Slow down!

All my life, well as far back as I can remember, I have always had to be in charge. When I was younger while my mother was at school or work, I had to help out with my brother. My mother used to have seizures and I'd have to take care of that too. Taking care of things has been the core of who I am. So here I am again as things are brought to my attention... Taking care of it! I realize that in order for me to truly live life, I must slow down in life. I'm a busy body, like my mother and my grandmother. (It must be a Korean thing?) This I decided is no way to live my life. BUSY! What? No I am in the process of slowing down. What does this mean…? Well I will admit that I knew this was a deeply strong desire of mine, BUT I've allowed myself to entertain the distractions that I make for myself. Here's the question…. Why do I entertain these distractions? I truly want this for myself but I put it off. So today was my groundbreaking start. I get to dive straight into this question. I'm sure there is some kind of deeply hurtful thing associated with this. When I talk about the desire to slow down in life, I get tearful. I have a feeling of hopelessness. Hmmm my question is why? What does this mean to slow down? Breathe slower, one task at a time, read more, take the time in for me. I already day dream and take time in, but to truly take time in means to calm the inner self and throw out the garbage. For once in this journey of understanding, I understand what truly quieting the mind means… NOW the trick is to take action. I am my worst critic. I beat myself for the mistakes I make in life and I hang onto those for forever… Here's the bottom line… IMPERFECT ACTION is better than NO ACTION. I'm realizing that this holds true in ANY situation. Today I am grateful for the lessons that come up and the new vision of change. This all started with wanting to clear the clutter and throw out the baggage, and it has evolved to a whole different level. I know this is right, even though it feels so shitty, but in the end I will feel free. That's my drive to get myself through this.