Gratitude!

Lately I have had such an overwhelming sense of gratitude! --An overwhelming feeling that I feel the tears of happiness. 

I am so grateful for…

My mother, who made my childhood challenging, but taught me to be strong; despite the hard times in life; you MUST pick yourself up and try again. -To never quit! At a young age, I watched her leave an abusive situation; leaving everything behind to start over. I am so proud of her. So proud that despite her challenges, she has had a very successful career and was able to retire and reap what she sowed. I love you tremendously!

My father, who is stubborn, if not more stubborn than I am. Who was strict in his unwarily ways and made me stay in a place that taught me the best lesson I could ever learn. If it wasn’t for you, who knows where I would be today. Those hoodlum days are behind me, and I’m so glad they are!

My 1^st husband “Joe” despite the abusive situation and the emotional/mental challenges I faced in our relationship, you made me find the strong willed woman that I am. I found the part of me that can accomplish what my heart desires. I am also so grateful for our son, as he is very precious to me! AND last but not least, I’m so grateful that we are friends.

My 2^nd husband “Chase” who showed me true unconditional love. You were the love of my life! Even after your death, you continued to show me the effects of your love, and how deep love can resonate with one’s soul. I’m so sorry that you were not able to see your precious baby boy grow up. Despite not knowing or remembering you, I’m so grateful he has your great big heart. He resembles you SOOOO much. -I miss you tremendously!

Leanne Haywood, the most wonderful therapist who has been in my life through all those hard times. 14 years we had together, and I will never forget how you assisted me in changing my perspective, and turning those most negative thoughts and deepest dark times into a learning moment; how hard I must fight in order to keep myself together. Thank you for listening, thank you for being there for me, thank you!

My 3^rd husband “Tom” who took everything “materialistic” away from me… I’m so grateful for you showing me that no matter what hits me in life, I can start over and rebuild. I am truly deeply a strong woman, and with my strength, I can achieve great things in life. I’m grateful that you taught me the value of money. OR shall I say the non-value of money. 

Jason, you are the man, the rock, and the sunshine on the rainy days here in Florida. I am so happy that I can be the one that guides you to finding your heart, your core, and your strengths. I am so happy that I challenge you to be the better man, than I know down deeply you are! I am so grateful that I can share the wisdom, the love and the congruency of who I am to the core. –I love you!

Last, but not least my children. You boys were my rocks, my drive, and the reason for fighting in my life. You are my angels, and I’m so happy that you both are strong enough to be living on your own terms in a state that is many thousands of miles away from me. Moving to FL was a hard decision, and I feel so selfish for leaving you. But as I’ve taught you. You MUST take care of “you” first and foremost. -I miss you boys immensely!

The bottom line is that I am here because of me, and the people who have crossed paths with me along this journey. I am a better person because of it, and I cannot wait to see what my future holds for me. 

Thank you!

Yay! I get to Bake!!!

On the 23^rd, it’s our Christmas Luncheon at our office, and I’m so very excited that I get the opportunity to showcase my baking skills. Time off to do so, and finally, I get to do something I absolutely love to do. Bake, bake and more baking. Baking is so calming for me… I get to use my creative side to express my love and gratitude for food. Okay, sugar but really, I’m excited that I get to unwind and bake without being rushed. 

This year’s deserts are… Cappuccino brownies, fresh fruit tarts, and lemon tarts.

.

Today is my birthday. Happy Birthday to me!

Many, many moons ago I thought that life would be different for myself; much different than where I am right now. I understand that there is a higher power that is ultimately in control and, I’ve had to learn to roll with the punches. 

Kids were never part of that plan, yet I have 2 wonderful adult boys… men! I am so proud of them. Proud that they are living life on their terms and seeing that life isn’t as simple or as easy as it appeared. It’s hard to believe that they are 19 and 22. Boy, oh boy, the math of me being 30 isn’t quite working out in my favor anymore. Hee hee, just kidding! –I have no shame in my age, nor do I feel that age means anything. I’ve met 40 yr. olds who are immature and childish, and 20 yr. olds who are wiser than most. (at that age) To me, it’s just a number.

Honestly, for me… I cannot say I am living life wholeheartedly right now. I have fallen so far off my beaten path. I’m starting to realize that in order for me to get back on track… I must make changes. NOW! Therefore I have. S-L-O-W-L-Y -- I have started to finally make the time to get back outside & be more adventurous! It’s not all about my career, to me it’s all about balance. 

I live in sunny Florida, how, can I ever say the weather is too bad to go out in it. Actually it’s the opposite, but only in the summer… the weather is scorching hot to be out all day. BUT the early mornings are NICE! And realistically that leaves me 8-9 months of being out in the weather whenever I want. 

Anyways… today is my birthday, and despite my upbringing. I’m happy to be me!

That magical number

When I was younger, it was never my intentions of having children. But the powers that be, had a different path for me… sort of a detour per say. AND in looking back, I realized that I’ve lived a life of scheduled craziness; mother hood and finding the balance between career, kids, social life and death. IT has been worth all the hard work, but now, it’s time for me and my career. It’s time for me… and my dog MIA. I thought it would feel amazing… my boys out living on their own terms, me turning 38; that magical number feels no different.  Lately, I have become aware of the things that challenge me. Finding the balance in my life has been brought up too. Actually… top priority. Now that both my boys are gone… Goodness they are 18 and 21. How amazing is that? I don’t feel old enough to have kids that age, but the truth is, I am. Simply amazing!

 

But to stay on track here, I MUST STAY FOCUSED. Find the balance. Peace, Protection, Harmony, Gratitude, Wealth, Love and Life. The truth will always keep your conscience clear. I feel so at peace today. In harmony! Tomorrow isn’t only my birthday, it, marks a significant life altering decision to once and for all… stomp out the old habits. -for good. Time to create new ones. Tomorrow is a new day... the line has been drawn in the sand. -Time to SRI. -For sure Stage 1. 

#1 Focus is for me… to make time for me. -First and foremost. I’m a workaholic. I’ve realized that my inner core needs some things to change too. 

I feel like my last relationship was a major bump… aaaaaa pot hole in my focus, and I’ve just now figured it out. -after the fact. BUT I am doing the things that are healthy for me; get back to those habits that benefit and serve a purpose. Essentially I’ve detoured away from getting down deep and dirty with my inner “crap” 

Happy to see with new eyes, now there’s no hiding. I can get “real” with myself and my inner world. Outer world… I have so many things to be grateful for… and I am. BUT my inner world feels a bit disconnected. It’s nice to create space and time. All I gotta say is… Lay down flat, breathe in through your nose and out of your mouth. Really get in touch with Stage 1 and get connected! And for me, it’s getting connected again. But just a little deeper. AGAIN!   

Sometimes steps back to see, can be an eye opening experience. -a different perspective.

Thank you to the “reset” button, awareness, gratitude, patience, strength, friends, love and laughter.

Internal? or External?

How often do you listen to yourself? I don’t mean hear you actually verbalizing something out loud. I mean that “gut” feeling or internal intuition that you feel.

For me it has been so many times that I can’t even count them on my hands or my toes.

Who knew what that feeling was? Did someone teach you about that? Traditionally that is not something we learn in school, or even from our parents. Some families are evolved to understand what that internal voice is and have passed it onto their children. Some have NO idea! Well, that would be mine!

So many times in life I have just strolled along without really listening. Disconnected from my true core and just living on the surface of whatever my mind thought was important.

In living and experiencing the true desires of my core, I have discovered that there is more to life than just what I could think up in my mind. In all actuality my mind could be a very dangerous place; realistically creating road blocks and barriers of excuses of why this or that is NOT a good idea.

I am writing today to just acknowledge the gratefulness I have in understanding the internal language, to have the keen sense of hearing and the understanding to have the voice be so strong that I truly must listen. More lessons on how life has shown me that each and every experience has taught and brought me to a higher level and a deeper sense of connection.

Thaaaaaaaank You!

Oh what to do now???

For months now, I have been running at warp speed with this to do and that to do. Finally --I’m done!

It has been nice; I’ve been able to sloooow things down and get a bit more focused. Things I want to do vs. the thing I have to do. Live life and enjoy all the hard work that has been done.

After we finished up with the move and became more settled, I wanted to go play! So we have been; kayaking, horseback riding, festivals, put-zing around town and still dabbling a little with the things that need to be done around the house.

It is so important to have the balance, and I am so grateful that I have a renewed sense of life that I understand the importance of what has to be done and what can wait.

There is no race to the finish line and I can remember the times in my life when all I could do is; do, do, do, do, do and do! Boy, I am no Spring chicken anymore and I definitely understand the need for balance!

Thank you for everything that is in my life. Thank you for love, Thank you for the light in my life, Thank you for sun as the summer has been wonderful, Thank you for the lessons that have brought me to this new sense of reality, and thank you for the challenges that have made me grow as a person! Thank you, Thank you, and Thank you!!!!!

Truly Gifted Artist -Thank you Sarah!

Thank you to Sarah Forbes for creating the perfect pictures!

Last year when we attended the Anacortes Arts Festival we noticed your artwork and how beautiful and how the elements of the paintings really resonated with us. This year we set out a goal to find art pieces to add to our collection, and to our surprise, some of the pieces that you had displayed were the ones that resonated with us the most.

The room where we had pictured those to go, fit perfect; it was like it was meant to be!

Truly gifted -Thank you!

Count your blessings!

Every day I wake up, honestly I cannot say that I count my blessings. I don’t feel that I am ungrateful but I feel that my focus has shifted. It’s only when I have a moment to myself where there is nothing demanding my time when I take a moment to count my blessings.

Now That things have settled down, I must make a conscience shift to focus inwards again!

I feel that things have shifted so far out of whack that getting grounded again is going to take some very challenging work. I definitely have my work cut out for me. I do know that when I get back into routine again… it will all be worth the hard work it took to get there again.

Just want to say thank you for awareness and everything it brings into the “BIG” picture.

Thank you!

Keep going…

I woke up this morning exhausted!

Can’t say that in all my years, I have ever experienced seven hours of sleep and woke up feeling like I just worked a super long day. -I am definitely starting to feel the affects of age. To those who are older than I am, I know I am considered young; and, I feel young! BUT OMG!!! Two weeks straight of just hard long days are helping me to feel like I am not. The challenging thing about this is that I still have a few more weeks of this. I tell myself that I have to keep going, but if I continue to feel like this in the morning… I will be so burnt out! Will I recover? I know our bodies are amazing and I know that I will, but I feel like I am running out of steam and running out fast!

Thank you to the help we had this weekend in getting us through this transition. Thank you for the experience in understanding that this is going to be the last for the time being and for that matter… the next 4-5 years!

I am excited about this new chapter and I know that I have definitely earned some time off to reap the rewards of all this hard work. –Just wish it could be here sooner.

Just a quick note to show my gratitude and to voice my exhaustion; I know that I will look back on this at some point and say “Boy am I glad that is over and YES, we made it!”

Thank you!

Finally Re-building!

So excited that after many experiences, trials and challenges... I finally have the opportunity to buy another home. Hooray for determination and perseverance! OOOOOh and I cannot forget "Hard Work"

Thank you for the experiences that have carried me to where I am today, I am truly grateful for all that is in my life.

Yes to the challenges that are here to teach me something and for all the easeness that is here as well to show me that a content and peaceful life is truly deserved!

Love and Light!

Grateful for today!

Not so long ago I can remember being so far in the future and sometimes, so stuck in the past.

It’s sometimes hard to believe that I now live in the moment. I drift into the future and sometimes reminisce about the past but I never stay in either of those moments for too long; as the present moment is very important to me.

There is now a clear understanding of the “present moment” and what it truly means to be in it.

So many times in the past I have been given the education and the opportunity, yet I still missed the boat. Missing that great moment of seeing something so beautiful; because my mind wandered into areas that can be self destructive and disheartening

I see so many people who are stuck in one world or the other but cannot seem to grasp on the being here and now. That saddens me; I want to just show them a glimpse of what I know so that they would see for themselves.

Thank you for all the experiences and for all the times... I’ve missed the boat! Because of those moments; I am where I am today! Every experience has been a very valuable lesson that I can only get if I go through those crossroads and make a decision for the greater person in me.

A time for thankfulness

I know that I was struggling back in 2008 and 2009. I know why, and I know what I was searching for.

 

In looking back over the past few years… I remember how many questions I had. I've learned... The quality of the question, determines the quality of the answer.  

This is my observation as of today… Not that many entries and even the journal entries in my offline journal are scarce as well. -Here’s to the gratefulness of discovering those answers and feeling good!  

Reaching new heights!

For quite sometime I have been wanting to skydive... But the thought of being up high scared the bugeebers out of me so I have been procrastinating for quite sometime until... TODAY!

It is just another reminder to me of the brains way of keeping me in my "comfort zone"

This experience was so much fun that I am definitely going again!

Below is the link to view my pictures on facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=92742&id=1216724905&saved#!/album.php?aid=92742&id=1216724905

Boy, where does the time go?

An entire year has almost gone by and I haven't written much. On here or in my journal either.

I have been busy living life and living with a new perspective.

I used to have a website and it's probably still connected to my profile and wherever I may have put it but I shut that down in February 2010... why?

A new perspective of life has me understanding that I must live in the moment; day by day! I do not need to cast it out to the world to get validation back. I just want to live, breathe and love every moment in time.

I just wanna say in short that life is wonderful; still all up in the air and living by the edge of my seat but life is good.

I'm happy and loving my life and all it has to offer.

Thank you!!!

I am so grateful for my life’s experiences. This year has been a year of change for me. To have been where I was and to be where I am is something I cannot understand but I know that GOD has his plan for me. Thanks to those who hated me, I am now a stronger person.. Thanks to those who loved me, my heart has grown fonder.. Thanks to those who envied me, my self-esteem grew stronger.. Thanks to those who cared, you made me feel important.. Thanks to those who entered my life, you made me who I am today.. Thanks to those who left, it made me realize that nothing lasts forever.. May GOD bless you and all in your life!

Being thankful!

Today I am so grateful for what is, and has been transpiring in my life. Yes the road has been a bit bumpy up until this point, but I have looked back and taken a deeper look at the broken records I have been telling myself in those particular moments. That is why the road got really bumpy. I was choosing to focus on the negativity of my situation, focusing on the “what ifs”, focusing on the scarcity of me not being able to make it. Wow the reality of it is this….. I was creating and manifesting more of what I didn’t want to myself with a high magnitude of concentration. I know that I know better but sometimes those moments in time are a challenge. To see something positive out of the situation sometimes is a challenge when you are living in that crap! BUT As strong as I am, eventually I pull out of it. Thank you for that! Yes, more of those broken records, more lessons on getting out of my head and living in the moment. Thank you so much for having the awareness of what I was doing to myself. -Self sabotage. Thank you for the life long experiences that have brought me up to knowing when change is required. Thank you for the people who educated me in knowing the difference in conscience decisions. Thank you for everything that has happened in my life. AND thank you for the people who surround me during those challenging times in my life. As I said earlier, I am so grateful for what is transpiring in my life! My children and I are truly blessed as we are taken care of every single moment of every single day. To the GOD up above who is so forgiving… Thank you for being the creator of everything that surrounds us. Here is my pledge of continuing the process of getting out of my own head, my own way and allowing me to live by each moment and experience as it comes. To live consciously is to live, and to make decision instead of reacting is healthy for me. Thank you for the awareness!!!!!!

What just happened?

Dude! My computer’s hardboard died, so getting access to the internet has been a challenge. Still going to blog when I get a chance. So here’s the skinny on the last few weeks……..

Have you ever been just cruising through life and then all of a sudden something happens that dramatically changes everything?

It is so hard for me to believe that my life has taken a 360 degree flip and then some….

There have been so many awakenings that have opened my eyes further into this journey of where I am headed.

A friend recently told me that “Sometimes it takes something drastic to happen for that change to shift”

A force that is stronger than what you can control. Control, which is what I have been out of for the past,… about 4 years. I believe myself to say that I have been in a comatose state. Waking up and figuring this mess out is going to be a challenge but I know that deep down within myself I am so much closer to being within my inner power. Scary but I know that it will all be ok. Breathe……

It feels so good to be back! Now it’s time to clean up the mess.

I going to get a job and this time, I have decided to do something FUN with my life for a career.

I’m super excited!

I am so grateful to have the greatest friends in my life.

I am so grateful that I drive a beautiful gas guzzler.

I am so grateful for things working out.

I am so grateful for the money I have in the bank.

And of course last, but not least, I am grateful for my kid’s smiles.

OMG!! Be open and allow!!!

I am so grateful that allowing is something I'm aware of....

It’s funny how we attract things into our life. –Did any of you know that we can and do deliberately attract things to us??? Whether we want them or not!

I knew about Law of Attraction… but I’m very analytical and I knew that the Law of Attraction existed but it was just merely a concept to me because I never understood it as I was never educated about how it all works. Just that I had to choose my words and thoughts carefully. -Positive or Negative….

Tom and I went to a conference this last weekend and we learned the science behind the Law of Attraction. For me... unless it’s clear on how something works, I have only an idea. Thank you BMI…. Now that LOA has been broken down into the analytical side, everything now makes sense as to this universal law.

Bottom line is this… Life is all about feeling and thoughts. Feel your way through life and buckle your seat belt for the ride of your life. For me though it has always been about thinking my way through life. Uh what happens though is my brain (EGO) keeps me comfortable. That is where my fears and anxiety come in. That’s my ego brain trying to hold me back from changing. If you feel your way through life, the ego brain is not there to tell you a lie. Everything that I’ve heard my ego brain tell me is…..

This is too expensive I can’t do that I’ll get hurt I’m too old to do that That’s going to hurt I have to work hard to get anywhere A job is security I can’t afford that I’m too tired to do that Maybe later I’m not sure what the best decision is No

Where has this gotten me…. Well for starters we are successful because Tom and I do work hard. However I’ve learned that I have been limiting myself through how I feel.

I feel ½ of those things on that list at some point of my week, sometimes day! What kind of energy am I emanating to the universal law of attraction? Not a good one.

Start your life everyday with love and gratitude.

Be grateful for where you are right now and remember to have fun!

Those little steps lead the way to a prominent future.

Be open and allow your feelings to lead your life

Cheers to you and your journey

Kim

Getting down and DIRTY!

So the other day I did not want to get to Burlington “office/storage” to work on the landscaping. Honestly since 2005, I’ve had the employees take care of the yard maintenance for me. –It’s been nice. BUT since we sold our company earlier this February; this means no more employees to take care of that. It’s my turn to do it.

Yuck pulling weeds is not the most glamorous thing on my list of to do’s. So I put it off for as long as I could stand it. I went there sucked it up and just went for it. Got it done! Gratitude for that dirty job being done! So this brings me why I’m blogging today.

Lately in my life, I have been struggling with where exactly is my passion? I know what I want to do, but what really lights my fire?

This journey of releasing my emotional baggage has brought me through this tunnel of spinning, tumbling and has turned my beliefs and my mind upside down. I’ve struggled with Who am I? What do I love? Am I truly happy? Do I love where I’m at in my life? What do I want to do to make a difference? Some of those have been answered by following the discovery program but for the most part, I still feel as if I’m drifting along life just taking care of the day to day needs.

The greatest advice that my friend shared with me a while ago, was to go dig in the dirt.

Hmmm “go dig in the dirt” What a funny thing to say to someone for advice. It was January and it’s Washington, its cold, it’s rainy, and it’s just not what I wanted to do when she talked to me about it. Nope not even my houseplants. Just didn’t feel like it and you couldn’t make me. -I wasn’t ready. Until… the other day when the sun came out, and I just did it. I was digging in the dirt while listening to music I love, and I felt as if the words of the songs were talking directly to me. What an eye opening day it was for me. Dig in the mother earth and find answers….

I realized that my passion doesn’t have to be exactly what I think it’s supposed to be.

I do know that without a doubt, in my mind, I empower abusive victims to become survivors. So what’s the passion that lights my fire? -That fire is Tommy & Tabi!

My other two kids live with their mother & step father who act like victims in life. I can say that opinion in confidence as this used to be me years ago. Wendy will not allow the kids to move to their dad’s house and they really want to come and live with us. When we tried to get custody using the plea from the kids’ counselor about the hostility in the home the laws in Washington were didn’t prevail in getting them out. Therefore my kids continue to live in their abusive household. It’s not physical but it’s definitely emotionally and mentally.

I have to say that I am grateful that I have met Wendy. There have been so many good things that have come out of being introduced to the kid’s mother Wendy is very controlling with the kids and I will admit that I used to be that way with CJ’s dad as I also kept strictly to my parenting plan. Until the year I met the kids. I saw what it did to Tabi and Tommy because of the constraint of their mom. So needless to say I’ve changed a few things in my life because of what I learned from being on the other side of the fence. I believe that the emotional part of my connection with the Tabi and Tommy is because of the similar experiences that I endured as a child. I empower people to become survivors and that is what I want for them, but who in a million years would’ve of ever thought my passion is starting with my own children.

Even though I know my passion is to empower victims of abuse, the passion for helping my step children get out of their situation is even bigger to me. I guess I have to start with my own challenges in that area first. Then who knows where I’ll go after I’ve helped Tommy and Tabi. I know that I am not their biological mother... I sure wished I was. Just so I can protect them from what I have been able to shelter my 2 boys from. -Abuse.

This also brings me to another eye opener I had….. Empowering myself in our new business. Yes I will admit I’m scared! Scared because of the conditioning I received all my life to believe that a JOB is security. -$$$ coming in is guaranteed… This is what I believed was the only way to have security. I call bullshit! That is called a trap of having someone else control what they want you to do, trading time for $$, and sacrificing my valuable time for someone else. No way is that security. Even though I may not have the ability to say I get paid on Friday, I have the ability to live my life on my terms. The conditioning of changing my perspective from scarcity to understanding that everything is going to be ok has been the biggest challenges of them ALL! My gratitude journal has been a great tool for me to focus on the gratefulness of what I have right now. AND now is the most important things as it’s in the present moment.

So I feel that digging in the dirt with the mother earth is beneficial to getting in touch with a deeper you. -Connection… that is how this earth works. I’m thankful for my friend for giving me the advice. I’m also grateful for the 5 acres of beautiful yard I get to sculpt with Mother Nature; using her flowers and beauty.

Our Pictures of our project in Snohomish. http://snohomish.shutterfly.com/action

So the office/storage in Burlington is done but now I have a 5 acre piece of land to design and build now. I’m excited to back into the dirt and spent some quality time with the earth in revealing what’s next in my life.

Gratitude BABY!

Today I’m writing to congratulate myself on my success! I have been writing in a Gratitude journal everyday, and today is different. I feel a sense of deeper gratitude.

So I thought that I wanted to Blog this and share with all of you a stepping stone in my own personal growth.

Through all my challenges and many lessons that I’ve learned through experience, I’ve noticed that I continue to rise to the top. This is good!

When I think about what my childhood was like….. I now understand that I was supposed to have those experiences in order to relate to my step children and what they are going through with their own mother. Awareness is to me, one of the greatest gifts I can give to someone. I’d want them to be educated, so they can learn ways to protect themselves.

When I look at the abuse I endured… I can say that I am thankful and I’m a much stronger person because of those experiences!

When I see how much money I feel I’ve thrown away because of my many lessons of life…. In looking back, I understand those learning experiences and the lessons were what I was given in return. It wasn’t about the money!

Funny how this journey of life takes us through the ups and the downs and in every moment there is something there to be learned. I’m grateful that in every moment I understand now that even the ruts in life, there are lessons too.

I’m grateful for my awareness to be open.

I am so grateful to have the vision of discovering the inner me.

Today I am grateful for every moment of peace and quiet and for everything I am surrounded by. This universe is such an amazing place to me and Earth is just a minuet spec in the vast unknown universe.

We are ALL connected in some way or another. So to me the vibrations I give are very important ones, as I am carving out my future moment by moment. –So live in the moment but definitely make plans for the future.

Cheers! 

Kim