means I do love others. Yes! Yes, this is true too! Why kind
of goals do you have for your body? Working hard at the gym, but diet is key!
Why do I feel such a strong desire to become skinnier? Not skinnier, no… leaner!
-I do have target areas!
I am in the process of finding my balance with food; testing
boundaries. My number 1 rule? I must not have a cabinet full of anything
processed, candy, toxic… you get my point. I wished everyone in the world would
too. Nope, not in this world. Laziness is a thing! For real! I live with a roommate
who has a shit ton of this crap in her cabinets. Thankful for the awareness
that my will power must always be in check. That conversation you play in your
mind. Tell myself what I believe it to be, willing it, into my world, my
existence!
What do you want? Isn’t that the question? Right now, it’s
that I am in the process of becoming fit & leaner. Creating the necessary
habits and structuring the plan of action. Having balance at the gym with
lifting & toning; rotating weeks. Food! --I’m close! 17% body fat is my goal
and I have 7% left to go. My diet needs to get into check. That will be the
only way for me to reach this goal.
My mindset is shifting. Asking questions; real questions. What
will it take to make that a reality? Will Power, Drive, Ambition, Mistakes
& Progress in learning to love wholeheartedly. Having compassion, love, and
joy in every day at every moment.
I want to be wholeheartedly happy! With everything! Is that
possible? Can you dream it into your world? Believe it to already to exist. For
me, I believe that documenting your desires, sends it into the universe where the
greatest power and forces begin. Churning, and spinning the world around
everything in energy! Love Gratitude and an outlook on life that is enlightening
and magical! -Again, Thank you!
With wishes in sending this in time and space. Setting my
desires free! -Thank you!
Friday, October 16, 2020
Here we go again…
Small sacrifices in the decisions you make will impact everything moving forward.
Asheville is amazing! So, glad we decided to move out of
Florida. Too many in-differences My mindset is built on kindness, compassion, community,
and a good chuck of SoFlo is just cultured differently, that it’s not working
for us! So…
Here we are again. I’ve moved away for work and Jason is in
the old home until the transition is finished. It will be months before our
home is finished building. Amazing! We/I am so blessed to be building a house with
Jason. He is excited at the projects that are in the plan to build and create
landscaping. I am thankful our lives crossed paths. We were both so different when
we met. Progressed magically! I love the space that will be our new home. Built
with love, creativity, and imagination. Excited to be next to river; yes!
Floating down in the summer is thing here! Especially excited to be blessed
with lots of ideas of landscaping. I cannot wait to get started next Spring!
For now, we live in different states. We talk/video chat at
least 2 times a day; every day! I miss him tremendously! Chats are not the real
deal, but I’ll take it! Small sacrifice for the plan, ahead! Lots of miles
traveling back and forth between homes, but worth it! Blessed, so grateful for
the gift of prosperity & creativity. Thank you!
Measure what is important, make them a priority and stay
focused! Cheers!
Thursday, September 3, 2020
Unfolding the Heart's Desire
So much has been going on that I seriously have NOT made time to blog. I always promise myself that, this time will be different. I will blog more; I will take the time to make it happen and this time… I quit my job so what was my excuse (this time) The fact is, I will stop making those promises right now. If I really wanted blogging to be a priority, I would make it happen. But I did not. I had other higher priorities that took precedence, and I got a PT job to occupy my time since I was going crazy with boredom. On a side note, my house was SUPER clean, and my yard was beautiful!
On my last entry, I spoke about my feelings on how things
went with my previous employer. Yeah, that was a hurtful situation, and the
pain was around for quite longer than I really wanted it to be. My choice to
keep it in my thoughts. Now it is September. OMG… what happen to the time. It
just flew, and even with COVID… it still flew!
I am happy to report that with lots of energy work, love of
landscaping, the urge to clean and organization, and time… all is better!
Breathing wonderfully and have forgotten about SMC. Truthfully, I learned of
something recently, and I could feel those feelings getting stirred and found
myself pissed all over again. Therefore, consciously, I decided that I can no
longer entertain discussing or thinking about it/them. Let it go with full
intention of not revisiting that again, now that I know it is a trigger! Yes,
to awareness!
So, I took a PT job, and ended up leaving after 4 weeks as
it was not a good fit for me. Clear on my boundaries and how “I” want to be
treated. Funny thing was that I was treated well as I established my boundaries
right from the beginning, but the others around me… not so much and I just
could no longer continue to keep myself in that toxic environment. So, I took
another PT job, and unfortunately got soooooo bored, I just could not continue
with it and ended up leaving.
On 7/16/2020 before I started that second PT job, I took
some time to journal a list. Frankly, I’m sick of starting and leaving jobs. I
really want to find my “home” -work home that is! I felt that if I got clear about my future self
with a new job and set it out to the universe to allow timing for the law of
attraction to work its magic. Amazingly, I am here to report that I am set to start
that new job in just a few days. Honestly, it was earlier than I ever
anticipated, but I’m happy to report that the universe has unfolded 20 out of
the 22line items listed for my new job. There was a few that were off a bit,
but close. Like… I want to be within 20 minutes’ drive to my office; I’m 26
minutes. Other item was if I had located a higher role, but after really
thinking about what was presented, I decided that I am moving to NC to take
life a little easier, and a step back was just what the mind, body and soul called
for. I though that my last employer took care of their employees, but I was
wrong! My new employer really values and takes care of their employees GREATLY
through all their benefits! Amazing company and I am SO grateful for the gift
that the universe unfolded for my future self. I am excited!
In hindsight… painful as it was to leave my last employer…
it was the right thing for me to do. For my mind, body, and soul. AND… I would
have never been available for this opportunity if I didn’t make those hard
decisions “then” -Thank you!
Thursday, May 28, 2020
Heavy on my heart and can’t breathe!
Monday, March 30, 2020
Divine Light & MY Soul’s desire
Friday, March 20, 2020
No outside approval needed!
Wednesday, March 18, 2020
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Wednesday, March 11, 2020
Continuing the journey in finding my way
Friday, March 6, 2020
Too busy? What’s your excuse?
Wednesday, March 4, 2020
To my divine Spirit/Soul.. I am so sorry!
Wednesday, February 19, 2020
Toxicity and how deep it reaches
Monday, February 3, 2020
Learning the lesson AGAIN!
Tuesday, December 17, 2019
Reaching your goals, but something is missing.
Monday, November 25, 2019
Life’s lessons
Wednesday, July 3, 2019
Negativity
Saturday, June 22, 2019
Finding Balance
Friday, June 21, 2019
Getting Fit!
Thursday, June 20, 2019
Clarification
No time to stop!
Tuesday, October 23, 2018
What you don’t see
Wednesday, October 17, 2018
It's already October! Mid-October!!!
Tuesday, March 27, 2018
Funky funk!
Saturday, March 10, 2018
Are you grateful?
Ever make a promise to yourself…
Monday, February 26, 2018
Work, work, work.
Sunday, December 31, 2017
Wanted to, but never did!
Tuesday, August 15, 2017
Oh Geez, GOD, please give me the strength!
Honestly, it’s not the question of will I get through this? It’s the question… will I keep the balance I’ve worked so hard to obtain. Ugh… I’ve worked so hard on this, and my goals, that I cannot allow this to take over. I just mustn’t!
I have more transition coming up, and things are about to become more of a challenge. Get your game face on, because the shit is about to become more real!
Please help me get through the rest of the year. I’m on my knees begging and pleading to help me keep my composure and find the strength I need to make it out on the other side.
Monday, August 14, 2017
If you don't like something, change it!
What would it feel like to have that ideal ______?
What would it look like to have that ideal ______?
Take some time each day or a few times a week to image and feel what it would feel like if you had your ideal _____. That in which you give energy and attention too, will GROW!
Remember, the in between "journey" will be challenging, but the goal should be your fire that lights the torch along the way to your ultimate "on fire" goal!
Along the way, and in the end, always.... HAVE GRATITUDE!
Love and Light beautiful people!
Cheers!
Sunday, June 18, 2017
2016 -2017 Where did the time go?
Saturday, November 19, 2016
Going on a run and tweaking things!
Jeez, I have been so busy with the job! Time has escaped! What it's almost at the end of the year!
Things have slowed down a bit, and I'm starting to breathe better. Thank GOD! Tomorrows the 10K and I really don't want to run, but I know that as soon as I'm past mile 2... it becomes a cleansing thing for me.
Honestly, I am so glad that life is beginning to slow down. Yeah, I'm busy, but life is good. Now I can focus on getting back to the gym more than 1 day a week. 2 days at least!
Yesterday, I had the best entrainment! It's been a long time, I think 5 weeks. Too long!!!! Glad I'm starting to find my way back to being grounded. I was invited to participate in a vision board workshop. It's been a long time since I've done that.
It's time to bring in the inner focus again. Isn't that what grounding is all about?
Cheers!
Wednesday, November 2, 2016
On edge
I feel as if there is so much on my plate, and I have no balance right now. All or nothing. How unhealthy is that? The last few days, I feel as if I'm gonna SNAP! It's been over 10 days since I was at the gym, but yesterday I finally made it back in; and I ran 5 miles. Today I met with my trainer (who kicked my ass -Thank you!), and Thursday and Saturday is boot camp. I'm still running that 10K in a few weeks... I'm ready for that for sure. Oh, I guess I did run the 5K last week. Short and slow run... more of a warm-up, but it was good fun!
I'm sorry, but how did I get here again? Actually, how did I let it happen. I truly am a workaholic, but it's time to back the fuck up!
I feel as if I'm ignoring myself, and the one's that I love. Work, work, work. WTF! Why?
I know I have a lot to do, but I've hired my staff, and I'm taking teeny tiny baby steps forward, but OMG it feels as if I'm not accomplishing what I want. Perhaps it's time to take another step back. BREATHE and just relax. A break would do me some good. Clear minded, focused and rested with the potential to be more productive. Yup, it's time.
Time to get off this edge, and come back to myself!