Sharing my JOURNEY....

Saturday, January 30, 2016

Why am I here again?

Does your mind keep you “comfortable?” Scared of pushing further? Oh, how amazing our mind is!

Have you heard of the universal laws?
Law of Attraction, Law of Gender, Law of Vibration...etc.

When you can connect your capable mind to those universal laws, a magical thing happens. The difference is focus and manifestation. I’m so grateful I ran into those CTC Worksheets. They have shifting my internal dialogue, and getting my thoughts, think about what I want vs. how I think things should be, and are. Oh, how I wished things were different. 
                                                                                                                           
I'm looking for balance in my life. 
                 >>What is having balance? 
                 >>What does that mean?
                 >>What would that look like? 

For me, it’s making time every day for me, and all the other things like, Work, Body, Eating Healthy/healthy habits, Relationships and MIA.

This internal battle that is and has been playing, is changing.  I’m finding the balance in my life. The balance between the daily activities that take my time. Is a schedule required? Structure? That, after-all is my keystone.

To do what it takes. What does that mean right now? It’s, take one step at a time, slow and steady. Bottom line. Focus on what I want! Of course the hard work is still ahead but, being right here in this moment, I can feel that something needs to change. Mark is right, I think I am at a crossroads. 

~Stay here where its painful.      Or I can...
~Change those activities in my life (with balance) to become a fit, healthy, balanced woman.

Bringing my power back into my awareness of how things really can be different. I just need to shift my focus. 

Healthy habits: brush 2x, gym/swim/yoga, Shower daily, Kick the junk and SSW.
 
To awareness and gratefulness of re-tracing. Thank you.

Friday, January 29, 2016

Ebb-n-flow

Finding balance between me, healthy habits, work, and my relationships… has been this thing. To me it is this thing that I tell myself. ---Broken records, really.

Today I visited Michael Losier’s website.I was in search of those, contrast to clarity worksheets for a friend. AND in re-reading these worksheets, I realized that I'm playing these broken records of how things are. I’m setting limitations. I’ve convinced myself that I should stay here, where it’s “comfortable”    --I can't say that I’m wholeheartedly happy, frankly, it’s painful to be here.   How in the world did I end up here – again? 

I know that I need to change a few things. On the + side, I am slowly making some progressive changes. Looking at myself from other angles, and not liking what I see. I am celebrating the connection to myself. My body is telling me to create healthier habits, and eliminate others. Hmmm… am I at a crossroads as Dr. Mark says? I am excited about the gate in CO. I trust that I’m going to find my way to cross this road. I am ready!                      Okay, let’s stay focused here. 

To my astonishment, I’m wondering why I’ve allowed this to happen. -and, for so long. I straight up forgot. I forgot how powerful and focused energy can manifest amazing things in my life. I’ve done this on many occasions. Not too long ago really. 2013. 3 years ago. Wow, that has been awhile. Where am I at right now? 

Okay, now that I know, let’s manifest what I want. Focusing my energy and attention to “what I want” >>>>>First thing is to stop listening to what I keep telling myself. Instead, let’s manifest it. Change the record, change your life! Simple tweak of clearing contrast, and I’m off.


Thursday, January 28, 2016

Write them down

Dr. Mark once said. “Write down a few things that you desired to hear as a child.”

Write those down on a post it, then post it on a mirror you see every day. -Read them every day.   

-How does it feel when you read them?

The point of the exercise is to read the statements over and over again until you feel... no more emotional charge of resistance.
 

Thursday, January 21, 2016

What an amazing day is was today!

Despite being short a team member, having a hellish headache, payroll day, and those extra duties that come along with being shorthanded… I managed to have a fantastically productive day. It’s amazing to me that without any effort those nagging distractions just seem to fall away by themselves. 

Thank you for taking away those distractions. Thank you for revealing the very moments that make such an impact on one’s existence. Thank you to the most infinite universe, and thank you for giving me the opportunity to give back.

Love and Light!

Friday, January 15, 2016

I’m ready!

I know I’ve blogged about this before, but this is really resonating with me, and I want to express it again. 

For my entire childhood and most my adolescent years, I remained bottled. I bottled my emotions, feeling, opinions, thoughts and actions. Over time, even as a child, that developed into a passive aggressive behavior that affected not only myself but all those around me.  

For so many years, I dreamed of breaking through those stored bottles, and feeling those “hard times”
 
Even as an adult, I was afraid for many years, I knew the pain that was stored down there, and I wasn’t sure how it would change me if I let those things bubble to the surface.  But the desire to process it was stronger than the fear, and I jumped off the ledge and had faith that this, on an unconscious level would be what I needed to do. I truly and whole heartedly desired to live life freely. AND… I’m happy to report that for the first time of my life, I can say that I have, and are! 

So, this brings me to the present moment. (Stage 6) --I’m ready! I’m ready! I’m ready for more depth of my being to be revealed to me. I desire to go beyond where I am, stretch my emotional and unconsciousness to a more developed state of mind. Bring light into the congruency I so desire, and reveal the deeper more inner core of my soul. 

Being involved in Network Care has been the greatest gift, and I can’t wait for the gate in February! 

Bring it on, I’m ready!

Monday, January 11, 2016

Knowing your triad of change

What is the triad of change? How does it work? Well Donald Epstein is the one who taught me this gift, and instead of trying to explain it, I would rather introduce you to Network Care, and the “many” gifts that it offers. 

Right now, my triad is: Behavior, Structure, and Perception. What does that mean???? --If I act on a certain structure then it will be a positive thing. If I think about what I should be acting upon, I am draining my energy.

I realized this weekend that I’m relatively stuck in Perception, which is draining my energy. I’m analytical, and thinking is what I do. I know that if I do what I’m thinking about, instead of just thinking about doing, life will resonate and flow with ease.

How I ended up here –AGAIN is amazing! To me, in this moment, I am celebrating the smaller moments in time that it takes me to see with open eyes; to realize that I’m re-tracing and visiting those old patterns.

I know that inevitably, we will never forget, but how we choose to move forward… makes all the difference in the world!

Thank you Network Care for giving me the tools to revisit these old patterns, and not get stuck (for too long)

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Gratitude!




Lately I have had such an overwhelming sense of gratitude! --An overwhelming feeling that I feel the tears of happiness. 

I am so grateful for…

My mother, who made my childhood challenging, but taught me to be strong; despite the hard times in life; you MUST pick yourself up and try again. -To never quit! At a young age, I watched her leave an abusive situation; leaving everything behind to start over. I am so proud of her. So proud that despite her challenges, she has had a very successful career and was able to retire and reap what she sowed. I love you tremendously!


My father, who is stubborn, if not more stubborn than I am. Who was strict in his unwarily ways and made me stay in a place that taught me the best lesson I could ever learn. If it wasn’t for you, who knows where I would be today. Those hoodlum days are behind me, and I’m so glad they are!


My 1st husband “Joe” despite the abusive situation and the emotional/mental challenges I faced in our relationship, you made me find the strong willed woman that I am. I found the part of me that can accomplish what my heart desires. I am also so grateful for our son, as he is very precious to me! AND last but not least, I’m so grateful that we are friends.


My 2nd husband “Chase” who showed me true unconditional love. You were the love of my life! Even after your death, you continued to show me the effects of your love, and how deep love can resonate with one’s soul. I’m so sorry that you were not able to see your precious baby boy grow up. Despite not knowing or remembering you, I’m so grateful he has your great big heart. He resembles you SOOOO much. -I miss you tremendously!


Leanne Haywood, the most wonderful therapist who has been in my life through all those hard times. 14 years we had together, and I will never forget how you assisted me in changing my perspective, and turning those most negative thoughts and deepest dark times into a learning moment; how hard I must fight in order to keep myself together. Thank you for listening, thank you for being there for me, thank you!


My 3rd husband “Tom” who took everything “materialistic” away from me… I’m so grateful for you showing me that no matter what hits me in life, I can start over and rebuild. I am truly deeply a strong woman, and with my strength, I can achieve great things in life. I’m grateful that you taught me the value of money. OR shall I say the non-value of money. 


Jason, you are the man, the rock, and the sunshine on the rainy days here in Florida. I am so happy that I can be the one that guides you to finding your heart, your core, and your strengths. I am so happy that I challenge you to be the better man, than I know down deeply you are! I am so grateful that I can share the wisdom, the love and the congruency of who I am to the core. –I love you!


Last, but not least my children. You boys were my rocks, my drive, and the reason for fighting in my life. You are my angels, and I’m so happy that you both are strong enough to be living on your own terms in a state that is many thousands of miles away from me. Moving to FL was a hard decision, and I feel so selfish for leaving you. But as I’ve taught you. You MUST take care of “you” first and foremost. -I miss you boys immensely!


The bottom line is that I am here because of me, and the people who have crossed paths with me along this journey. I am a better person because of it, and I cannot wait to see what my future holds for me. 


Thank you!

Monday, December 14, 2015

Yay! I get to Bake!!!

On the 23rd, it’s our Christmas Luncheon at our office, and I’m so very excited that I get the opportunity to showcase my baking skills. Time off to do so, and finally, I get to do something I absolutely love to do. Bake, bake and more baking. Baking is so calming for me… I get to use my creative side to express my love and gratitude for food. Okay, sugar but really, I’m excited that I get to unwind and bake without being rushed. 

This year’s deserts are… Cappuccino brownies, fresh fruit tarts, and lemon tarts.




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Saturday, December 12, 2015

Plans change when you least expect it.

Just when you make a decision to do something. Wham! Something comes out of left field and changes your plan. 

I have so many thoughts and things on my mind that I feel so bottled and stuffed like a rag doll. I am so excited that I have 10 days of vacation coming. I plan on unwinding, and taking the time to do those things that I have been too exhausted to do. I can’t wait!

Here's to vacation.


Friday, November 20, 2015

Change my mind!

Sitting at a keyboard that is readily available vs. time to write in a book. -Not happening! -I change my mind about blogging. 

Blogging has been a healthy habit for me, and when I decided to journal instead... it never happened. I've decided that blogging is something that is serving me well. To journal in a book is definitely a thing of the past "for me"

Right now, I feel so bottled up and have so much say, that I've decided, it's not healthy for me to keep thinking that I'm gonna some day journal. 

Blog it is!