What was the lesson?

It's true... I live my life on the go, always!

In Florida, I was SO busy... 

Gym, working on me. 

Working, working for my financial goals. 

Yard/Home, working on fixing my environment to be more relaxing. --Although, I never "really" truly relaxed. Sure I used the pool at times and while I cleaned up the dog poop in the backyard, I threw the dropped fruit from the tree into the canal to feed the turtles (My favorite part of living in the FL home). I actually just worked, worked and worked. Just like the Rihanna "work" song. 

All at the same time, I blogged, blogged and blogged about how I just wanted life to slow down. For years, despite blogging about other things, I just wanted life to slow down. 

Honestly, after making the move to NC in 2020, life has slowed down. Not a ton, but definitely a shift for sure. I haven't been satisfied in how fast life is still going and silently still desiring this to happen. 

This cancer experience has forced me to slow down. Actually... has forced me to come to a complete stop. Days and days I couldn't even take a shower, do my dishes, let alone get out of my bed to do anything! It was such a challenge for sure and I did not like the feeling of doing nothing. That has shifted!

I am scheduled to start my new job on 8/14 and for the first time in my life, I have anxiety about that. I feel that I'm still not ready! I need more time!

So, I have decided to go ahead and move forward with starting, but will be acutely aware of how I am feeling. I MUST take care of me and put me first. I have some of my energy back, but I must move slow or my body starts to shut down!

I understand the lesson. Forced lesson, for sure! But, I get it! -Thank you!!!

So grateful for my mom!

I remember looking out my window in May, right after surgery and thinking... so many weeds outside, every where in my yard! AND I cannot even get out there since I just had this tumor removed. I will be able to get out there soon, but according to the doctors... during cancer treatment, I will lose my energy at some point. 

In June, I was able to get outside and help weed with my mom. I was still working FT in office and only could do anything on the weekends. I quickly discovered that I only had enough energy to work hard 1 day and the other weekend, day... I was not feeling well, or found that I had no energy. It was only a matter of weeks before I didn't have any energy to do much of anything, any day. Let alone, working out in my yard, pulling weeds, planting plants and fixing up the yard this season. 

All the credit goes to my mother who was outside, every day... by dawn; as it was the coolest part of the day. Sometimes before it was even light outside and would work outside using the shop "porch light" to use the wheel barrow to mix potting soil and dirt, modified for planting the new dapple willows. She is amazing! I am so grateful for her!

This was hard for me... letting someone else get out there and do that HARD work without me lifting a finger. I would feel so bad that I couldn't get out there to help her, but all the credit for my yard this year is to my mom. The yard is beautiful. Added a good chunk of plants, fixed other parts of the yard, but she did all the weeding. That is no easy feat... It's roughly almost 2 acres of hard work. 

I would try to bring her water outside, since it was so hot outside, but she was pretty good to come in and take breaks to cool down. But she would get out there in her boots, gloves and her sun hat. Amazing how much she did!

I also want to give credit to my kiddo, Tyler. He works a ton and despite his hard schedule, he still made the time to come out and help my mom. Jason too, but it meant the world to me that my son made time to come and help me! I love all of you guys, so, so much!!!

Thank you!

Amazingly Happy

So happy that this week has been a normal week. No nausea. A bit here and there, but not like it was in week one. So far so good. I really want to not take the nausea meds and maybe next week, I will get brave enough to skip taking the meds and see what happens. Honestly, it has been so nice to have a normal schedule and eating habits, that I ALMOST don't want to mess with what is working. Oh and I've gained 5 pounds back. If I am going to lose weight, it needs to be the healthy way. So happy!

My session with Brian on Tuesday was amazing. Definitely a break through of "something" not sure what, and I don't have to know or understand, but grateful for it. My spirit feels different this week. I feel so happy, amazing! So grateful for my health and the people who are showing up to "check-in" on me. 

Honestly, I have been feeling tired in the afternoons, but definitely ensure that I am in bed early and sleeping as much as needed. Thankful to my body for showing me what it needs. Thankful, thankful, thankful. 

Trusting the process and remembering to stay grateful through it all!

Don't have too!

I don't have to go to the gym every day. I have a gym right here in my backyard! I stated that I wanted to go to the gym daily and start on the 19th and I probably will start at some point, but not this week. I need some time to find the new balance for my day, for me. Whatever that may be!

My mindset is so stuck, still. I am not 20, or even 30 anymore. I am almost 50 and I need to start shifting my mindset to be more realistic. I don't need to keep up, or prove anything to anyone but me!

I don't have to be an overachiever. I was raised that way, for sure! BUT it is time to start making some changes!

Cheers to the awareness and taking action to making the change.

Change my mind

Thought I was done blogging, but the truth is that I'm not!

I could go to counseling. I could journal. I could, I could, I could. BUT I am not!

I like the ability to be able to blog. It's like journaling, I guess. It is public, and I'm an open book. I don't care what others think of me, nor do their opinions count in my world. On that same note, I'm sure others may not care to hear what I have to say. AND that's okay. This is for me!

Honestly, if I wanted to seek advice, then I will choose who to seek that from. I have a couple of highly regarded people in my life who I feel a deep connection with. A connection that warrants the desire to seek guidance on things in my life.

So in short, I'm back to blogging again. I have found that while I am writing, at times the answers come to me. What a world of self medicating. What an eye opening experience this has been in taking my thoughts and feelings online.

Cheers to the freedom of self expression. 

Magical, unwinding gravitational pull

For so many years, most my adult “responsible” life, I feel as if I am following my parent’s words of wisdom. You know the nagging voices of… work hard and do whatever you need to do to make a living and then retire comfortably. BUT something has shifted recently, and my soul has me yearning for living life with passion, love, unbounding joy and living my true self. Loving what I do, day in and day out. Here’s the challenge. What is it? What does that look like? I really don’t know, but I want too!

I feel as if I am being pulled forward and just being where I am “right now” … more so of the awareness of where I am, has become painful, emotional and yet it fuels my fire to explore what that means all at the same time. The opposition is my old, yet evolving self … who has that nagging voice and the fight or flight feeling of being scared. All I can say is, I strongly and wholeheartedly feel a conscience shift and I continue to remind myself that it’s time for me to LIVE, LOVE and BE FREE! No longer bound to the chains of the old patterns that keep me unhappy. Not in a negative way, just not living life to it’s fullest most magical and its unlimited energy!

I remember a time… long period of my life where I wore a mask, alcohol, drugs and all those crutches allowed me to “deal” with things and endure life’s challenges, but in the past 10 years of my NSA journey, I can happily say that the old negative patterns have fallen to the wayside and I no longer think, nor want to clutter my mind and soul with crap!  

Please hear my voice expressing my gratitude and asking that you unveil the path that I am to follow. Lead the way, and I will continue to trust the process.

Love and Light

Unfolding the Heart's Desire

So much has been going on that I seriously have NOT made time to blog. I always promise myself that, this time will be different. I will blog more; I will take the time to make it happen and this time… I quit my job so what was my excuse (this time) The fact is, I will stop making those promises right now. If I really wanted blogging to be a priority, I would make it happen. But I did not. I had other higher priorities that took precedence, and I got a PT job to occupy my time since I was going crazy with boredom. On a side note, my house was SUPER clean, and my yard was beautiful!

On my last entry, I spoke about my feelings on how things went with my previous employer. Yeah, that was a hurtful situation, and the pain was around for quite longer than I really wanted it to be. My choice to keep it in my thoughts. Now it is September. OMG… what happen to the time. It just flew, and even with COVID… it still flew!

I am happy to report that with lots of energy work, love of landscaping, the urge to clean and organization, and time… all is better! Breathing wonderfully and have forgotten about SMC. Truthfully, I learned of something recently, and I could feel those feelings getting stirred and found myself pissed all over again. Therefore, consciously, I decided that I can no longer entertain discussing or thinking about it/them. Let it go with full intention of not revisiting that again, now that I know it is a trigger! Yes, to awareness!

So, I took a PT job, and ended up leaving after 4 weeks as it was not a good fit for me. Clear on my boundaries and how “I” want to be treated. Funny thing was that I was treated well as I established my boundaries right from the beginning, but the others around me… not so much and I just could no longer continue to keep myself in that toxic environment. So, I took another PT job, and unfortunately got soooooo bored, I just could not continue with it and ended up leaving.

On 7/16/2020 before I started that second PT job, I took some time to journal a list. Frankly, I’m sick of starting and leaving jobs. I really want to find my “home” -work home that is!  I felt that if I got clear about my future self with a new job and set it out to the universe to allow timing for the law of attraction to work its magic. Amazingly, I am here to report that I am set to start that new job in just a few days. Honestly, it was earlier than I ever anticipated, but I’m happy to report that the universe has unfolded 20 out of the 22line items listed for my new job. There was a few that were off a bit, but close. Like… I want to be within 20 minutes’ drive to my office; I’m 26 minutes. Other item was if I had located a higher role, but after really thinking about what was presented, I decided that I am moving to NC to take life a little easier, and a step back was just what the mind, body and soul called for. I though that my last employer took care of their employees, but I was wrong! My new employer really values and takes care of their employees GREATLY through all their benefits! Amazing company and I am SO grateful for the gift that the universe unfolded for my future self. I am excited!

In hindsight… painful as it was to leave my last employer… it was the right thing for me to do. For my mind, body, and soul. AND… I would have never been available for this opportunity if I didn’t make those hard decisions “then” -Thank you!

Continuing the journey in finding my way

The books I’m reading/read, the events I’ve gone to, my NSA doc… they all are shining light on how living through soul is effortless. Not sure if I’ve ever, or honestly remembered a time that I truly lived my life through soul. Therefore, I’m not sure what that looks like or even means! The short story… when I was in my 20’s, I was raising 2 kids, and did whatever needed to be done to survive life, in my 30’s, still raising kids, but I concentrated on my education/career, and was given the gift of discovering “true” self-care. Now I’m in my 40’s and am questioning things, deeper! Meaning, I hate my career choice! I am good at it, and it pays well, but not a soulful life choice as it doesn’t bring joy to my heart. I cannot stand where I live as the majority of people here are so negative and RUDE!

2008-ish… Allowing myself the gift of not working; I did freelance part time, but truly lived my life on my terms! It was nice! Having time off for self-discovery and committing to it, enabled me to discover (NSA) Network Spinal Analysis. I’ve blogged about this before, but the mental and emotional scarring of keeping things bottled in for my whole life was causing pain, not only physically, but emotionally and mentally. During that time-out, I was able to heal and process those old wounds. Life went on, and since I needed to support myself/children, I chose to continue the path of my career in Accounting and went back to work.

So, here we are 2020… Presently, I feel lost. Without my career, who am I? What do I love? What does living through soul mean? What does that feel like? What does that look like? How do I discover this part of myself? What do I do from here? Since I’ve decided to take another time out and not hurry back to work… I’ve had time to “actually” clean my house, spend time with my new puppy; training her, shape-up my landscaping (It’s gorgeous!) and continue on my physical journey with my personal trainer. I’m learning breathing techniques, but not sure if I’m on the right path. So, my thought is, when you don’t know, do something about it! Try EVERYTHING! I’m currently reading Love yourself, live your spirit by Sonia Choquette and I’m on 2^nd chapter. What I have discovered so far is… I’m abusive to my spirit. Why would my spirit want to be in this body when all I can see is the negativity about myself including my physical body.

Chapter 2’s exercise has 2 parts;

PART ONE  “When I talk to myself, here’s what I need to say…” Write down as many loving, affirming statements as you can think of and would want to share with your best friend. Start from within, more than what’s on the outside.

PART TWO -Same list- “Make a list of kind words you can say to your spirit”

Print the list and post it everywhere! This way, it is a loving reminder of the kind words to affirm to yourself. FUNNY THING… I know this! I’ve blogged about this many time! Change your verbiage, change your life! I guess, for me… I am so deep in my own crap right now, that this is a good nudge to remind me. So here is my list, and I will be reading, and adding on a daily basis. I am determined to live my life through my soul and divine light!

You are a faithful body, always reliably running; day in/day out, every day

You are smart, loyal and resilient

Your mind is quiet and still

You are such a good friend, and flawlessly reliable

You are a good listener

You are so loving, compassionate and caring

You are beautiful inside and out

You are a creative force with vision & commitment

You are patient, powerful & strong

You have a huge zest for life

You have love for all living things

You are so present in every moment

Thank you for your grace

Thank you for your kindness

Thank you for being healthy

Thank you for knowing your boundaries

Thank you for speaking up

Thank you for caring

Thank you for seeing beyond your circumstances

I love you unconditionally

So trusting

We as children are born into this world with no choice in the matter; our parents were in charge of that decision.

I “learned” many years ago that everything in this world is a learned behavior. -AND as children, we are oblivious as to what generational habits we learn. Our parents, their friends, and the people that surround us, bring forth many habits. -Some good and bad. What’s sad to me is that there are habits that we learn that are so horrible, and unless we decide to break away from it, it may continue to live on through our children’s, children. --BUT, let’s not forget about the stories that we pass onto our children as well. There are some parent’s stories that devastate and destroy families, close relationships and some friendships. And for what? Revenge? The belief that they are protecting their children? I’m sure they have their own agenda’s that they will justify, but does that make it right??? And at what cost???

Someone I love, and care for very deeply has a former spouse who has done just that. Destroyed the relationship between their children and their father. Sure if she was reading this, she would say “he did this to himself” but the truth of the matter is… there are 3 sides to every story. One side, the other side, and the truth. The truth is… he loves his children very much. I NEVER could imagine in any world that he would ever harm his children, or anyone for that matter. He is such a gentle soul with a HUGE heart. She had her own beliefs and used the children as leverage against him in bullying him into saying things that were in fact; not true. It has been proven over and over again. I have been witness to this on many occasions. I believe in facts, and will never “just” believe what someone says without proof! Concrete proof!

It’s sad that these children will never truly know their father. How kind he is. How trusting he was in his own family, and how that trust destroyed the very relationship he cherished. Although he has come to accept the situation “as is” I hope that one day his children see the devastation that their own mother caused, and his children find their way back into his life.

Either way, he has accepted the fact that his children due to the actions of an ill willed belief/story that his former spouse conjured up, will never effect his happiness today or in the future.  

I am happy to be part of this man’s life, and will cherish every moment he is here to make me smile, laugh and love him deeper.

So helpless

In all my years I spent making my parents lives difficult. I sure do hate the fact that I feel as if my hands are tied in helping my mother.

She won’t move to Florida. She said that it’s too much for her. I can’t move there. Not yet anyways. I can when I retire, but that is at least 10 more years away. I sacrificed living in WA for my kids. I just moved, and I’m super happy here!

I, I just feel so helpless. She lives in Hawaii without a husband to help/emotionally support her. She is supporting my brother financially, and caring for her mother; my 91 year old grandmother. Her vision is failing her; she will most likely lose the ability to drive next year, and she is not 20 anymore. Someone needs to take care of her while she is taking care of others. 

I want to help her, but I am so far away. I feel as if my hands are tied. I do what I can, but I feel it’s not enough. I owe her so much.

Sure I know the things I did as a kid. I have guilt. I used to have shame, but within my personal growth, I have moved past that part of me. 

In my heart of hearts… I truly want to help her. Help her move. Help with her legal “stuff”. Help her with my grandma. Cook for her. Make sure that her house is clean. 

She is a strong woman, but I’m worried about her. She has alienated herself from everyone. Except her faith. I hope that whatever she is going through, she is able to find the strength to make it through it. I can and will do whatever I can from over here on the East Coast. I love you mom!

Yay! I get to Bake!!!

On the 23^rd, it’s our Christmas Luncheon at our office, and I’m so very excited that I get the opportunity to showcase my baking skills. Time off to do so, and finally, I get to do something I absolutely love to do. Bake, bake and more baking. Baking is so calming for me… I get to use my creative side to express my love and gratitude for food. Okay, sugar but really, I’m excited that I get to unwind and bake without being rushed. 

This year’s deserts are… Cappuccino brownies, fresh fruit tarts, and lemon tarts.

.

Today is my birthday. Happy Birthday to me!

Many, many moons ago I thought that life would be different for myself; much different than where I am right now. I understand that there is a higher power that is ultimately in control and, I’ve had to learn to roll with the punches. 

Kids were never part of that plan, yet I have 2 wonderful adult boys… men! I am so proud of them. Proud that they are living life on their terms and seeing that life isn’t as simple or as easy as it appeared. It’s hard to believe that they are 19 and 22. Boy, oh boy, the math of me being 30 isn’t quite working out in my favor anymore. Hee hee, just kidding! –I have no shame in my age, nor do I feel that age means anything. I’ve met 40 yr. olds who are immature and childish, and 20 yr. olds who are wiser than most. (at that age) To me, it’s just a number.

Honestly, for me… I cannot say I am living life wholeheartedly right now. I have fallen so far off my beaten path. I’m starting to realize that in order for me to get back on track… I must make changes. NOW! Therefore I have. S-L-O-W-L-Y -- I have started to finally make the time to get back outside & be more adventurous! It’s not all about my career, to me it’s all about balance. 

I live in sunny Florida, how, can I ever say the weather is too bad to go out in it. Actually it’s the opposite, but only in the summer… the weather is scorching hot to be out all day. BUT the early mornings are NICE! And realistically that leaves me 8-9 months of being out in the weather whenever I want. 

Anyways… today is my birthday, and despite my upbringing. I’m happy to be me!

That magical number

When I was younger, it was never my intentions of having children. But the powers that be, had a different path for me… sort of a detour per say. AND in looking back, I realized that I’ve lived a life of scheduled craziness; mother hood and finding the balance between career, kids, social life and death. IT has been worth all the hard work, but now, it’s time for me and my career. It’s time for me… and my dog MIA. I thought it would feel amazing… my boys out living on their own terms, me turning 38; that magical number feels no different.  Lately, I have become aware of the things that challenge me. Finding the balance in my life has been brought up too. Actually… top priority. Now that both my boys are gone… Goodness they are 18 and 21. How amazing is that? I don’t feel old enough to have kids that age, but the truth is, I am. Simply amazing!

 

But to stay on track here, I MUST STAY FOCUSED. Find the balance. Peace, Protection, Harmony, Gratitude, Wealth, Love and Life. The truth will always keep your conscience clear. I feel so at peace today. In harmony! Tomorrow isn’t only my birthday, it, marks a significant life altering decision to once and for all… stomp out the old habits. -for good. Time to create new ones. Tomorrow is a new day... the line has been drawn in the sand. -Time to SRI. -For sure Stage 1. 

#1 Focus is for me… to make time for me. -First and foremost. I’m a workaholic. I’ve realized that my inner core needs some things to change too. 

I feel like my last relationship was a major bump… aaaaaa pot hole in my focus, and I’ve just now figured it out. -after the fact. BUT I am doing the things that are healthy for me; get back to those habits that benefit and serve a purpose. Essentially I’ve detoured away from getting down deep and dirty with my inner “crap” 

Happy to see with new eyes, now there’s no hiding. I can get “real” with myself and my inner world. Outer world… I have so many things to be grateful for… and I am. BUT my inner world feels a bit disconnected. It’s nice to create space and time. All I gotta say is… Lay down flat, breathe in through your nose and out of your mouth. Really get in touch with Stage 1 and get connected! And for me, it’s getting connected again. But just a little deeper. AGAIN!   

Sometimes steps back to see, can be an eye opening experience. -a different perspective.

Thank you to the “reset” button, awareness, gratitude, patience, strength, friends, love and laughter.

To see the beauty in all that is.

Sometimes in life I feel like crap, and when I get in that particular frame of mind, my perspective of all that is, is just that “crap” I dislike this, I don’t like that, I don’t want to do this or that, and it seems like things just fester and fester. No matter how hard anyone tries, I simply cannot be happy. In those moments, I forget that you get what you give and that is why those incidents and situations keep building and building; as if the world is against me. Then…

At some point when I’ve had enough of myself wallowing in my own crap, I realize where I am, and I hit the reset button to flip the switch! Some days are more of a challenge for that to happen but for the most part, I remember what I’ve learned about Law of Attraction and make that conscience shift.

I do love it when that happens, because, only then can I have that renewed sense of reality and perception to see things for what they are. –Exactly in that moment; every moment really!

Living here in Washington State is beautiful! The seasons are beautiful! The colors of nature are simply amazing! How life can just move so effortlessly and how if you change your perception consciously the paradigm shift in life shifts with you.

Just a short note to share that paradigm shift, it can happen. You must make the choice to change and just do it. If it seems to be a challenge for you, just fake it until you make it! Eventually you will change those firing patterns in your brain and it will just become effortless! Change is not easy, trust me! But it is worth every ounce of effort you put into it.

Love and Light!

Living life through your heart not your mind

I am so grateful for the experiences in my life so far to date. Yes, really, all of them!

In my youth I was a victim; a great big giant one! I focused on the negative times whining and complaining, I am not sure if I was ever truly happy with anything back then. Never really was grateful for the good times even when in the moment. Honestly, I have had many lessons come and go and I never realized what it was I was supposed to learn, until after the fact when I would go back and reflect on the past or what I had written in my journal. Yep, I used to journal; it was something I needed to do to get those thoughts out of my mind. -At some point in my life I learned that stuffing those feelings and thoughts were super unhealthy! Thankful for that lesson!!!!!!

My journal was super private and it wasn’t something I wanted anybody to ever read; terrified if anyone ever read my most private thoughts! I guess I felt like someone would judge me for what was written. I used to be so afraid of other people’s thoughts of me… Thankful for the lesson to know that “I just don’t care anymore” I know now, that things just needed to evolve to a point where I could feel comfortable in sharing… which I did. I am so thankful for my mentors who taught me all about becoming a personal development coach. Thank you for giving me the opportunities in assisting others using the tools you have given me and the knowledge to help guide others through whatever they needed.

Now, I feel strongly and compelled to share how I am feeling about who I have grown and become because of those experiences as well as the clients and friends I have helped along the way. Truly those experiences have been a gift; to have crossed paths with such wonderful people, and you know who you are… but really, the courage it took to share your feelings and your most intimate circumstances with me. Kudos to you for having the strength and thank you! Not only did the situation get better for “you”, it taught me a ton about myself.

I feel that as I have grown, and learned to see with new eyes; giving me a different perspective was an outcome I could have never predicted! Once again, I have noticed that I have once again started to see things in an even broader perspective. Living life with love, love, love has enabled me to grow and see even more in life. Not only just “see” but to feel that deeper connection.

On one level or another all living things are connected and I am so grateful for the knowledge I have gained through everything and everyone. Thank you to knowing that I am loving every minute of life, every day!

Love and Light

Finally Re-building!

So excited that after many experiences, trials and challenges... I finally have the opportunity to buy another home. Hooray for determination and perseverance! OOOOOh and I cannot forget "Hard Work"

Thank you for the experiences that have carried me to where I am today, I am truly grateful for all that is in my life.

Yes to the challenges that are here to teach me something and for all the easeness that is here as well to show me that a content and peaceful life is truly deserved!

Love and Light!

Reaching new heights!

For quite sometime I have been wanting to skydive... But the thought of being up high scared the bugeebers out of me so I have been procrastinating for quite sometime until... TODAY!

It is just another reminder to me of the brains way of keeping me in my "comfort zone"

This experience was so much fun that I am definitely going again!

Below is the link to view my pictures on facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=92742&id=1216724905&saved#!/album.php?aid=92742&id=1216724905

Boy, where does the time go?

An entire year has almost gone by and I haven't written much. On here or in my journal either.

I have been busy living life and living with a new perspective.

I used to have a website and it's probably still connected to my profile and wherever I may have put it but I shut that down in February 2010... why?

A new perspective of life has me understanding that I must live in the moment; day by day! I do not need to cast it out to the world to get validation back. I just want to live, breathe and love every moment in time.

I just wanna say in short that life is wonderful; still all up in the air and living by the edge of my seat but life is good.

I'm happy and loving my life and all it has to offer.

According to OSHO... am I a lion or a camel???

Does it ever just feel like your floating through life? Not really taking certain actions by growth but just the day by day stuff that you would normally be doing…?

Living life day by day as each challenge comes and goes.

Making decisions based on your current level of awareness and power… Well I have a certain attachment that has a crutch that hinders me from dealing with my life ~versus~ cope-ing.

Why must I be so weak to give in? Someone once suggested that maybe it’s the attachment to someone who I loved very deeply, someone who gave me the security in a relationship with love and gratitude.

I feel as if my life has been a roller coaster going up and down and never really leveling out. I desire the challenges that come with dealing with it! I’m ready to play on a level playing field. Live LIFE! Just PLAY HARD!!!

My strength goes deep and I feel as if I need to make some changes.

Why because it alters my perception… maybe energizing but not healthy.

I do my part in being conscience of Mother Earth and my connection to what’s “GOOD”

Good for me, for you, and the others who are also connected.

IT’S all about purging… clearing the clutter… what now?

Oh yes it’s time…. I feel it burning… the desire to quit and reset the button. To start over

I have started over… so many times. I’m done! AND this time it’s going to be something big.

Something that goes deep: deep down to the core of my being and allows me to be here and now in every moment forward.

Meditate, meditate, meditate this is my challenge. To sit still and quiet…My brain just goes and goes and goes and then it just takes over and it’s over. This time it’s different. I’m ready to stop the cycle.

I did it in 2000 and I’ll do it again. But this time instead of doing it for someone else, I’m doing it for me.

I am grateful for that is all in my life, my awareness’s, and the power to be different.

Cheers!

Feels good to be home again!

Here in Hawaii with the boys! These are all North Shore pictures..... just a few favorites Check out this tree! The colors are so beautiful! Our new baby friend! The kids wanna keep the gecko. I say $25,000 fine if we get caught. -No way! Me at the house getting ready for the beach Having a beer or two! Dude that is an Amazazing fish! See it on the right? I thinks it's a rock fish???? Shark's Cove -North Shore Hawaii The boys at Shark's Cove In North Shore Hawaii It was kinda cold out of the water Just me in Hawaii 

We are having the most amazing time here in Hawaii on this trip. No drama, no traveling, and no tours. Just us and time to do whatever we want!