So just go fucking do it!

I’m addicted! I’m in love and I’m stuck all at the same time!

My husband likes to watch TV and play games on his phone all the time! I can see that these are the things he needs to have balance, for him. At least, for me… I feel that is what he tells himself. You know how that goes… what you tell yourself is true! >>> Don’t get me wrong, he works hard at work and at home. He is such a good man and does everything that I ask of him without complaining! He does voice his opinion, but in the end, he does everything he can to make me happy. I am happy! Kind of. I find myself gravitating to just be near him all the time. My mind, body and soul are addicted to being with him, all the time.

But that is not me. What happened to me? How did this behavior sneak in. In my mind it is so LAZY! Let’s be accountable here! I have allowed the change to take place where I now get stuck in TV; binge watching “shit”. It is such a waste of time. I know this does not feed my soul and is not a healthy lifestyle.  I am working on trying to break the cycle.

Creating space for myself and breaking the energy has been challenging, but hearing and torturing myself in knowing that is not what I want any more is burning this deep desire to break away.

I am afraid that IF I do this, we may not be as close. I don’t want to be one of these couples who divorced or have space between us, we will not/cannot connect anymore. We already have our problems as is. I’m just afraid that this will be the straw. I’m tired of being the glue in my relationships. It’s time that I put self-love back in the spotlight and let the cards fall as they may.

To the great divine, please hear my heart’s desire and bring me peace and the strength to know that I must trust the process and care only for myself first and foremost. I am grateful for the wisdom to know that in my decision to love and care for myself I will be the guidance for others, if they so choose... to follow.