My saving grace is that awareness is key and knowledge is
power but my question is… how did I arrive here again and why?
I am very fortunate to be where I am in my life. I can’t
complain about where I am, but for some reason I let life get the best of me
sometimes. I will admit that I do have some very good days and consciously I’m
making a valiant effort in making the necessary changes to bring myself back to
center. BUT I am having a challenging time finding the strength and power to
make that happen. Maybe, no honestly I’m not there yet to make that change but
I know deep in my heart that it’s there bubbling to the surface! –It’s
coming!!!!
I can honestly say that both my kids are doing very well,
life is good, just bought a new car (love it), I have a roof over my head,
great man in my life, great roommates, great dog in my life, good job, and I
could keep going but honestly I’m at work and I can stray from what I really
want to blog about.
For now…
My #1 why would be my job: I love my job don’t get me wrong,
and I am very fortunate to have found this job, but I have a boss who is “I
swear” Bi-polar. (I’m bipolar, so I can recognize the symptoms) One day he
makes a decision and other days he retracts his decision. He can give you 3
different answers to your one question. He stands in the way of his staff, okay
maybe only me… of doing my job. He is against laws and will cut corners and do
what he wants anyways. He needs to be recognized and have the spot light on
himself, as he loves the attention. I see that everyone in my office kisses his
ass; no way, not me! I’m not an ass kisser nor will I ever choose to be one. Honestly,
he does have a super big heart and truly has compassion for people but in all
reality, he needs to let the people he hires to do their jobs. We are here to
make him more successful and protect him from any kind of harm. Not to mention
my job works me hard and with high expectations. When I first arrived here last
year, I was gung-ho and now with so many road blocks and shut-outs, I’ve lost
my spark for this company. Frankly, I just do my job and am no longer interested
in going above the call of duty. I guess that comes with the territory but
finding the balance will assist with the craziness!
My#2 is my relationship: some days I feel like I’d rather be
alone in my life on my terms again. I miss that! Maybe just maybe if I branch
out and make more friends and DO more, I feel that this may change. Right now I’m
feeling like I came out of a very dramatic relationship, and jumped into
another relationship without much time to really complete my time to get to
know myself on a deeper level. Again, I need more balance.
My#3 is my home: I HATE renting! I have the money for a
house but cannot seem to find the right fit. I’m rushing it! I need to s-l-o-w
down and trust the process and just know that the right house is coming around
the bend for me. Also my landlords are assholes!!!!!!!!! -with a capitol “A”
The yard isn’t a good fit for my 4 legged baby, and no dog door! The garage is
too small and my truck doesn’t fit by 2 inches. Grrrrrr!
I live in sunny Florida, and I love it here and I don’t want
to keep ranting but to me, this is a good start to the answers of my questions.
I will keep pondering this question and equivocally the answers will arrive in
their own timing. Trust the process, use the knowledge of knowing, and trust
that you have the power to change all that is.
