Tuesday, March 27, 2018

Funky funk!

I’ve been so busy at work that I was working 7 days a week for… weeks! Granted Sunday was from home, but it was still work. Tirelessly I forged forward. I thought I will keep going until vacation comes, and then make the shift. So, I pushed, and pushed, and now… vacation has come and gone. It was 3 days of no work, no cell phone, and a whole lotta nothing! It was nice, but way too short. Too short in fact that I’m still tired. BUT am I tired, or just burnt out?

Honestly, I’m burnt out! I feel like I’m in a funk. Deep into this abyss of not caring what I eat, If I shower or do anything that really needs to get done. I am not motivated, and I just can’t make myself flip this switch. It feels as if I am just moving through the motions of day to day, but no plan in place. I feel tears arising as I write this, and I’m not even sure why, or what’s going on, but if writing this, and allowing the tears to shed help, then please let the waterworks flow.

Oh God, I am not sure how I let this happen, but can you please bring me back to myself? I cannot continue down this path. I feel like shit. I don’t feel like myself. I can fake it, but that’s exhausting! I understand that I put too much pressure on myself in keeping things aligned, and I let it go too far this time. I know that not going to the gym is contributing to this. I know that my eating my feelings isn’t helping. I know that I should do something, but for some reason can’t. It’s my excuse and I own that, but I feel like this funk has its hold on me, and I just don’t know what to do anymore. Please god help me. Please give me the strength to get out of this. I know that I need a break, and I know that something must change. I am not trying very hard, I am just saying that I need too, but no actions are taking place. Please god help me. Please give me the strength to find my peace with this so I can move past whatever this is. I know that I let it go too far, despite all the warnings. I am sorry!

My promise to myself is to do something “quiet” for 30 minutes a day. Give my mind the rest of emptiness. Continue to get weekly entrainments and find a sense of peacefulness and stillness for myself. 30 minutes!

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