Sharing my JOURNEY....

Friday, June 26, 2009

Being true to me…

All my life, I thought that I never deserved happiness or that I would never have it.

Yeah a life long battle of mine that I believe came from the dis-attachment due to the abuse and neglect from my parents or maybe the feeling of inadequacies and un-deservedness because of the abuse I endured from my childhood situations and first husband. But through my personal development journey I realized that no matter what kind of past I had, I am in charge of my own future and my thoughts. AND… those thoughts and actions are super powerful with my connection to myself and my world.

For the first time in my life, I realized that I am truly happy within myself… Yes finally! But here’s the thing… I always have been powerful. I just focused my thoughts and actions on my circumstances.

I am not sure how the transition took place, or when, but it did! I am so happy to see that.

Analytically thinking maybe it’s because I am older, maybe it’s because I just don’t care what others think about who I am, or maybe it’s because of the trials that have been in my life that have made me realize that life is precious and every moment in time is a gift.

My whole life, I feel that I have allowed my childhood crap, circumstances, and disbeliefs stand in the way of the true me. Yikes that sounds like I am not being accountable but really we all have crap from our past that sometimes trap us into thinking we can’t have that, we don’t deserve that, or maybe that we will never be happy because of whatever situation(s) have happened in our lives. I call bullshit!

I have been through so much in my life that I feel that I am very powerful and I have a lot to offer to others, and for only a few years now I have been able to share it. I hope that I can give encouragement to others through my own personal experience. I love who I am!

Quite honestly my life is so blessed right now I can’t even begin to describe how ecstatic I am to realize that I am happy and I deserve anything and everything.

My challenge for the people I have the opportunity to meet that are NOT happy and struggling is….. Think about who you are, and what makes you happy? -I don’t know is a cop out for the true answers and that is the easy way out. (DIG DEEP)-DO WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE :-)

I learned a great perspective from a very wise man that seems to ring true in every situation…. How you do one thing is how you do everything in life. Do you do things half-ass? Do you quit when it gets challenging? Do you blame others? Be accountable for YOUR actions and take pride in who you are.

Loving life and all that it has to offer!

Love and Light,

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Just some quick thoughts

It’s weird… It’s like almost 4am and I feel great!

I went out tonight and danced for a bit but the dance floor was way too crowded. So, I did a lot of people watching… I love that! For me it’s an outside perspective of how we as humans react, dwell, express ourselves with bodily and facial expressions just in having conversations. You can see sadness, just the same as if you saw joy. There is such a diverse amount of personalities and lifestyles that I can watch people for hours. No big topic but I wanted to share something I really enjoy doing.

I realized something tonight that I’m sure I’ve spoken about in the past but it’s time to stop talking and start taking actions… I really need to SLOOOOW down in life. Stop thinking about every possible angle and start allowing things to unfold. I’m so freak’n analytical that sometimes I just get in my own way. Man I’m aware of this, yet it still continues to happen. Changing a lifetime habit will take some perseverance and persistence if I want to make that change.

Ahhh yes more realizations and awareness’s that keep coming forth for me to focus energy in whatever decision I make. Am I surviving and healing or allowing victimization and turmoil?

Everything in life is about choice!

Love and Light!


Thursday, June 18, 2009

Figting the MMF

I’m not sure how I feel about you... But right now I’m feeling like I don’t want to be in your environment bc` it’s unhealthy for me.

Now I feel as if I need to spend more time alone. Really get in touch with the silence.

I have certain priorities that I need to focus on.

The silence… Yes, I believe it will help me understand how to slow my mind down and enjoy my life. I’m always trying to plan it, or figure it out. My mind just races to think about shit. Yes that’s what it’s called. I’m tired of my actions being lead by my mind. In ways of an addiction, disorders and mental mind fuck.

I’m taking a stand to be stronger. -Stronger than the mental madness.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Staying focused

Remembering to focus on what you want… Not allowing the drama to come in… boy that is a challenge to remind ourselves exactly what drama is. “What deems the title to be something so negative?”

For me it’s… something that detours me from the desired destination. There will always be activities that keep us busy instead of allowing us to stay on track with what we want, therefore not allowing room for any changes to happen.

Yes we have some things in our life that we just do because it’s part of daily living. But so does our sub conscience mind. -Right?

Did you know that our sub conscience mind handles our bodily functions? Heart beating to pump your White and Red blood cells through your body, Digestion, and a filter for the brain… The human brain is our cognitive/conscience mind. The part of the mind that allows us to choose how we use our talents, creativity, action/reaction, decision making and so on…

Today I am reminded of the drama that comes with others. I am reminded that life always has up and downs and for the most part it’s important to choose which thoughts affect you. Hmmm what do I mean? Well…. we all encounter other people everyday and those people directly affect our moods… -IF we allow them too. For example; If you’re in a good mood and you come across a friend who is in a crappy mood and all they do is nag and complain about it. We can then choose to be suckered in and react or we can choose to stay neutral and keep our own power.

No matter what happens in life, know that there is good even in the bad. You just have to find it and keep focused.

Sometimes that is work! BUT without work and determination, nothing will happen for you.

To living and loving through all the situations we encounter in life.

May peace be with you my friends.