Sharing my JOURNEY....

Friday, July 24, 2009

Hmmm Breathe...

Today taking some time out for ME was nice.

I'm focusing on focal point breathing. Boy do I have some blockages!

Just being in the moment. Breathing ever so quietly and in flow.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Make a wish.

I used to sometimes want to be someplace else….

Wanting to escape to another world….

Many people including myself have felt… If it wasn’t for this or that, I could just have a different life than things would be better, but really it’s that kind of thinking that keeps us in the same state of mind. Really the change had to start from the inside. The feeling has to change on the inside first b4 they can appear on the outside.

Believe to achieve.

Feel not think life. NO live life!

Loneliness

This morning I woke up just feeling a bit blue. Why? Well I thought about that and I believe it’s something that is deep and really stuck in my emotions. Thinking that someone has to be there to hold me and make me feel good. No! This is an inner feeling, not an out side feeling. But what do I do? I go out and partake. Is that to deal with my emotions or to hide them? Wait! I know that! No it’s to cope with them. Yeah I say that I know this, but no matter how much I know it… I still cave in and end up disappointed at myself in the end.


I believe that being alone will allow me to feel the layers of my feelings. Lately I’ve had some mindless thoughts which brought up thoughts that I’ve never had before. Thank you for the openness.


Being “ALONE” well for starters I have a few habits that I know that I’m finally at the point where I’m finished! No more vices. It’s all about oneself, MY personal power.


I no longer need the mind to take over my body. The body I have learned will take over itself if you allow it… I can fix my aches and pains through breath work and working with my nervous system with a practice that’s new to me. It’s called; (NSA) Network System Analysis. It’s amazing and I’m just getting started. I committed myself to start feeling in life and I have the integrity to start taking action on those words and emotions. It’s no longer what I THINK is right, it’s what I FEEL.


In my discoveries I saw that I needed to change the strategies of what I was doing, if I wanted to change the outcome. I took the most important things to me and essentially assigned priority as to the one that was my #1.


I discovered that getting exercise and eating with a healthy lifestyle is the most important to me. Being conscience of what I’m putting into my body.


SO what did I do? I wrote a list of circumstances, thoughts, possibilities of what could get in my way.


I logically understand that I must recognize my patterns and to see what stopped me b4. I will then have the awareness to know what to change.


Now the challenge comes in and to put myself to the test of what I am WILLING to do.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Where thinking gets me sometimes…

I realized the other day that I had not forgiven my estranged husband. I still had hard feelings for the situation I felt that I was forced into. How and why would anyone not communicate about the situation we put ourselves in? I feel that he couldn’t handle the pressure I was putting on him as well as the overall situation itself. So he just left without letting me in about what his intentions were.

I’ll admit it; we pushed each others buttons and played TAG! I know that I will be accountable and honestly admit that I did. I had fear of our situation too.

In the beginning I had felt as if I could take on this debt load and without even thinking it through logically, I just went for it and tried to make it work. Selling, fixing and cleaning this mess up that I was left with. I did find some help along the way and those people came into my life to not only help me but to give me those extra learning lessons. -Tough lessons about money.

I feel that I have been living my life in a poverty consciousness because of my memories from my childhood and feeling as if I never have enough. Those thoughts, or shall I say habits? I have been ungrateful for the things I have in my life; instead of being thankful for what I did have. I’m learning that we are taught what we are exposed to. -Right? Were not born with knowing how to do much of anything in our life, we learned those things along the way; everything in life is a learning experience. It’s not anyone’s fault for not teaching u that. Actually it’s the other way around. I’m thankful that I have seen the light and can change it for generations to come.

Maybe the lesson in the next stepping stone for me in this chapter of my life is about money. I know that even with me going bankrupt that it can only get better from here forward and now that I have chosen to NOT care about what happens to Tom, I have opened myself up to healing.

In this life at this moment I am here to learn and discover ME, my power, who I am!

Harboring hate, anger, resentment, rage and revengefulness is poison to my body, and my number one priority in my life is to take care of my body through a healthy lifestyle and being conscience of what choices I make along with what goes into my body in every aspect. -External and Internal.

Awareness is the key and thank you for the clues along the way to assist me in discovering the things that I want in my life.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Realizations Day 8 for me...

My life..... I discovered through self examination that, recently I have been living the life of a victim. But not too long ago, I was that powerful person... and then something major happened and I realized that I was really in my own way. I folded and gave into the shit!

I was so busy trying to figure it out that I wasn't doing anything. BUT When I was in my power! I felt on top of the world. That there was nothing that could stand in my way. Eh! but I was missing something. The goal. What did I want. Then after some more self examination I realized I have been living my life in an egotistical perspective and not really living at all.

So very humbled in my life and the direction in which I am headed.... I realize that I truly haven't been living my life at ALL. Now with the realization of where I really am.... I understand that I must just set goals and take action. For now I am in transition and just flowing with the flow of life. Soon, life will begin to unfold what it is and where it is that I am supposed to be.

BUT really it's....
Right now, this is where I am supposed to be and that's OK. :-)

Thursday, July 2, 2009

To the PROCESS of letting go…

WOW!

Who would’ve ever thought that the things we hold onto are sometimes unhealthy for us? I can say that I knew that but really where is that gonna get me? -A sense of pride…? Well PRIDE to me is… needing attention, greedy materialism, people who make mean choices towards others and etc.

I will admit that I have emotional attachments to some things in my life and letting go of these things are often a challenge for me. Listen to the heart? OR listen to the logic?

I’ve put so much hard work and love into these things and this one, was by far the biggest one in my life. Letting go of it, has made me very emotional… I think it’s because that wasn’t the plan…. However I just opened my eyes to the reality, and letting go is what I’ve decided, because it’s in the best interest for all of us. Starting over again… Not where I saw or planned for myself for sure. But I will accept it and make the best out of it.

Hmmmm, more lessons as to how much WE are NOT in control of our lives.