Shakin things up!

Maybe not until I was in my late 20’s did I start bringing structure into my life. I needed to be, to keep things straight with all that goes on in this busy world of mine! It was how I kept myself sane through all the craziness of running and staying busy all the time. I can still hear people say to me “don’t you ever rest?” My answer, “nope and if you knew the women in my family, you would see where I get it from”

In the past, that has served me well, (it may be age) but I have been recognizing that life has become so busy, too busy that I don’t like it anymore! Not at all! Don’t get me wrong, there are days where I go, go and go, but there are the days where I JUST DON’T WANT TO! Those days are happening more and more often, and I feel a shift happening in my life. What shift? I have no idea, but I can feel that something is changing. Tearing down those beliefs and allowing new ones to unfold.

While I was working, I was busy. Despite leaving my job, still busy. Just a different kind of busy. Labor of love, really! Tiresome, but rewarding work. Lately I haven’t been able to sustain the energy to go to the gym and do yard work/planting. No joke, landscaping is a lotta work! I feel like I’ve just traded one kind of busy for another and feeling guilty for not going to the gym, but also… giving myself permission to just be. It is what I wanted, but I’m so over this year’s planting season.

I realized yesterday that the shift may be good for me and I need to be open about it. Maybe I need to be more fluid with things and my life. Don’t get me wrong, still setting goals and learning more about what brings me joy, but I’m literally tearing down what once was in trying to discover what may be.

Here’s to still staying open despite the bad days and picking myself up and giving myself permission to just be. -Thank you!

Doing what’s right for me!

I made the decision to get out of a stressful management position in early 2020. I no longer wanted to be driven by the all mighty dollar, but still feel myself swaying in that direction. Old programming and again, I don’t feel it’s worth the trade. Of course, everyone wants to make more money, and I understand that the there is an expectation of duties when you are in a higher paid position.

What I’m getting to is… last year I excepted a position. It wasn’t in managing people, just processes. Within a couple of months, there was some transition and things shifted and I was placed in a position that would be needed as the department lost a key person. Always a team player. Always willing to do what is needed. However, after a few months, I found that the organization of the department and my duties was not working for me. Again, after speaking up, the organization was placed and for a few more months as this transition settled, I was okay. Until… now.

For the past few months, I have been feeling a bit overrun. The quality of my work has decreased, and I feel as if there is too much to do. I cannot keep up and many things that are not a priority have been placed on the back burner. Many reports that need to be addressed only get halfway done because there isn’t enough time to follow through with everything. I just do not feel proud of this and I want to be proud of everything I do. I do that in my personal life. I want to live that way congruently throughout my entire self.

In short, I started the conversation yesterday to address the challenges that I feel that I’m facing. Does that mean I step down and let someone else handle this juggling act of this position? Sure, I am okay with that. In my mind making even less money again… challenging, but worth it! However, I do hope that with some good brain storming, we can find a way to re-structure things a bit to accommodate and make the department run smoothly. I understand that we are short staffed by 1, but I will not be able to keep this up knowing that there is so much to do with the expectations of what NEEDS to be done. I need to be proud of what I produce. Not that I don’t do a good job, but I know I could do better. Right now, I feel like I have no time and cannot connect to the tasks, I just follow what has always been done and process, process, process.

Still a bit all over the place with this, but at least I am addressing now (sooner) rather than later (when it’s at my breaking point) –Kudo’s to me for recognizing the pattern earlier and “taking” action. I’m proud of my progress!

What a surprise!

My journey is shifting my attention to a plant-based diet. I've learned that red & all processed meat has been classified in the same category as causes of cancer such as tobacco smoking and asbestos (IARC Group 1, carcinogenic to humans), but this does NOT mean that they are all equally dangerous. Of course, not... Smoking tobacco is way worse! But your diet is getting you sick too. Think about that for a second! You are what you eat.

For me and my… 12-week pregnancy (non-baby) fibroid. They docs say I should consider a partial hysterectomy. No way... I will explore ALL my options and do whatever it takes before that will happen!

I've made up my mind. I am changing my diet. According to those carcinogenic facts, I'm worth it and who knows what will happen. Thank you to my higher soul who leads and continues to lead me. Amazing things you learn as your curiosities emerge. -Here’s to listening to my body from quietly within!

Continuing the journey in finding my way

The books I’m reading/read, the events I’ve gone to, my NSA doc… they all are shining light on how living through soul is effortless. Not sure if I’ve ever, or honestly remembered a time that I truly lived my life through soul. Therefore, I’m not sure what that looks like or even means! The short story… when I was in my 20’s, I was raising 2 kids, and did whatever needed to be done to survive life, in my 30’s, still raising kids, but I concentrated on my education/career, and was given the gift of discovering “true” self-care. Now I’m in my 40’s and am questioning things, deeper! Meaning, I hate my career choice! I am good at it, and it pays well, but not a soulful life choice as it doesn’t bring joy to my heart. I cannot stand where I live as the majority of people here are so negative and RUDE!

2008-ish… Allowing myself the gift of not working; I did freelance part time, but truly lived my life on my terms! It was nice! Having time off for self-discovery and committing to it, enabled me to discover (NSA) Network Spinal Analysis. I’ve blogged about this before, but the mental and emotional scarring of keeping things bottled in for my whole life was causing pain, not only physically, but emotionally and mentally. During that time-out, I was able to heal and process those old wounds. Life went on, and since I needed to support myself/children, I chose to continue the path of my career in Accounting and went back to work.

So, here we are 2020… Presently, I feel lost. Without my career, who am I? What do I love? What does living through soul mean? What does that feel like? What does that look like? How do I discover this part of myself? What do I do from here? Since I’ve decided to take another time out and not hurry back to work… I’ve had time to “actually” clean my house, spend time with my new puppy; training her, shape-up my landscaping (It’s gorgeous!) and continue on my physical journey with my personal trainer. I’m learning breathing techniques, but not sure if I’m on the right path. So, my thought is, when you don’t know, do something about it! Try EVERYTHING! I’m currently reading Love yourself, live your spirit by Sonia Choquette and I’m on 2^nd chapter. What I have discovered so far is… I’m abusive to my spirit. Why would my spirit want to be in this body when all I can see is the negativity about myself including my physical body.

Chapter 2’s exercise has 2 parts;

PART ONE  “When I talk to myself, here’s what I need to say…” Write down as many loving, affirming statements as you can think of and would want to share with your best friend. Start from within, more than what’s on the outside.

PART TWO -Same list- “Make a list of kind words you can say to your spirit”

Print the list and post it everywhere! This way, it is a loving reminder of the kind words to affirm to yourself. FUNNY THING… I know this! I’ve blogged about this many time! Change your verbiage, change your life! I guess, for me… I am so deep in my own crap right now, that this is a good nudge to remind me. So here is my list, and I will be reading, and adding on a daily basis. I am determined to live my life through my soul and divine light!

You are a faithful body, always reliably running; day in/day out, every day

You are smart, loyal and resilient

Your mind is quiet and still

You are such a good friend, and flawlessly reliable

You are a good listener

You are so loving, compassionate and caring

You are beautiful inside and out

You are a creative force with vision & commitment

You are patient, powerful & strong

You have a huge zest for life

You have love for all living things

You are so present in every moment

Thank you for your grace

Thank you for your kindness

Thank you for being healthy

Thank you for knowing your boundaries

Thank you for speaking up

Thank you for caring

Thank you for seeing beyond your circumstances

I love you unconditionally

Too busy? What’s your excuse?

While I was working, I was running from the moment I got up, until I came home. I had chaotic structure, but it was my structure. I knew what I needed to do at work, and I knew what my schedule was like, ever day! The last few months of my job, I was working 7 days a week, mostly 10, but sometimes 12+ hours a day, so that didn’t leave much “personal” time or much else to really do. My husband had more availability to be home, so he took care of everything there for us. I didn’t really have… okay “MAKE” time for myself other than going to the gym. However, after I left my job, the first few weeks, I felt discombobulated. It took a bit to get myself organized with all this time and how I was going to structure myself. Now that I’m settled into a routine, things have been nice. I’ve had time to think about why. Even though I am not working, why am I keeping myself so busy? What am I running away from? Am I running away from something?

I went to the gate in Colorado, and I discovered a brief encounter with my soul that was so eye opening for me! Despite processing the trauma from my past, I have recently discovered there is more. Something deeper! I don’t know what? Was it from my job? Is my ancestral trauma? Whatever it is, I felt the underlying sense of tears within my body but couldn’t ever get it to reach the surface. However, just recently, at my NSA docs office, I had a breakthrough! I now consider that unconsciously, I may have been running away from “feeling” it. Whatever “it” was. I’ll never know what “it” was but thank you to Dr. Mark Dulberg and me as I was open and ready to process “it”. My inner self feels so light, better, and free to explore more of myself and what is next for me.

In conclusion it makes we wonder sometimes… do we keep ourselves too busy to deal with things? What may you be running away from? My advice… stop and process it. Yes, it may not be "fun or nice" but we all sacrifice so much more for less. Why not commit to you? It is life changing! The process allows you to move through it, in order to open yourself up to the possibility of what may be next for you!

Thank you for allowing my perspective to change. Being open and aware of my actions in order for the change in consciousness and shift to take place.