Out of control with “IT”

Justifying it… isn’t working anymore. I can see the effects, and can no longer have this in my life.

Why does it have a hold over me? Why do you have my power? “Tears forming” Why do you have my self-control? Is it really the last string I’m holding onto? –Seems to strike a nerve.

Right now it feels as if I’m allowing this power over me, and I’m out of control when I engage with it. If it’s here… I find myself drawn in. Limitations aren’t working. My sloppy choices after the fact are no longer serving the goals I have. 

More tears… and my tears are filled with you, glimpses of things I remember. Honestly, I barely remember you anymore. I remember how tall you were, I remember your face. Those blue eyes, curly hair and your laugh. This dates back to 1995, and the truth of the matter is… I must let go. IT is no longer serving me. Engaging with it leaves me feeling out of control. 

It’s time. Time to get deeper into the seriousness of me. Why am I so drawn to do those things? Those things that no longer serve me. Why do I allow anyone or anything to take my power away; self-control, and values?

This has been something that has been bubbling since 2000, and I must STOP! But you have a hold over me, which I cannot even begin to explain AND I feel that both are connected on some level.

I know what this is, and it’s becoming clearer. It’s no longer congruent and has moved to the forefront of my mind. So, now that I’m aware… I need to ask myself some deeper questions. Intentional questions. 

Baby steps? I believe the answers will be in those deeper, more intentional questions.

 

·        >>I challenge myself to find balance with everything I do. I’m a divided pie and each slice represents how I allocate every second of the time I’m given here on this majestic mother earth.

·       >>I challenge myself to just jump and trust that just like working out… It’s going to be hard focused work to reach those goals, and with each step… the goal becomes closer.