Breaks my heart!

In the time I’ve known my husband, he has been estranged from his children. Not by choice, but by the interference that has forcefully driving the wedge. He was broken and operating on auto pilot when I met him, but as our relationship grew, I witnessed him becoming stronger; mentally, emotionally and spiritually. In time, he came to terms with accepting that he may may not be in his children’s/grandchildren’s lives. It is their choice. It was hard to watch, but I was so happy when he made the choice to accept the situation. Accepting is not giving up; it’s just understanding the serenity for his mental & emotional well-being!

So, today, we are in AZ so that we can soak up some of the spiritual energy that this part of the country offers. On our way to Sedona, we made a pit stop so that we could provide the opportunity to reconnect with his children. I am so grateful that 2 of his kids made the decision to meet with us. Baby steps, but by all means… steps! Although it was a short meeting, we were grateful for the opportunity to see them!

Truthfully, while we were planning our trip we carved out a day so that he could spend some 1:1 time with them. I was going to be busy working, so I thought that would provide the time and space to see where the day would lead. Sadly, no call. I felt terrible knowing that I couldn’t break away to go “do” something to fill that space. It still breaks my heart to know that he cannot just reach out and say hi to them because they were on his mind and he wanted to say hi and tell them he loved them!

It breaks my heart that over a decade of time has passed and he missed out on getting to know his children and watching as they grew into adults. Sad, but I know this situation all too well. I was estranged from my father for many decades and in the end, it is the children who pay the biggest price of all!

I trust that the great divine will provide the opportunity to rekindle what has been broken. If not, then that is okay too. Either way, our lives march forward.  

Mother Nature is beautiful!

Despite Jason growing up here, he insisted that we take some time out and play “tourists” for a day. Boy, what an AMAZING journey we had.  We visited Antelope & Horseshoe Canyon + we had the opportunity to walk across the bridge on the Glen Canyon Dam. OMG, I get anxiety at heights so this is far outside my comfort zone, but I just couldn’t peel my eyes away from everything there was to see.

First off, I must share that I LOOOOVE rocks. I love seeing the layers and all the different colors. I love that each rock is different and reveals the time they have been exposed to the elements. No matter what they go through, they either evolve or stand strong. Either way, I am in love with their energy!

Our journey began on a beautiful early morning drive through the cavern-ess valleys of AZ. I am a HUGE fan of the Native American culture, and as we were going through tribal lands, I noticed that many of the properties had an octagon building along the Navajo lands. I learned that they were called “hogans”. They have many purposes but are mainly built, so I’m told… when a man is wanting to marry a woman, he must build this building for his in-laws. This shows that he is worthy of their daughter’s hand in marriage. I found myself mesmerized by the craftmanship of some and had to catch myself from judging others. It is amazing to me that you can take wood/sticks, mud and grass and build a building. I’m intrigued and now have the desire to build something on my property. So many ideas!!!!

When we arrived at Horseshoe canyon, we had to walk out to the viewpoint area. I was so nervous and excited at the same time. Nervous at heights and excited to see this magnificent natural creation. Because we were on a tour with a guide, we had only 45-ish minutes to take in these magnificent views. I didn’t like that, so at some point, I will make my way back here again. Grateful for this beautiful discovery. Not to mention I learned that when we were here in earlier years, this was so close, and we DIDN’T come and see this.

Out of the entire day, I was most in love with Antelope Canyon! When I’m with my plant teacher, my energy is in hyper drive; magnified for sure! AND when we arrived at the staging area of the canyon, I was literally vibrating! My body was extremely grounded, and I found myself just drifting. The energy was so strong, and I loved every second of it! Jason kept trying to wrangle me as we were ready to go into the canyon with the group. It felt like I was out on a different planet, and we hadn’t even made it TO the canyon yet. To visit the canyon, you are required to have a guide as it is considered very sacred Native American land. I was so excited to forge forward and a big shout out to my husband… he knows me all too well and is so patient with me when I get the opportunity to just “tune-in”. At the canyon, it was glorious, so deep in energy, so much history and the colors and layers of this canyon were amazing. I would have spent hours out there!

The fine folks who care for this land are so lucky to have this at their fingertips. I’m in awe! I learned a lot about how the canyons were formed by the elements of wind and water. I also learned that the maintenance of these canyons is not a one-man task. It takes a team to keep a watchful eye on the wildlife who habitat in the canyon. Not to mention that when it rains, the underground rivers lift/move the sand and fill the canyon. You can’t get equipment there to remove the sand. It is all done manually with a shovel. Thank you to those who make that possible, I thank you for sharing the magnificent beauty of your protected land.  It was such a wonderful day!

The worst experience EVER!

Okay, maybe not ever. I seem to recall other situations that, in the moment... it feels like the worst situation. Really, that statement is driven by emotions that are particularly invested in this process. What I do, effects the employees of the company and I do take that personal. 

It’s not like I’m a newbie, because I do have experience with system migrations. This latest venture on moving our HRIS from Paycor to UKG has been a hair pulling event. The absence of explanation doesn’t help. If you think that I do well with “trust me” – you are sadly mistaken. I am a kinesthetic learner and understand that IF you want “systems” to operate as intended, then I MUST have the full comprehension of point A to B and back to ensure the mapping is in place.  

Truthfully, I cannot understand how a company that is this big can have so many complications. Maybe that is the problem. They are too big to be able to provide the customer service that I demand, no deserve! Their communication or lack thereof communication was creating more challenges than necessary. It was ridiculous! I’m guessing their turnover had something to do with their training practices, because the delivery of this project was, again… ridiculous! My takeaway is the same as when we were with Paycor. We are in a boat by ourselves with no life raft and the calvary isn’t coming. We will do what we need to do to ensure that we can “functionally” operate.

Lasty, I’m not impressed with UKG and I wouldn’t recommend them to anyone.

Overwhelmed!

This is becoming too much and I just don't think I can maintain this for much longer. Something has to give, or I'm gonna break. I'm close already!

I keep saying, this too shall pass. Well it better fucking pass soon. I'm nearly at the edge with all this. 

Nothing I hate more than road blocks and WASTING MY TIME!

If there is one thing I have learned is that time is a precious commodity and you only get so much.