SRI -Oh, how I flee

What is SRI? ------Well it stands for Somato Respiratory Integration                              SRI is something I am learning about. I’ve practiced a little, but I am really setting my focus to truly practice this. I’ve been given the gift, why not use it!

I can remember a time, most my life really -- many, many years ago, that I never breathed as if my life depended on it. Of course I breathe; breathing is a natural unconscious behavior that happens without any effort. But, I never truly breathed; deep consciously connected breathe-- taking in a breath and really feeling the… movement, breath, and energy. I’ve felt glimpses when I was working with a SRI facilitator, but at that moment in life… I was really in my head thinking... 

“Am I doing this right?”

“Is this what I’m supposed to be feeling?”

“What does she mean by feel the movement, breath, and the energy will just follow”

For me, during this last gate, I learned that I am in denial. I’m denying myself the deeper connection that my heart so desires. I’ve been telling myself that I’m good. But, really I’ve discovered that I’m not. I’m listening to my mind. -B-U-T- my heart desires are getting louder and louder; its starting to yell “stop running away” --Face it bitch!

So, it was fate, and good for my awareness to attend the Monday SRI workshop after the gate. It opened my perspective to understanding how important SRI, truly is. Now to take that to the next level and put it into practice. Whoa that is a bit scary for me. AND just writing this, I can feel the resistance. My mind trying to keep me comfortable. But this time, remembering to lead with my heart and follow my intentions... I WILL keep this candle lit through all the future mind fuck and challenges.

Bring it on bitch, I’m pushing through this one!

Leading your way in life...

How are you leading your life?

With your mind or your heart?

Happily and honestly, I can say that I’ve come a LONG ways from where I started.  

The story I told myself was that I was always “thinking” through everything. --Think through this, think that over, think, think, and think. Even when I didn’t want to think, my mind would be thinking of something. My mind seemed as if it never stopped, and became even worse when I laid down to go to sleep. But, somewhere over time, I know that I’ve blogged about my monkey mind fuck and how it seemed as if it was in control. AND at that time, for me… it was. Past tense… celebrate that!!!!!! Wahoo!!!!!!!

For all of those years, and even now, I still catch myself “thinking” things through from time to time. BUT I have a grip on the mind chatter. With some help from the gate and conscience awareness and effort, I am awesome at keeping it in check. However, just recently at the last gate, Donny shared “let you mind and heart switch places” How would that change your life? -Whoa did that resonate with me. 

First of all, in my triad, my drain is perception.

Perception

Sensations, emotions, feelings and the reason why you or someone else is feeling these things are a source of pain, stress or at least uncertainty. You obsess over the worst possible outcome and meanings. You beat yourself up by focusing on the things that make you feel crappy and you are overly concerned with either what others think of you or how you make others feel. Focusing on your perceptions of what you or someone else is feeling and why often causes fear, confusion, anger, frustration, guilt, worry and/or doubt.

Meaning that whenever I “think” about something, I’m automatically draining my energy.

So, the concept of leading with my heart created questions for me.

What does that mean?

What does that feel like?

How do you lead with your heart?

Leading with my heart. What?

So I reached out to others; gather their perspectives. I wanted to become clearer on the meaning of what that truly meant. I questioned how that was possible for me.

In talking to others and becoming more aware, I realized that I was already living with my heart. I may have placed it in a different context, but the bottom line is that I was already doing it. AGAIN… Celebrate!!!! Wahoo!!!!!

To shift the consciousness and be vitally aware of something that I was already doing was huge for me. A relief, and release of doubt that was making me question myself; my moral compass of how I was living my life. 

Thank you Donny for giving me the gifts of new awareness’s. Understanding that I am the change, and life is truly love.

Love and Light!

Why am I here again?

Does your mind keep you “comfortable?” Scared of pushing further? Oh, how amazing our mind is!

Have you heard of the universal laws?
Law of Attraction, Law of Gender, Law of Vibration...etc.

When you can connect your capable mind to those universal laws, a magical thing happens. The difference is focus and manifestation. I’m so grateful I ran into those CTC Worksheets. They have shifting my internal dialogue, and getting my thoughts, think about what I want vs. how I think things should be, and are. Oh, how I wished things were different. 

                                                                                                                           

I'm looking for balance in my life. 

                 >>What is having balance? 

                 >>What does that mean?

                 >>What would that look like? 

For me, it’s making time every day for me, and all the other things like, Work, Body, Eating Healthy/healthy habits, Relationships and MIA.

This internal battle that is and has been playing, is changing.  I’m finding the balance in my life. The balance between the daily activities that take my time. Is a schedule required? Structure? That, after-all is my keystone.

To do what it takes. What does that mean right now? It’s, take one step at a time, slow and steady. Bottom line. Focus on what I want! Of course the hard work is still ahead but, being right here in this moment, I can feel that something needs to change. Mark is right, I think I am at a crossroads. 

~Stay here where its painful.      Or I can...
~Change those activities in my life (with balance) to become a fit, healthy, balanced woman.

Bringing my power back into my awareness of how things really can be different. I just need to shift my focus. 

Healthy habits: brush 2x, gym/swim/yoga, Shower daily, Kick the junk and SSW.

 

To awareness and gratefulness of re-tracing. Thank you.

Ebb-n-flow

Finding balance between me, healthy habits, work, and my relationships… has been this thing. To me it is this thing that I tell myself. ---Broken records, really.

Today I visited Michael Losier’s website.I was in search of those, contrast to clarity worksheets for a friend. AND in re-reading these worksheets, I realized that I'm playing these broken records of how things are. I’m setting limitations. I’ve convinced myself that I should stay here, where it’s “comfortable”    --I can't say that I’m wholeheartedly happy, frankly, it’s painful to be here.   How in the world did I end up here – again? 

I know that I need to change a few things. On the + side, I am slowly making some progressive changes. Looking at myself from other angles, and not liking what I see. I am celebrating the connection to myself. My body is telling me to create healthier habits, and eliminate others. Hmmm… am I at a crossroads as Dr. Mark says? I am excited about the gate in CO. I trust that I’m going to find my way to cross this road. I am ready!                      Okay, let’s stay focused here. 

To my astonishment, I’m wondering why I’ve allowed this to happen. -and, for so long. I straight up forgot. I forgot how powerful and focused energy can manifest amazing things in my life. I’ve done this on many occasions. Not too long ago really. 2013. 3 years ago. Wow, that has been awhile. Where am I at right now? 

Okay, now that I know, let’s manifest what I want. Focusing my energy and attention to “what I want” >>>>>First thing is to stop listening to what I keep telling myself. Instead, let’s manifest it. Change the record, change your life! Simple tweak of clearing contrast, and I’m off.

Write them down

Dr. Mark once said. “Write down a few things that you desired to hear as a child.”

Write those down on a post it, then post it on a mirror you see every day. -Read them every day.   

-How does it feel when you read them?

The point of the exercise is to read the statements over and over again until you feel... no more emotional charge of resistance.

 

What an amazing day is was today!

Despite being short a team member, having a hellish headache, payroll day, and those extra duties that come along with being shorthanded… I managed to have a fantastically productive day. It’s amazing to me that without any effort those nagging distractions just seem to fall away by themselves. 

Thank you for taking away those distractions. Thank you for revealing the very moments that make such an impact on one’s existence. Thank you to the most infinite universe, and thank you for giving me the opportunity to give back.

Love and Light!

I’m ready!

I know I’ve blogged about this before, but this is really resonating with me, and I want to express it again. 

For my entire childhood and most my adolescent years, I remained bottled. I bottled my emotions, feeling, opinions, thoughts and actions. Over time, even as a child, that developed into a passive aggressive behavior that affected not only myself but all those around me.  

For so many years, I dreamed of breaking through those stored bottles, and feeling those “hard times”
 

Even as an adult, I was afraid for many years, I knew the pain that was stored down there, and I wasn’t sure how it would change me if I let those things bubble to the surface.  But the desire to process it was stronger than the fear, and I jumped off the ledge and had faith that this, on an unconscious level would be what I needed to do. I truly and whole heartedly desired to live life freely. AND… I’m happy to report that for the first time of my life, I can say that I have, and are! 

So, this brings me to the present moment. (Stage 6) --I’m ready! I’m ready! I’m ready for more depth of my being to be revealed to me. I desire to go beyond where I am, stretch my emotional and unconsciousness to a more developed state of mind. Bring light into the congruency I so desire, and reveal the deeper more inner core of my soul. 

Being involved in Network Care has been the greatest gift, and I can’t wait for the gate in February! 

Bring it on, I’m ready!

Knowing your triad of change

What is the triad of change? How does it work? Well Donald Epstein is the one who taught me this gift, and instead of trying to explain it, I would rather introduce you to Network Care, and the “many” gifts that it offers. 

Right now, my triad is: Behavior, Structure, and Perception. What does that mean???? --If I act on a certain structure then it will be a positive thing. If I think about what I should be acting upon, I am draining my energy.

I realized this weekend that I’m relatively stuck in Perception, which is draining my energy. I’m analytical, and thinking is what I do. I know that if I do what I’m thinking about, instead of just thinking about doing, life will resonate and flow with ease.

How I ended up here –AGAIN is amazing! To me, in this moment, I am celebrating the smaller moments in time that it takes me to see with open eyes; to realize that I’m re-tracing and visiting those old patterns.

I know that inevitably, we will never forget, but how we choose to move forward… makes all the difference in the world!

Thank you Network Care for giving me the tools to revisit these old patterns, and not get stuck (for too long)

Gratitude!

Lately I have had such an overwhelming sense of gratitude! --An overwhelming feeling that I feel the tears of happiness. 

I am so grateful for…

My mother, who made my childhood challenging, but taught me to be strong; despite the hard times in life; you MUST pick yourself up and try again. -To never quit! At a young age, I watched her leave an abusive situation; leaving everything behind to start over. I am so proud of her. So proud that despite her challenges, she has had a very successful career and was able to retire and reap what she sowed. I love you tremendously!

My father, who is stubborn, if not more stubborn than I am. Who was strict in his unwarily ways and made me stay in a place that taught me the best lesson I could ever learn. If it wasn’t for you, who knows where I would be today. Those hoodlum days are behind me, and I’m so glad they are!

My 1^st husband “Joe” despite the abusive situation and the emotional/mental challenges I faced in our relationship, you made me find the strong willed woman that I am. I found the part of me that can accomplish what my heart desires. I am also so grateful for our son, as he is very precious to me! AND last but not least, I’m so grateful that we are friends.

My 2^nd husband “Chase” who showed me true unconditional love. You were the love of my life! Even after your death, you continued to show me the effects of your love, and how deep love can resonate with one’s soul. I’m so sorry that you were not able to see your precious baby boy grow up. Despite not knowing or remembering you, I’m so grateful he has your great big heart. He resembles you SOOOO much. -I miss you tremendously!

Leanne Haywood, the most wonderful therapist who has been in my life through all those hard times. 14 years we had together, and I will never forget how you assisted me in changing my perspective, and turning those most negative thoughts and deepest dark times into a learning moment; how hard I must fight in order to keep myself together. Thank you for listening, thank you for being there for me, thank you!

My 3^rd husband “Tom” who took everything “materialistic” away from me… I’m so grateful for you showing me that no matter what hits me in life, I can start over and rebuild. I am truly deeply a strong woman, and with my strength, I can achieve great things in life. I’m grateful that you taught me the value of money. OR shall I say the non-value of money. 

Jason, you are the man, the rock, and the sunshine on the rainy days here in Florida. I am so happy that I can be the one that guides you to finding your heart, your core, and your strengths. I am so happy that I challenge you to be the better man, than I know down deeply you are! I am so grateful that I can share the wisdom, the love and the congruency of who I am to the core. –I love you!

Last, but not least my children. You boys were my rocks, my drive, and the reason for fighting in my life. You are my angels, and I’m so happy that you both are strong enough to be living on your own terms in a state that is many thousands of miles away from me. Moving to FL was a hard decision, and I feel so selfish for leaving you. But as I’ve taught you. You MUST take care of “you” first and foremost. -I miss you boys immensely!

The bottom line is that I am here because of me, and the people who have crossed paths with me along this journey. I am a better person because of it, and I cannot wait to see what my future holds for me. 

Thank you!