Just feel like writing today I guess....

I am not a joke or a toy that can be abused. I’m all about communication and explanation. I’m 32 and I know that I am searching for something unconsciously because I feel drawn to the energy. So I’m open. I feel as if everything is going to be ok. Not sure how though??? But here I am starting a new chapter of my life of doing and living a fun and enriching life. I am deeply passionate about helping people. –That’s the direction I am drawn to…. I love to talk…. And I love an intellectual conversation that I can relate too. I love the growth in learning new perspectives and stimulating my thoughts…. I am all about personal growth and my journey is of sharing my life’s experiences with others and trusting that something I said sparked something deep within them. I realized that in order for me to get connected to me again…. I had to get rid of my dirty bastard x-husband. AND That’s CRAZY! To me. I felt as if I gave him everything, and in the end I got shit on because he couldn’t handle it. I am young and looking for some sense of peacefulness and security with a lax lifestyle. I eat all organic, natural, raw and whole foods. Not a vegan for sure… I believe in saving the planet and breathing healthy air. All natural cleaning products are important to me and getting exercise. I LOVE to cook and I LOVE to dance. I’m going to have FUN and raise my boys. They are 15 and 12 and I’m so grateful that they are not too young to stay at home by themselves. I’m an open and honest and I’m not looking to play a game with my life. I am looking for stability so I can focus on the more important things. I am a slender energetic woman who believes in having integrity! I have many challenges in my life right now… but I will tell you that I am a charging Rhino who is on a mission to overcome whatever comes within my path of my goals. I am always looking for more friends in my life. A good social lifestyle is healthy for me. Just more thoughts for today…

Taking out the garbage....

Why am I attracting more and more detours in my life? I don’t mind the challenges but MAN I can only handle so many of those on my plate. (someone else has another plan for what path I'm on) What am I focusing on right now that keeps these situations coming along? I feel as if it’s NOT me it’s other people’s decisions. I can’t control other people and what they choose to do. Dirty Bastard’s, I feel sorry for them. It’s sad to me to see the choices they make and deal with the consequences for “ME” Ahhhh it’s all about being in CONTROL, and that is what I feel drives them. This brings me to my thoughts of my own strength within myself. The keyword being; “ME” Yes that is who I am at the core. No matter what comes my way I feel as if I can overcome it! Is this the answer of how I’m continually bringing upon myself more challenges? No really? Oh shit, I’m going to be changing that record from this point forward. Thank you for the awareness. Yes this wisdom to see what can be done VS focusing on what is going wrong. Today I feel at calm. Whatever happens will happen and that is the way it is supposed to be. I will deal with it when it gets to that point. Right now I’m in this moment and it’s so calming!!! So I’m going dancing on Friday night. I gotta run a few errands but after that I’m free for the better part of the day. A moment for “ME” I’m super excited! To live and love! K~

Worked HARD this weekend

Boy do I ever feel accomplished today. Driven to knock things off my to do list. And I DID! YES I feel so powerful right now. My hands have been used and abused this weekend. They are sore. But I scraped off the tile in my kitchen today, and over the course of the weekend I emptied all the garbage out of Burlington and into a dumpster, and hauled the wood to Snohomish for CJ. -It looks so much nicer. Yes it was hard work and I did it myself, and for once I truly feel accomplished. It was NEW challenging work and I’m definitely going to feel it in my muscles tomorrow. Today there was another hurdle put forth in front of me and I must take a step back and allow life to unravel itself. -Right? Yes I can analyze it, but I feel as if I need to sit back and just keep focus on what I want. Stay out of my head. Feel with my heart and soul….

Cherish the moments as they come and go very quickly

I decided on late Friday, early Saturday morning that I was going to take the weekend off. Just relax… -So much for relaxing!?$# This weekend was such a productive weekend though! I feel great about my progress and my new discoveries…… The kids and I were able to have a few days to get some stuff done that we have been putting off for quite sometime now….and yes we had fun doing it! It feels good to get things done!!!!! Like a weight has been lifted. At least that is the way it is for me. Thank you for the time to get those things done and the decision to do so. Today I had such a wonderful day! It was so beautiful and sunny. I was so grateful that I chose not to be the handyman and work on drywall, flooring, siding, tape n texture and you know the manly stuff…. Instead I got my house in order and cleaned up. I just want to take a second and say thank you to my soon to be x-husband…. AKA: Dirty Bastard. Thanks for walking out on me and leaving me with all of our financial responsibility and the chores of finishing up all your unfinished projects. I truly have learned a lot from this experience. OK it’s late and I have lots to do on my Monday…. Today I am grateful for my children, my dooger dogs, my friends, myself, my choices, my experiences, laughter, the sunny skies, the surroundings of my home and the universe for being so abundant. I am truly blessed by this experience within my journey. Thank you!!!!!!

Just another day along this bumpy road....

Today I am a little tired. OK a lot! I feel as if I am a bit out of sorts. My decisions have been a little slack and my judgment has been affected. This is not good. Must change it! I have distractions in my life and I am not going to allow them to continue. Time to get focused in on what it is I want. -Time to start the manifestation process for some things. I feel as if I have too much on my plate… Now the solution is to start eliminating what’s there. It’s 9 -something and I’m tired. For once I am giving in to my body and listening to it. It’s telling me that I’m exhausted and sleep is needed. To all my friends a BIG thank you for everything that you guys have done I truly am indebted to you for your generosity. Today I am thankful for the rays of the sun as they keep my body from getting cold. I’m also thankful for knowing what I should be doing and having the able body to do it! Love and Light! Kim

I've decided! to just DO IT!

Ever since I got dumped by Tom back in July.... I have not really done anything for myself... It's been work, work and not really a bunch of play.... Not good... I know better than to neglect myself.

Starting to go a bit crazy.... I decided the other day that I MUST take out 1 night a week and go do something!

Since I LOVE to dance it would be just that. SO this Wednesday I am going out to go dance the night away. Making new friends and I try to have fun everyday, but some days that is not an option.... I am just so busy. BUT the silver lining is that things are slowing down and the kids are getting back to school. Structure....YES!

Just a quick update on me.... life is great! I keep acquiring new clients just in the course of talking with people. I'm not even trying, as accounting is not what I want to do.... BUT it pays the bills so I'm doing it until I find something else.

Just making friends down here so that I have a wonderful supportive network, and I do but they are all mostly in Skagit County. I need some friends that are closer....

I'm manifesting wonderful things to me and staying above ground.

Thank you for the appreciation I have for my life.

Thank you for the awareness!

Tonight I met a gentleman who I believe has been brought into my life for a reason…. A reason for which I am not sure but the magnitude of the connection was unbelievable! It’s late and I just wanted to share that with you….. I am grateful for the process and the journey in which I am on. Today was beautiful and I had a blast! 

 Love and light Kim

Outta my head and into the process

What is it that I’m supposed to be doing? AM I really supposed to be doing that? You know thinking about what I’m supposed to be doing… Just relax! I am so in my head right now with I’m not doing good enough! BUT I know that it’s a process and these things take time. So I’ve decided to do what makes me feel good!

Today I’m tense for some reason… I feel unorganized and in sorts. So today I’m cleaning out my files and paperwork. Here’s to continuing to purge the clutter.

Get outta my way... I'm on a mission!

Today I’m feeling as if everything is ok still. This path feels like a flow of energy that I’m amongst. I fell today and all I can say is, I’m glad it’s my left foot. Thankful for that one, it coulda been my gas pedal foot. At least I can drive to where I gotta go. I feel happy and content today. I just wanted to share that, my friends came over for dinner today. To be in good stimulating company is a change in pace. I almost forgot that I really love to converse with people. All these things that I knew existed at one time of my life is coming back! I feel as if I’m stronger than ever. Everyday I am manifesting money into my life and I’m here to celebrate that. I played with my dogs today and that felt great. I spilled the box of BB’s all over the floor while I was playing, and I laughed at myself. The change in pace is much nicer and calm. Here’s celebrating a new beginning. Next week I’m gonna go to Seattle for a few days and start looking for work. I’m gonna stay with my cousins I think? Excited to try something different in life; something I love and want to do….. Dance! Lots to do on my mission…. I will check back in a few days.

I'm so greatful for ALL my friends!

Sometimes life has an interesting twist in store for you, you just don’t know it yet!

Maybe there are signs….. But are you open enough to be aware of those signs? Take action?

So I have been asking my husband for a divorce for quite sometime and every time I do… I am promised that things are going to get better and then that’s when the cycle started. No more empty promises for me.

So looking back on it now…. I see that the night that Tom left was NOT a Bipolar episode. (This is what I've been telling myself) I've now learned the truth. It was a breaking point! -The point of not being able to take it anymore.

Here’s my only negative energy on this….. It’s too bad that this happened the way that it did. I am very hurt because I know I deserved the respect of a conversation knowing what changes were about to happen in my and the children’s life. I’m a planner! No instead Tom leaves for a business trip and before he leaves he empties the Burlington home of stuff and doesn’t come home after the trip. He never called for 16 days! WTF! OK I’m done…..

So yes Tom and I are getting a divorce and in the beginning it was a sleep deprived whirlwind. Now that the dust is starting to settle, I have discovered many things.

For quite sometime now, I have been searching for something…. My POWER! The very thing that I educate people that we all have, we just have to feel it like a super flow of effortlessness forward motion energy. Where was my inner power? I knew that before I met Tom I was strong, confident, beautiful, and sexy. During my marriage, I lost myself in translation. How? Uhhh dunno. All I know is that I booked myself a 1 way ticket to a spiritual healing retreat. There’s something wrong with me? Baggage? Deeper Shit? What? I was searching.....

So here’s what going on for me now.

I’M BACK! BUT EVEN STRONGER.....It’s amazing to me the detour I’ve taken in life.

A divorce… I never thought it would ever happen again. The massive debt load and the pressures of being a single mother are just a few things that hinder my thoughts on occasion.

This I know… I’ve learned that in order for life to change you must FEEL it on the inside first. Only then will the universe unfold and reveal the very thing you manifested AND for the first time ever, I feel MY POWER and it’s absolutely amazing! To me it’s like a calm serene place that is filled with peace. To be connected to myself is an amazing accomplishment. Interestingly enough… The very thing that I was searching for (MY INNER POWER) was that I just needed to take the control of myself and my best interest. Which was the decision to finally move forward in divorcing Tom.Thanks Tom for leaving me. I've never been dumped before, it was kinda weird to me. ~Anyways.... To be connected feels like I'm a freight train that is at full momentum with effortlessness.

Get the hell outta my way! Cuz this girl is focusing on making this all work and recovering from this challenge. I haven't figured out what my lesson was, but it definitely is on my mind. Along with 100 other things too. I'm so glad that I can multitask!

I know in my heart and soul that I’m going to make it! Everyday I manifest more and more into my life and for once, my life it’s going as planned.

No more struggling with the stress of another person not doing their part. -Just me and my accountability.

To you and your accountability....

Kim

What just happened?

Dude! My computer’s hardboard died, so getting access to the internet has been a challenge. Still going to blog when I get a chance. So here’s the skinny on the last few weeks……..

Have you ever been just cruising through life and then all of a sudden something happens that dramatically changes everything?

It is so hard for me to believe that my life has taken a 360 degree flip and then some….

There have been so many awakenings that have opened my eyes further into this journey of where I am headed.

A friend recently told me that “Sometimes it takes something drastic to happen for that change to shift”

A force that is stronger than what you can control. Control, which is what I have been out of for the past,… about 4 years. I believe myself to say that I have been in a comatose state. Waking up and figuring this mess out is going to be a challenge but I know that deep down within myself I am so much closer to being within my inner power. Scary but I know that it will all be ok. Breathe……

It feels so good to be back! Now it’s time to clean up the mess.

I going to get a job and this time, I have decided to do something FUN with my life for a career.

I’m super excited!

I am so grateful to have the greatest friends in my life.

I am so grateful that I drive a beautiful gas guzzler.

I am so grateful for things working out.

I am so grateful for the money I have in the bank.

And of course last, but not least, I am grateful for my kid’s smiles.

Playing a new record

This is something that is not new to me but as I evolve and form a deeper awareness, I am understanding what I feel say and think has an impact on the out come of where I’m headed.

Thank you for the awareness of understanding the records I constantly play in my head. I am on day 7 of catching and keeping myself playing a new record and I just have to share with you that I am so happy that I have finally come to realize the power of my words, and thoughts. I have developed a new awareness of listening deeper into what I say and catching myself before I continue to play that negative record.

Consciously bringing what thoughts I want into my life and seeing myself grow and continue to make the mistakes. We are all human, and we all make mistakes.

Thank you to myself for taking the action for change to take place. Imperfect action: yet action. I’d rather take what I’ve learned and apply it into my life, than to have learned it, and not utilize it at all.

Cheers!

Thank You!

I have so many thoughts going on that I feel like blogging them when I get a chance..... Here's to remembering! My self awareness has grown to a whole new level and since November I've allowed myself to be in a victimized slump. I'm so grateful for the awareness I received at my last conference. So I want to share with you that every time I go to a Life changing conference... I grow to a level of high conscientiousness of my being. We all have the power within ourselves to be great and when WE decide to get connected to it, it's magical. I'm not all the way there but I'm definitely on the right path... I am learning new things about myself that assist me in new discoveries. But this conference was different... I have Self realizations instead. I feel that in itself those are Breakthroughs too. Thank you for all the moments!

Seeing with new EYES!

Walking along yesterday and again today.....I see salmon berries along the way. Yummy! Of course I ate them but it made me realize how abundant our mother earth really is. Berries for us to eat... There are things that just grow, and without any watering from us or fertilizer. Nature takes care of that. "The flow of life" What this means to me right now is....the over abundant amount of weeds I'm pulling out of our yard. Quite a chore but after Breakthroughs, I understand to work on things a little bit at a time. Not push myself to bust my ass all day on a project. Just this morning after my walk I watered my flowers and admired the work that Tyler and I did. Our reward.... Wild Waves today all day until they close! Not all work and NO play. Have a little of both. So here I am blogging from Wild Waves and sharing my thoughts and eye opening experiences. I am truly blessed and thankful for our Cancun trip to yet the second Breakthroughs conference. I was educated further on my diet that will be more beneficial for us as a family but most importantly, the self realizations I got about myself. They say when you're ready you will see. That expression of seeing with new eyes is true. Now for me the challenge is breaking free from those old conditioned habits and creating new ones. Today as I was walking I realized that I see with my eyes and think with my head but I'm not sure what it means to feel with my heart. My feelings are a flip of a switch I feel and most of the time I feel cold and snappy. Why? The most important question is.... How do I change that? Today I asked myself what does FUN feel like and I went straight to my head. NO NO NO my friend, that is the biggest thing I've learned about myself. GET OUT OF MY HEAD! Well most you who know me, know that I am gearing up to fly to Sedona for a spiritual healing retreat. I'm super excited about this as I truly want to shed off the excess baggage that hinders me. I feel that some of what I what to fell is buried with old feelings that have attachment to the past, maybe past life regressions. I don't know the answer to that but I do know that I am open for anything right now. I truly want to be saved from myself. Allowing and letting go. Well it's beautiful outside and I want to go play on the rides and the slides. Have a spectacular day.... Kim www.havegratitude.com

Do you have an EGO?

Tom and I went to this amazing conference in BC on the 1st and I learned about a different perspective on what the EGO really is. After the whirlwind weekend my head was still spinning about my newly discovered EGO. My interpretations of my own EGO was that I wasn't really stuck on myself... BUT now I learned what EGO really meant. It's your EGO brain trying to keep you comfortable by showing you FEAR. Your EGO doesn't want you to take any risks. This is FEAR... F -False E -Evidence A -Appearing R -Real That was so profound. My awareness is much greater now. I just wanted a better understanding. I'm analytical... Today I was still not clear on exactly what the ego is and I came across this website. AMAZAZING INFO! Check it out! http://www.meaningoflife.i12.com/ego.htm My perspective of understanding is very clear. I love the examples this writer gives... Truly excited to start meditating using OM or shall I say AUM.... Love and Light! Kim

Feeling like a victim & I’m thankful for my awareness

In my lifetime I have been diagnosed with OCD, Bi polar, Anxiety and Depression. I’m supposed to take prescription medication but I have been able to manage myself up until now for some reason. The other day I realized that I’m telling myself over and over again that I have “those” things wrong with me and that is my excuse for my behaviors. -My mind is like a crazed lunatic running around in circles. There is no rhyme or reason within my brain and I truly want to change the cluttered noise!

Getting centered is my main focus.

I feel that I have an over abundance in responsibilities and my husband is going to take some of those off of my hands and lighten my load. That will be a big blessing.

Not too long ago I was a strong person in that… nothing stood in my way. I had a vision. I am still that person however, since my experience in Personal Development and my emotional breakthroughs of allowing the baggage to come up… I have reverted back to a lost and confused child. It’s like I’m young again in my head but my body remained the same. Who I once was and how I feel now, are like opposite ends of the spectrum. So I’m a young child in my mind that has an immense amount of responsibility because I’m really 32. I can no longer handle all those responsibility until I purge some of this emotional crap! There are in securities that came up and a sense of feeling lost and confused.

So I’m Getting centered…. To me that means meditating and getting in touch with who Kim is on the inside. -My energy! I know that without a doubt we are all connected through energy. I feel as if I’m no longer connected with myself. If I’m not connected with myself… how can I be connected with everything else??? I know that I never got the education of personal development in school back when I grew up… so how did I find the education? Honestly I realized awhile ago that I have been living my life and educating myself through those experiences. -Instead of saying why me? I now see it as what the hell was I supposed to learn this time? Sometimes it takes awhile before I understand what I was supposed to learn. Those sometimes can be the “HARD” way. At this point of my life, I believe I have the challenge that is going to be the icing on the cake in understanding of my “TRUE” power. I will honestly say that in my power that I saw not too long ago… I was faking it but it was with good intentions…. Raise my 2 boys, buy a house, no CC debt basically it was all about money. Now since I’ve released a bunch of SHIT! I must create the bridge of connecting to my truest power from within my heart. Cuz your heart is how I should live life, not by thinking my way through life. (I’ve done that my whole life) Feeling is something new that I’m realizing I never truly had. I believe that I have come to a cross roads. I believe that some true time to “ME’ is needed. Thank you to my husband Tom who is patient and understanding.

Why do I understand what I’m doing, thinking and feeling wrong? YET I still do it?

Why do I understand what I’m doing, thinking and feeling wrong? YET I still do it?

I understand what changes I have to make but I still fall back into those old thoughts and feelings.

How do you quiet the chatter of your EGO mind and start to feel?

My mind, that just wants to focus on our debt by being scared. My mind wants me to focus that Tom and I are not “employed” so this fear has me scared of where the money is coming in from for our lifestyle…. It’s the conditioning of my parents. If you work hard then you get ahead. But I already know that’s a lie. I know that we have a true amount of abundance in our life. It’s the conditioning of my parents; really my dad. He always taught me to pay in cash or it’s not something you need right now. So I feel that even though I have an incredible amount of abundance in my life… since it’s on credit and mortgages, I feel massively in debt. Conditioning + EGO is tough!

Tom and I used to have jobs. The hours sucked, you never saw your family(kids), you had to check someone else’s schedule before you could plan your own vacations, and the money wasn’t really what you wanted to make anyways. So we quit our jobs and became “Self Employed”

Tom and I work out butts off in our contracting business(more paperwork and taxes!) and we barely made it. That is the business did, but what about us personally. Tom did as many side jobs, and I took on a few clients. I prayed that everything would work out; I would stress myself out in worry. -Again my EGO mind.

So here’s my biggest one... I’m not working right now, and I’m scared because all of our financial requirements are for Tom to figure out. It’s not me taking care of my own responsibilities; I’m relying on someone else. Is that my EGO or old conditioning of “working hard?”

So I’ve been working with a wonderful therapist for 10 years in helping me put my life back on track from where it was. That was a long time ago, and I will say that I have had tremendous growth in this journey. I still have this massive hump to get over but I know that the answers I have been seeking all this time is coming soon.

I just wanted to blog today instead of journal and share with you my own struggles of quieting my EGO mind and changing the conditioning of my past. I jump in my thoughts as my mind just runs and runs. Quieting this mind has been a challenge!.

This energy aspect is so amazing to me. Even though I struggle in changing those habits, I know that I can overcome this and create a blissful life with my ever so loving and patient husband and our 4 children.

Today I am truly grateful for color. ~A color either inspires you by uplifting you, or is dark and dreary and brings you down. We started to paint our house the other day, and it’s amazing how color changes everything.

OMG!! Be open and allow!!!

I am so grateful that allowing is something I'm aware of....

It’s funny how we attract things into our life. –Did any of you know that we can and do deliberately attract things to us??? Whether we want them or not!

I knew about Law of Attraction… but I’m very analytical and I knew that the Law of Attraction existed but it was just merely a concept to me because I never understood it as I was never educated about how it all works. Just that I had to choose my words and thoughts carefully. -Positive or Negative….

Tom and I went to a conference this last weekend and we learned the science behind the Law of Attraction. For me... unless it’s clear on how something works, I have only an idea. Thank you BMI…. Now that LOA has been broken down into the analytical side, everything now makes sense as to this universal law.

Bottom line is this… Life is all about feeling and thoughts. Feel your way through life and buckle your seat belt for the ride of your life. For me though it has always been about thinking my way through life. Uh what happens though is my brain (EGO) keeps me comfortable. That is where my fears and anxiety come in. That’s my ego brain trying to hold me back from changing. If you feel your way through life, the ego brain is not there to tell you a lie. Everything that I’ve heard my ego brain tell me is…..

This is too expensive I can’t do that I’ll get hurt I’m too old to do that That’s going to hurt I have to work hard to get anywhere A job is security I can’t afford that I’m too tired to do that Maybe later I’m not sure what the best decision is No

Where has this gotten me…. Well for starters we are successful because Tom and I do work hard. However I’ve learned that I have been limiting myself through how I feel.

I feel ½ of those things on that list at some point of my week, sometimes day! What kind of energy am I emanating to the universal law of attraction? Not a good one.

Start your life everyday with love and gratitude.

Be grateful for where you are right now and remember to have fun!

Those little steps lead the way to a prominent future.

Be open and allow your feelings to lead your life

Cheers to you and your journey

Kim

Getting down and DIRTY!

So the other day I did not want to get to Burlington “office/storage” to work on the landscaping. Honestly since 2005, I’ve had the employees take care of the yard maintenance for me. –It’s been nice. BUT since we sold our company earlier this February; this means no more employees to take care of that. It’s my turn to do it.

Yuck pulling weeds is not the most glamorous thing on my list of to do’s. So I put it off for as long as I could stand it. I went there sucked it up and just went for it. Got it done! Gratitude for that dirty job being done! So this brings me why I’m blogging today.

Lately in my life, I have been struggling with where exactly is my passion? I know what I want to do, but what really lights my fire?

This journey of releasing my emotional baggage has brought me through this tunnel of spinning, tumbling and has turned my beliefs and my mind upside down. I’ve struggled with Who am I? What do I love? Am I truly happy? Do I love where I’m at in my life? What do I want to do to make a difference? Some of those have been answered by following the discovery program but for the most part, I still feel as if I’m drifting along life just taking care of the day to day needs.

The greatest advice that my friend shared with me a while ago, was to go dig in the dirt.

Hmmm “go dig in the dirt” What a funny thing to say to someone for advice. It was January and it’s Washington, its cold, it’s rainy, and it’s just not what I wanted to do when she talked to me about it. Nope not even my houseplants. Just didn’t feel like it and you couldn’t make me. -I wasn’t ready. Until… the other day when the sun came out, and I just did it. I was digging in the dirt while listening to music I love, and I felt as if the words of the songs were talking directly to me. What an eye opening day it was for me. Dig in the mother earth and find answers….

I realized that my passion doesn’t have to be exactly what I think it’s supposed to be.

I do know that without a doubt, in my mind, I empower abusive victims to become survivors. So what’s the passion that lights my fire? -That fire is Tommy & Tabi!

My other two kids live with their mother & step father who act like victims in life. I can say that opinion in confidence as this used to be me years ago. Wendy will not allow the kids to move to their dad’s house and they really want to come and live with us. When we tried to get custody using the plea from the kids’ counselor about the hostility in the home the laws in Washington were didn’t prevail in getting them out. Therefore my kids continue to live in their abusive household. It’s not physical but it’s definitely emotionally and mentally.

I have to say that I am grateful that I have met Wendy. There have been so many good things that have come out of being introduced to the kid’s mother Wendy is very controlling with the kids and I will admit that I used to be that way with CJ’s dad as I also kept strictly to my parenting plan. Until the year I met the kids. I saw what it did to Tabi and Tommy because of the constraint of their mom. So needless to say I’ve changed a few things in my life because of what I learned from being on the other side of the fence. I believe that the emotional part of my connection with the Tabi and Tommy is because of the similar experiences that I endured as a child. I empower people to become survivors and that is what I want for them, but who in a million years would’ve of ever thought my passion is starting with my own children.

Even though I know my passion is to empower victims of abuse, the passion for helping my step children get out of their situation is even bigger to me. I guess I have to start with my own challenges in that area first. Then who knows where I’ll go after I’ve helped Tommy and Tabi. I know that I am not their biological mother... I sure wished I was. Just so I can protect them from what I have been able to shelter my 2 boys from. -Abuse.

This also brings me to another eye opener I had….. Empowering myself in our new business. Yes I will admit I’m scared! Scared because of the conditioning I received all my life to believe that a JOB is security. -$$$ coming in is guaranteed… This is what I believed was the only way to have security. I call bullshit! That is called a trap of having someone else control what they want you to do, trading time for $$, and sacrificing my valuable time for someone else. No way is that security. Even though I may not have the ability to say I get paid on Friday, I have the ability to live my life on my terms. The conditioning of changing my perspective from scarcity to understanding that everything is going to be ok has been the biggest challenges of them ALL! My gratitude journal has been a great tool for me to focus on the gratefulness of what I have right now. AND now is the most important things as it’s in the present moment.

So I feel that digging in the dirt with the mother earth is beneficial to getting in touch with a deeper you. -Connection… that is how this earth works. I’m thankful for my friend for giving me the advice. I’m also grateful for the 5 acres of beautiful yard I get to sculpt with Mother Nature; using her flowers and beauty.

Our Pictures of our project in Snohomish. http://snohomish.shutterfly.com/action

So the office/storage in Burlington is done but now I have a 5 acre piece of land to design and build now. I’m excited to back into the dirt and spent some quality time with the earth in revealing what’s next in my life.

Gratitude BABY!

Today I’m writing to congratulate myself on my success! I have been writing in a Gratitude journal everyday, and today is different. I feel a sense of deeper gratitude.

So I thought that I wanted to Blog this and share with all of you a stepping stone in my own personal growth.

Through all my challenges and many lessons that I’ve learned through experience, I’ve noticed that I continue to rise to the top. This is good!

When I think about what my childhood was like….. I now understand that I was supposed to have those experiences in order to relate to my step children and what they are going through with their own mother. Awareness is to me, one of the greatest gifts I can give to someone. I’d want them to be educated, so they can learn ways to protect themselves.

When I look at the abuse I endured… I can say that I am thankful and I’m a much stronger person because of those experiences!

When I see how much money I feel I’ve thrown away because of my many lessons of life…. In looking back, I understand those learning experiences and the lessons were what I was given in return. It wasn’t about the money!

Funny how this journey of life takes us through the ups and the downs and in every moment there is something there to be learned. I’m grateful that in every moment I understand now that even the ruts in life, there are lessons too.

I’m grateful for my awareness to be open.

I am so grateful to have the vision of discovering the inner me.

Today I am grateful for every moment of peace and quiet and for everything I am surrounded by. This universe is such an amazing place to me and Earth is just a minuet spec in the vast unknown universe.

We are ALL connected in some way or another. So to me the vibrations I give are very important ones, as I am carving out my future moment by moment. –So live in the moment but definitely make plans for the future.

Cheers! 

Kim

My comfort zone?

Monday, April 14, 2008

So talking with my 14yr old son the other day sparked an idea within me. I am uncomfortable in my life right now, and this journey of being in debt is captivating my fears. Am I really getting out of my comfort zone here? The funny thing is when I look back at the history of my life; we have always been financially taken care of. -Miraculously. Miraculously by the actions I chose at that moment in my life, I've always made it! Yes, thank goodness for my husband, Tom who has a different vision for our family. Yes I'll admit I definitely want more in my life. Who wouldn't? -Tom's visions are high. We have imagined with each other our path of what we do want in our life. BUT I have those limiting beliefs that have kept me in my comfort zone. "Oh we don't require that, we don't have the $$$ for it. That is why Tom and I are together. He is here as my life partner, and show me a new perspective in dreaming. Another piece of my puzzle along this journey was the Discovery series. My 56 days to destiny gave me awareness and the ability to change. I'm definitely still moving forward and have reached a new level. I just have to share with all of you…….I journaled the other day and I had a self realization. In journaling I became aware of a fear that keeps me in my comfort zone. A statement that came from my dad who still lives by this motto…. If you can't pay cash for it, then you don't really need it. This is a statement that gave my power away. I left home at 15 and in growing up without the supervision of my parents, I learned early on in life that credit is important; I chose to build my credit. My father doesn't understand that managing your credit is just as good too. Yes, it's debt but to me, it's abundance. I am learning to turn my focus to what I do have in life. I am very good with my finances, however I have the belief that I don't deserve it because I still owe money on it and I freak out! Is this a by-product of his statement of not having the money to spend? –Guilt! So I keep telling myself to start writing in my "Gratitude Journal"…… Lessons come in so many shapes and forms. Some are very painful and some are blissful. It's funny how something happens in your life and in that time, it doesn't make sense??? I'm Analytical…always trying to figure the angles….well it never works out in my favor. So I just keep moving forward in my life, and then later on, something happens that was congruent to the experience that happened earlier in my life. Like it all makes sense to me and the pieces fit together like a puzzle. I see the clues along the way. So I've learned that those clues are all part of this process of life. My journey has been bumpy and I have been a victim for most of my life. I realize, after my divorce from my 1st husband that being a victim was not a positive choice. So I changed that. Was it comfortable? No. Along the path of understanding, I have come across many life lessons. I know that being OUT of my comfortable zone is where the change takes place. ~So today is my reset day for a new beginning~ I am grateful for what I have in my life right now. I am thankful for my past experiences; yes, even the not so good feeling. They have all moved me forward somehow in my life, if not made me stronger. I am successful and I deserve it! Assets, our beautiful office, our family home on 5 acres, our toys, brand new car, my beautiful babies, my husband who helps me with the balance of life and helps with our children. -Bonus; Tom cooks too. I am grateful now that I have become aware of this belief I have with debt and desirability. The one who created us, also created abundance. I deserve everything I have in my life as I've attracted that to me. Here's to moving out of my comfort zone. Cheers! Kim

Bouncing back and forth...

It’s been a bit since I’ve blogged. Sometimes in life, I bounce back and forth between my personal journal with my thoughts and what I choose to share with all of you. Sometime ago, like in 1998, I realized that I stuffed everything. My emotions were jammed so far down as they have been down there for a reason. I remembered my past and why I stuffed it in the first place. I truly y~urned for the peace of letting go. But for me today it means something all new to me as in another life lesson. So I can’t remember if I blogged about what happened to trigger the chain reaction to answering that very question of letting go of the emotions I stuffed. Long story short.... go to www.havegratitude.com to read about that........But needless to say it was the biggest breakthrough of my life!; and the explosion of my life; for once I allowed myself to be vulnerable to allowing. Emotional stuffing was flowing out like a runny faucet. Confession: So I have returned back to church. Don’t know why; I used to go all the time until we moved. OK actually sometime before that but it’s just drama, so I skipped that detail. Bottom line probably about 6 years or so its been since I’ve been in church. I remember as a child my mother made me go to Korean church. I hated it; now I’m going back. Anyways~ I find myself drawn to going again, but since we moved an hour away, where would I go? Found a place right here in Snohomish. We like it. So every time I have gone to church I always get tears. Why? Hmmm I wish I knew but for the first few weeks I was this tough emotional stuffer and I could stop myself from crying. Last Sunday, I went to church and the tears were flowing right when we got to church, parts of church and in the end too. Crazy! I’m not sure why I cry but the message I’m getting is that I really gotta let some things go in my life.. I gotta stop trying to control what happens and allow life to happen.. I’m a bit controlsive (is that even a word) If not it’s my new word. -Controlsive at times with certain parts of my life. I’ll admit it! The number one thing I’ve got to let go is Tom’s x-wife. –Wendy Ahhh she drives me crazy. I totally give her all my power at times. I love Tommy and Tabi as if they were born from my womb. I believe that I’ve been placed together with Tom for many reasons. Tabi is an emotional stuffer, Tommy has com eout of his protective state and is taking more chances. Yet Wendy takes my internal power from me. Actually I give it to her with the anger I carry about who she is. My opinion as a mother….She does not care about her children’s emotions, and she is very controlling. Ooh she just breaks my heart. I guess you can say maybe I see part of me in her. She is scared of everything -like never takes risks. BORING! No it’s not that part.... It’s the controlling part... When I met Tom my relationship with my x husband -Joe was horrible. Very conflictive. I was doing what Wendy is doing with her parenting plan with Tom and my S-kids. That was me when I met Tom. Hmmm back in 2004. I was the biggest bitch to Joe. Yeah I couldn’t let go of the pain and hurt I endured from that relationship. Talk about controlling, glad I got out of that relationship when I did........ Bottom line was I saw how it affected Tommy and Tabi not being with their dad and being super strict about the Parenting Plan. So I let go of my crap and moved on. Joe and I now get along great! We spend time together with CJ on his birthdays, we communicate and I am still able to be in my power and have boundaries. So I’ve learned to let go from some lessons in my life but Tommy and Tabi have a mother who was just like me. Wendy continues to use her victimization to hide behind. It sucks because as children we all learn what we are exposed to. Learned behaviors..... Tommy and Tabi want to spend more time with dad and mom says NO, even though she is not there .75% of the time because she is at work... Enough ranting already! She is the biggest challenge I have right now. That is just one thing I gotta let go…. -Letting Wendy go. -I feel sorry for her actually. There is such a wonderful life out there to be thankful for instead of always being so closed and hidden. Being the victim isn’t giving attention to a good choice in life. Been there done that! I used to be like that and in some ways I still am but I’m thankful for the awareness in seeing my growth within myself through someone else. My question is how do I let her go? I think that is why I’m so drawn to church and god right now. I want him to take that over for me as it hinders the sunshine I have within myself. It’s funny about the lessons I have learned in the past 3 years….. I know now that I deserve the things I have in my life. I never used to feel that way. Right now actually I am still amazed at where I am in life and how the heck I got here. It was very bumpy ride and I now believe that anything is possible. I just have to be in the right state of mind. Allowing the emotional roller coaster out has been a challenge for me to stay in the right mind. I know that I cannot tackle this myself so I’m turning it over to the pro. -GOD Since were on the subject of letting go…. that is what I’ve allowed myself to do to myself. Yeah! I may be a size 2 but it’s a bit of flab. I wonder what my body fat is. That’s a good thought I think I will have that checked out. (Shock Factor?) Nah I still am hot! Well I know that if I truly want it then I will do it. Taking care of my body has been on the top of my thoughts for about 5 months. I’ve started walking 3 miles with Tom in the morning. It’s so nice now that we both can be at home and work our own schedule. BONUS: To have Spring rolling around with sunny and earlier mornings is a good thing right now. I cannot stand the winters here in dark ass Washington. Spring is coming and so is the sun and maybe some warmer weather too. I know that there is more there that I have to let go…. But for now I am knocking out the most important ones to me. In my experience…. I’ve walked on 50 feet of burning hot 1500 degree coals, broke an arrow on my throat, and bent rebar with the softer part of my throat. See pics at www.getmeoutofmyjob.com I truly understand the power of the mind. I’m still learning how to harness that power! I’ve used the power to do many great things in my past, and I’m excited for the life that is in the future. Thank you as myself and my family are very blessed.

Slow down!

All my life, well as far back as I can remember, I have always had to be in charge. When I was younger while my mother was at school or work, I had to help out with my brother. My mother used to have seizures and I'd have to take care of that too. Taking care of things has been the core of who I am. So here I am again as things are brought to my attention... Taking care of it! I realize that in order for me to truly live life, I must slow down in life. I'm a busy body, like my mother and my grandmother. (It must be a Korean thing?) This I decided is no way to live my life. BUSY! What? No I am in the process of slowing down. What does this mean…? Well I will admit that I knew this was a deeply strong desire of mine, BUT I've allowed myself to entertain the distractions that I make for myself. Here's the question…. Why do I entertain these distractions? I truly want this for myself but I put it off. So today was my groundbreaking start. I get to dive straight into this question. I'm sure there is some kind of deeply hurtful thing associated with this. When I talk about the desire to slow down in life, I get tearful. I have a feeling of hopelessness. Hmmm my question is why? What does this mean to slow down? Breathe slower, one task at a time, read more, take the time in for me. I already day dream and take time in, but to truly take time in means to calm the inner self and throw out the garbage. For once in this journey of understanding, I understand what truly quieting the mind means… NOW the trick is to take action. I am my worst critic. I beat myself for the mistakes I make in life and I hang onto those for forever… Here's the bottom line… IMPERFECT ACTION is better than NO ACTION. I'm realizing that this holds true in ANY situation. Today I am grateful for the lessons that come up and the new vision of change. This all started with wanting to clear the clutter and throw out the baggage, and it has evolved to a whole different level. I know this is right, even though it feels so shitty, but in the end I will feel free. That's my drive to get myself through this.

I’m doing it!

It is ok to see the challenge in front of you and be scared! Be scared and still do it and life will be amazing. Because you stretched yourself to the challenge of change. I'm giving myself credit for doing that in my life! Be proud of all that you do. The mistakes are part of the process.

Deep seeded in my head? Where??

When someone touches me in a, oh so good spot things in my life start feeling uncomfortable. -Normal things between married couples. But for me, all I hear is my mother saying how I'm a dirty little girl. Wow, to come to understand why I feel uncomfortable about what your husband does is normal. I just have this belief that touching me sexually is a dirty thing. Really what that boils down to is that my mother taught me that. Tom to touch me and love me is ok because I like it. To shed the belief that I now understand, I must learn to love and allow. I like it when you rub my luscious lips. I love it when you are freshly shaven. I love that you can cook, I love your bald head, and I love and admire your passion for being successful. -I love you.

Deep seeded things that I never really understood, until now. Who would've ever dreamed that some of the things you do today are a direct correlation to some of your past. Huh? I'm still learning more about me here. Talk about an awakening to something much deeper though. This means that we hold ourselves back because of some of the beliefs we were labeled with as a child. This can be detrimental and devastating. Sheesh, its tough enough just growing up as a kid. Something that someone once said to you and; with that person's belief, they judged you and I guess it tends to stick for some reason. That's what we get for looking up to our peers or our parents. Who'd ever known that! Definitely NOT ME! Until now…. What I learned a long time ago and I've always called it… Generational Error. –The things we get from our parents, the things they got from their parents, and the things they got from their parents, and so on…. -This vicious cycle. I'm thankful of my awareness' to some of the reasons why I tell Tom no. I've learned so many things from my parents. I'm so thankful that my parents taught me things that I'd never want my children to experience because I remember the way it made me feel. I'm thankful for some of the lessons I was taught by "the hard way" because that changed my life in a dramatic way. AND a BIG THANK YOU again for the challenges you put forth with those deep seeded thoughts I have. They have taught me that what I like is all that matters, and its ok. I am learning the aspect of allowing things to happen. You know they say go with the flow….. Tom said it the other day in talking to me about riding the flow of life. He likes it mellow and I like it with determinate, speed. I'm learning about allowing the change to flow within me from the core of what I want. By the way I'm still figuring out me right now, what I want is next, I promise.

Who would’ve ever known?

Not the way I would've ever imagined this conversation I had with my mother. BUT I AM SO GRATEFUL..... I am so thankful for the conversation I had with my mother on Sunday. I was able to have an adult conversation with her and listen to why she was calling me. –My brother. Finally doing something outside of my comfort zone! I have been able to confront my mother about some things that happened when I was a child. –No longer scared of her….I was able to express how I felt about those situations that made a big impression in my life... Monte made such an impact and I know that my mother does not know the whole story. I told my mother that my relationship with her was not close when I was a child…. I knew this because of how I remember the incident with Monte and how I came forth. I told my best friends mother about it before I told my own mother. I remember that I was so afraid of my mother when I was a child. To express myself freely with my mother was a great thing. Maybe the beer I shared with Tom earlier aided in that but overall….. The conversation we had was such a connection that I've never shared with her in my life. I feel like since I was able to tell her about some of the incidents that made such an impact on my life. -I was uplifted to express myself about something that bothered me as a child. She shared with me the struggles of her past and her chemical imbalance of her brain. She called it Emotional Stress. -The abuse she endured. -She expressed to me how YAK has really helped her…..Funny thing is that I tell myself everyday that the YAK is healthy for my body and I just drink it. It's yaklicious. It's Chinese Herbs from my uncle Allan. The enlightened feeling I have about this whole connection with my mom… She has no idea of my breakthrough with her when Tom and I attended the Breakthroughs with Jeffrey Combs. That's when I had confirmation of the angry feelings against my mother. Many Breakthroughs for me in my life, each one I learn something different. To see the growth that I am doing is an eye opening experience for me. I truly can choose what I want in life. I have had many things happen in my life and most of my childhood memories are not happy ones. But I learned after I divorced my 1st husband that I could choose to have a victorious life as a survivor. So I changed my tune of no longer choosing to be a victim. This still meant that I had the past to deal with but never knew how. That conversation with my mother was a deep sense of connection to my mother. She was allowing herself to be vulnerable and I allowed myself the same privilege. I stood up to my mother without any of the confrontations. -Just a conversation. I'm sure there are many more learning experiences that I will be challenged with in my life.....I'm definitely learning along the way. Thank you for the abundance I have in my life, I am truly blessed beyond measure.

A bit into what, where and how

Somehow for me to know who I was…. used to be a tough question for me to answer. For starters my name is Kimberli Hoerner; I’m a mother of a blended family, in which I am very much in love with, and I also have 2 Airedale Terriers –Leilani and Nui who are a big contribution to our family.
I believe that I’ve been on this journey called “Life” that takes us too many different aspects and dimensions of this planet in which we live on. Here’s a little of history on how I arrived where I am today.

When I was growing up, my families’ belief was to be “tough”. What does this mean? It meant that crying was a sign of weakness, and as a child you were to be seen but not heard. So this meant that I never expressed anything and I always stuffed all of my emotions and feelings. I was a child, I had no idea that I was stuffing my feelings and that it was unhealthy for me. I just knew I wanted the acceptance of my parents, so I did my best to stuff all of my emotions and keep quiet.

I remember my parents fighting, and with most families there was definitely dysfunction. In my childhood I encountered many forms of abuse. As a young child of 5, I was sexually abused by a close neighbor for quite sometime, emotional, mental and physical abuse from my mother, my father who just neglected me by drinking, and a few unpleasant experiences from being in the big city of Hawaii with no parental guidance. My 1st husband was abusive and during my marriage I endured many forms of abuse up until I had the courage to file for divorce and leave that situation. -I stuffed all of my emotions throughout that whole experience. After I divorced my 1st husband is when I started my walk with personal development. I was educated to work through my emotion. The problem for me was that someone just told me to work through it; they really never taught me how to do that. So I still didn’t quite understand how to do that. My friends never could assist me in my questions and give me some good feedback. So I just put this question of how to on the back burner.
When I married my 2nd husband, I was in a state of bliss as I was finally in a healthy relationship where I could freely express myself. 5 years later my husband had a massive heart attack leaving him in a coma for over 4 months. At age 24, I was faced with having to make the decision to continue to watch my husband waste away on life support or support what I knew he would have wanted. I only knew this, as we had this discussion in the past when his grandfather had fallen into a coma. His wishes were to discontinue his life support, although my husband’s parents felt much different about what I decided, I did what I knew was right. I knew I was supposed to work through my emotions and for once in my life I thought I was dealing with those emotions, but what I ended up doing was turning to drugs and alcohol to cope instead. What I didn’t realize is that I was doing more damage than good. In hindsight I realize now is that I stuffed every one of my experiences throughout my life as deep as I could. What this did was turn me into a ticking time bomb that would explode at any single moment in the right circumstances and placing me in a vicious cycle of aggravation.

Sometime after my 2nd husbands passing, I was determined to get my life together, after all I had my 2 boys to think about. I knew that bankruptcy was NOT an option and I tried to continue with our company but that didn’t work out. -So I shut the doors. I ended up selling almost all of our assets (which wasn’t much as we didn’t own anything) and got a job as an accountant. I worked hard and made extra money on the side as often as I could. I worked, worked and worked. No matter how hard I worked it seemed that I never got ahead. The logical thing to me was that I wasn’t making it and I had to start looking for a new job. Found it! I now was a Corporate Accountant and it seemed like the dream job for me. Beautiful for the first year and then suddenly at times I found myself working 50-70 hour work weeks and barely ever home with my boys anymore. -Turns out that it wasn’t so glamorous after all. Thank goodness for my husband, Tom who I'd met through my job, as he was our companies heating repair guy. He was there to take care of the things I wasn't able to as a mother. Sick of my J~O~B, I started looking for a new job that hopefully paid just as well but less hours. One day I came across this advertisement in the local newspaper that said "turn your annual income into your monthly income". It had a number listed, so I called. It was a young guy talking to me about “Free Enterprise” What the heck was that? Apparently I was a fit for what he had to offer. I got on a presentation call and I knew that this was my ticket to getting out of my job. I was broke at the time and the program required me to come up with $1,600.00. WOW! That was a lot of money but if what they said was true then what did I have to lose. I borrowed the funds on my credit card and dove into “Free Enterprise” Long story short I managed to make an extra $18,000.00 and what I spent was 10 times more than what I earned. BUT what I discovered from that experience was this…. It wasn’t the money I was supposed to earn; it was the experience and the knowledge I was supposed to learn. Because of the tools and the knowledge I now had, I was able to help myself, my youngest and my 12yr old in turning his negative behavior and failing grades around to the opposite of what it was before. CJ is now a A/B Student. I'm so proud !

In 2005, I started a consulting company and began to work myself out of this debt I was in. In December of 2006; I was then again introduced to “Free Enterprise”. Hesitant but this time I truly did my due diligence in this company. What I found was this… This company was similar to the company I was with before, however the integrity and the mission statement I was presented with was mind boggling! The money back guarantees they offered and the authenticity of these founders were far different that I have ever seen in this industry. I have done my fair share of Network Marketing –anywhere from Telecommunications, Mary Kay, Avon, Waiora, Pampered Chef, Quixtar, Ecoquest, Herbalife, Prepaid Legal, Liberty League, EPI, Primerica, etc… All in which I wanted something but was never really congruent with my product. This time I am so excited to be part of something so big, that I made the decision with my husband to become a visionary of this company. -Our company is DYP. So I’ve been with this company since the very beginning, and the products have just launched in 2007.

Tom and I had the opportunity to be part of the making of these transformational products and I was so excited for the next part of my journey. Of course I had no idea what lies ahead of me…….
For so many years now, I have done my best in dealing with all of my so called “emotional stuffing”. What this means is… I’ve learned to deal with the emotional stuff that comes up in life but never had the courage to go back and deal with the past. (There was a reason some of that stuff was down there stuffed so deep. –It hurts!) Those emotions sometimes rose to the surface and I just kept stuffing them back down as I wasn’t ready to deal with it, and that I had no idea how to do that. I knew that I should and I wanted to, but how? My life long struggles were suddenly a challenge that I was ready to deal with. How? Just keep asking and be open to the answers. Last November I attended the Breakthrough Conference in beautiful Puerto Rico at the most beautiful resort I’ve ever stayed at. -Grand Melia. During this conference I laughed, I relaxed, I danced, I cried and I broke through some of my life’s biggest challenges I have ever faced. There was a guest speaker that presented a tidbit on stuffing emotions. WOW! -Talk about Law of Attraction! Thank you! I was listening with my undivided attention and I discovered a whole new concept of emotional stuffing, and how to allow those feelings to come up freely, and purge them out. You see, she taught me that just like our body in fighting off disease, our spirit naturally fights for us too. She called our past emotional stuff, our “oils”. As we continue to pour good thoughts, feelings, and stuff into our mind, our “oils” will naturally arise to the surface. We also did a four square exercise that assisted me in breaking through a deep seeded belief that I had about never being good enough, or that I even deserved it. For the first time in my life, I felt uplifted and like I deserved everything I had and wanted in my life after this exercise. I now understood why from time to time those stuffed feelings would naturally come up and that I should allow it to. Now what? I continued to go through my 56days to destiny program through the Discovery series. Using this program gave me the courage to go through this journey and the tools to assist me in releasing this emotional baggage and purge those things that came up. The other important thing I got from this program was the understanding of this process and how it all works conjunctively with each other. The last and final piece was the Discovery Mentorship Sessions. On Saturdays Discovery Mentorship sessions with mentors who live and teach through their wisdom and experiences there are so many special guests. Guests, who gave me the tools to change my beliefs of who I was as a being and to breakthrough many of those deep seeded beliefs of the conditioning I received as a child. The good things I poured into my being with all of my personal development, just made those stuffed feelings rise quicker and pour out of me like a cup over filled with dirty water. I will admit going through this stuff (and I know I’m not done as I’ve learned some of the triggers along this journey) has rocked my world and turned it upside down for a short time period but wow what a gift to me and my life. I would’ve never dreamed in a million years that this company was the true inspiration to the hugest transformation in my life.
I feel that since I was able to have this experience in my life, I would now be able to share with others. Today I am thankful for everything and everyone who is in my life. I feel emotionally free for the HUGE amount of emotional baggage I had been carrying has been left behind and let go. Talk about a weight being lifted off my back. I believe that we all have a gift and a purpose here and until we truly get in touch with ourselves on the inside, we will never find that part of us. We all are capable of whatever it is we so desire. The saying I’ve learned is…”If we don’t go within, we go without” I have been in turmoil for most my life, and now that I have learned the true gift of purging that turmoil and dissattaching myself from the outcome, life is just what happens along the way. ~Riches are gratitude and money is just the by-product.

My deepest wishes to you and your prosperity~
Kim Hoerner

Gotta do what?

Accepting challenges with understanding that those challenges have its own timing… Just when you think everything is going the way you planned, something just shows up. Does this ever happen to you? Seems no matter what we did to sell the division, it would just find a way to stay longer. This business, our HVAC division was a stepping stone to something bigger for us. It was nice to be self employed, but the responsibilities that came along with this Brick & Mortar type business were HUGE! The technical stuff a boss would take care of if you had a job. -Right? Between Tom and me, we were tired of the business just covering its business bills. Never any extra money for our family, but we liked the fact that we had the freedom to schedule things around our family of 6. Tom and I worked this business and we were both drained. If only there was one more of "me" Finally it's SOLD! 5 Months after the first offer fell through back in October 07. We were really counting on the division being sold as we have a passion of helping people. How? We were going to figure that out along the way. Our journey… I asked Tom awhile ago while I was reading the book the Passion Test, if he was passionate about what he was doing. Does he love what he does…? He came back a few days later and said "no" So we talked about how unhappy we were with the business and understanding that we had to hire more people and bring in more work or get a game plan together for how we could get some money into our household. If we continued on the same path, we were never going to be able to pay us. So we made the decision to sell the business. 1 month being on the market, a buyer came along and we worked on contracts with Attorneys but we left to a conference before we closed the deal. A revolutionary conference that both of us knew we wanted to attend. We were excited but when we were buttoning up the deal when we got back….. The buyer fell off the face of the earth. Huh? This meant that the company was back on the market and we had to continue working it. There were a few other buyers that came to the table but not one that would have the integrity to write the check. So here we are in February 2008. Tom and I had a plan B while we were in motion with Plan A of selling the business. -So Plan B was…. We decided after January, we would sell our clientele and assets of that division. It's February and not only did our Plan B work, we were still in business to land a big last minute job in January. This meant that the profits from that job would virtually take that division out of any debt it was in. -After all the books closed. The bonus now is…. We still have all the assets from our 4 departments within that division to sell. Amazing in how this worked out differently (Stressful) but it put us in a whole different aspect of starting our newest division of Posch Enterprises, Inc. This was a journey in which I never really understood the concept of the universes timing until now. It's funny throughout my life I fight for things to happen my way and in my timing, so much that I stress myself out! It's got me think'n…. I look back and think about all those situations of the things I demand out of life. Even though the other side of what I'm doing always means that it involves another person. Now I understand that I cannot rush things. I've known that but never really understood it until now. I do move at a fast pace and have been aware of that but it really never made sense until now how much I need to slow down and be in the flow of life. I do know that if you want something in life, you got to keep your focus on what you want in your life. Thank you for the journey of lessons I continue to learn, thank you for the patient husband I have in my life, thank you for the weight that has just been sold from the Air Filtration division, thank you for the abundance I have, and thank you for showing me the true understanding of effortlessness and ease. This is a celebration blog as we are ready to start this new chapter of our life….. Thank you

Going where?

Monday, February 11, 2008

Current mood: confused Who am I? Who is Kim Hoerner….. Before Breakthrough I was confident in who I was (kind of), then during Breakthrough I learned that I never felt like I deserve anything nice. Why??? Because I'm a bad girl, a dirty girl who always deserves what happens to her. NO -this is not true…. The truth is…. I deserve everything I want out of life. What do I want...? -Happiness, love, affection, laughter, success, a relationship with my husband, a life that is full of laughter and fun. Today I feel like it's my turn to let go. I know in my heart of hearts is this…. I desire DYP to work! I desire a schedule. I desire to be working out at the gym. I desire to be happy in my relationship. I desire $20,000.00 in my bank account. I desire a new bed. I desire new clothes. I desire our garage being built in the spring. I desire an invisible fence for the dogs. I desire a beautiful backyard with a huge fire pit. I desire the most elegant party that Tom and I have ever thrown. It will be catered. I will make Kal-bi. I desire to have successful friends that are like minded. I desire for my children to get along. I desire my children to work together. I desire to know truly down deep, who is Kim Hoerner? I write this when I'm zoned, When I'm in my own little world, I'm kind of lost. I feel that I do not have a purpose. I'm dazed with a fog. This is not me… I know that I have a strong will, I know that I'm always strategizing, I know that I'm a multi-tasker, I know that I'm shaping my eyebrows into what I want, I know that I'm driven about things I'm passionate about, I know that sometimes I'm a bitch, I know that I'm moody, I know that my split personality as I may has allowed me to lose control of me. I can't say that I love my children. They don't even make me happy. They fight, they bicker, they tattle tale on each other, and do they even love each other? How do I change this? I should start looking at the things that are great about the people in my life. –Especially, Tom. CHANGE! What does this mean to me??? It means waking up in the morning early to go to the gym or some kind of exercise. It means staying in control of me and my thoughts. It means believing in the process. Ahh this is a challenge for me. It means being thankful for all that I have right now. It means talking calmly from now on. It means no more drugs. It means taking more time for me. It means loving yourself. Which means do the things that will make you be in love with your body. It means waking up everyday with a hopeful thought and gratitude. It means dream. It means think about what can be, and remember to feel them on the inside. It means smile while I talk. It means that's a lot of stuff to do. Which one is the most important? Tom... That wasn't even on list. Why Tom? Because we truly were meant to be together but we both have our own problems right now and I think that this marriage is in the wrong time in our life. -Maybe later on in life. Right now actually I need to work on me! I feel like I'm not myself, and haven't been in a few years. Maybe I'm happy with having a job. -It's easier. Maybe its that I'm uncovering my true existence of what do I want to do with my life? No longer an accountant, gotta be self- employed as I am psychologically unemployable, I like to be in control.

I say Kudo....

I was listening to the radio tonight on my way home from the office at 10:30pm and I heard the song by Lifehouse. It got me to thinking… Are you willing to do whatever it takes? For me I feel that I'm already stretched out as far as I can go. I'm not doing enough?!!? How much more do I allow on my plate? Do I continue with what I wanted? -To clear the clutter. To clear the chaos that comes with the clutter? I have chosen yes. Clear the clutter of the mind though. –Not clean the house. That's done already! Sometimes I feel that other people push, push and push. I want to relax, and for once in my life, I want to get to know me for a bit. Who is Kimberli? For so long I have put others in front of me. It's time has come that I for once take the time in for me. -Maybe not every day, but at least 2 days a week. This is just the beginning of something I have never done in my life. Kudos...It just feels right. ….Meaning I have made this commitment to take some time in for me and my well being on a weekly basis. That's exactly what I have been doing. -Soon to be daily thing for me! The business side of everything is coming together just as we planned. Now that I know that this taken care of what's next? Guess what? …The very thing I have been running away from… ME! Yes, I have been running away or shall I say finding things to deter and side track me from getting down and dirty with myself…Yes, I'll admit it. But what I have discovered is that I have embarked on this journey to answer that question…. Who am I? What are the things I like to do? That's where I started... I decided that I love to swim, the water relaxes me. I love to sing and dance, it just lifts me up. I am learning to enjoy reading, as it expands my mind. I love to watch children laugh and play, I'm jealous because I'm just now learning how to play at 31 years old. This was something I never really encountered growing up. My household was serious when I was younger, and as I grew older it was my responsibility of taking care of my brother while "mom" was gone. I always heard growing up as a teenager that my family said that I missed my childhood. I agree, but I have been playing with my kids. Things like: board games and playing in the swimming pool. It's a start and I am thankful for that. Reality… It's the first time in my life that I'm actually asking the right questions and the answers are coming with such effortlessness. I now understand that I musk ask the right questions and be open to receive the answers in its own timing. So my question of are you willing to do whatever it takes? My answer is yes. -BUT in my own timing. I'm dealing with deep seeded issues from the past. I know in my heart of hearts, this journey of going within and digging all the clutter out… I know that I will be a whole new person on the inside. I know that I will have those feel good feelings within myself. AND I also know that everything else will come in time. The most important thing I have found is this... Do what you love to do  If you love your life, then the general rule is that life will love you back. I choose this life with conscience thoughts and choosing to stay focused on my goals and my dreams. To you and your journey, Kim