Need more sleep!

It's 3am and I'm awake again. Why am I awake at 3am? What is going on?

I thought if I stay awake later (9pm), just maybe I'll sleep later until my actual alarm goes off at 4am. Nope, that is not the case. Maybe it's the road noise? Maybe it's this bed? Maybe I'm dreaming and I just don't know it? Either way, I don't know what or why this is happening, but I'd really like to get 8 hours of sleep on week nights. Weekends I do great. Not sure what the difference is or why my mind and body switch to different sleep pattern during the week. Nonetheless, please all mighty powers that be, help me get a great night sleep. My head cannot take these mild headaches that I get much longer. Not to mention the late afternoon lull in my energy!

Maybe it's my location in these Airbnb's. It's been since June since I've had a consistent restful night sleep. My hope is that this new Airbnb is going to be quieter and we both can sleep better. 

So, there it is... my desire casted out (loudly) into the universe. 

Stop the mental mind fuck… NOW!

For too many weeks now, I have been giving into my mental mind fuck. Yup, that’s right, it’s been just a bunch of gibberish that has allowed me to make very bad decisions with food.

Am I screwed up mentally, emotionally, and physically?

Mentally, yes, lately. Totally eating my feelings

Physically, well, sort of… since I’ve allowed my mind to win over control of things, I’ve gained some weight. Progress out the door and down the street. LOL

Emotionally, yeah, I have my moments and sometimes days, but this time… it’s been weeks!

After having a blow out with Jason on Friday and I must say that in 11 years, this is our 3^rd one… I realized that I am allowing this to happen and then I’m making an excuse for it. The shitty part of this has been that I allowed myself to be okay with it. Yaa, no more!

Why did I allow this? Well here goes my rant, so that I can get it off my mind!

We decided to move to Asheville, I accepted a great position back in September and moved out of my home to start work here in NC. Yup I rented a space here while Jason lived in FL. I travel back and forth by car because the company I work for due to COVID had a no-travel policy without quarantining. No big deal, but after 4 months, it got old, fast! Finally, I started flying and Jason made a few trips up here by truck so he could tow a U-Haul to move some of the small stuff out of the way before we made the final move when we sold our home. Oh yeah, that was back in April, and we moved out by May 31^st. We have been in an Airbnb since June 1. Moved to another one as of last week and must move into another one next week. WHEN IS MY HOUSE GOING TO BE FINISHED? The builder states that all should be finalized by end of the month, so we are at the finish line.

The point of today was to recognize my mental mind fuck taking over, it started gradual, but eventually consumed me. Yes, I allowed it, but the time has come when enough is enough.

Getting back up, dusting myself off and moving forward.

Thank you for the awareness and the mindset -reset!

Eating my feelings!

I thought I was handling things okay. Perhaps I’m in denial, okay, yes, I am in denial!

I’m feeling exhausted. I need a break! I want a vacation, but am going to hold out, since I am going to have a break in September when I get my surgery; 4–6-week break. Not how I want a break, but this will be a forced opportunity for me to slow down and recharge my battery.

I realized yesterday that I am tired, really... tired! Discombobulated and not in my element. Moving from one Airbnb to another is not ideal!

I have been eating my feelings for weeks now, and my body is starting to change due to my horrible eating habits catching up to me. Honestly, I know I can change that, but right now as much effort as I give it. I just don’t want too. Stress eating is my excuse and I’m kind of enjoying it. Not enjoying the weight I’ve put on, but in the end, I will lose it again. I just need things to smooth out. I need my home to be finished being built PLEASE!