Gratitude BABY!

Today I’m writing to congratulate myself on my success! I have been writing in a Gratitude journal everyday, and today is different. I feel a sense of deeper gratitude.

So I thought that I wanted to Blog this and share with all of you a stepping stone in my own personal growth.

Through all my challenges and many lessons that I’ve learned through experience, I’ve noticed that I continue to rise to the top. This is good!

When I think about what my childhood was like….. I now understand that I was supposed to have those experiences in order to relate to my step children and what they are going through with their own mother. Awareness is to me, one of the greatest gifts I can give to someone. I’d want them to be educated, so they can learn ways to protect themselves.

When I look at the abuse I endured… I can say that I am thankful and I’m a much stronger person because of those experiences!

When I see how much money I feel I’ve thrown away because of my many lessons of life…. In looking back, I understand those learning experiences and the lessons were what I was given in return. It wasn’t about the money!

Funny how this journey of life takes us through the ups and the downs and in every moment there is something there to be learned. I’m grateful that in every moment I understand now that even the ruts in life, there are lessons too.

I’m grateful for my awareness to be open.

I am so grateful to have the vision of discovering the inner me.

Today I am grateful for every moment of peace and quiet and for everything I am surrounded by. This universe is such an amazing place to me and Earth is just a minuet spec in the vast unknown universe.

We are ALL connected in some way or another. So to me the vibrations I give are very important ones, as I am carving out my future moment by moment. –So live in the moment but definitely make plans for the future.

Cheers! 

Kim

My comfort zone?

Monday, April 14, 2008

So talking with my 14yr old son the other day sparked an idea within me. I am uncomfortable in my life right now, and this journey of being in debt is captivating my fears. Am I really getting out of my comfort zone here? The funny thing is when I look back at the history of my life; we have always been financially taken care of. -Miraculously. Miraculously by the actions I chose at that moment in my life, I've always made it! Yes, thank goodness for my husband, Tom who has a different vision for our family. Yes I'll admit I definitely want more in my life. Who wouldn't? -Tom's visions are high. We have imagined with each other our path of what we do want in our life. BUT I have those limiting beliefs that have kept me in my comfort zone. "Oh we don't require that, we don't have the $$$ for it. That is why Tom and I are together. He is here as my life partner, and show me a new perspective in dreaming. Another piece of my puzzle along this journey was the Discovery series. My 56 days to destiny gave me awareness and the ability to change. I'm definitely still moving forward and have reached a new level. I just have to share with all of you…….I journaled the other day and I had a self realization. In journaling I became aware of a fear that keeps me in my comfort zone. A statement that came from my dad who still lives by this motto…. If you can't pay cash for it, then you don't really need it. This is a statement that gave my power away. I left home at 15 and in growing up without the supervision of my parents, I learned early on in life that credit is important; I chose to build my credit. My father doesn't understand that managing your credit is just as good too. Yes, it's debt but to me, it's abundance. I am learning to turn my focus to what I do have in life. I am very good with my finances, however I have the belief that I don't deserve it because I still owe money on it and I freak out! Is this a by-product of his statement of not having the money to spend? –Guilt! So I keep telling myself to start writing in my "Gratitude Journal"…… Lessons come in so many shapes and forms. Some are very painful and some are blissful. It's funny how something happens in your life and in that time, it doesn't make sense??? I'm Analytical…always trying to figure the angles….well it never works out in my favor. So I just keep moving forward in my life, and then later on, something happens that was congruent to the experience that happened earlier in my life. Like it all makes sense to me and the pieces fit together like a puzzle. I see the clues along the way. So I've learned that those clues are all part of this process of life. My journey has been bumpy and I have been a victim for most of my life. I realize, after my divorce from my 1st husband that being a victim was not a positive choice. So I changed that. Was it comfortable? No. Along the path of understanding, I have come across many life lessons. I know that being OUT of my comfortable zone is where the change takes place. ~So today is my reset day for a new beginning~ I am grateful for what I have in my life right now. I am thankful for my past experiences; yes, even the not so good feeling. They have all moved me forward somehow in my life, if not made me stronger. I am successful and I deserve it! Assets, our beautiful office, our family home on 5 acres, our toys, brand new car, my beautiful babies, my husband who helps me with the balance of life and helps with our children. -Bonus; Tom cooks too. I am grateful now that I have become aware of this belief I have with debt and desirability. The one who created us, also created abundance. I deserve everything I have in my life as I've attracted that to me. Here's to moving out of my comfort zone. Cheers! Kim

Bouncing back and forth...

It’s been a bit since I’ve blogged. Sometimes in life, I bounce back and forth between my personal journal with my thoughts and what I choose to share with all of you. Sometime ago, like in 1998, I realized that I stuffed everything. My emotions were jammed so far down as they have been down there for a reason. I remembered my past and why I stuffed it in the first place. I truly y~urned for the peace of letting go. But for me today it means something all new to me as in another life lesson. So I can’t remember if I blogged about what happened to trigger the chain reaction to answering that very question of letting go of the emotions I stuffed. Long story short.... go to www.havegratitude.com to read about that........But needless to say it was the biggest breakthrough of my life!; and the explosion of my life; for once I allowed myself to be vulnerable to allowing. Emotional stuffing was flowing out like a runny faucet. Confession: So I have returned back to church. Don’t know why; I used to go all the time until we moved. OK actually sometime before that but it’s just drama, so I skipped that detail. Bottom line probably about 6 years or so its been since I’ve been in church. I remember as a child my mother made me go to Korean church. I hated it; now I’m going back. Anyways~ I find myself drawn to going again, but since we moved an hour away, where would I go? Found a place right here in Snohomish. We like it. So every time I have gone to church I always get tears. Why? Hmmm I wish I knew but for the first few weeks I was this tough emotional stuffer and I could stop myself from crying. Last Sunday, I went to church and the tears were flowing right when we got to church, parts of church and in the end too. Crazy! I’m not sure why I cry but the message I’m getting is that I really gotta let some things go in my life.. I gotta stop trying to control what happens and allow life to happen.. I’m a bit controlsive (is that even a word) If not it’s my new word. -Controlsive at times with certain parts of my life. I’ll admit it! The number one thing I’ve got to let go is Tom’s x-wife. –Wendy Ahhh she drives me crazy. I totally give her all my power at times. I love Tommy and Tabi as if they were born from my womb. I believe that I’ve been placed together with Tom for many reasons. Tabi is an emotional stuffer, Tommy has com eout of his protective state and is taking more chances. Yet Wendy takes my internal power from me. Actually I give it to her with the anger I carry about who she is. My opinion as a mother….She does not care about her children’s emotions, and she is very controlling. Ooh she just breaks my heart. I guess you can say maybe I see part of me in her. She is scared of everything -like never takes risks. BORING! No it’s not that part.... It’s the controlling part... When I met Tom my relationship with my x husband -Joe was horrible. Very conflictive. I was doing what Wendy is doing with her parenting plan with Tom and my S-kids. That was me when I met Tom. Hmmm back in 2004. I was the biggest bitch to Joe. Yeah I couldn’t let go of the pain and hurt I endured from that relationship. Talk about controlling, glad I got out of that relationship when I did........ Bottom line was I saw how it affected Tommy and Tabi not being with their dad and being super strict about the Parenting Plan. So I let go of my crap and moved on. Joe and I now get along great! We spend time together with CJ on his birthdays, we communicate and I am still able to be in my power and have boundaries. So I’ve learned to let go from some lessons in my life but Tommy and Tabi have a mother who was just like me. Wendy continues to use her victimization to hide behind. It sucks because as children we all learn what we are exposed to. Learned behaviors..... Tommy and Tabi want to spend more time with dad and mom says NO, even though she is not there .75% of the time because she is at work... Enough ranting already! She is the biggest challenge I have right now. That is just one thing I gotta let go…. -Letting Wendy go. -I feel sorry for her actually. There is such a wonderful life out there to be thankful for instead of always being so closed and hidden. Being the victim isn’t giving attention to a good choice in life. Been there done that! I used to be like that and in some ways I still am but I’m thankful for the awareness in seeing my growth within myself through someone else. My question is how do I let her go? I think that is why I’m so drawn to church and god right now. I want him to take that over for me as it hinders the sunshine I have within myself. It’s funny about the lessons I have learned in the past 3 years….. I know now that I deserve the things I have in my life. I never used to feel that way. Right now actually I am still amazed at where I am in life and how the heck I got here. It was very bumpy ride and I now believe that anything is possible. I just have to be in the right state of mind. Allowing the emotional roller coaster out has been a challenge for me to stay in the right mind. I know that I cannot tackle this myself so I’m turning it over to the pro. -GOD Since were on the subject of letting go…. that is what I’ve allowed myself to do to myself. Yeah! I may be a size 2 but it’s a bit of flab. I wonder what my body fat is. That’s a good thought I think I will have that checked out. (Shock Factor?) Nah I still am hot! Well I know that if I truly want it then I will do it. Taking care of my body has been on the top of my thoughts for about 5 months. I’ve started walking 3 miles with Tom in the morning. It’s so nice now that we both can be at home and work our own schedule. BONUS: To have Spring rolling around with sunny and earlier mornings is a good thing right now. I cannot stand the winters here in dark ass Washington. Spring is coming and so is the sun and maybe some warmer weather too. I know that there is more there that I have to let go…. But for now I am knocking out the most important ones to me. In my experience…. I’ve walked on 50 feet of burning hot 1500 degree coals, broke an arrow on my throat, and bent rebar with the softer part of my throat. See pics at www.getmeoutofmyjob.com I truly understand the power of the mind. I’m still learning how to harness that power! I’ve used the power to do many great things in my past, and I’m excited for the life that is in the future. Thank you as myself and my family are very blessed.

Slow down!

All my life, well as far back as I can remember, I have always had to be in charge. When I was younger while my mother was at school or work, I had to help out with my brother. My mother used to have seizures and I'd have to take care of that too. Taking care of things has been the core of who I am. So here I am again as things are brought to my attention... Taking care of it! I realize that in order for me to truly live life, I must slow down in life. I'm a busy body, like my mother and my grandmother. (It must be a Korean thing?) This I decided is no way to live my life. BUSY! What? No I am in the process of slowing down. What does this mean…? Well I will admit that I knew this was a deeply strong desire of mine, BUT I've allowed myself to entertain the distractions that I make for myself. Here's the question…. Why do I entertain these distractions? I truly want this for myself but I put it off. So today was my groundbreaking start. I get to dive straight into this question. I'm sure there is some kind of deeply hurtful thing associated with this. When I talk about the desire to slow down in life, I get tearful. I have a feeling of hopelessness. Hmmm my question is why? What does this mean to slow down? Breathe slower, one task at a time, read more, take the time in for me. I already day dream and take time in, but to truly take time in means to calm the inner self and throw out the garbage. For once in this journey of understanding, I understand what truly quieting the mind means… NOW the trick is to take action. I am my worst critic. I beat myself for the mistakes I make in life and I hang onto those for forever… Here's the bottom line… IMPERFECT ACTION is better than NO ACTION. I'm realizing that this holds true in ANY situation. Today I am grateful for the lessons that come up and the new vision of change. This all started with wanting to clear the clutter and throw out the baggage, and it has evolved to a whole different level. I know this is right, even though it feels so shitty, but in the end I will feel free. That's my drive to get myself through this.

I’m doing it!

It is ok to see the challenge in front of you and be scared! Be scared and still do it and life will be amazing. Because you stretched yourself to the challenge of change. I'm giving myself credit for doing that in my life! Be proud of all that you do. The mistakes are part of the process.

Deep seeded in my head? Where??

When someone touches me in a, oh so good spot things in my life start feeling uncomfortable. -Normal things between married couples. But for me, all I hear is my mother saying how I'm a dirty little girl. Wow, to come to understand why I feel uncomfortable about what your husband does is normal. I just have this belief that touching me sexually is a dirty thing. Really what that boils down to is that my mother taught me that. Tom to touch me and love me is ok because I like it. To shed the belief that I now understand, I must learn to love and allow. I like it when you rub my luscious lips. I love it when you are freshly shaven. I love that you can cook, I love your bald head, and I love and admire your passion for being successful. -I love you.

Deep seeded things that I never really understood, until now. Who would've ever dreamed that some of the things you do today are a direct correlation to some of your past. Huh? I'm still learning more about me here. Talk about an awakening to something much deeper though. This means that we hold ourselves back because of some of the beliefs we were labeled with as a child. This can be detrimental and devastating. Sheesh, its tough enough just growing up as a kid. Something that someone once said to you and; with that person's belief, they judged you and I guess it tends to stick for some reason. That's what we get for looking up to our peers or our parents. Who'd ever known that! Definitely NOT ME! Until now…. What I learned a long time ago and I've always called it… Generational Error. –The things we get from our parents, the things they got from their parents, and the things they got from their parents, and so on…. -This vicious cycle. I'm thankful of my awareness' to some of the reasons why I tell Tom no. I've learned so many things from my parents. I'm so thankful that my parents taught me things that I'd never want my children to experience because I remember the way it made me feel. I'm thankful for some of the lessons I was taught by "the hard way" because that changed my life in a dramatic way. AND a BIG THANK YOU again for the challenges you put forth with those deep seeded thoughts I have. They have taught me that what I like is all that matters, and its ok. I am learning the aspect of allowing things to happen. You know they say go with the flow….. Tom said it the other day in talking to me about riding the flow of life. He likes it mellow and I like it with determinate, speed. I'm learning about allowing the change to flow within me from the core of what I want. By the way I'm still figuring out me right now, what I want is next, I promise.

Who would’ve ever known?

Not the way I would've ever imagined this conversation I had with my mother. BUT I AM SO GRATEFUL..... I am so thankful for the conversation I had with my mother on Sunday. I was able to have an adult conversation with her and listen to why she was calling me. –My brother. Finally doing something outside of my comfort zone! I have been able to confront my mother about some things that happened when I was a child. –No longer scared of her….I was able to express how I felt about those situations that made a big impression in my life... Monte made such an impact and I know that my mother does not know the whole story. I told my mother that my relationship with her was not close when I was a child…. I knew this because of how I remember the incident with Monte and how I came forth. I told my best friends mother about it before I told my own mother. I remember that I was so afraid of my mother when I was a child. To express myself freely with my mother was a great thing. Maybe the beer I shared with Tom earlier aided in that but overall….. The conversation we had was such a connection that I've never shared with her in my life. I feel like since I was able to tell her about some of the incidents that made such an impact on my life. -I was uplifted to express myself about something that bothered me as a child. She shared with me the struggles of her past and her chemical imbalance of her brain. She called it Emotional Stress. -The abuse she endured. -She expressed to me how YAK has really helped her…..Funny thing is that I tell myself everyday that the YAK is healthy for my body and I just drink it. It's yaklicious. It's Chinese Herbs from my uncle Allan. The enlightened feeling I have about this whole connection with my mom… She has no idea of my breakthrough with her when Tom and I attended the Breakthroughs with Jeffrey Combs. That's when I had confirmation of the angry feelings against my mother. Many Breakthroughs for me in my life, each one I learn something different. To see the growth that I am doing is an eye opening experience for me. I truly can choose what I want in life. I have had many things happen in my life and most of my childhood memories are not happy ones. But I learned after I divorced my 1st husband that I could choose to have a victorious life as a survivor. So I changed my tune of no longer choosing to be a victim. This still meant that I had the past to deal with but never knew how. That conversation with my mother was a deep sense of connection to my mother. She was allowing herself to be vulnerable and I allowed myself the same privilege. I stood up to my mother without any of the confrontations. -Just a conversation. I'm sure there are many more learning experiences that I will be challenged with in my life.....I'm definitely learning along the way. Thank you for the abundance I have in my life, I am truly blessed beyond measure.

A bit into what, where and how

Somehow for me to know who I was…. used to be a tough question for me to answer. For starters my name is Kimberli Hoerner; I’m a mother of a blended family, in which I am very much in love with, and I also have 2 Airedale Terriers –Leilani and Nui who are a big contribution to our family.
I believe that I’ve been on this journey called “Life” that takes us too many different aspects and dimensions of this planet in which we live on. Here’s a little of history on how I arrived where I am today.

When I was growing up, my families’ belief was to be “tough”. What does this mean? It meant that crying was a sign of weakness, and as a child you were to be seen but not heard. So this meant that I never expressed anything and I always stuffed all of my emotions and feelings. I was a child, I had no idea that I was stuffing my feelings and that it was unhealthy for me. I just knew I wanted the acceptance of my parents, so I did my best to stuff all of my emotions and keep quiet.

I remember my parents fighting, and with most families there was definitely dysfunction. In my childhood I encountered many forms of abuse. As a young child of 5, I was sexually abused by a close neighbor for quite sometime, emotional, mental and physical abuse from my mother, my father who just neglected me by drinking, and a few unpleasant experiences from being in the big city of Hawaii with no parental guidance. My 1st husband was abusive and during my marriage I endured many forms of abuse up until I had the courage to file for divorce and leave that situation. -I stuffed all of my emotions throughout that whole experience. After I divorced my 1st husband is when I started my walk with personal development. I was educated to work through my emotion. The problem for me was that someone just told me to work through it; they really never taught me how to do that. So I still didn’t quite understand how to do that. My friends never could assist me in my questions and give me some good feedback. So I just put this question of how to on the back burner.
When I married my 2nd husband, I was in a state of bliss as I was finally in a healthy relationship where I could freely express myself. 5 years later my husband had a massive heart attack leaving him in a coma for over 4 months. At age 24, I was faced with having to make the decision to continue to watch my husband waste away on life support or support what I knew he would have wanted. I only knew this, as we had this discussion in the past when his grandfather had fallen into a coma. His wishes were to discontinue his life support, although my husband’s parents felt much different about what I decided, I did what I knew was right. I knew I was supposed to work through my emotions and for once in my life I thought I was dealing with those emotions, but what I ended up doing was turning to drugs and alcohol to cope instead. What I didn’t realize is that I was doing more damage than good. In hindsight I realize now is that I stuffed every one of my experiences throughout my life as deep as I could. What this did was turn me into a ticking time bomb that would explode at any single moment in the right circumstances and placing me in a vicious cycle of aggravation.

Sometime after my 2nd husbands passing, I was determined to get my life together, after all I had my 2 boys to think about. I knew that bankruptcy was NOT an option and I tried to continue with our company but that didn’t work out. -So I shut the doors. I ended up selling almost all of our assets (which wasn’t much as we didn’t own anything) and got a job as an accountant. I worked hard and made extra money on the side as often as I could. I worked, worked and worked. No matter how hard I worked it seemed that I never got ahead. The logical thing to me was that I wasn’t making it and I had to start looking for a new job. Found it! I now was a Corporate Accountant and it seemed like the dream job for me. Beautiful for the first year and then suddenly at times I found myself working 50-70 hour work weeks and barely ever home with my boys anymore. -Turns out that it wasn’t so glamorous after all. Thank goodness for my husband, Tom who I'd met through my job, as he was our companies heating repair guy. He was there to take care of the things I wasn't able to as a mother. Sick of my J~O~B, I started looking for a new job that hopefully paid just as well but less hours. One day I came across this advertisement in the local newspaper that said "turn your annual income into your monthly income". It had a number listed, so I called. It was a young guy talking to me about “Free Enterprise” What the heck was that? Apparently I was a fit for what he had to offer. I got on a presentation call and I knew that this was my ticket to getting out of my job. I was broke at the time and the program required me to come up with $1,600.00. WOW! That was a lot of money but if what they said was true then what did I have to lose. I borrowed the funds on my credit card and dove into “Free Enterprise” Long story short I managed to make an extra $18,000.00 and what I spent was 10 times more than what I earned. BUT what I discovered from that experience was this…. It wasn’t the money I was supposed to earn; it was the experience and the knowledge I was supposed to learn. Because of the tools and the knowledge I now had, I was able to help myself, my youngest and my 12yr old in turning his negative behavior and failing grades around to the opposite of what it was before. CJ is now a A/B Student. I'm so proud !

In 2005, I started a consulting company and began to work myself out of this debt I was in. In December of 2006; I was then again introduced to “Free Enterprise”. Hesitant but this time I truly did my due diligence in this company. What I found was this… This company was similar to the company I was with before, however the integrity and the mission statement I was presented with was mind boggling! The money back guarantees they offered and the authenticity of these founders were far different that I have ever seen in this industry. I have done my fair share of Network Marketing –anywhere from Telecommunications, Mary Kay, Avon, Waiora, Pampered Chef, Quixtar, Ecoquest, Herbalife, Prepaid Legal, Liberty League, EPI, Primerica, etc… All in which I wanted something but was never really congruent with my product. This time I am so excited to be part of something so big, that I made the decision with my husband to become a visionary of this company. -Our company is DYP. So I’ve been with this company since the very beginning, and the products have just launched in 2007.

Tom and I had the opportunity to be part of the making of these transformational products and I was so excited for the next part of my journey. Of course I had no idea what lies ahead of me…….
For so many years now, I have done my best in dealing with all of my so called “emotional stuffing”. What this means is… I’ve learned to deal with the emotional stuff that comes up in life but never had the courage to go back and deal with the past. (There was a reason some of that stuff was down there stuffed so deep. –It hurts!) Those emotions sometimes rose to the surface and I just kept stuffing them back down as I wasn’t ready to deal with it, and that I had no idea how to do that. I knew that I should and I wanted to, but how? My life long struggles were suddenly a challenge that I was ready to deal with. How? Just keep asking and be open to the answers. Last November I attended the Breakthrough Conference in beautiful Puerto Rico at the most beautiful resort I’ve ever stayed at. -Grand Melia. During this conference I laughed, I relaxed, I danced, I cried and I broke through some of my life’s biggest challenges I have ever faced. There was a guest speaker that presented a tidbit on stuffing emotions. WOW! -Talk about Law of Attraction! Thank you! I was listening with my undivided attention and I discovered a whole new concept of emotional stuffing, and how to allow those feelings to come up freely, and purge them out. You see, she taught me that just like our body in fighting off disease, our spirit naturally fights for us too. She called our past emotional stuff, our “oils”. As we continue to pour good thoughts, feelings, and stuff into our mind, our “oils” will naturally arise to the surface. We also did a four square exercise that assisted me in breaking through a deep seeded belief that I had about never being good enough, or that I even deserved it. For the first time in my life, I felt uplifted and like I deserved everything I had and wanted in my life after this exercise. I now understood why from time to time those stuffed feelings would naturally come up and that I should allow it to. Now what? I continued to go through my 56days to destiny program through the Discovery series. Using this program gave me the courage to go through this journey and the tools to assist me in releasing this emotional baggage and purge those things that came up. The other important thing I got from this program was the understanding of this process and how it all works conjunctively with each other. The last and final piece was the Discovery Mentorship Sessions. On Saturdays Discovery Mentorship sessions with mentors who live and teach through their wisdom and experiences there are so many special guests. Guests, who gave me the tools to change my beliefs of who I was as a being and to breakthrough many of those deep seeded beliefs of the conditioning I received as a child. The good things I poured into my being with all of my personal development, just made those stuffed feelings rise quicker and pour out of me like a cup over filled with dirty water. I will admit going through this stuff (and I know I’m not done as I’ve learned some of the triggers along this journey) has rocked my world and turned it upside down for a short time period but wow what a gift to me and my life. I would’ve never dreamed in a million years that this company was the true inspiration to the hugest transformation in my life.
I feel that since I was able to have this experience in my life, I would now be able to share with others. Today I am thankful for everything and everyone who is in my life. I feel emotionally free for the HUGE amount of emotional baggage I had been carrying has been left behind and let go. Talk about a weight being lifted off my back. I believe that we all have a gift and a purpose here and until we truly get in touch with ourselves on the inside, we will never find that part of us. We all are capable of whatever it is we so desire. The saying I’ve learned is…”If we don’t go within, we go without” I have been in turmoil for most my life, and now that I have learned the true gift of purging that turmoil and dissattaching myself from the outcome, life is just what happens along the way. ~Riches are gratitude and money is just the by-product.

My deepest wishes to you and your prosperity~
Kim Hoerner

Gotta do what?

Accepting challenges with understanding that those challenges have its own timing… Just when you think everything is going the way you planned, something just shows up. Does this ever happen to you? Seems no matter what we did to sell the division, it would just find a way to stay longer. This business, our HVAC division was a stepping stone to something bigger for us. It was nice to be self employed, but the responsibilities that came along with this Brick & Mortar type business were HUGE! The technical stuff a boss would take care of if you had a job. -Right? Between Tom and me, we were tired of the business just covering its business bills. Never any extra money for our family, but we liked the fact that we had the freedom to schedule things around our family of 6. Tom and I worked this business and we were both drained. If only there was one more of "me" Finally it's SOLD! 5 Months after the first offer fell through back in October 07. We were really counting on the division being sold as we have a passion of helping people. How? We were going to figure that out along the way. Our journey… I asked Tom awhile ago while I was reading the book the Passion Test, if he was passionate about what he was doing. Does he love what he does…? He came back a few days later and said "no" So we talked about how unhappy we were with the business and understanding that we had to hire more people and bring in more work or get a game plan together for how we could get some money into our household. If we continued on the same path, we were never going to be able to pay us. So we made the decision to sell the business. 1 month being on the market, a buyer came along and we worked on contracts with Attorneys but we left to a conference before we closed the deal. A revolutionary conference that both of us knew we wanted to attend. We were excited but when we were buttoning up the deal when we got back….. The buyer fell off the face of the earth. Huh? This meant that the company was back on the market and we had to continue working it. There were a few other buyers that came to the table but not one that would have the integrity to write the check. So here we are in February 2008. Tom and I had a plan B while we were in motion with Plan A of selling the business. -So Plan B was…. We decided after January, we would sell our clientele and assets of that division. It's February and not only did our Plan B work, we were still in business to land a big last minute job in January. This meant that the profits from that job would virtually take that division out of any debt it was in. -After all the books closed. The bonus now is…. We still have all the assets from our 4 departments within that division to sell. Amazing in how this worked out differently (Stressful) but it put us in a whole different aspect of starting our newest division of Posch Enterprises, Inc. This was a journey in which I never really understood the concept of the universes timing until now. It's funny throughout my life I fight for things to happen my way and in my timing, so much that I stress myself out! It's got me think'n…. I look back and think about all those situations of the things I demand out of life. Even though the other side of what I'm doing always means that it involves another person. Now I understand that I cannot rush things. I've known that but never really understood it until now. I do move at a fast pace and have been aware of that but it really never made sense until now how much I need to slow down and be in the flow of life. I do know that if you want something in life, you got to keep your focus on what you want in your life. Thank you for the journey of lessons I continue to learn, thank you for the patient husband I have in my life, thank you for the weight that has just been sold from the Air Filtration division, thank you for the abundance I have, and thank you for showing me the true understanding of effortlessness and ease. This is a celebration blog as we are ready to start this new chapter of our life….. Thank you

Going where?

Monday, February 11, 2008

Current mood: confused Who am I? Who is Kim Hoerner….. Before Breakthrough I was confident in who I was (kind of), then during Breakthrough I learned that I never felt like I deserve anything nice. Why??? Because I'm a bad girl, a dirty girl who always deserves what happens to her. NO -this is not true…. The truth is…. I deserve everything I want out of life. What do I want...? -Happiness, love, affection, laughter, success, a relationship with my husband, a life that is full of laughter and fun. Today I feel like it's my turn to let go. I know in my heart of hearts is this…. I desire DYP to work! I desire a schedule. I desire to be working out at the gym. I desire to be happy in my relationship. I desire $20,000.00 in my bank account. I desire a new bed. I desire new clothes. I desire our garage being built in the spring. I desire an invisible fence for the dogs. I desire a beautiful backyard with a huge fire pit. I desire the most elegant party that Tom and I have ever thrown. It will be catered. I will make Kal-bi. I desire to have successful friends that are like minded. I desire for my children to get along. I desire my children to work together. I desire to know truly down deep, who is Kim Hoerner? I write this when I'm zoned, When I'm in my own little world, I'm kind of lost. I feel that I do not have a purpose. I'm dazed with a fog. This is not me… I know that I have a strong will, I know that I'm always strategizing, I know that I'm a multi-tasker, I know that I'm shaping my eyebrows into what I want, I know that I'm driven about things I'm passionate about, I know that sometimes I'm a bitch, I know that I'm moody, I know that my split personality as I may has allowed me to lose control of me. I can't say that I love my children. They don't even make me happy. They fight, they bicker, they tattle tale on each other, and do they even love each other? How do I change this? I should start looking at the things that are great about the people in my life. –Especially, Tom. CHANGE! What does this mean to me??? It means waking up in the morning early to go to the gym or some kind of exercise. It means staying in control of me and my thoughts. It means believing in the process. Ahh this is a challenge for me. It means being thankful for all that I have right now. It means talking calmly from now on. It means no more drugs. It means taking more time for me. It means loving yourself. Which means do the things that will make you be in love with your body. It means waking up everyday with a hopeful thought and gratitude. It means dream. It means think about what can be, and remember to feel them on the inside. It means smile while I talk. It means that's a lot of stuff to do. Which one is the most important? Tom... That wasn't even on list. Why Tom? Because we truly were meant to be together but we both have our own problems right now and I think that this marriage is in the wrong time in our life. -Maybe later on in life. Right now actually I need to work on me! I feel like I'm not myself, and haven't been in a few years. Maybe I'm happy with having a job. -It's easier. Maybe its that I'm uncovering my true existence of what do I want to do with my life? No longer an accountant, gotta be self- employed as I am psychologically unemployable, I like to be in control.

I say Kudo....

I was listening to the radio tonight on my way home from the office at 10:30pm and I heard the song by Lifehouse. It got me to thinking… Are you willing to do whatever it takes? For me I feel that I'm already stretched out as far as I can go. I'm not doing enough?!!? How much more do I allow on my plate? Do I continue with what I wanted? -To clear the clutter. To clear the chaos that comes with the clutter? I have chosen yes. Clear the clutter of the mind though. –Not clean the house. That's done already! Sometimes I feel that other people push, push and push. I want to relax, and for once in my life, I want to get to know me for a bit. Who is Kimberli? For so long I have put others in front of me. It's time has come that I for once take the time in for me. -Maybe not every day, but at least 2 days a week. This is just the beginning of something I have never done in my life. Kudos...It just feels right. ….Meaning I have made this commitment to take some time in for me and my well being on a weekly basis. That's exactly what I have been doing. -Soon to be daily thing for me! The business side of everything is coming together just as we planned. Now that I know that this taken care of what's next? Guess what? …The very thing I have been running away from… ME! Yes, I have been running away or shall I say finding things to deter and side track me from getting down and dirty with myself…Yes, I'll admit it. But what I have discovered is that I have embarked on this journey to answer that question…. Who am I? What are the things I like to do? That's where I started... I decided that I love to swim, the water relaxes me. I love to sing and dance, it just lifts me up. I am learning to enjoy reading, as it expands my mind. I love to watch children laugh and play, I'm jealous because I'm just now learning how to play at 31 years old. This was something I never really encountered growing up. My household was serious when I was younger, and as I grew older it was my responsibility of taking care of my brother while "mom" was gone. I always heard growing up as a teenager that my family said that I missed my childhood. I agree, but I have been playing with my kids. Things like: board games and playing in the swimming pool. It's a start and I am thankful for that. Reality… It's the first time in my life that I'm actually asking the right questions and the answers are coming with such effortlessness. I now understand that I musk ask the right questions and be open to receive the answers in its own timing. So my question of are you willing to do whatever it takes? My answer is yes. -BUT in my own timing. I'm dealing with deep seeded issues from the past. I know in my heart of hearts, this journey of going within and digging all the clutter out… I know that I will be a whole new person on the inside. I know that I will have those feel good feelings within myself. AND I also know that everything else will come in time. The most important thing I have found is this... Do what you love to do  If you love your life, then the general rule is that life will love you back. I choose this life with conscience thoughts and choosing to stay focused on my goals and my dreams. To you and your journey, Kim

Ahh Ha Moments

I feel that going back to see your growth is rewarding; well at least it is for me.

I look back a few years ago and I see Tom and me struggling and our relationship was starting to deteriorate. I remember thinking…"how could I allow this to happen?"

Sometimes we write down the things that we don't like or the things we want to change in our lives. But where does it go from there? Do you take action? Sometimes I think that sometimes, I just let it go. Pick the important fights of your life.
At this moment in my life, I feel so thankful for the series of events that have recently happened in our life. -Although, I am thankful for every event that has happened in my life. I've learned many things from the different experiences.

Just recently being 2005 up until this point…2008: Tom and I have been in turmoil with Tommy and Tabi's mother, and in so many ways Wendy showed me a bit of myself. In my opinion, I was being a super control freak and I think Wendy must've had a negligent type of childhood where she feels like the "poor me" victim. -Too bad

I'm, so thankful that I learned to recognize those victimized feelings a long time ago. I was hiding from myself. I was hiding away from the little girl who desperately wanted my parent's approval and attention. –I never got it! It's OK…
So I learned things in life with "street sense" Not exactly the easy road but, I am today from what I chose yesterday which has been done with my strong personality I gained through my experiences in life.

To be thankful for everything; My life in my new home in Snohomish, my office which was our old home in Burlington, Tom's new parenting plan schedule for Tommy and Tabi, the reduction in our child support, the sold company; Air Filtration, the education that I continue to learn and teach, The new openness of my vulnerability. Today I have an abundant life that flows easily and effortlessly. I love my new understanding, of what I want to focus on. Thank you for the life that I live with all 4 of my children. Thank you for my awareness, and for me.

I've always had my own power. I just chose to give it away with my non confidence; me questioning myself, if I did it right?

I know differently now

Do u ever wonder

Do you ever wonder why things happen in our life? –I know I do. My reasoning is that I'm so damn analytical. Not sure which one of my parents I got this from. Sometimes it's good and sometimes, not so good. Always trying to play the devil's advocate; thinking of all sides of the situation or maybe the "what if" scenario…

You want something so bad that all you can do is think about it? Yep, what you want and how it should be.

All said and done…sometimes it never turns out to be what we desired. Sometimes it turns out to be the start of something that resembles a roller coaster ride…..

"The ride of our life"

Following this path of what I think that I should do BUT……. what if, what GOD wants, is something different of what I intend. Boy do we get tested on the things we ask for.

What am I deliberately attracting into my life?

Hmmm haven't figured it out yet. Will I ever figure that out? Who knows?

I do know that I've learned that no matter what happens in life, never be attached to the outcome. Just like Law of Attraction says… What you focus on, is what you get.

Today I'm thankful for everything that I have given my energy to.

Those conditioned habits sure like to stay though. They are like stubborn habits deeply embedded in my brain. I do find myself shifting my focus from what is trying to creep back into my thoughts to my thankfulness. I slip lots, but I am aware of the difference. I'm conscious about my "own" thoughts. This is good. It's what I put my attention, energy and focus on…..

What do I focus them on? ~MY DREAMS & DIGGING WITHIN~

So I find myself being analytical about stuff, -no everything.

I'm allowing myself to not be attached to the outcome, and right now I am being tested. Today I found myself saying that no matter what happens… The outcome doesn't matter. That was tough for me to just let it go. –Something so life changing. I admit, I slipped and found myself being analytical about something that I know is completely out of my control.

-Detachment.

What does that really mean? It means to let go. It will all work out just fine. You'll see…

Do you ever wonder what do I love to do? Am I passionate about those things? –I do

I'm thankful that I've learned along this journey to change my focus and let go of the past. So thankful for the things that I've dug down deep to find out; some of those deep seeded beliefs that keep me paralyzed from moving forward. Realization is I believe where it all starts. Change is good.

Choose wisely

It has been a life long battle of choosing what to focus on in my life.

As a child, I had as most of us all had...a dysfunctional family. My family taught me that I was supposed to stuff every emotion and feeling I had, and they taught me that crying was a form of weakness. As an adult now having gone through some very traumatic experiences in my life, I know better than to stuff my emotions. Here's the thing, we are human and creatures of habits. My emotional stuffing taught me to be a "tough" woman but my conditioning I received as a child has led me to believe how I am not in control of me. This is not true!

Our parents do the best they can do with what they have been conditioned to believe through their childhood and what they were taught. Some parents want different childhoods for their own children, some parents believed that this truly was best and do what their parents did.

Needless to say up until the year 1996, I was a helpless victim in my life. The WHY ME phase... However, I have been exposed to the most transformational experience through my journey of this thing called life. Personal development is something that most of us in this world are never taught. Yes, were exposed to some of it through school or something else, but never really taught how to apply it in our lives.

Today I'd like to talk about Law of Attraction.

This morning, I woke up with that old conditioning of money controlling my thoughts. Thoughts like... I'm broke, how am I going to make the bills next month, the business is still here and not sold yet...etc.

But then I remember some of the basis of my personal development. -Law of Attraction. It is this… What you put your attention, energy and focus on, is what you get more of. I don't want more of me feeling like I'm broke, in debt, -blah -blah -blah. I have to change my focus on what I do want. I have to remember to be grateful. I have to keep my eyes on my goals and the things I'm fighting so hard for. As soon as you lose focus on what you want in life, you've allowed that in which distracts you to win the battle. The goal is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. The journey to get there is not pleasant. Keep you sights on the goal and never lose focus of that and the journey wont matter as it's only part of the experience you will be able to share with someone who might be struggling along their own journey.

I actually am not broke, I have money in the bank, (even in savings) not sure why I had these thoughts and feelings this morning. Habit? I don't know why I continue to struggle with this challenge of conditioning that I know is junk in my brain. I am so grateful that I have so much abundance in my life. I am grateful to be part of a company that changed my life within all of my children and my personal life long battle. This company has given me the biggest transformation in my entire existence, and I know that I will share with everyone this product, so they too change their lives. Thank you

Thank you law of attraction for keeping focused on what I do want and making that happen for me with ease and effortlessness.

The DVD I'm watching since it's not listed in the database is "Awakening" It's from a Arizona based company who created life transformational products. They really do transform you into what you truly deserve out of life.

Abundance

People who are unhappy in life are focused on what they don't have.

For quite sometime now I have been unhappy. Why? Well I was financially stable in my life; however as a Corporate Accountant I was very unhappy with the amount of hours I was working to make the income I had. (Trading time for $$$) Bottom line…never really seeing or spending time with my boys as a mom.

I was in search of something new. -Network Marketing??? Sounded like something I could do. AND I DID!

I jumped in burning my bridges of my financial security (50hr a week job) and became a network marketer. Long story short… I lost $110,000.00 and this put some financial strain on us, as I was no longer working at a "JOB" Moving forward…

So up until sometime ago I was very unhappy with my life and my decisions.

I became depressed and sulked. I continued to beat myself up about what I had allowed myself to do. -This went on for about 1 year.

Even though I lost all of that money, I gained something. I gained the experience of my mistakes and I gained the knowledge of true self development. I gained the wisdom and the necessary tools in assisting people including my children in their own struggles.

I am thankful for that experience.

So let's talk about abundance….. What is abundance? Abundance is defined as…..

-noun

1. An extremely plentiful or over sufficient quantity or supply
2. Overflowing fullness: abundance of the heart.
3. Affluence; wealth: the enjoyment of abundance.

I have a whole new awareness of abundance. To me it means think of all the things we have in our lives The forest's, the air we breathe, the water that flows out of our faucets and our toilets, the abundance of things you can buy in a store like Costco, the beauty that surrounds us, and there is so much more that could be listed here.

Honestly; I have been focusing the past year of my life on the things I don't have, and that is why I have been unhappy. There is no reason for that. I am very abundant in my life in so many ways that I cannot even begin to say how grateful I am for my abundance. Just to share with some of you where I am today. I own 2 homes, I am the CEO of our Corporation, The director of one division, I have 4 wonderful children who shown me new experiences on an never ending process, a wondeful husband who truly is going in the same direction as I am, driving a brand new vehicle, and I'm always taken care of financially every single month. I am grateful and abundant in my life.

My thought is this.... There are unfortunate and poverty stricken countries and people who live on this earth that encounter this experience everyday of their lives. Who am I to be ungrateful about what I don't have. -Shame on me for my thoughts and choices for the past year. WHAT WAS I THINKING??? Sometimes we have our heads stuck up our butts. Thats OK. Just pull yourself out!

To live an abundant life is of one with a truly grateful heart. I am truly abundant in my ever so going life and it comes to me with such ease and effortlessness.

My question to you, who is reading this… Are you abundant in your life... and how? Make a list of those things and have a grateful heart for your abundance.

With Love... Kim

How grateful am I?

Understand that we are here on the journey of life

Following the path to a better understanding through life's lessons

So today it's time to get serious about my life...

I have allowed my BP to take my power from within who I am.

I know that a change must take place in order to save myself from this madness.

I have BP and I allow it to control me.

Choosing to no longer cope, just do. ~ Do it….What are you waiting for?

Spend 30 minutes with just your thoughts about only the things I desire out of life…

Make a list of 5 things that are most important and start doing those.

To smile with gratitude everyday for what I have in my life.

Yes, I've have a lesson in every experience. What is this one?

Slow down? Take a time in. Turn everything else off.

What do I want in life?

Swimming, Hiking, Playing, Organization…..

Happiness, Love, Laughter, Connection, Adventure?

It's time for me to be focused on what feels right.

What is that? What are those feelings that I deserve to feel? What feels right?

Today and every day are the days we celebrate as life is continuously moving forward.

Be abundant in what we choose for ourselves. ~Yes I am abundant.

I live a very abundant life that I am very grateful for.

I have the freedom to be with my kids when they are not in school.

I Love that we can travel all over the world

Enjoy the things that fill us with laughter and make us happy.

Having a grateful heart; about everything abundant in your life.

Do it with ease and effortlessness.

For those who understand my blog......

Know that sometimes I too focus on the problems and they don't feel so good.

Tension, Frustration, Victimized. WOW! I think it's time for a change in pace ~~~

This no longer feels good.

I know better!

This is one of my many gifts that I share with others that I connect with.

Time to go within… Who am I?

Do you ever get the time to go within yourself for just 30 minutes?

My answer would honestly be that I don't take the time. -No really it's make the time.

A time to dream. Start setting yourself in a productively good feeling.

Yeah all the time... Just shift your focus and think about what it is, you DO want.

Remember you said... Happiness, Love, Laughter, Connection, Adventure? - Swimming,

Hiking, Playing, Organization…..

Today and everyday is an adventurously funny and abundant life that I am thankful for.

I'm able to share my gifts through my own experiences, and make a difference.

If you're close to my heart, you will understand what I've written.

You truly understand more about me and my crazy life.....

Yes we all have our own battles.

What is yours?

Make a list of what you do want in your life and get organized and focused on those.

Take Action! Take Chances!

Challenges

Challenges are placed in our life for many reasons.

Maybe for growing within ourselves or maybe it's to learn patience. -Who knows....?

Today my challenge is building a website. Yep there is definitely a learning curve that goes with that. I'm up for it because it means that I'm learning something new. Have done it before and am willing to do it again but this time it's a bit different. This time it's something I really have the passion for as this website is our story. -Tom and I. So when you get a chance, in a few weeks go to: www.discoveringyourpath.com and sign my guestbook. Let me know you stopped by.

I love my story and I am most proud of my accomplishments. A challenge is something that is fun to me. Hmmm not normal I know but to me it means that I get to expand and grow. The saying goes: If you're not growing then you might as well be dying. I'm a fighter, who is stubborn in the decisions I make for myself. I will fight for what I believe in and strive forward with my passions in life. People are my passion!

I have learned along this journey that there was definitely some dysfunction in my life... OK -I'll admit it... Lots! However, the silver lining in all of this is that it was a challenge to go back and deal with that dysfunction. No one I know really says… YES! I want to go back and dig up those hurts I had. -Right? I know I didn't want that. My spirit was telling me something else though. As life was in flow, those feeling kept coming up and instead of stuffing them back down I for once had the courage and tools to get to the other side. I chose to listen and was open in the timing of the people and the tools that the universe brought forth into my life. Now I can say I live happily ever after. No, that's not the drill here. There are many aspects to this challenge that I have taken on. The triggers that bring up things that I never knew even existed. The emotions that flow for reason I can sometimes never understand. (Yes, I am a cry baby sometimes and the tears just flow) The anger I get towards the people I love and the strength to understand that it has nothing to do with them. These are those challenges I choose to face in my new path. Gratitude is riches and love is something I feel whole heartedly now. Excited for this challenge has already changed my life. I cannot wait to see what's next. So I get on a topic and I just start typing away without knowing what I'm really typing. It just flows free. This is life just a flow of energy that is within ourselves. So the bottom line is that; I am thankful for the challenges in my life.

Greatfulness

In life we all encounter our ups and our downs.... Where am I in this journey today?

Today I am full of gratitude! I will admit that I have been in a downward cycle in some self destructive days and in turn I have had the law of attraction give me more of what I focused on. -Not good. We all will have these slumps and when we are ready to get out of them is when the magic happens. Yesterday, I realized that I was allowing a certain person to take charge of my feelings. Why? …because I was emotionally attached to the mutual people we are connected by. Now I realize that I cannot control what another person does or says. I knew that but was blinded by my love for these kids. I'm sure by now you are asking who, is she talking about?

Well… It's my step-children Tommy and Tabi. Honestly, I never in a million years would ever have seen myself with step-children. Now I have 2 wonderful children in my life in which I am in love with. They live with their mother who is controlling, and is also verbally and emotionally abusive towards her children. -Double whammy for the kids because her husband is also this way.

It kills me to see a mother who can do the things that not only the kids describe but also their counselor describes happens in the household, and Washington state law has high standards in order to remove the children from this environment. We tried, we were denied. This is where my cycle started…..

Today is a fresh and rejuvenated day for me as I realize that the kids' mother is just psychologically missing a few screws. She is lacking something in her life and no matter how hard we try to fix it, we will never be able to do that. Now I understand that emotional attachment to her is liberating for me to be able to remove myself from that! My energy is for me and what I choose to do with it. Undoubtedly, I have been choosing the wrong things to focus on. Today I understand that sometimes I allow myself to get sucked into another persons' dysfunction and that I really should be careful on what or whom I allow to take over my emotions. Bottom line that person is me. I am holding myself responsible to keep my emotions to healthy and productive things in my life.

I have a great big dish of gratitude to Lifepath Unlimited for bringing the useful tools that I utilize in my life. Thank you to the Luminaries of this program to sharing your experience and journey so that others like me can benefit.

My gratitude is for my family in being patient, my husband who with his words has given me the strength in understanding what I can and cannot do about his ex-wife and understanding the dis-attachment that needed to be done.

Gratitude is a state of being in which I am in today!