Surrendering

It is amazing to me that I am continuing to fight with myself. Surrendering to not having the energy to be myself and do the things that I'd like to do. Mostly outside, working in my yard, but nonetheless. Stopped in my tracks!

Does this mean that there must be a "new" me? I must surrender to the old ways of living my life to realigning to the new me? New me? What does that mean? No matter what is happening... I feel the shift happening within my soul and now, more than ever... I am ready for it!

My entire life, I have had to be on survival mode. Yes, that's right... as child to survive my parents neglect & abuse, as a teenager to survive leaving home and make it on my own, and so and so on. I won't get into that as that is not what I want to talk about. For me, that meant... always living my life through the masculinity and staying tough to survive. Not feeling like a victim of it, just recognizing the necessity of not living my life through my femininity. 

Just recently, even though I've have had discussions before with Brian... he reminded me again that... My entire life, I've lived through my masculinity, but the conscious shift has organically been happening within my soul in shifting to living my life through femininity. I don't understand what that feels like or what that even means. 

During my last session, I asked Brian. He helped my understand that masculinity is doing and femininity is feeling. What an ah ha moment!!!

Over the past few years, I have been feeling the shift of doing things that "feel" good vs just being a good soldier and do what I'm told without challenge. Don't get me wrong, I'm still "doing", but definitely feeling has been more in the forefront of all my decisions. 

So grateful for the teachers in my life and the openness in allowing the messages to be received. Thank you!