WOW, how grateful am I, to have been through so much, and to
have learned so much from it. I especially want to thank the husband’s in my
life. Yes, that’s right, husbands. I have been married 4 times, and honestly, I
can say Thank You to each one of them.
I think I’ve posted something before about this topic, and
that’s okay, because it’s coming up again for me; hopefully the gratefulness I
have has become more evolved.
To my 1st husband, Joe… thank you for teaching me
how to take a “stand” for myself. When I met you, I was only 16 and just a
baby; who thought she knew it all! I may have worn a mask that perceived that I
was tough on the exterior, but down deep to my core… I wasn’t. Technically, not
even an adult yet. I was a timid, self-conscience little girl that was looking
for “love”. Of course, at the time I didn’t know any of these things
conscientiously, but looking back, I can see it clearly now. So, thank you! I
know for a very long time, I was angry with you, and now I can say that forgiveness
and am happy that we can have a friendship that warms my heart. I am thankful
for you, the experiences, and the most valuable life lessons in evolving as a
human being.
To my 2nd husband, Chase who is no longer with us
on this earth. I must say thank you for showing me the “true” meaning of
unconditional love. Looking back on life for the past 15 years, I have realized
that when you died, you took a piece of me with you! 10 years of mourning you
taught me that I truly learned the meaning of true “love”. Of course, I didn’t
realize this until just recently in the last few years, but in that “ah ha”
moment… I could see it clearly. Thank you for finding your way through this
“tough” exterior that I created for myself, in order to find your way in and
love me; love me for who I was. I must honestly say that loving me couldn’t’ve
been easy. I remember how tough I masked my true self to be and I love, miss
and always wondered what our future would’ve been like.
To my 3rd husband, Tom… you have given me a
lesson on life & money that couldn’t have been delivered so beautifully. Of
course, at the time, there was so much anger for your actions/inactions and the
non-communication on being amicable! But, in retrospect, I am thankful for you.
I have forgiven you, and I hope that one day, you and I can get back on talking
terms. The outward appearance of being accepted and masking my true self was so
exhausting. The financial burden of keeping up with the perception of that outer
appearance was very self-serving, and a detriment to my growth. Thank you for
creating those “painful” circumstances that allowed me to see that I must rip
off the mask and be true to my nature. I appreciate the gift of light and true
evolution in finding my deeper self.
To my 4th husband, Jason… it was a rough start,
and I swore off drama in my life; I had felt as if I’d had enough of it, and
just couldn’t take anymore. Then you came along, and I must say… DRAMA! So much
drama came with your past, present. It was a battle within myself to know if I
was making the right decision to continue a relationship with you. But I chose to
go with my heart, and I must say… I am glad I did; I am deeply in LOVE with you,
and you have my heart in the palm of your hands. My boys and Chase will always
have a piece of it, but you have it today, tomorrow, and for the rest of my
life in this world. I cannot even begin to express my gratitude for you, your
patience, your unconditional love, and willingness to deal with my craziness!
Oh boy, do I know how challenging I can be! Nonetheless, I am in, and will
always be in love with you. I am so lucky that you married me, and I am excited
to see our future together. You and I are as unstoppable as a freight train and
I can’t wait to grow old with you.
In my life, I have loved and have been loved many times, but
without these experiences, I would be where I am today without them.
Thank you!
