Disconnected

Something has changed. I can feel it. I feel that disconnecting from GF will be the start. 

I need this job to calm down so I can have more time for myself. I cannot hold on much longer as my discontent is not sitting well. I need to shift my focus, activities and take action TOWARDS that change. 

Do the things I love to do. Maybe enjoy with a smile. Not sure what all those are, but I have a list already started in my mind. I will transition my free time, create more free time to get personally more invested. Too old for this shit! Come, ooon!

Golden Nugget

 

All Lies!

I had no idea that the food labels are not accurate. Actually it is in the benefit of the food manufacturer. OMG What?

So there is an actual formula and I'm discovering how to apply that knowledge into power. 

What are my challenges?

Food is my biggest challenge. Especially sugar. 

Finding recipes to cook each meal prep

• 3500 calories= 1# of fat
• ½ body weight of ounces and water
• 1 gram of fat = 9 calories 

Why am I so scared?

Let's be honest! It scares the hell out of me!

I feel that for decades. Really since 1996, I have been working my ass of to be successful. Honestly, I am very successful. Sure I'm not a CFO or a President of a company, but I have the ability and the experience to get there if I really wanted too. But I don't! Not anymore!

If I explore more into what my heart and soul desires, I feel that I would not be utilizing all the things I have sowed for the past few decades. I would feel that I have been wasting my time. I HATE wasting my time. It's too precious to whittle away. 

As I'm writing my thoughts into words, I hear myself thinking... but it's the journey that you needed to experience to get you here today. In those little things, sometimes BIG... it is with every experience that has brought you closer to discovery and renewed perspective. Thank you to network care and genius frequency for providing me the tools that I have in my life in allowing me to be more open. I am now starting, okay let's be honest. I've been asking for years as I know deep down that THIS life is not what I want. I just haven't been to that part of my soul to understand that seeking that part of me is more important than what I'm doing right now. 

Cheers to self discovery and the upcoming experiences while I start the process of exploration.

I've been thinking

For so many years I ran, ran, ran to chase the ultimate dream of being wealthy and living a life of freedom. But in turn, life provided me so many lessons on what that dream "really" is. I thought it was money, but now... not so much! I guess some would say that is what happens when you grown up? Right? Sure, money is an important piece of life, but it is no longer what is driving me. 

Honestly, last year was a abruptly eye opening experience that I will NEVER forget. I thought, I'm doing great, taking care of my body, going to the gym, eating well, no bad habits that have me in an addiction mindset. I'm healthy! Buuut, when I go back and read my posts, I realize that I am not great. I've been searching. Searching for blissful happiness; pure contentment. I've always said... it starts within. Maybe that is why I am SO in my mind these days.

One cannot obtain true happiness from the outside, it's superficial and artificially created. I feel it would be a temporary situation, but eventually the new-ness wears off and you are back to "chasing" the next thing. 

That brings me to my most recent thoughts. Sure, I started a new job and it has kept me quite busy. Too busy, but let's be honest... I like busy, but I am realizing that it's not what I want anymore. Now that the new-ness has worn off, I understand that I am bringing things into my life to keep me busy. Deterrent, distraction, procrastination to exploring more of me. 

Not the surface me, but, the real me. The deeper me. I feel that getting to know that part of me, scares the bejeebers out of me. However, I feel like it's time to discover the me who loves being outside in the rain, smelling the flowers and digging in the dirt to create a beautiful natural environment that surrounds me. 

I think I am starting to realize that this life that I've worked so hard for, is not the one I want anymore. 

Sure I am a whiz at accounting, it is a natural gift, but it is no longer what I want. Sooooo, what do you want. Darn Michael Losier... in my head when I hear the contrast in my thoughts. The real answer is I don't know. AND when I don't know I don't do anything, yet. It's time for exploration! Fun!

In my mind a lot! It's been a minute for sure!

Yousers, since 2023. Okay that was a break. Been busy. I guess, too busy! It feels as if time is going at warp speed! It's been awhile and all I can provide today is a quick "happy" update. Things are still challenging at times. PFPT is over and now my shoulder is stuck. So stage 3. OMG!

Happy that I'm at the gym T-F and... out in the yard on weekends! I get up super early. I feel committed to my structure.  >> Most weekdays, I'm drained and too tired to be outside for a few hours. Work is all the drama in my world, right now. Bah, buuuut...

My yard is progressing along nicely. So many flowers. Weeds too, but I'm catching up. 

Juuust a quick update, still too busy to spend a moment writing. Hopping back into my head for a bit, I'm sure I'll surface, again! Feeling so happy in my world. -Thank you!