Chaos

I have been short tempered lately and quite honestly it’s not fair to the people and loved ones around me. At times it takes me a bit, to become aware of the situation until its right here smacking me in the face. Oh, and yesterday… it did just that!

I so desperately want calm, quiet, peace and structure! But I’ve realized that in every aspect of my life, I have chaos right now.

Home; trying so desperately to finish the remodeling project that is going to be “NOW” 1 month overdue AND… I do truly hope for no more surprises. I really want out of my rental… wasted money; I hate wasting my hard earned $$$

Relationship; I can say that it is not on my side of the relationship, its unfinished business on his. I also truly hope that a resolution comes soon. On a scale from 1- 10, I would say it’s a 3. Only because... I no longer am dealing with his “stuff” --A boundary I made to save the relationship from escalating to becoming another past relationship. 

Work; Oh that is an entire situation of its own. So hard to come to work not knowing what is going to spring up next. Are the processes going to change again? Is the President/Owner going to make more rules and set more roadblocks up that prevent me from doing my job with integrity and in an efficient way? Is he going to go off on me because of something I did that was requested from me but didn’t come directly from him? AND I wasted “my” time doing something that wasn’t very important (In his opinion) this entire situation has become very apparently clear to me. I have to get out!

I love what I do, but at this point… I am second guessing everything I do. AND why have I allowed him to take my power?  This company didn’t know financially what was up or down, let alone accounts hadn’t been reconciled when I arrived, and now things are accurate according to the GAAP. In all my years as a Financial Controller, I have never been treated as if I’m just a ragdoll that you can push around. I demand and have certainly earned the respect. I have my MBA and 19 years of experience to back up the knowledge I claim to have. So the hard choice for me, was that I am now looking for another job. 

I really don’t want to but honestly, I made the decision in 2013 to work and retire with one company, but in this case due to ethical GAAP principles and the permissions I “have” to get to just follow the GAAP and the laws surrounding HR –TO JUST DO MY JOB-- I can no longer keep myself in this painful situation. I’m out! I truly strive in situations where you make me in charge of “my department” That way the credit or the accountability of not doing something is 100% owned by me.

In short, I really needed to get some of these thoughts OUT of my head. They bother me. B-A-D! 

I cannot wait to look back 6 months from now and see where I may land in my future and what changes have happened because of those conscience decisions.

Live and Love Life –ALWAYS… no matter where you are, it’s where you are supposed to be.