Maybe not until I was in my late 20’s did I start bringing structure into my life. I needed to be, to keep things straight with all that goes on in this busy world of mine! It was how I kept myself sane through all the craziness of running and staying busy all the time. I can still hear people say to me “don’t you ever rest?” My answer, “nope and if you knew the women in my family, you would see where I get it from”
In the past, that has served me well, (it may be age) but I
have been recognizing that life has become so busy, too busy that I don’t like
it anymore! Not at all! Don’t get me wrong, there are days where I go, go and go,
but there are the days where I JUST DON’T WANT TO! Those days are happening
more and more often, and I feel a shift happening in my life. What shift? I
have no idea, but I can feel that something is changing. Tearing down those
beliefs and allowing new ones to unfold.
While I was working, I was busy. Despite leaving my job,
still busy. Just a different kind of busy. Labor of love, really! Tiresome, but
rewarding work. Lately I haven’t been able to sustain the energy to go to the
gym and do yard work/planting. No joke, landscaping is a lotta work! I feel
like I’ve just traded one kind of busy for another and feeling guilty for not
going to the gym, but also… giving myself permission to just be. It is what I
wanted, but I’m so over this year’s planting season.
I realized yesterday that the shift may be good for me and I
need to be open about it. Maybe I need to be more fluid with things and my
life. Don’t get me wrong, still setting goals and learning more about what brings
me joy, but I’m literally tearing down what once was in trying to discover what
may be.
Here’s to still staying open despite the bad days and
picking myself up and giving myself permission to just be. -Thank you!
