Friday, December 19, 2014

Reflections



Man oh man, have I been busy this past year. I truly wanted to start blogging more often so I could express those thoughts that are inside my heart and mind but… okay making the time hasn’t been a priority for me. I have had other things that have come up and have been more on the forefront of my priorities. I thought about therapy to assist me in “getting off my chest” but again the time to “GO” find a new therapist… I’m not sure if I’m to that point yet. Self-managing is going well so far. Thank you for Network care in teaching me the ways to “help myself” 

Most of my frustrations are from my job --Just last month (okay it really happens every month at least once) where I wanted to quit my job --strangle my boss, he can be such a pill and VERY indecisive with his directions. Can anyone say “Bipolar” -Very challenging for me to understand what it is he wants, and in those cases, I ask… if I still don’t receive a clear answer, I proceed forward with my interpretation and cross my fingers. Honestly this up and down roller coaster is wearing on me and I’m not sure if I will be able to take this for much longer… still trying but the name calling and yelling that happens with the explosive behavior is not easy to ignore. To me this calling out on my congruency and “me” keeping those lines strong about how I want to others to treat me; frankly, how I deserve to be treated. The knocking is getting louder and I’m starting to get annoyed! –Okay enough of the negativity. I want to talk about the highlights.

This year has been a whirlwind! Finally sold my house and grateful that I had it for just under 2 years and still managed to make a profit. –Thank you.

During this move to Florida, I’ve learned… when you live in a city that has a large(r) population and not a whole lot of “new” building going on, the FIGHT for houses can be a bit cut throat. In the tireless search for a new home to set some roots here in Florida, I finally found a home. Wasn’t ideal when I found it but I have gutted the entire house and started over. It is just how I want it, and will be perfect!  It was a foreclosure; originally a 4 bedroom, 2 bath, canal view and bonus it has a pool. But after the revamping of the floor plan, this house is now a completely open concept with 3 bedrooms, 3 bath. I had some frustrations during this project, and honestly it still isn’t finished (hoping to move in by Jan 2015) but I have had fun designing the new floor plan, picking colors, choosing granite, designing a new kitchen, choosing new windows, and doors… creating a place I can call home. The good news is that it has been brought up to wind mitigation and can handle the impact of a very strong hurricane. Those decisions to upgrade put me way over budget, but knowing that I will be safe, is peace to me, and worth it.

After the BIG life lesson I received from my 3rd marriage --divorce back in 2008/2009, I have been in a lull, still am, but I can honestly feel that I’m starting to pull up and aim for the infinite abundant riches in life. (Not monetary but a true richness in life) It’s about time I move on and get back to “MY” core. I have been so deep in the automatic-ness of living life and just running through the motions that I can’t stand myself anymore. The saying is “love yourself and where you are “right now”” So, I am. 

Truthfully my justification is that I have had so many changes in my life… never really settling… honestly not really giving myself the opportunity. The biggest gift (things became clear to me) I gave myself after my trip to Sedona, AZ was to quit my pointless job at DVF and take a year off to really get down and dirty with myself. That experience gave me a taste of what life “should” be… not that what I have been living isn’t right. It was right! But that time gave me a taste of how life can really be! -How life can be fuller. Full of love, compassion, empathy, and the ability to share our gifts and receive those gifts from others. Wholeheartedly be grateful. Everything in life is an experience; how you choose to act is the direction it will go in. Law of attraction will bring back what you give.

Bottom line of this post is that I am happy that I have had the experience of time to better understand what speaks to me. I’m tired of running, not away, but keeping myself BUSY! My mother was right when she said “Kim, your life isn’t whole unless you have some sort of chaos going on” I no longer want that to be my truth. I want a different experience, and I will make that happen!
I know that I’ve posted on a few occasions that I need to slow down but this is where the rubber hits the road for me. It’s time for change and, for once I feel that it’s gravitating in that direction.
Grateful for everything in my life!

Here’s to the New Year and many more blessings and experiences to teach me or shall I say give me the opportunity to learn more and share more... and to making the commitment to blogging more.

Blessing to you and yours in the New Year!