Why do I understand what I’m doing, thinking and feeling wrong? YET I still do it?

Why do I understand what I’m doing, thinking and feeling wrong? YET I still do it?

I understand what changes I have to make but I still fall back into those old thoughts and feelings.

How do you quiet the chatter of your EGO mind and start to feel?

My mind, that just wants to focus on our debt by being scared. My mind wants me to focus that Tom and I are not “employed” so this fear has me scared of where the money is coming in from for our lifestyle…. It’s the conditioning of my parents. If you work hard then you get ahead. But I already know that’s a lie. I know that we have a true amount of abundance in our life. It’s the conditioning of my parents; really my dad. He always taught me to pay in cash or it’s not something you need right now. So I feel that even though I have an incredible amount of abundance in my life… since it’s on credit and mortgages, I feel massively in debt. Conditioning + EGO is tough!

Tom and I used to have jobs. The hours sucked, you never saw your family(kids), you had to check someone else’s schedule before you could plan your own vacations, and the money wasn’t really what you wanted to make anyways. So we quit our jobs and became “Self Employed”

Tom and I work out butts off in our contracting business(more paperwork and taxes!) and we barely made it. That is the business did, but what about us personally. Tom did as many side jobs, and I took on a few clients. I prayed that everything would work out; I would stress myself out in worry. -Again my EGO mind.

So here’s my biggest one... I’m not working right now, and I’m scared because all of our financial requirements are for Tom to figure out. It’s not me taking care of my own responsibilities; I’m relying on someone else. Is that my EGO or old conditioning of “working hard?”

So I’ve been working with a wonderful therapist for 10 years in helping me put my life back on track from where it was. That was a long time ago, and I will say that I have had tremendous growth in this journey. I still have this massive hump to get over but I know that the answers I have been seeking all this time is coming soon.

I just wanted to blog today instead of journal and share with you my own struggles of quieting my EGO mind and changing the conditioning of my past. I jump in my thoughts as my mind just runs and runs. Quieting this mind has been a challenge!.

This energy aspect is so amazing to me. Even though I struggle in changing those habits, I know that I can overcome this and create a blissful life with my ever so loving and patient husband and our 4 children.

Today I am truly grateful for color. ~A color either inspires you by uplifting you, or is dark and dreary and brings you down. We started to paint our house the other day, and it’s amazing how color changes everything.