A human yo yo

Do you ever feel as if you your going up and down in life. Of course, everyone goes through that right... it's not just me... ha ha! --I'm struggling with decisions. Deciding this, then changing my mind to decide something else. Ugh... I feel like this human yo yo.

Do I continue down the path of this career that I've created for myself? Eh, it's not the most exciting one, but I'm really good at it. Or, do I create a new path and start doing more of what I love? Ultimately that seems like the most logical choice. BUT ---In life there are so many choices, and which one is right?

I guess for me, I am going to just chill and see what happens. AND when I get back from the "GATE" ... I know that manifesting and creating the life that I will be the most happiest will come through.

Here's to the human yo yo, and all the ups and downs that go along with it.

Cheers!

What to do with my time?

It’s been far too long since I could say… what do I do with this spare time?

Right now, it’s about balance. Yeah, I have many unfinished things going on right now. AND things are shifting within my structure, but I can’t wait until things settle down. 

I feel as if I’ve been moving at warp speed. Things have been moving so fast, and I need to step out of it for a bit and re-group. I must find my balance.'

Once I removed the contrast, it opened up my awareness and shifted the perception of what I want. Now, I must really think and focus on the clarity, and time will manifest the future. -Focused intention! 

Cheers!

Waking up to life!

In my contrast, I’ve discovered that things that no longer serve me, are no longer healthy; I must part from those. I also learned that staying somewhere because you care, may not always be healthy for you. It wasn’t an easy decision but…

Once a realization occurs, it’s harder to stay “there”... without feeling the pain. For me, that happened. I quit my job. It became clear to me that being there was the biggest problem of my life. I made okay money, but I was bored. I felt under-utilized and not appreciated for the sacrifices I’ve made. It doesn’t matter anymore. That was the choice I-- made. I’ll own it!

I know that in order for you to be happy, you must be number one on your list. 

Shedding of the old patterns and emptiness = A new beginning. ---Do I enjoy what I do??? –NO. It’s time for me to try new things. Something fun and part time. Something that can allow me to live my life in balance. I want to do more!

Trusting the process. Even though it feels scary, let’s jump off the edge and see what’s next for me. 

This is a new beginning for me. Where am I going? Where is it going to take me? Cheers to celebrating the freedom to decide and to finding the balance and joyfulness in finding my way!

Love & Light!

Looking at the CONTRAST... to finding the clarity.

I am never afraid to go after what I want. The big question for me right now is? What do I want? Isn’t that what Michael Losier would say? Let’s look at the contrast first. Let’s really process through the parts I don’t like. Let’s shift the awareness, and find those answers.

Right now, I feel as if I’m spinning out of control. Control of myself; mentally, spiritually, professionally, personally. Am I spending too much energy on my physical self? Not making time for the spiritual and mental parts that are equally as important.  Whoa… shit just got real. Awareness is like this big spotlight that is like super bright, and it’s right on those parts that are a bit tender right now. 

When I allow my mind to wander, I feel the faded layer, and tears coming up. Is it bound energy being freed from the shackles of a hindered past. Or is it my present moment. The moment where I feel as if spinning out of control is normal. -The new normal. Ugh!!! NO. –Thank you AWARENESS! It’s time to do my own Clarity to Contrast worksheet. Only then, will I find those answers. The answers that are so challenging to find without the right tools! Perhaps a different perspective; a shift in seeing things differently. As you know… everything is a process.

Okay… to finding those challenging answers.

Out of control with “IT”

Justifying it… isn’t working anymore. I can see the effects, and can no longer have this in my life.

Why does it have a hold over me? Why do you have my power? “Tears forming” Why do you have my self-control? Is it really the last string I’m holding onto? –Seems to strike a nerve.

Right now it feels as if I’m allowing this power over me, and I’m out of control when I engage with it. If it’s here… I find myself drawn in. Limitations aren’t working. My sloppy choices after the fact are no longer serving the goals I have. 

More tears… and my tears are filled with you, glimpses of things I remember. Honestly, I barely remember you anymore. I remember how tall you were, I remember your face. Those blue eyes, curly hair and your laugh. This dates back to 1995, and the truth of the matter is… I must let go. IT is no longer serving me. Engaging with it leaves me feeling out of control. 

It’s time. Time to get deeper into the seriousness of me. Why am I so drawn to do those things? Those things that no longer serve me. Why do I allow anyone or anything to take my power away; self-control, and values?

This has been something that has been bubbling since 2000, and I must STOP! But you have a hold over me, which I cannot even begin to explain AND I feel that both are connected on some level.

I know what this is, and it’s becoming clearer. It’s no longer congruent and has moved to the forefront of my mind. So, now that I’m aware… I need to ask myself some deeper questions. Intentional questions. 

Baby steps? I believe the answers will be in those deeper, more intentional questions.

 

·        >>I challenge myself to find balance with everything I do. I’m a divided pie and each slice represents how I allocate every second of the time I’m given here on this majestic mother earth.

·       >>I challenge myself to just jump and trust that just like working out… It’s going to be hard focused work to reach those goals, and with each step… the goal becomes closer.

Boundaries

In life, we all have and make, choices. ALL THE TIME! Right?

At some point along the way, you start to evolve (I think that most of us do) and things become different. Perspectives change. You just have certain boundaries that become non-negotiable no matter what. Unless… you slip up. 

Oh, that happens, and for me… it’s happened m-a-n-y times.

Lately, I’ve swayed away from those I’ve set for myself.

Time moves forward, and slowly creeping in, are behaviors that are against my moral values. --I’ve allowed someone to take my power.  >>>>>Ugh… so, I’m here again.

This looks all too familiar. Geesh… I know I’ve blogged about this a time or two, and apparently… I’m here again.         -----Yay… thank you awareness.

Okay, well…my numero uno rule is… If I engage with another person, or people… everyone should be respectful. I get that we all poke and jab at each other, jokingly, but don’t talk down to me. Don’t belittle me, or others in a demeaning manor. Don’t project your “stuff” on me. PERIOD!

Is dealing with that, worth the trade? 

My highest ideal is… u work on u, and I’ll work on me. Together you can nurture a relationship, and I believe strongly that work is work, and play is play. You don’t date who you work or do business with, set goals, never loan out money, be faithful, have gratitude, give yourself permission, accept acceptance, conquer your fears, stay focused and celebrate love. 

I could probably keep listing out so many of the things I believe in, but I want to keep this short.

Bottom line is… I’m aware now! >>> I’m allowing you to project your crap, and disrespect me, I’m allowing you to take my power from me. 

Hmmm, not no more!

I feel that some people are in denial about certain behaviors. For those people; like my boss, change may have to be something that is forced through a catastrophic event. -AND that's sad to me. Why not become aware and be the change.

The truth is... I know that some people are just not exposed to the openness of the universal energies. Or has, and believes it to be hokey jokey. Again, not open.

Fight for wat you want

So many times I find myself fighting for others.

When I was younger... fight to make your parents happy.
When I had children... fight to do whatever it takes to make a "happy" life for your children.
Relationship... fight for each other. Do whatever it takes to make it work!

Now it's my turn!

For so long I've wanted to work on me, but the distractions of life and life with children sometimes made that a challenge. So I put myself on hold. Now that my children are no longer at home... it's time... I have made the conscience decision to fight for "me" -Time to love, cherish and encourage myself to be me. Whatever that is.

But in looking through the looking glass, I've just recently discovered that I can't split myself between a relationship and wholeheartedly work on myself. I feel that I am selfish, and ignoring those around me who love me. Bottom line... I can no longer divide myself into different parts. Trust me, I've tried! I just cannot go on like this anymore!!!!!

Today is the day I've finally decided to stop! It's time to stand up for me. Not my relationship, but for me. If that means that I'm alone, then so be it, but I cannot go on like this any longer.

I HAVE to stop splitting myself up between my relationship and myself. It's time to free myself from the straps of being able to live freely and love myself deeply and wholeheartedly.

This is painful, but I think it's best. The saying is... if you love someone so much, set them free.

Timing is everything, and even though I have spent many years in trying... I just can't do it any longer.

I'm done!

Passion

Oh, how those luscious soft lips feel against mine. I miss you! I miss the passion! I miss us! 

The longing of the sensual touch of your tongue against my lips as you gently run along my mouth. I long for the gentleness that is exchanged between us, and I miss feeling the radiant passion between us. 

Oh, how I’ve missed you!

LOVING LIFE!!!!!

Today I just want to celebrate life. Loving what is, and having appreciation for everything and everyone who shares it with me. -Thank you!

It's sad to me that this world can be so cruel. Maybe not the world itself, but the people who live in it; people's choices can have a large ripple effect on others. If only this world and all it's people could live a life of love, compassion, and encouragement. Maybe it's the hippie in me, but one can wish.

I hope that today you take a moment to love life, live life, and have gratitude for even the smallest things.

Love and Light!

40th what???

Why is it that I was so looking forward to my 40^th....? ---So many things are evolving in my life right now. I feel so “up” --Kind of like… I’m floating around trying to find where I fit. It feels soooo good!

Was it the day itself? Was it a milestone? Anticipation? Who was going to call me? Was my mom going to sing me HB? Who was going to post on FB. All I can say... the highlight of my day was the rock'n entrainment from Dr. Mark. The day was amazing. The one thing that surprised me the most were the shoes and the cupcakes; okay that’s two things! What? Not ice cream cake??? Cupcakes are my… Kryptonite. You guys rock!

I love all the beautiful people around me right now, they made it very special. 

Love and Light!

Gung Ho!

Yesterday I rocked it! Honestly, I cannot remember a time when I was this excited for something. --I’ve taken action towards flipping the switch. DOING WHAT’S HEATHY FOR MY BODY. AND… in those actions, I’ve discovered and now have things in my life that I’m SUPER EXCITED ABOUT!!!!

Look, don’t get me wrong… I eat super healthy.  Fast food just happens sometimes, ya know what I mean... “Drunken nights” … Me too. Sometimes I find myself indulging, but… I give myself a pass as drinking doesn’t happen too often either. The trade… It’s totally worth the dancing I did on the dance floor that night.

Staying focused on the goal… A HEATHIER ME. Doing something that raises my heart rate-daily is something I mentally feel needs to happen. I exercise almost every day. If I don’t exercise, then I’m either playing racquetball, working in my yard/house or swimming.  I realize that I’m not 20 anymore and exercising more has brought me to a new awareness. My joints. Particularly my right knee.

First off, I am so excited to start training for an 8k obstacle course we are going to be doing in December. Making the decision to start exercising has changed things and brought things in my life; for me. Positive… Mentally and physically.  I’m thankful that my joints have made themselves aware with the soreness in my knee. It made me start thinking about my supplemental and vitamins.

I take 5 different vitamins and supplements every morning. The funny thing is that I realized that I take a massive multi-vitamin, vitamin D, Iron, Pro-biotic, Omega’s and now I want to add a joint supplement. It’s actually 2 more pills daily. Ugh... have I become that pill box lady? At least, none of these are prescribed by doctors that derives from the pharmacy made in some lab somewhere. I’ll gladly take these. To me, it’s all about prevention.  Come on ladies… isn’t that why we buy lotions and potions? That’s a whole different topic.

But 7 pills. Ugh! I guess what I’m saying is that I take the others for my body, why not add one; technically 2 for my joints?  If it helps this knee heal, and I can continue to train, then I guess that’s what “doing whatever it takes” means. 

I’m going to continue to train, but take it easy on this knee until it gets stronger.

Keep pushing myself to the next level!

Strength & Courage

All my life, I’ve NEVER had to worry about what I eat, when I eat or what my relationship with food really was. Except for the fact that I love to cook and bake anything I could. Oh, and I definitely loved to eat it ALL! Until I reached my mid-late 30’s… and then it happened. OMG, all of a sudden I got on the scale one day, I was at my post pregnancy weight, and I wasn’t pregnant. What the hell just happened? Did I become that comfortable with life?

With my father’s side of the family being riddled with overweight-ness/obesity and diabetes, I knew in that moment that something had to give. I had to live my life differently. I had to love my body and adjust my love for food.

I did change my life back in 2007 after meeting Bill Phillips, and I changed it even more in 2011 when I joined Isagenix. However somewhere between all the major life changes in between now and then, I reverted to eating what I want, when I want with no mind/body connection.

So, long story short… I set off on a journey to change my lifestyle –AGAIN. But this time I’ve made some major adjustments of becoming healthier. This time, it’s for good!

I’m not going to get into what I did, but in the last 90 days, but, I’ve seen a massive  transformation with myself, my eating habits, and my attitude. I’ve lost 20 pounds and I’m dwindling down. All I gotta say is “I feel good” I’m full of energy and I’m ready to rule the world again!

Thank you to “me” --awareness. Thank you for my scale which showed me that I had become out of control. Thank you for LA Fitness in making this affordable, and for having such wonderful support staff in answering my questions and keeping it real. Thank you Josh for being the “kick ass” Personal Trainer that you are. Thank you to my partner who supports me in my eating habits. Thank you to the renewed energy of discovering that I can get myself back with some hard work, strength, courage and determination.

I’m so happy to report that with this strength and courage that I’ve rediscovered, my trainer has asked me to be part of a 10 man team to run an 8K “Navy Seal” obstacle course in December.  I’m honored that he has asked me to be part of this team. I know that with my prior injuries, I have a ways to go in my training, but I will succeed! I’m pumped and super excited to make this happen. Maybe then, I can go back to running marathons??

Focused like a laser beam!

Test of time

It’s amazing the people we attract in our lives. Past and present. Or the people who are friends of friends, or friends of other loved ones like our partners or spouses.

Looking back, I have crossed paths with so many people from so many different ventures I’ve experienced. Some friends stick around, and others seem to fade away over time. Sometimes there are the others… well those ones were our conscience decision to just get away from; joy drainers, and negative nellies. In life, as we grow, sometimes we grow to see that the friend’s we have in our lives are not the ones we want to have, and we must let them just fade away over time.  

But one thing is for certain. I value the ones that have remained in my life throughout the test of time. Despite the fact that I have moved so many times from back and forth from Hawaii to Washington, and now to Florida. AND no matter the miles between us, we still remain friends.

I love you guys, and you know who you are. I will always be there to love, support and give a swift kick in the pants if that’s what you need.

Love and Light!

Time and Space

On Friday, I’m lying on Dr. Mark’s entrainment table and I can’t help, but notice that I have a smile on my face. Not intentional, just happened!

That smile opened my eyes to realizing just how quiet and peaceful life has become. Noticing that in those still and quiet moments… I feel so happy. --Realizing just how peaceful things are; honestly, a refreshing change in pace.

For me, on a normal day; most days really, I have something on my mind, something going on that occupies that time and space. However, recently there has been a shift in the energy around me. I feel that I can attribute this shift change to my energy, focus and attention. 

Oh, how those little changes in the everyday things I do, make a substantial difference. Nonetheless, hard work, dedication and super laser beam focus has been very rewarding along this journey.

I’m so grateful for this awareness, and the realization that I’ve created that for myself.

Happiness starts from within

Someone just recently commented on a blog post expressing that I must be a troubled soul. –People’s perception never seem to amaze me, as this comment was from a skewed perception in the absence of the truth. 

I know I’ve blogged about this a few times. Honestly, my perception has shifted over the years, and each time… I’ve shared the growth from which I’ve witnessed. BUT I wanted to share again. -On a more detailed level!

Not always did I believe this. As a matter of fact many, many years in my past, especially in my childhood, I believed that I was the victim. Why me? BUT for many years now… I now believe that if you want to be happy then you must start from the inside. 

Unhappy people are always searching for happiness. They believe happiness is reliant upon the acquisition of something new or something different. They are constantly chasing, but never attaining. Often times, they search for it in all the wrong places. For example:

In their next purchase. For too many, it has been ingrained into their thinking the proper way to attain happiness is to find it in their next purchase. As a result, joy is sought in bigger houses, nicer cars, cooler technology, or more fashionable clothing. Most possessions never satisfy. In fact, the joy they bring is entirely fleeting. And those who search for happiness in them are left to chase the next purchase… and the next… and the next.

In their next paycheck. Perhaps, Zig Ziglar said it best, “Money won’t make you happy, but everybody wants to find out for themselves.” I know happy people who own less than me and I know unhappy people who own far more. Money is not the secret to happiness. It never has been and never will be. And the sooner we realize this truth, the sooner we can discover the freedom that accompanies no longer desiring riches.

In their next relationship. We were designed for relationship and there is great joy to be found in them. But relationship, by its very nature, requires humility and selflessness. And believing there is another person out there that can bring complete happiness into your life is to embark on a journey with no destination… and often with disastrous outcomes. Our relationships become far stronger and more fulfilling when we stop searching for someone to meet our needs and start using relationships to meet someone else’s needs instead.

In their next physical enhancement. Healthy bodies and healthy diets are important. I would never speak against their benefit. They allow us to maximize our days and effectiveness. But those who seek happiness in tighter butts, slimmer waists, and larger biceps are looking for fulfillment in physical bodies that were never designed to bring such outcomes. Happy people understand the importance of physical discipline. But they do not base their happiness on their physical appearance.
 

In their next competition. I have come to understand the mindset of competition in our world is based on a faulty premise. It assumes there is a finite sized pie—that one person’s success in life equals one less opportunity in mine. But this thinking is incorrect. The pie keeps growing. And those who seek happiness by ruthlessly beating out another compete only against themselves. In reality, the quickest way to find happiness in your life is to help someone else find it in theirs. 

In their next job. It is important to pursue work you love in an occupation that contributes good to society and the world around you. This type of work brings fulfillment and promise to our lives. Unfortunately, I fear too many people nowadays are seeking the “perfect” job with high pay, few hours, and no stress. But the perfect job doesn’t exist. Work always requires blood, sweat, and tears—that is what makes it work. Again, those who are continually experiencing disdain in their present career because they think the next one will be perfect, are chasing happiness in the wrong places. While there may be a time for change in employment, there may also be a time for change in your approach to it.

In their next escape. Unhappy people seek escape. They believe distraction from their present circumstance is a shortcut to happiness. They often turn to television, addiction, or weekend getaways to numb the pain. But the entertainment always ends, the morning always comes, and the vacation always concludes. Meanwhile, the present circumstances have not changed—they have only been complicated. Happy people recognize their circumstances and do not require escape from them. Instead, they choose to practice peace inside them.
 

In the next person to solve their problems.  Blame is a dangerous habit, and a very real obstacle to happiness. Shifting the responsibility for shortcomings onto another person or external factor immediately eliminates any need or motivation to change. Instead, the victim remains trapped in a cell they built themselves—waiting for someone else to come solve their problems for them. But every time we blame someone else for our unhappiness, we lose. And in the long run, it keeps fulfillment and happiness just out of reach.

In accepting things just the way they are. Happiness can be discovered at any point in our lives regardless of our circumstances. But finding happiness in them does not mean we are complacent in the face of things that can be changed. It does not mean we stop striving or growing or maturing. We do not use happiness or contentment as an excuse for mediocrity. Instead, we walk forward in confidence and discipline to become the best possible versions of ourselves—not just for our own well-being, but for the well-being of others.

Your happiness is based solely on your decision to be happy—and this may be one of the most important life lessons any of us could ever learn.

My final thought… Happy people know that happiness is a choice. They know it is not a reaction to present circumstances. Instead, happiness is an available decision despite them. They have removed the thinking that waits for everything to be perfect before joy in life is experienced.

“Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of traveling.” —Margaret Lee Runbeck

Everybody has an opinion

A most recent blog topic has captivated some people’s attention. Although I’m happy that others have taken an interest enough to post a comment, I deleted them. They were negative, derogatory and just not true. I guess that they are the “truth” of what they believe, and that’s okay. Even a lie that is told over and over again becomes one’s truth. One of the commenters even threatened me to remove the blog and told me, that if I didn’t, I was going to be sued for slander. My comment to that. BRING IT ON!

There is this thing called the constitution and the 1^st amendment includes the freedom of speech. I will always continue to speak my truth, and share my beliefs. If you don’t agree with it, then don’t read it.

If one should feel the need to bring the negativity to my blog, please know that I will delete such comments. I will not tolerate the slanderous-ness of my blog. It’s my blog, and I will express my emotions, thoughts and stories as I see fit. 

I wish peace to those who see the need to project onto others. 

Love & Light

No carbs! Ugh this is a challenge!

No carbs! Can you imagine a world where you should not eat carbs? NO WAY!

First off, I already eat super healthy. I steer clear from fast food, I don't drink alcohol very often, I juice (almost) daily, no not with a juicer... with my Vitamix! I like the fiber in my juices; I like to poop. --AND the fiber in the juices I drink, help me naturally run those nutrients through my body!

I don't drink soda; okay, honestly, once in a blue moon I get a hankering to drink a coke, but, it's not very often. I don't eat junk food. Although not too long ago, I used to. Either way I'm happy to cut those carbs to reach my goal of low body fat. Everything you eat has carbs, how can you possibly not eat carbs? The truth is... your body needs those carbs. I believe in a balanced diet!

For me... it's the art of cutting carbs. Still a challenge, but the reality is that I'm working so hard on me... I've hired a personal trainer to show me how to work smarter, not harder. Although I am working harder, but I'm seeing massive results. Investing in me, is best thing I've done for myself in a looooong time! I'm playing racquetball often, walking/running my dog, riding my bike more often, swimming and doing what's heart healthy. Living conscientiously... I must change my lifestyle. Not temporarily... but, for good! After all, I'm no spring chicken. Yeah I'm forty, but I feel like I'm still in my 20's; although my body reminds me at times that 20 has come and gone!

Here's to the awareness that I cannot continue to eat what I want, when I want. Small indulgences are okay, and the wisdom of understanding that this change is good for me and the future me. I cannot wait to see what my future self reveals as this life moves forward.

Love and Light!

So trusting

We as children are born into this world with no choice in the matter; our parents were in charge of that decision.

I “learned” many years ago that everything in this world is a learned behavior. -AND as children, we are oblivious as to what generational habits we learn. Our parents, their friends, and the people that surround us, bring forth many habits. -Some good and bad. What’s sad to me is that there are habits that we learn that are so horrible, and unless we decide to break away from it, it may continue to live on through our children’s, children. --BUT, let’s not forget about the stories that we pass onto our children as well. There are some parent’s stories that devastate and destroy families, close relationships and some friendships. And for what? Revenge? The belief that they are protecting their children? I’m sure they have their own agenda’s that they will justify, but does that make it right??? And at what cost???

Someone I love, and care for very deeply has a former spouse who has done just that. Destroyed the relationship between their children and their father. Sure if she was reading this, she would say “he did this to himself” but the truth of the matter is… there are 3 sides to every story. One side, the other side, and the truth. The truth is… he loves his children very much. I NEVER could imagine in any world that he would ever harm his children, or anyone for that matter. He is such a gentle soul with a HUGE heart. She had her own beliefs and used the children as leverage against him in bullying him into saying things that were in fact; not true. It has been proven over and over again. I have been witness to this on many occasions. I believe in facts, and will never “just” believe what someone says without proof! Concrete proof!

It’s sad that these children will never truly know their father. How kind he is. How trusting he was in his own family, and how that trust destroyed the very relationship he cherished. Although he has come to accept the situation “as is” I hope that one day his children see the devastation that their own mother caused, and his children find their way back into his life.

Either way, he has accepted the fact that his children due to the actions of an ill willed belief/story that his former spouse conjured up, will never effect his happiness today or in the future.  

I am happy to be part of this man’s life, and will cherish every moment he is here to make me smile, laugh and love him deeper.

Be yourself!

No matter where you are, where your going, what is going on, who your with, or what is surrounding you... Be yourself!

Maybe you don't know who that is. Maybe your still discovering those parts. That's great! I say discover, discover, discover.... recognize and be okay with it. Love who you are today and know that we all make mistakes. -Were all human!

We all have a future self that we haven't discovered yet.

Love and Light

So helpless

In all my years I spent making my parents lives difficult. I sure do hate the fact that I feel as if my hands are tied in helping my mother.

She won’t move to Florida. She said that it’s too much for her. I can’t move there. Not yet anyways. I can when I retire, but that is at least 10 more years away. I sacrificed living in WA for my kids. I just moved, and I’m super happy here!

I, I just feel so helpless. She lives in Hawaii without a husband to help/emotionally support her. She is supporting my brother financially, and caring for her mother; my 91 year old grandmother. Her vision is failing her; she will most likely lose the ability to drive next year, and she is not 20 anymore. Someone needs to take care of her while she is taking care of others. 

I want to help her, but I am so far away. I feel as if my hands are tied. I do what I can, but I feel it’s not enough. I owe her so much.

Sure I know the things I did as a kid. I have guilt. I used to have shame, but within my personal growth, I have moved past that part of me. 

In my heart of hearts… I truly want to help her. Help her move. Help with her legal “stuff”. Help her with my grandma. Cook for her. Make sure that her house is clean. 

She is a strong woman, but I’m worried about her. She has alienated herself from everyone. Except her faith. I hope that whatever she is going through, she is able to find the strength to make it through it. I can and will do whatever I can from over here on the East Coast. I love you mom!

A bit obsessed

Maybe I’m a bit obsessed about me right now.

Is that really a bad thing?  I don’t see anything wrong with that.

I call it super focused on my mind, body and soul. That is very important to me. As a matter of fact, it’s numero uno on the priority list.

Making the decision to do those challenging things… to make a difference… is doing what it takes. I MUST do whatever it takes. 

Some sacrifices are worth it. -The bigger picture. -A better sense of self.

Am I selfish? Yes, but Patrick would call it… self-love. Doing and caring for the things that I need. Setting aside others and things that don’t matter for the greater me. Hell yes! --By all means that doesn’t mean be hatred and ignore others feelings. One must be respectful to others. Always!

Here’s to the journey of the deeper sense, of self-discovery. Higher intelligence, and a broader perception to the awareness and my future self.

Teamworrk

It’s a challenge for me to want to fix something, if the others involved are not willing to participate. –Fully!

The path to resistance of change can sometimes cloud the perception. The perception that comes from the mind that “WANTS” you to stay comfortable. 

How can a person change other people’s minds? Be a willing participant; be part of a team? Enthusiasm, a renewed sense of things are going to get better. Of course there will always be a time where we shed the old away, and bring forth the new. 

Oh what a challenge, I’m excited to fix something again. I’ve been SOOOOO bored at work. It’s a bit crazy right now, but things WILL get better!

Unraveling

Like a cord that is unwinding quickly as it falls to the floor. Trying to find balance but not living congruently. Clearing clutter, creating new habits, and making those hard decisions.

Unraveling, is that even a feeling? Cuz that’s how I feel! It’s time to set boundaries, and make those hard changes. It’s time to get real again. >Oh, how I always end up back here again. Perhaps it may be at a higher level of being; further than where I started. BUT IT STILL SUCKS!

How is it that I’m trying to get healthy, yet some of the decisions that I’m making.....… go against those very words. CONGRUENCY! Ugh! Oh painful awareness can be at times. Perspective of knowing the difference is what allows me to be better!

Now the question is, what are those hard decisions? –I’m putting it out there, and trusting that the universal energies at may will align the signs for me to see.

Oh, I’ve strayed so far from myself. “Tears” –It’s time! 

Maybe this is what Dr. Mark was talking about. “I’m in denial” It is possible that he saw something that I didn’t. Isn’t that why I see him? To call out the BS and raise my awareness. Honestly…No, things aren’t okay. I am searching for ground again. 

Reality check to Kim. Time to stop fucking shit up for myself. It’ time to get back on track, stay focused on the goal. What is the goal again???

Staying focus on my mind, body and spirit. Live congruently and live out loud!

Love and light beautiful people!

Too long!

It's been so long since I've blogged. Honestly, I've had so much on my mind and many things to occupy my time and blogging hasn't been on the forefront. However, it has become stronger in my thoughts lately. I guess the break is over, and I will refer back to my journal to get those topics posted.

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Be in the moment!

The future has a place, but (to me) the present moment is the most important. I learned a long time ago to not live with expectations. I do have certain areas of my life where I do carry expectations; like my job or how I want a certain project to look like in the end. --I believe it’s important to live for today but plan for tomorrow. Plans may always change, so flexibility is very important.

My opinion… being in the moment allows us to feel and be with “whatever” is going on. Positive or negative. And for me… I would rather feel and process what is “right now” than what could be. Although… feeling what could be is a whole other topic on visualization; let’s just stick to one for today!

Love & Light!