Work, work, work.

It’s been a busy year so far, and not much time to blog. Work has consumed me! Not good!

I keep telling myself that this too shall pass, and it will. Perseverance and persistence will overcome those challenges. I’m not a quitter, and I will get what I want… no matter what it takes!

Becoming clear, making concise decisions and determination will win this battle.

Cheers!

Wanted to, but never did!

Wanted to blog, but have been super busy. I realize that this my excuse, but I’ll own it, and say that work has consumed me! Yes, I allowed it, but staying focused is my mantra right now. It seems like it’s been forever since I’ve written. --Too long really!

Work has been nuts. Brian says that “I put most of it on myself” but I will always take accountability of my responsibilities, and always a team player! -I call it taking pride in what I produce, and be proud of what I’m doing. Most days, it feels as if I’m over my head, but my reality is, it’s a learning curve to understanding why things are the way they are. I may have been there for a year, but until your teacher is gone, you never know what you’re doing, until your riding solo. Trying to keep the balance between mind, body, and spirit hasn’t been going so well for me. Haven’t been to network care for at least 3 months, and it’s been 2 weeks since the gym. Burnt out at work, and feeling like I’m needing a break soon!

Therefore, I am thinking that in February I shall make my way to New Orleans or West Florida instead of going to CO like I always do in February. Something different. I want to stay in warm weather.

Getting back to myself is my utmost priority, and 2018 will be the year of transition, and progression for me and the things that are in my life.

Can’t wait to make it through to the other side of this craziness, and have structure and balance. I welcome 2018 with an open heart!!!

Cheers!

Oh Geez, GOD, please give me the strength!

I know that I enjoy a challenge, and I must learn to be careful what I ask for, but this is becoming too much. I am not sure if I will get through this.

Honestly, it’s not the question of will I get through this? It’s the question… will I keep the balance I’ve worked so hard to obtain. Ugh… I’ve worked so hard on this, and my goals, that I cannot allow this to take over. I just mustn’t!

I have more transition coming up, and things are about to become more of a challenge. Get your game face on, because the shit is about to become more real!

Oh, please help me find the strength, and the balance to keep my sanity through this entire transition.

Please help me get through the rest of the year. I’m on my knees begging and pleading to help me keep my composure and find the strength I need to make it out on the other side.

If you don't like something, change it!

I know that I’ve blogged about this before, but it's time to post a refresher. I offered to help a good friend with some advice on how to change certain aspects of their life. Bottom line is this... by changing what you focus on, you can shift your life. So, what you give energy and attention too, will grow! This is for you my friend, and for anyone else who happens to read this post.

If you change your verbiage, you WILL change your life. 

Contrast to Clarity... I cannot take the credit for this worksheet. I discovered this from a mentor who taught me a lot about the Universal Law of Attraction. -Thank you Michael Losier!

Some folks are so trapped in the negativity of their situation, that they cannot see what they want. Essentially, it’s easier for those folks to list everything you don’t want and/or don’t like. -1st. 

Honestly, no matter where you are, the gift you are giving yourself, is that you've already taken the first step... Awareness! The next step is ... how to make that shift. Again, change your verbiage, change your life! 

I utilize the CTC Worksheet to help make that shift from what I don’t like to the list of things I do like. 

                1)  On the top of the page… I am Manifesting and Attracting my                                   ideal______ In this blank space you will write what area you want                               to change.

                2) Then, on the list of Contrast on the left, write everything you don’t like                    about the  “blank” from #1

                3) The on the opposite side of the line, write “what do you want”

                    Example:  Contrast: I drink too much   }{    Clarity: I want to drink less

                                     Contrast: I work too much   }{    Clarity: Work less; play                                                                                                              more

                                     Contrast: Too stressed        }{    Clarity: Less stress

Once you’ve completed your list, I like to take it a step further…. What would it take to make those changes?

Contrast: I drink too much   }{    Clarity: I want to drink less

1) Buy only a 6 pack a week

2) Stop hanging out at bars/clubs

3) Drink water or something else while I’m out eating

Contrast: I work too much   }{    Clarity: I want to work less; play more

1) Find some outdoor/indoor activity that I can do a few days a week

2) Make a rule to take lunch EVERY day!

3) Make more friends that like to go do things without drinking

Contrast: Too stressed        }{    Clarity: Less stress

1) Make a rule to take lunch EVERY day!

2) Work until 5pm daily, and if you must stay late, only stay one hour and limit that to 2 days a week

3) Find a YOGA class that you can connect with the class/instructor

Do you want to take it up to another level??? The next step is visualization.
What would it feel like to have that ideal ______?
What would it look like to have that ideal ______?
Take some time each day or a few times a week to image and feel what it would feel like if you had your ideal _____. That in which you give energy and attention too, will GROW!

Remember, the in between "journey" will be challenging, but the goal should be your fire that lights the torch along the way to your ultimate "on fire" goal!

Along the way, and in the end, always.... HAVE GRATITUDE!

Love and Light beautiful people!
Cheers!

2016 -2017 Where did the time go?

I was just getting back into blogging again, and boom! Things change again. I guess it goes to show, how you can always count on change. Don’t get comfortable. Honestly, comfortable isn’t my thing anyway. I like to expand and grow as much as I can!

In the beginning of 2016, I was bored, hated my boss, my job and the energy that surround my professional surroundings. Then in July, I quit my job… best thing I ever did since moving to Miami.

August, I shifted things around and continued to work on the house and myself. Oh, and I committed to running a 10k… last time I committed to running, I injured myself, so I was a bit hesitant. After all, I wasn’t getting any younger.

September, started a new job… thank god for Law of Attraction! But a lesson in being careful what you ask for. Honestly, I’m not kidding anyone… I love my job! I especially love the environment and the integrity of the company and all the people who are here.

October, was a whirlwind of changes. New job, training hard, and still trying to find balance.

November, successfully ran my 10k and kicked ass! I was so motivated by the run, that I felt that I needed to up my anti. So, I was challenged to participate in the Spartan Races. So, I said… yes!

And from there life was just swept away. New job which I am absolutely in love with. Honestly, when you set your sight on what you want… it’s amazing how the universe goes to work for you. Of course, you must keep it within your sights all the same, but I couldn’t’ve asked for a more perfect job… ever! It was challenging… no it was seemingly impossible at first. Now in hindsight, all is better. I love the team that I’ve hired, and the changes we all have implemented in creating a free flow environment for my Accounting office.

I’ve completed the Spartan Race. I ranked 4^th in my age group for the heat I was in. Impressed with myself. I know that Josh, my incredible partner could’ve finished sooner as I slowed him down, but I can say that I loved it, and will probably do it again next year! Learned a few things, and will apply those next time.

Here we are in June. Life is slowing down at the office. I am finally at a point where I’ve claimed my weekends and evenings back. Finding balance between work and personal has become a thing in my present. It’s just amazing to me to take a step back, breathe and discover how it’s June. OMG, where did the time fly?

I hope to continue to blog, now that life has slowed down!

Love and Light

Going on a run and tweaking things!

Trained hard for 4 months, but not for the past 60 days, I've been so busy. I ran that 5k and a couple of times in the past few weeks... I know I got this! Just ignore the games of the mind and focus on your breathing rhythm.

Jeez, I have been so busy with the job! Time has escaped! What it's almost at the end of the year!

Things have slowed down a bit, and I'm starting to breathe better. Thank GOD! Tomorrows the 10K and I really don't want to run, but I know that as soon as I'm past mile 2... it becomes a cleansing thing for me.

Honestly, I am so glad that life is beginning to slow down. Yeah, I'm busy, but life is good. Now I can focus on getting back to the gym more than 1 day a week. 2 days at least!

Yesterday, I had the best entrainment! It's been a long time, I think 5 weeks. Too long!!!! Glad I'm starting to find my way back to being grounded. I was invited to participate in a vision board workshop. It's been a long time since I've done that.

It's time to bring in the inner focus again. Isn't that what grounding is all about?

Cheers!

On edge

So here it is... 1:30am. Can't sleep, feeling a bit tired, but my wheels are turning, and turning. STOP!

I feel as if there is so much on my plate, and I have no balance right now. All or nothing. How unhealthy is that? The last few days, I feel as if I'm gonna SNAP! It's been over 10 days since I was at the gym, but yesterday I finally made it back in; and I ran 5 miles. Today I met with my trainer (who kicked my ass -Thank you!), and Thursday and Saturday is boot camp. I'm still running that 10K in a few weeks... I'm ready for that for sure. Oh, I guess I did run the 5K last week. Short and slow run... more of a warm-up, but it was good fun!

I'm sorry, but how did I get here again? Actually, how did I let it happen. I truly am a workaholic, but it's time to back the fuck up!

I feel as if I'm ignoring myself, and the one's that I love. Work, work, work. WTF! Why?

I know I have a lot to do, but I've hired my staff, and I'm taking teeny tiny baby steps forward, but OMG it feels as if I'm not accomplishing what I want. Perhaps it's time to take another step back. BREATHE and just relax. A break would do me some good. Clear minded, focused and rested with the potential to be more productive. Yup, it's time.

Time to get off this edge, and come back to myself!

Time just escapes...

Life has been so super busy; buried in a big pile of sticks being piled on the fires. Yes, that's right, multiple fires. Everywhere! OMG!!! 

I enjoy it actually, but the work.. the "hard" work is real. Not really making time for blogging (often) Still working out at the gym, and running the blacklight 5k on Saturday, but I need to get away for a bit. 

Working a ton, making a ton of progress; slowly. Still working out a trying to keep my balance. I feel so energized, and on fire about my ideas and building this team, I think an entertainment is due. It's time to make time!

Opening my eyes

I expressed how much I didn't want to allow it to happen, and out of nowhere, I realized how it's starting to creep up on me. It meaning... don't allow the all or nothing to creep back in. Keep balance!

  

Today made me realize that I need to step back, take a deep breathe, and regroup. Stop "trying" to be super woman. Let's face it, I'm a fixer. I gave it a valiant effort, but am quickly realizing that the cycle is starting to begin again. Ahhhhh Nooooooo  

What gets my blood pumping is when someone informs me as to one thing, and the situation turns out to be something different. Therefore the repercussions are that I'm drowning! Super drowning! I feel as if the hole just gets deeper and deeper and the light becomes a tunnel that is becoming darker and smaller. I feel as if I can't breathe or even relax without figuring it out!  

I signed on to this project, and by the grace of GOD... I am going to make this happen. --Good News! I think I have a solution. Bottom line is that I require help.  

When I was working in Miami, somehow I made it work. Let's be honest... I was running all the time, but I made it work.  When I took that time off, I realized the importance of having balance. It felt really nice to fit it all in without compromising what was important to me. With the new job, it's about finding my rhythm again. Here we go... shifting! 

What I love about today... I realized the very moment that I started to compromise myself. Usually, it's weeks, months before I really see what is happening, and to flip the switch back is more challenging. Thank you for that realization!

So here's to finding my rhythm, finding balance, and not compromising the things that are a positive asset to me and my lifestyle.

Awakened

On the day of Awaken, Donny said to me, well actually to the Network doc who was entraining me “You know what her deal is, she loves the concept of awaken” What? I feel the most alive I’ve felt in my entire life! My eyes are open, I’m awake! WTF, what do you mean?

What is awaken? What is its true definition?

It’s a verb, its true definition is: to awake; waken.

Then Donny entrains me, or shall I say ROCKS MY WORLD!

Let’s take a step back. I want to encompass the entire picture here. -----Not too long ago, I blogged about a layer of tears lingering under the surface. I didn’t know what they were, or why they were present in that moment. I didn’t know why they had been triggered, or by what. I wasn’t questioning them either. I just knew they were there. Of course I wanted to know what they were, but more so, I wanted them to rise to the surface so that I could allow the feelings to be expressed. BUT NO, that never happened. Since the day I blogged, I’ve let them go; forgotten about them really. Honestly that day, they were very present to my body and since then, the feeling had subsided.

By the way, a big shout out to Donny. THANK YOU!!!!!

Okay, back to my kick ass entrainment… When I was on the table and Donny was telling me that the feeling of being awaken is not separate from me, invite them in and be one in unity. Okay, let’s bring my energy, attention and breath together. AND then… BOOM, just like that it happened, my mouth opened, and a very DEEP sound came from deep within; like it had just escaped freely from god knows where. Then the tears just flowed, and flowed. Snot flowed and more tears; uncontrollably I just allowed them to flow. I didn’t care what I looked like, this felt GOOD. I remember feeling someone tucking tissue into my hand (thank you) and needless to say… it just wasn't enough, but OMG... THANK YOU!!!!! After my entrainment, I was then carried to the floor, I curled up into the fetal position and continued to cry obsessively. It felt so good, like I was releasing something that had been shackled, and held back, but had finally been released. OMG sums it up!

After that moment, the bliss of truly being awakened was present. The love that filled my heart, my entire spiritual being was overflowing with gratitude. In that moment, I felt as if I was lighter in light and that I was on cloud infinity. I cannot ever remember a time, of ever feeling as if I did… in that very moment. 

To live a life in Awaken is a gift that I am so thankful for. I thought I was awake, but now I know different. I can see and feel the difference within my own soul. Thank you for this gift, thank you for the true spirit, thank you for the essence of light and thank god for being our creator. Life is heaven. Sure we may encounter challenging tests, but happiness is a choice, and love is always present. 

Give love, give life, live in peace and be true to your spirit.

Talk about trusting the process

I will try to keep this short.

Back in 2013 I started a conversation about a job in Miami. My potentially new boss asked me. Have you ever been to Miami? Do you know what it’s like here? My answer was simple. No, I’d never been to Miami, and I didn’t care. I could be happy no matter where I was, as long as it was warm and by the beach. He said “People are rude here” I remember thinking… How people are, and behave is on them. How I allow it to affect me or I react… is on me. My response to him was “There are rude, mean, pissy people no matter where you are in life” -I don’t allow others behavior affect my world. I knew it was a direct correlation of their world, and had nothing to do with me.  Anyhow, let’s get back on topic. 

I was assured that things were in order, and that just certain parts of the job were not being done, therefore, I accepted the position. I sold my home and moved across country. However, when I arrived here (I wish I would’ve taken a picture of the mess and the many multiple piles) things were NOT as stated. Long story short… despite being lied to, I stayed. I cleaned up and implemented and handled the things that needed to be done. They clearly needed my help!

In 2015, I was almost fired. Why? Because, I brought my ethical expertise into this office, and it was not how they operated. Nonetheless, I started to lose my drive for this company. I thought that over time, things would change. Nope! I continued to stay. Why? I had responsibilities. I couldn’t just stop paying those. My modus operandi is to follow the law ethically and honestly. I couldn’t perform my job at the level of professionalism in which I believed in, and little by little as I continued to stay there… I lost myself. My beliefs were still there, but I would second guess myself, I became self-conscious and dwindled into this cowardly soul. I realized that this job was sucking the life right out of me and I couldn’t allow it to continue. Dying a slow death where you lose the sense of who you are. No longer worth the trade. I was supposed to stay with this company until I retire, but I just couldn’t do it. 

So I quit. I took a leap of faith and just trusted that this was part of the process, and in the end… it will all work out. Scaaaary… OMG!

Trusting the process has given me the time away to regain my footing, find my courage again and become that rock I know that I am. I’m so excited to announce that I have found a job with a rock solid reputation; not only the company but the partners as well. They believe in being ethical and being on the up and up with technology and believes in being forward thinkers! This company is within biking distance (if I wanted) from my house and appreciates and considers me as an asset. They truly take care of their staff and I am so glad that I trusted my instincts, trusted the process, trusted myself and trusted that in the end when one door closes… another one will open.

Challenging my faith

Growing up in a strict Catholic household, my mother always was faithful in her beliefs, and living a religious lifestyle. Of course as a rebellious youth, I fought her on everything. I didn’t want to go to church on Sundays; especially Korean church. Ugh! No, please don’t make me!

It was only when I became a teenager, I willingly made the decision to choose Christianity. I fell in love with a local church (His Place) and the people involved within this community. Until one incident occurred back in 2001 that rocked my world; my beliefs.

Since that incident, my beliefs have shifted. I no longer believed in labels. I felt strongly that there was a higher power but to label it GOD was something I couldn’t stand behind any longer. However, from time to time I found myself praying. Asking the higher powers that be to assist me in one way or another. I found myself swaying to call upon GOD. It never felt right to say “higher power” --Dear Higher Power… no, it just didn’t work. I found myself, fighting myself on this belief that I had set for myself. Until now.
 

Just recently, I’ve been awakened to feel the love within, and understand that the higher power and god are one in the same. I have no idea why I was fighting this concept as I called “labels” but it feels good to just allow it to be what it is.

With all the love I have in my heart and soul, I understand that sometimes the concept(s) I’ve set for myself could be limitations or someone else’s beliefs. Staying true to my essence, spirit and love will lead the way. Lead me toward the path in which I’m to follow and trust the process.

Thank you for the true awakening!

Joy in my heart

Nothing but joy in my heart!

In everything I see, I feel the energy of joyfulness and love.

As I'm sitting here, waiting for my 4th entrainment, I can't help but feel the tears of joy running down my face, and throughout my heart, and soul. Love, love, love.

Namaste.

Emptiness

Emptiness... Space... Not in a negative way, or any kind of sadness, but a space of clearing. In a space of being content. A space with no thoughts, just peace, stillness and quiet.

Just being in the space of right here, right now. Being present in every moment.

The space in which has been created to make room for my future self.

Excited to meet my future self!

Celebrating and setting new goals

I am not always near an online connection, and in those times, I have a journal I sometimes write in. Truth be told, when the moment arises, I take advantage of the thoughts, emotions and feelings... I must jot them down. I wanted to share an entry I wrote back on April 17th, 2016. I believe this experience was so strong, I did blog about it too, but this entry that I wrote was a sense of massive frustration for me and a commitment to myself.

I wrote: I feel out of control. Why am I so out of control? Control of myself. I committed to stop a life-long habit, get healthier with my diet, exercise, balance, and quit my job.

Today as I sit here in Denver with no distractions, just time and space, I opened this journal to reflect and put down some thoughts. As I reread my earlier entry, I realized... I manifested those desires into my reality.

Ever bit of that entry has come to fruition.
1) I'm eating healthier. Not all the time, but 95% of the time. I deserve to indulge with my passion and love for food.
2) I finally did get the courage to quit my toxic job.
3) I have made BIG waves at the gym, as I've surpassed my original goals, and have now created new one's
4) I have ditched the life-long habit, and the desire is no longer present.

Time to set new goals. Time to be real about what I want. Time to manifest my future self.

Again as Michael Losier would say "what do you want"

Thank you for the reflections of the past, in order to celebrate the present.

Cheers!

Thank you!

It's amazing to look back in hindsight and realize that the toxicity in my lifeline. The lifeline in what I had as a job was causing me to make decisions (I will be accountable for my part) and have certain behaviors that were even more toxic than the job itself. 

Thank you for shedding the toxicity and those truly unwanted behaviors that were no longer serving the "greater" ME!

Although I'm without a job (but looking) I realized what I don't want, and understand that with this new job... those experiences with the last job have given me a new perspective in asking those more probing questions to ensure that the new job will be a perfect fit.

I'm excited to see what the future has to hold.

Cheers to finding the right fit!

Grateful

I am so happy and grateful for everything in my life right now. Even though I chose to leave my job and cut my income by 1/3, it's amazing how things work out.

I am grateful to be alive
I am grateful to have a beautiful home
I am grateful for the people in my life
I am grateful for my health
I am grateful for the choices that sometimes seem scary
I am grateful for the wonderful love of my life and how he continues to surprise me!
I am grateful that my boys are living life independently
I am grateful that I am willing to do what's hard
I am grateful that I can now say that I live a congruent lifestyle to my beliefs
I am grateful for the sun that lights up the sky and creates warmth
I am grateful for the rain that waters the earth and provides nourishment
I am so grateful for so many things in my life, I cannot even begin to complete this list in its entirety. Bottom line... I AM GRATEFUL

How grateful are you?

Hard work and Determination pays off!

Hard work and dedication has allowed me to lose 7% body fat and drop 4 pants sizes.

This transformation has been amazing! A challenge that I have been struggling with or trying to make happen for the past (at least) year. It goes back to this...

Either you get tired of hearing yourself "say" you're gonna do it or you get tired of being the way you are... Either one will lite that fire to motivate the change. Thank you for not allowing the change to happen forcefully through some kind of medical induced situation; it was on my terms!

This morning after meeting with my amazing trainer "Josh" I realized (again) that I am my worst critic. I need to lighten up and enjoy the ride. Thank you Josh for being that rock who reminds me that I'm doing just fine!!!

Cheers to the goals evolving to... muscle toning and strength training.

Hard work does payoff!

How did I do it?

Life was so busy while I was working. Quite honestly, I'm not sure how I did it.

Now life seems so much more quiet and still. The gift of having the time to concentrate on me is going to be remarkable. I am so excited to be home to handle the things that need to be taken care of; neglected really.

Thank you for the courage to take a stand for myself and how others were treating me. I wholeheartedly knew I deserved better, but the financial scarcity kept me there. Thank you for allowing me to claim my power back and to take charge of myself and my boundaries.

This next chapter of my life is going to be remarkable!

A human yo yo

Do you ever feel as if you your going up and down in life. Of course, everyone goes through that right... it's not just me... ha ha! --I'm struggling with decisions. Deciding this, then changing my mind to decide something else. Ugh... I feel like this human yo yo.

Do I continue down the path of this career that I've created for myself? Eh, it's not the most exciting one, but I'm really good at it. Or, do I create a new path and start doing more of what I love? Ultimately that seems like the most logical choice. BUT ---In life there are so many choices, and which one is right?

I guess for me, I am going to just chill and see what happens. AND when I get back from the "GATE" ... I know that manifesting and creating the life that I will be the most happiest will come through.

Here's to the human yo yo, and all the ups and downs that go along with it.

Cheers!

What to do with my time?

It’s been far too long since I could say… what do I do with this spare time?

Right now, it’s about balance. Yeah, I have many unfinished things going on right now. AND things are shifting within my structure, but I can’t wait until things settle down. 

I feel as if I’ve been moving at warp speed. Things have been moving so fast, and I need to step out of it for a bit and re-group. I must find my balance.'

Once I removed the contrast, it opened up my awareness and shifted the perception of what I want. Now, I must really think and focus on the clarity, and time will manifest the future. -Focused intention! 

Cheers!

Waking up to life!

In my contrast, I’ve discovered that things that no longer serve me, are no longer healthy; I must part from those. I also learned that staying somewhere because you care, may not always be healthy for you. It wasn’t an easy decision but…

Once a realization occurs, it’s harder to stay “there”... without feeling the pain. For me, that happened. I quit my job. It became clear to me that being there was the biggest problem of my life. I made okay money, but I was bored. I felt under-utilized and not appreciated for the sacrifices I’ve made. It doesn’t matter anymore. That was the choice I-- made. I’ll own it!

I know that in order for you to be happy, you must be number one on your list. 

Shedding of the old patterns and emptiness = A new beginning. ---Do I enjoy what I do??? –NO. It’s time for me to try new things. Something fun and part time. Something that can allow me to live my life in balance. I want to do more!

Trusting the process. Even though it feels scary, let’s jump off the edge and see what’s next for me. 

This is a new beginning for me. Where am I going? Where is it going to take me? Cheers to celebrating the freedom to decide and to finding the balance and joyfulness in finding my way!

Love & Light!

Looking at the CONTRAST... to finding the clarity.

I am never afraid to go after what I want. The big question for me right now is? What do I want? Isn’t that what Michael Losier would say? Let’s look at the contrast first. Let’s really process through the parts I don’t like. Let’s shift the awareness, and find those answers.

Right now, I feel as if I’m spinning out of control. Control of myself; mentally, spiritually, professionally, personally. Am I spending too much energy on my physical self? Not making time for the spiritual and mental parts that are equally as important.  Whoa… shit just got real. Awareness is like this big spotlight that is like super bright, and it’s right on those parts that are a bit tender right now. 

When I allow my mind to wander, I feel the faded layer, and tears coming up. Is it bound energy being freed from the shackles of a hindered past. Or is it my present moment. The moment where I feel as if spinning out of control is normal. -The new normal. Ugh!!! NO. –Thank you AWARENESS! It’s time to do my own Clarity to Contrast worksheet. Only then, will I find those answers. The answers that are so challenging to find without the right tools! Perhaps a different perspective; a shift in seeing things differently. As you know… everything is a process.

Okay… to finding those challenging answers.

Out of control with “IT”

Justifying it… isn’t working anymore. I can see the effects, and can no longer have this in my life.

Why does it have a hold over me? Why do you have my power? “Tears forming” Why do you have my self-control? Is it really the last string I’m holding onto? –Seems to strike a nerve.

Right now it feels as if I’m allowing this power over me, and I’m out of control when I engage with it. If it’s here… I find myself drawn in. Limitations aren’t working. My sloppy choices after the fact are no longer serving the goals I have. 

More tears… and my tears are filled with you, glimpses of things I remember. Honestly, I barely remember you anymore. I remember how tall you were, I remember your face. Those blue eyes, curly hair and your laugh. This dates back to 1995, and the truth of the matter is… I must let go. IT is no longer serving me. Engaging with it leaves me feeling out of control. 

It’s time. Time to get deeper into the seriousness of me. Why am I so drawn to do those things? Those things that no longer serve me. Why do I allow anyone or anything to take my power away; self-control, and values?

This has been something that has been bubbling since 2000, and I must STOP! But you have a hold over me, which I cannot even begin to explain AND I feel that both are connected on some level.

I know what this is, and it’s becoming clearer. It’s no longer congruent and has moved to the forefront of my mind. So, now that I’m aware… I need to ask myself some deeper questions. Intentional questions. 

Baby steps? I believe the answers will be in those deeper, more intentional questions.

 

·        >>I challenge myself to find balance with everything I do. I’m a divided pie and each slice represents how I allocate every second of the time I’m given here on this majestic mother earth.

·       >>I challenge myself to just jump and trust that just like working out… It’s going to be hard focused work to reach those goals, and with each step… the goal becomes closer.

Boundaries

In life, we all have and make, choices. ALL THE TIME! Right?

At some point along the way, you start to evolve (I think that most of us do) and things become different. Perspectives change. You just have certain boundaries that become non-negotiable no matter what. Unless… you slip up. 

Oh, that happens, and for me… it’s happened m-a-n-y times.

Lately, I’ve swayed away from those I’ve set for myself.

Time moves forward, and slowly creeping in, are behaviors that are against my moral values. --I’ve allowed someone to take my power.  >>>>>Ugh… so, I’m here again.

This looks all too familiar. Geesh… I know I’ve blogged about this a time or two, and apparently… I’m here again.         -----Yay… thank you awareness.

Okay, well…my numero uno rule is… If I engage with another person, or people… everyone should be respectful. I get that we all poke and jab at each other, jokingly, but don’t talk down to me. Don’t belittle me, or others in a demeaning manor. Don’t project your “stuff” on me. PERIOD!

Is dealing with that, worth the trade? 

My highest ideal is… u work on u, and I’ll work on me. Together you can nurture a relationship, and I believe strongly that work is work, and play is play. You don’t date who you work or do business with, set goals, never loan out money, be faithful, have gratitude, give yourself permission, accept acceptance, conquer your fears, stay focused and celebrate love. 

I could probably keep listing out so many of the things I believe in, but I want to keep this short.

Bottom line is… I’m aware now! >>> I’m allowing you to project your crap, and disrespect me, I’m allowing you to take my power from me. 

Hmmm, not no more!

I feel that some people are in denial about certain behaviors. For those people; like my boss, change may have to be something that is forced through a catastrophic event. -AND that's sad to me. Why not become aware and be the change.

The truth is... I know that some people are just not exposed to the openness of the universal energies. Or has, and believes it to be hokey jokey. Again, not open.

Fight for wat you want

So many times I find myself fighting for others.

When I was younger... fight to make your parents happy.
When I had children... fight to do whatever it takes to make a "happy" life for your children.
Relationship... fight for each other. Do whatever it takes to make it work!

Now it's my turn!

For so long I've wanted to work on me, but the distractions of life and life with children sometimes made that a challenge. So I put myself on hold. Now that my children are no longer at home... it's time... I have made the conscience decision to fight for "me" -Time to love, cherish and encourage myself to be me. Whatever that is.

But in looking through the looking glass, I've just recently discovered that I can't split myself between a relationship and wholeheartedly work on myself. I feel that I am selfish, and ignoring those around me who love me. Bottom line... I can no longer divide myself into different parts. Trust me, I've tried! I just cannot go on like this anymore!!!!!

Today is the day I've finally decided to stop! It's time to stand up for me. Not my relationship, but for me. If that means that I'm alone, then so be it, but I cannot go on like this any longer.

I HAVE to stop splitting myself up between my relationship and myself. It's time to free myself from the straps of being able to live freely and love myself deeply and wholeheartedly.

This is painful, but I think it's best. The saying is... if you love someone so much, set them free.

Timing is everything, and even though I have spent many years in trying... I just can't do it any longer.

I'm done!

Passion

Oh, how those luscious soft lips feel against mine. I miss you! I miss the passion! I miss us! 

The longing of the sensual touch of your tongue against my lips as you gently run along my mouth. I long for the gentleness that is exchanged between us, and I miss feeling the radiant passion between us. 

Oh, how I’ve missed you!

LOVING LIFE!!!!!

Today I just want to celebrate life. Loving what is, and having appreciation for everything and everyone who shares it with me. -Thank you!

It's sad to me that this world can be so cruel. Maybe not the world itself, but the people who live in it; people's choices can have a large ripple effect on others. If only this world and all it's people could live a life of love, compassion, and encouragement. Maybe it's the hippie in me, but one can wish.

I hope that today you take a moment to love life, live life, and have gratitude for even the smallest things.

Love and Light!

40th what???

Why is it that I was so looking forward to my 40^th....? ---So many things are evolving in my life right now. I feel so “up” --Kind of like… I’m floating around trying to find where I fit. It feels soooo good!

Was it the day itself? Was it a milestone? Anticipation? Who was going to call me? Was my mom going to sing me HB? Who was going to post on FB. All I can say... the highlight of my day was the rock'n entrainment from Dr. Mark. The day was amazing. The one thing that surprised me the most were the shoes and the cupcakes; okay that’s two things! What? Not ice cream cake??? Cupcakes are my… Kryptonite. You guys rock!

I love all the beautiful people around me right now, they made it very special. 

Love and Light!

Gung Ho!

Yesterday I rocked it! Honestly, I cannot remember a time when I was this excited for something. --I’ve taken action towards flipping the switch. DOING WHAT’S HEATHY FOR MY BODY. AND… in those actions, I’ve discovered and now have things in my life that I’m SUPER EXCITED ABOUT!!!!

Look, don’t get me wrong… I eat super healthy.  Fast food just happens sometimes, ya know what I mean... “Drunken nights” … Me too. Sometimes I find myself indulging, but… I give myself a pass as drinking doesn’t happen too often either. The trade… It’s totally worth the dancing I did on the dance floor that night.

Staying focused on the goal… A HEATHIER ME. Doing something that raises my heart rate-daily is something I mentally feel needs to happen. I exercise almost every day. If I don’t exercise, then I’m either playing racquetball, working in my yard/house or swimming.  I realize that I’m not 20 anymore and exercising more has brought me to a new awareness. My joints. Particularly my right knee.

First off, I am so excited to start training for an 8k obstacle course we are going to be doing in December. Making the decision to start exercising has changed things and brought things in my life; for me. Positive… Mentally and physically.  I’m thankful that my joints have made themselves aware with the soreness in my knee. It made me start thinking about my supplemental and vitamins.

I take 5 different vitamins and supplements every morning. The funny thing is that I realized that I take a massive multi-vitamin, vitamin D, Iron, Pro-biotic, Omega’s and now I want to add a joint supplement. It’s actually 2 more pills daily. Ugh... have I become that pill box lady? At least, none of these are prescribed by doctors that derives from the pharmacy made in some lab somewhere. I’ll gladly take these. To me, it’s all about prevention.  Come on ladies… isn’t that why we buy lotions and potions? That’s a whole different topic.

But 7 pills. Ugh! I guess what I’m saying is that I take the others for my body, why not add one; technically 2 for my joints?  If it helps this knee heal, and I can continue to train, then I guess that’s what “doing whatever it takes” means. 

I’m going to continue to train, but take it easy on this knee until it gets stronger.

Keep pushing myself to the next level!

Strength & Courage

All my life, I’ve NEVER had to worry about what I eat, when I eat or what my relationship with food really was. Except for the fact that I love to cook and bake anything I could. Oh, and I definitely loved to eat it ALL! Until I reached my mid-late 30’s… and then it happened. OMG, all of a sudden I got on the scale one day, I was at my post pregnancy weight, and I wasn’t pregnant. What the hell just happened? Did I become that comfortable with life?

With my father’s side of the family being riddled with overweight-ness/obesity and diabetes, I knew in that moment that something had to give. I had to live my life differently. I had to love my body and adjust my love for food.

I did change my life back in 2007 after meeting Bill Phillips, and I changed it even more in 2011 when I joined Isagenix. However somewhere between all the major life changes in between now and then, I reverted to eating what I want, when I want with no mind/body connection.

So, long story short… I set off on a journey to change my lifestyle –AGAIN. But this time I’ve made some major adjustments of becoming healthier. This time, it’s for good!

I’m not going to get into what I did, but in the last 90 days, but, I’ve seen a massive  transformation with myself, my eating habits, and my attitude. I’ve lost 20 pounds and I’m dwindling down. All I gotta say is “I feel good” I’m full of energy and I’m ready to rule the world again!

Thank you to “me” --awareness. Thank you for my scale which showed me that I had become out of control. Thank you for LA Fitness in making this affordable, and for having such wonderful support staff in answering my questions and keeping it real. Thank you Josh for being the “kick ass” Personal Trainer that you are. Thank you to my partner who supports me in my eating habits. Thank you to the renewed energy of discovering that I can get myself back with some hard work, strength, courage and determination.

I’m so happy to report that with this strength and courage that I’ve rediscovered, my trainer has asked me to be part of a 10 man team to run an 8K “Navy Seal” obstacle course in December.  I’m honored that he has asked me to be part of this team. I know that with my prior injuries, I have a ways to go in my training, but I will succeed! I’m pumped and super excited to make this happen. Maybe then, I can go back to running marathons??

Focused like a laser beam!

Test of time

It’s amazing the people we attract in our lives. Past and present. Or the people who are friends of friends, or friends of other loved ones like our partners or spouses.

Looking back, I have crossed paths with so many people from so many different ventures I’ve experienced. Some friends stick around, and others seem to fade away over time. Sometimes there are the others… well those ones were our conscience decision to just get away from; joy drainers, and negative nellies. In life, as we grow, sometimes we grow to see that the friend’s we have in our lives are not the ones we want to have, and we must let them just fade away over time.  

But one thing is for certain. I value the ones that have remained in my life throughout the test of time. Despite the fact that I have moved so many times from back and forth from Hawaii to Washington, and now to Florida. AND no matter the miles between us, we still remain friends.

I love you guys, and you know who you are. I will always be there to love, support and give a swift kick in the pants if that’s what you need.

Love and Light!